missomo:
I think you have a very good woman as a wife. Let me tell you why.

Your wife obviously was very close to her ex. It is obvious that the issues she had in the marriage made her confide in someone she thought was a close friend. The fact that he was married too made her more comfortable. Unfortunately, he turned out to be an opportunist. Immediately she discovered he had ulterior motives she backed away and let it be. That's a good woman. People make mistakes and she didn't even commit adultery but fled from it.

She is a bit foolish and immature though but good because she told you. Most women won't ever tell you what happened but because she has a simple mind and an innocent spirit she did.

Poster, can you come out here and say truthfully that you haven't had an extra marital affair since you married her? She probably discovered one or two of your flings and she decided to retaliate during a fight by saying that she went to see a man. She didn't see any man. She came back late because she spent time with a female friend complaining and vowing to teach you a lesson. She said she was with a man simply to prove to you that she too can be found appealing by someone outside. No woman unless she is feeding you will ever admit or flaunt her infidelity to your face.

You should sit down with you wife and in a civil manner tell her what you think she has done wrong. You people should sort it all out in one night and there should be no secrets or secret movements between you two.

Lastly know that there is no perfect marriage. Don't listen to anyone here saying she is a prostitute because you know she isn't and that is why you wifed her. I wish you both the best.

I'm not thinking anymore.I'm putting it to u that u are d wife... Give me Holla Holla Holla if I'm right

beckhart:
How do people like these meet let alone get married?

Birds of same feather meet and marry. He's sounding like the saint now but I'm very sure he's worse in filandering. That's why he's probably not surprised.

Thanks for the mod that moved this to HP. i wont be able to quote some posts because they are many. but I'll summarize.

1: To the guy that kept emphasizing on the ex already knows she married, so she has no reason to remove her ring, the person by the hand "godquality" has perfectly stated what I wanted to say. Guilty conscience and fear of desecrating that ring in the act makes them remove it.

2: People say I am too weak, maybe I WAS BACK THEN, I was young and was no ready nor even dreamt of marrying then. Its what you plan for is what you prepare for. I repeat she got pregnant and my family forced me into marrying. I saw her as a wife material when we started, just didnt know it will kick of so soon. Blv me, I am a no bullshit taker, but I had a promise with her that I am finding hard to break, she opened up to me on somethings that no woman can ever say b4 we got married, infact b4 she got pregnant, I promised never to forsake her. Just turns out that everything is backbiting me

3: The issue of her calling her ex was like a year and the half into the marriage and the issue of ring. It was just last week that we were talking about the past peacefully when she now said that the real truth about why she removed her ring was because she told the ex then about me looking at a womans ass, and he packaged a story which she blv, she even said when they were dating, hes not the type of guy that looks at other women, the story he packaged made her remove her ring because he was promising to run away with her.

4: Let it be known as I have said in my initial post, I was no saint, I didnt sleep with any lady, but was flirting, she saw those flrts, but thought I was already sleeping with them, I guess reason why she went wild, then when she use to ask me questions, I answer her, but she always want me to say, yes I slept with them, which is not possible even if I did. Then after answering questions, shes not satisfied, she then claims she calls her ex to explain whats going on in her matrimonial home.

Berbierklaus:
I don't even know why and how a able bodied man of a family will bring his marriage not even bf/gf issues to nairaland,where different type of frustrated and deranged people both male and female roam

Congratulations.

You have no idea how much crazy and frustrated people roam here.. All THANK to Airtel free basic

kulex2k1:


That alone tells you this is a made up story!!!! Haba a grown man ina a 6years marriage with 2 kids coming on NAIRALAND to seek advice of this sort.. Gosh!!!

Young man, it's not yet your turn

holluphemydavid:

Nice comment, even me dat avnt married, but my girl is giving me headache, I av to look for a side chick Dat will be making me happy, and sex isn't necessarily. Lol

How will dat be possible.

stanisbaratheon:



wow! This is genius. Madam CIA. How you acquired the magic to know everything that went down in his home beats me.

Oboy eehh... this one dey assume like assumpta.

So your this unimportant that your wife will go to her friends to plot how to come home late and tell you that she ;

1. Slept with a man. After bearing two children for you.
2. That your pen|s is small

Do you know the implication of these statements - legally, morally, or socially.

Can a women be so stupid to take actions to make a man doubt the paternity of his children.
Can a women be so stupid as to tell her husband of 6 years that his dick is small.

In summary she has said - those children are not yours because I have been sleeping with other men because your d|ck is small. Those children are the products of a b|gger dick.

Suddenly, when one become a heavy drug user, and the other a rapist you start going to church for deliverance and prayers instead of investigating the genetic makeup of the children you have been catering for , for decades. You ash tray of a wife was sleeping with b|g d|ck men, who where actually low lifes, despots and NFA's without protection because she had a successful man with good genes who actually is responsible to work hard enough to put food on the table and cater for her children(the despots unwanted seeds) .

Abeg no let me talk.. I am try to remember the book on the psychology of women I read. What I wrote above summarises it.

Headlesschicken:
How can i be married n still be having such
issues bout an ex,its obvious dat yuh wife doesn't v much respect 4u,sit her down n talk some sense into her,n stop all those yuh nasty behavior of staring @women's ass,n wen yuh done talking 2her call dat her ex on phone n warn dt nigga seriously, or u can still keep mute n watch yuh family fall apart, ryt b4 yah eyes...

Best response

rogovo20:
Hi Nlanders,

Happy Childrens day to all the daddies and mummies. Quick one, my wife and I are 6 years into our marriage with 2 kids, from the inception of our marital union we have always had issues that stems on trust, we both have that issue, and when I say trust, it has
to strictly do with her bickering into my phone and finding somethings not worth shouting or condemning me for, rather for communication, but she does otherwise. In her own case, it had to do with her ex she always talked about when we courted for a short period before marrying. She told me she called him to seek advise and confide in him, told her to stop and threatened fire n brimstone, but later found out that she saved the guys number with another name, gave me excuse as to the reason she did it.

One faithful day, a year after marriage, 5 years ago to be precise, she had gone to the school she worked as a teacher, there also she takes my dauther who resumes at the day care there. 2 hrs later, she called me crying over the phone that there was an accident, I asked what happened, she said my daughter of 9 months old then had a severe deep cut on her lips that I should rush down. Immediately, I left and branched at the clinic where she was being stitched, I felt for the poor baby, because at that age with such injury was not nice. Immediately, I told her that we'll leave for home for the day. The clinic was not far from the school where she parked her car, so I asked for the key so I could go ahead and pick the car so we can all be going home. On reaching the car, I saw her wedding ring kept in the glove compartment. Was surprised because she always wear it, and wore it out to work. At that moment, was more worried about my daughter.

We got home, and I asked her why her ring was in the car instead of her finger,she said the reason why she removed it was because last Sunday I was staring at a girls ass and she was mad about it. In which I did, but didnt do it deliberately or seemed too obvious, I use style look, and it was more of a reflex, I am human. I apologized that very day, but to think after then, she decided to remove her ring because of that? RED FLAG. I kept my mute. Once in a while throughout the years, when we still have arguments, I ask her that I still wonder why she removed her ring, that it cant be the issue of ass staring that would make it that bad for her to do that. She kept on saying it was the reason. 5 years into the marriage now, we were having a deep discussion, then she started saying things about what happened during our early stage of marriage, that she called her ex, because that was the only person he knew as a bf then, reason why she confided in him, that he talked about leaving his wife too with two kids and run away to Canada with her bla bla bla. But the major thing about her point was that, she discussed the issue of me stearing at another womans ass with him, that was when the guy started packaging some stories that entered her head, which was the reason why she removed that ring on that faithful day. Wow! She now stated that she noticed he was trying to seduce her by seeing her, that he went to the extent of saying, if I should come and see u at that ur place of work, I might be forced to kiss you, stating that was when she knew he was trying to use words to have him come around, so he could have sex with her. I told her that whats the probability that they have not been seeing, she said NEVER. But then I reminded her of the day we had issues, she came back from work late, and I asked where she had gone, she replied by saying, I went to go and have sex with someone that has a bigger joystick that urs. She later denounced that it was a joke to get at me, its possible,, and it could be true.

Nlanders, sorry for my long story, if i dont put it down well, u wont know my stance on this issue, I wont say am a saint when I started this marriage, but I have changed, this woman up until now has not, I have another post to share right after this. Now my question here is, I WANT to keep my family regardless of whatever, but is it wise to Bleep that ex up? Because of what she told me he said, to me hes trying to spoil me to get into my wife, thats if he has not, because I one way or the other found this her ex wife number. And I have evidences to prove that she has been in communication with my wife. Or should I just let God judge? Cos as I bad reach b4 I marry, I have never, and will never sleep with a married woman, nor will I ever try to sleep with an ex who is already married. Sincere opinion needed.

*coughs*
First of all frown to u people that only read half of the post and left
Little frown to u guys that read half and went straight to reading comments and discovered that tge topic is interesting and now decide to complete reading it.
Shout out to the people that have been making good and sensible comments
Knock out to the guys that have been making the opposite
Anyway I'll start by saying this is very complicated. Your wife might be cheating and she might not be. You might be cheating and u might not be. People have said it all.
First of all, u need God and his only son Jesus Christ in your marriage. Turn to him in prayer to guide and help u
Secondly: I think u need to counsel your wife on the type of things she does. Like actions she take and etc...
Thirdly relax ur mind ok. But u really need to worry about her still seeing her ex cause she might be unfaithful.
I can't really make any reasonable point but I can recommend a love expert. It's a sunday, tune in to 102.3 at 12:30am or 1:ooam and pay attention. Ensure you've recharge ur phone. Just in case u are not on mtn beta talk and u don't want to migrate. Buy airtime and dial *888* before the recharge pin e.g *888*5546464819# you'll get 4 times double of ur recharge. Talk to him live. Trust me he's very experienced that's why I'm recommending him
And to young people like me out there that have a phobia for marriage. Sorry is your case

[color=#000099]@rogovo20, I hope you get to read this!

First off, I believe you are aware that there's a probability that majority of comments here are by unmarried persons. Although being married/unmarried has nothing to do with intelligence, however giving an opinion on marital issues requires both intelligence and experience. While an unmarried would likely view a marital issue from the normal lense of objectivity, an 'experienced' married man/woman's would most likely recognise the special peculiarities of marriage before giving any opinion. So pls 'sieve' all comments here- including mine!

Having said that, I must also point out that there are always two sides to an issue. All that you have spilled here is your side of the story. I believe that your wife will have a completely different narration of events. So, I will hesitate in passing any judgment on someone who hasn't been given an opportunity to state her own side of the story.

However, I am glad that what you want doesn't require any passing of judgment. All you want to be advised on is whether you should expose/discipline your wife's ex-since it appears that your wife is probably still sprung & her ex is still chatting her up.

From my experience, I think you are in the second-third phase of your marriage. That is the disillusionment-misery stage. It is the most critical stage in a marriage. Fortunately for you, your issue isn't very critical. I mean it! All you are dealing with is a reasonable suspicion of coital infidelity. It is potentially serious- but it all depends on how well you handle the situation.

Listen, my brother, your problem is not your wife's ex. You are not married to him. He's not a member of your family. In short and in fact, he owes you nothing. The fact that you have a personal principle against 'sleeping' with married women doesn't mean that every man has that principle. So, you should please see your wife's ex as the symptom of the problem. Please don't do anything stupid! He's not the source of the problem- your wife is!

Since you now know (hopefully) that your wife is the problem, here's my proposal. First, have a frank conversation with her. Tell her that you love her so much and that you are sorry about past accusations of her cheating. Do not say anything about her Ex. Second, do not provide any room for a suspicion that you are cheating.It is dire at this point. Third, have a second frank conversation with her. This time, tell her how you want to spend the rest of your life with her and the kids. But that the only hindrance to that happening is her ex. Let her know that you aren't comfortable with her talking to her ex. That you want her to make a promise to her that she will block the guy on all social media forums and tell him point blank not to ever call/text her. You shouldn't insist that it must be done in your presence.

If all the above fails, you can then take extreme measures. This may include calling the guy right in her presence and telling him to keep off. You mustn't do it in your wife's back. You are her husband! So, you have all the powers required to tell any man to keep off your wife if you are legally married. In fact, he can be arrested for pestering a married woman. It is a serious offence. On top of that , you can also let her parents know. Parents first-not pastor or imam!

In all, I am happy with your decision to keep your family "regardless of whatever". That is powerful. If it is extended, it means 'regardless of whatever' might have happened up till this point! God bless you. [/color][/color]

2 advices:

1. Never get married
2. In the name of God, dont get married.

missomo:
I think you have a very good woman as a wife. Let me tell you why.

Your wife obviously was very close to her ex. It is obvious that the issues she had in the marriage made her confide in someone she thought was a close friend. The fact that he was married too made her more comfortable. Unfortunately, he turned out to be an opportunist. Immediately she discovered he had ulterior motives she backed away and let it be. That's a good woman. People make mistakes and she didn't even commit adultery but fled from it.

She is a bit foolish and immature though but good because she told you. Most women won't ever tell you what happened but because she has a simple mind and an innocent spirit she did.

Poster, can you come out here and say truthfully that you haven't had an extra marital affair since you married her? She probably discovered one or two of your flings and she decided to retaliate during a fight by saying that she went to see a man. She didn't see any man. She came back late because she spent time with a female friend complaining and vowing to teach you a lesson. She said she was with a man simply to prove to you that she too can be found appealing by someone outside. No woman unless she is feeding you will ever admit or flaunt her infidelity to your face.

You should sit down with you wife and in a civil manner tell her what you think she has done wrong. You people should sort it all out in one night and there should be no secrets or secret movements between you two.

Lastly know that there is no perfect marriage. Don't listen to anyone here saying she is a prostitute because you know she isn't and that is why you wifed her. I wish you both the best.

sit down with her in a civil manner my foot! Women naturally disrespect weaklings, he's the one in charge not the other way round, op slap the hell out of her ddirty olosho face and sent her packing! She wants to eat her cake and have it back, for this generation wallai na babymama go fit your kind cus your husband will die of heart attack if he dont have street ot! Confiding in her Ex cus he is her friend mtsw olosho!

Go get a DNA test to confirm for your child.

rogovo20:
Hi Nlanders,

Happy Childrens day to all the daddies and mummies. Quick one, my wife and I are 6 years into our marriage with 2 kids, from the inception of our marital union we have always had issues that stems on trust, we both have that issue, and when I say trust, it has
to strictly do with her bickering into my phone and finding somethings not worth shouting or condemning me for, rather for communication, but she does otherwise. In her own case, it had to do with her ex she always talked about when we courted for a short period before marrying. She told me she called him to seek advise and confide in him, told her to stop and threatened fire n brimstone, but later found out that she saved the guys number with another name, gave me excuse as to the reason she did it.

One faithful day, a year after marriage, 5 years ago to be precise, she had gone to the school she worked as a teacher, there also she takes my dauther who resumes at the day care there. 2 hrs later, she called me crying over the phone that there was an accident, I asked what happened, she said my daughter of 9 months old then had a severe deep cut on her lips that I should rush down. Immediately, I left and branched at the clinic where she was being stitched, I felt for the poor baby, because at that age with such injury was not nice. Immediately, I told her that we'll leave for home for the day. The clinic was not far from the school where she parked her car, so I asked for the key so I could go ahead and pick the car so we can all be going home. On reaching the car, I saw her wedding ring kept in the glove compartment. Was surprised because she always wear it, and wore it out to work. At that moment, was more worried about my daughter.

We got home, and I asked her why her ring was in the car instead of her finger,she said the reason why she removed it was because last Sunday I was staring at a girls ass and she was mad about it. In which I did, but didnt do it deliberately or seemed too obvious, I use style look, and it was more of a reflex, I am human. I apologized that very day, but to think after then, she decided to remove her ring because of that? RED FLAG. I kept my mute. Once in a while throughout the years, when we still have arguments, I ask her that I still wonder why she removed her ring, that it cant be the issue of ass staring that would make it that bad for her to do that. She kept on saying it was the reason. 5 years into the marriage now, we were having a deep discussion, then she started saying things about what happened during our early stage of marriage, that she called her ex, because that was the only person he knew as a bf then, reason why she confided in him, that he talked about leaving his wife too with two kids and run away to Canada with her bla bla bla. But the major thing about her point was that, she discussed the issue of me stearing at another womans ass with him, that was when the guy started packaging some stories that entered her head, which was the reason why she removed that ring on that faithful day. Wow! She now stated that she noticed he was trying to seduce her by seeing her, that he went to the extent of saying, if I should come and see u at that ur place of work, I might be forced to kiss you, stating that was when she knew he was trying to use words to have him come around, so he could have sex with her. I told her that whats the probability that they have not been seeing, she said NEVER. But then I reminded her of the day we had issues, she came back from work late, and I asked where she had gone, she replied by saying, I went to go and have sex with someone that has a bigger joystick that urs. She later denounced that it was a joke to get at me, its possible,, and it could be true.

Nlanders, sorry for my long story, if i dont put it down well, u wont know my stance on this issue, I wont say am a saint when I started this marriage, but I have changed, this woman up until now has not, I have another post to share right after this. Now my question here is, I WANT to keep my family regardless of whatever, but is it wise to Bleep that ex up? Because of what she told me he said, to me hes trying to spoil me to get into my wife, thats if he has not, because I one way or the other found this her ex wife number. And I have evidences to prove that she has been in communication with my wife. Or should I just let God judge? Cos as I bad reach b4 I marry, I have never, and will never sleep with a married woman, nor will I ever try to sleep with an ex who is already married. Sincere opinion needed.

. Young man I can feel ur pain, but you can just let go,she still love her ex, this could b dangerous to u, safe ur life, let her go.

Pathetic tho. My brother dis case of urs isn't just a simple one. Let me tell u d cause? D first place u married a girl who loves someone dat is d first n only man she ever knew. In plain he disvirgined her n dey av been tru tins mayb because of one or two tins dey marry diff pple. Now dat old thing is just in their head dats y both of dem are working to come back again. U can't easily change ur wife if u don't change one thing. Ur relationship with God cos u c dis issue? No man even pastors can solve because dis has to do with wer dey fink happiness is. So my bro come closer to God there u will get d ans. Lastly in all stop nagging at her so as to make tins worse get dis book d secreat cycle it will help u a long way in decisions. Do everything to show her u love her. God bless u

From a married woman perspective:the truth is, your wife actually saw her ex, no doubt about that, but the question is before you guys got married did she exhibit such traits, if not, what exactly did you do to her to trigger that reaction, am not justifying her actions, but women aren't immune to being hurt as well, if she detests you staring at women then stop..my hubby does it to, I would be like stop staring, it's like he as gotten so used to it, it has fallen on the unconscious part of his brain, I don't complain anymore but it pisses me off so bad have learnt to ignore, pls dialogue it helps.

That it will degenerate to you guys cheating on each other, it's happened to me, stop it while you still can, talk about it, no third party, dialogue o, I learnt to let go, but haven't been able to forget the issue. And whenever I remember it sends bad signals into my head cause I know I can NEVER trust him again. And for those advising you to let her go, let her go to where, after two kids,please talk to her, sit an talk. Simple as ABC, and stop listening to all this "yen yen yen yen yen", some people call advise that shows they aren't married and don't know what the deal is.

Oga
You obviously pushed your wife away.

You were not innocent at the early stage. It took her some time to discover that and wants a revenge_ a caring ex was available to stand in.
She was still in the process but from what you wrote, she hasn't summoned enough courage to do it,not yet, even though she almosthdid because you push her out emotional during your not so innocent days.

Now you are a changed man
She can see it as well
That's why she can confide in you and not daring you with a bigger joystick

Your wife isn't cheating
You almost pushed her to
Be careful and groom your home.
Ex was just taking advantage of her emotional state to chop free kpomo but I know he didn't succeed. I can deduce that from your post. No cheating wife will cheat and come back home to tell. She was just daring you or trying to get you jealous.
Your wife needs you so much even though she may not have been communicating it

My opinion.
Cc rogovo20

You see eh, you believing that something as flimsy as staring @ a woman azz is what triggered ur wife's waywardness is ignorant. The way I see it, she had wanted to get back to her ex because if ur "deficiency", which is not ur making. And now, you are hurt.

Lesson; don't get emotionally involved with anybody (even ur wife). Instead, let your sense of reasoning guide you. You have ur kids. Concentrate on them. Start "unloving" her and file for a divorce. Don't put any mudafoker in charge of ur happiness.

Thank me later.

rogovo20:


Thats why I tried to interrogate her to know if they saw each other, she said they never did, theres no how to know that, only Jah does. But the only thing that gave me a feeling they saw each other was the ring she pulled, her version of the reason why she pulled it sounds RED FLAG to me. In modern days now, some men and women who cheat always remove their ring aside.

arrange your guys make una go beat the EX after then go report her to her parent stating your intention of test the kids for DNA.



how big is your DEEK

Bro first of all I salute your courage to share your family challenges on this platform because many are going tru these issue, but my problem is most of the people giving you advice are still single you should have seen it coming from the conversations and actions of your spouse, well you have a hard choice to make because it going to affect you and your children because a married woman that can't let her past to be past she is doom for disaster, so bro the decision is yours good luck bro!

Pls grow up too
So if the ex truely cheated
You will now tell the wife??


How old are you plzzz

Oyindidi:
I no understand



Make I follow put mouth for this your matter. You are a chronic cheat and your wife is seeking revenge. I av said it times without number that most men are the reason their wives are unfaithful. Now you're claiming you only look at a lady's backside.
You are the cause of the problem in your home.

As for your wife, she is plainly childish.
Both of you are cheats reason she replied with the big dick issh.

Be faithful to your wife Mr man. You've caused enough damage already.

what makes him a chronic cheat? You have made no point at all

see, arrange some gangs, trace that ex and beat him up and tell him to stay away from your wife.

still the Okafor law at work

Oyindidi:
I no understand



Make I follow put mouth for this your matter. You are a chronic cheat and your wife is seeking revenge. I av said it times without number that most men are the reason their wives are unfaithful. Now you're claiming you only look at a lady's backside.
You are the cause of the problem in your home.

As for your wife, she is plainly childish.
Both of you are cheats reason she replied with the big dick issh.

Be faithful to your wife Mr man. You've caused enough damage already.

Some people will read read and read, scan, scan and scan but still won't see anything to skim

Airforce1:
Your wife is not loyal

Not in the least

Oyindidi:
I no understand



Make I follow put mouth for this your matter. You are a chronic cheat and your wife is seeking revenge. I av said it times without number that most men are the reason their wives are unfaithful. Now you're claiming you only look at a lady's backside.
You are the cause of the problem in your home.

As for your wife, she is plainly childish.
Both of you are cheats reason she replied with the big dick issh.

Be faithful to your wife Mr man. You've caused enough damage already.

I know you are not married and you are naive of what marriage is all about. You are one sided judge. Why are you blaming this man for God's sake?

If after marriage, knw that the wife I married is not loyal, I will divorce her immediately

I don't need my pastor prayer or the grace of God to divorce such wife

That wife can strategically kill you in connection with her ex