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To All Couples: These Are 5 Marriage 'rules' That Are False And Don't Work by Eggheaded(m): 1:29am On May 22, 2017 |
There are certain marriage
'rules' married couples have
been made to believe over
the years that may not be
entirely true.
A happy black couple
1. You should never sleep in
separate beds
There is no hard and fast rule
about married couples sleeping
together every day, day in, day
out. What if one is a lethal
snorer? Does it mean that the
other one suffers in silence and
never gets enough sleep? All in
the name of love? Yeah right! As
Dr. Lombardo says, “it is a myth
that couples always sleep better
and more cozily together than
apart. One partner may be a
toss-and-turner, or one may hit
the hay early while the other
keeps a reading light burning till
the wee hours. So if one of you
occasionally decamps to the
guest room, don’t sweat it.
Getting a good night’s sleep is
crucial to the health of your
mind, body and marriage.” Don’t
make it an excuse to avoid
intimacy or s*x.
2. Never go to bed angry
Where did this one come from?
Turns out, it may go as far back
as the Bible, which advises not
letting the sun go down on your
anger. But trying to work through
a problem when you’re tired and
stressed won’t get you
anywhere, says Elizabeth
Lombardo, PhD, psychologist
and author of A Happy You:
Your Ultimate Prescription for
Happiness. “Agree to disagree
for now, and to revisit the issue
when you’re rested.”
3. Always be 100 per cent
honest
Although we always advocate
for total honesty in marriage,
please understand that
diplomacy also plays a role in
good and harmonious
relationship. So, when it
concerns the way your ex-lover
treated you in bed, please do not
share the stars that you gave
him for super Romeo lover.
According to Dr. Bartlein, in
marriage, no-holds-barred
honesty is not always the best
policy. For example, he says,
“you don’t need to share details
of past relationships. That invites
comparisons, and when you
compare, someone comes up
short.” The bottom line is: be
cautious about what you say
bearing in mind that there are
sensitivity issues to watch out
for. You need to be polite and
caring when it comes to your
partner’s feelings.
4. Boring is bad
The problem with this so-called
rule, says Bartlein, is when
couples confuse a calm,
predictable union with a bad one.
A drama-filled relationship may
feel exciting, but in the long run
it’s not likely to be healthy. Isn’t it
better, she says, to “boringly”
know where your spouse is
every night than to be “excited”
by constant ups and downs?
“Better to have a safe, relaxed,
‘boring’ life together in the
everyday. You can always inject
excitement with vacations and
activities.”
5. You should have s*x with
your partner to make him/her
happy
Mutual happiness should be your
goal within the relationship. If
you are not feeling up to it but he
demands it, please don’t do it
just to please him. Sex is for
both of you. This may be a
particular problem for women,
especially new mothers.
“Sex becomes yet another item
on your to-do list, and you think
you have to do it for the sake of
your marriage, and the
happiness of your spouse,” says
Dr. Lombardo. While neither of
those reasons is wrong, they
shouldn’t be the only reasons.
“Sex is for both of you.” Of
course neither partner should
deny each other the joys of s*x
as a punitive measure but none
need to feel obligated or
compelled.
***
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