the romantic world had become a jamboree, everything which should be done in secret to prevent external influences in mate selection has now become public. I refuse to open any thread talking about banky and etomi because it's a union not yet worth celebrating. we all are behaving like we don't know they will be divorced in 6years at most. when the foundation is wrong, the structure must fail.

the human mind can only truly feel and think of one thing at a time, just the way colors look the same and sugar has no taste in your mouth (profuse sweating even in AC) whenever you have stomach upset In a public bus, the mind is very good at selective blindness when it's in love /lust as the case maybe. marriage was designed as a long term commitment, the following tips could help ensure you make the best choice earlier as well as guide you to keep the fire burning till your ends come.

1. never downplay each others innate personalities : I am a slob, she is a talkative, I am an Introvert, she is an extrovert. these are traits many observe about themselves as they grow and believe you me no amount of deliverance or shouting will change it truly. watch your mate to determine all their innate personalities. most times these things never change throughout their lives. ask yourself, can I live with this? do I see myself cleaning after this man the rest of my life without feeling bitter? if yes you are on the right part.

2. are we mentally compatible : I talk business, she understands Nada, I talk about my interests in fashion, he understands Nada. hmmmmm this isn't new. do we have a common ground on issues ? am I a partial feminist and he a misogynist? am I religious and he atheist? do we view things in completely opposite directions and not the good side of opposite that breeds a wider view of understanding? can I live in a future were I don't understand my spouse? and we view life from completely opposite lenses? determine this answer and if you can live with such a future, proceed and may God help ur marriage.

3. is he/she teachable: it's never a crime not to know anything, but it's a major crime not to learn anything. it's pretty common for many things not to exist in your partner that might soothe your needs. that is no problem at all. but what about his or her ability to learn. we all have ideas on how we wanna be loved. can't she understands my sexual needs? can't he understands I love to be petted when angry ? I just told him to keep the plates in the sink and not the dining why can't he ever understand what I have said a million times. many people aren't very teachable. we may never truly find out best mates customized for us, we tend to find them in raw form and it's these teachings during dating ND courtship that makes them our best mate. is she unteachable? is he unteachable after all efforts? do you wanna have a future with such a person? analyzeand decide and may God help your marriage if you marry a tablarasa.

4. do we understand our God given roles in marriage : God said women be submissive to you husbands and men love your wives. am sure he knew many men are not worthy to be submitted to as well as many women aren't meant to be loved. but it's the only standing rule to which a marriage can grow. the role of a man is a provider to his household. no matter Wat he must struggle daily to do so. the role of a woman is a keeper of the household. do you have spouses who believe in these roles and want to aim to keep them or irrespective of future conditions that might warrant Deviation. of course we know in practise nowadays women contribute too in providing as well as men contribute to keeping the home. but a best mate must be someone who knows and believes in his or her roles and plans to abide by them.

5. is he/she your missing rib: many men are suffering today because they live with people's ribs. and they realise this when the beauty fades as it is wount to do and sometimes when the money is gone. is your love for him or her 'because of " or is it "despite of". many build their feelings and love because he is rich, she is beautiful, she is Yoruba, he is a good Christian etc and when the root is Shaken after 10years and the money, beauty etc are all gone. we observe love flying out of the window with them. try and learn your partner, and build an everlasting love based on "in spite of". admit their faults and lapses and love them despite. the beauty will fade away for sure but love who she is, his money could be lost one day but love all he represents.

these listed are not easy to do, nor are they even easy to read. but the game of love and marriage isn't child's play. so search well with God for that partner that will give you the future you believe in. if you sow the good seed as a human, God will surely bless that union and you will reap of its fruits thereof.

have a blessed Sunday