Juzzybabe:


She bears his name, so definitely one day I will have to answer to her on her paternity. If he truely cared, he would have settled his family after marriage. He left for Dubai 2 weeks after wedding. He returned in 2015 for roughly 3months where I was his beating sand while pregnant. That was all I got from the marriage I signed for. his mother ran our union and fed her son with lies. Do you really think it will be wise for me to leave my kid with such people? What have I done wrong to have another woman raise a child I labour 8hours and still got a cut for? I only wish to raise her into the woman I will beat my chest and be proud of. His intentions of custody is to hurt me, he doesn't deserve her. Remember the woman in the bible who slept on her child and exchange her dead baby for the woman with the living baby and asked the king to split the baby into two cuz she knew the child is not rightfully hers?? God intervene. He will stand by me and I will succeed.

Kathmandu:
Seeing these things gives me goose pimples about tying the knot.


Op i wish you well in your battle. The Lord will be with you

Juzzybabe:


She bears his name, so definitely one day I will have to answer to her on her paternity. If he truely cared, he would have settled his family after marriage. He left for Dubai 2 weeks after wedding. He returned in 2015 for roughly 3months where I was his beating sand while pregnant. That was all I got from the marriage I signed for. his mother ran our union and fed her son with lies. Do you really think it will be wise for me to leave my kid with such people? What have I done wrong to have another woman raise a child I labour 8hours and still got a cut for? I only wish to raise her into the woman I will beat my chest and be proud of. His intentions of custody is to hurt me, he doesn't deserve her. Remember the woman in the bible who slept on her child and exchange her dead baby for the woman with the living baby and asked the king to split the baby into two cuz she knew the child is not rightfully hers?? God intervene. He will stand by me and I will succeed.

tosyne2much:
I believe this should serve as a lesson to other girls that are obsessed with abroad based guys.

I really learnt a lot of lessons from her story tho

majekdom2:
You've been on his issue for a longtime.... More than 3 years. That dude is a roadblock to where you are going. Many people will tell you to fight and keep the child.. Yea great right. I'd like you to think twice about this. He might not be able to take care of the child but trying to frustrate and give you sleepless nights cause he already knows the advice you'd be given. For the sake of the child, do you think he will be able to cater and provide for the child more than you can? I don't want to buy the 40K gist.. he has spent more than 40K on this case. Just so you don't have regrets tomorrow.... you know the dude more than anyone on this forum. The child might grow up to know his father and have this thought his father could have done better than you are doing. Have a real thought, don't just follow any advice asking you to keep a child if you know it will be more than tough for you. These days, it's not about food but good food, it's not about education but quality education. You need to give you child the upper hand from childhood if you want him to do well in life. I am sorry, I see many things differently.

LexngtonSteele:
This won't be a popular opinion. ..

I would say give the baby to the man and exit the relationship.

That's the ONLY way you can ever be rid of him.
What are the advantages?

1. He doesn't have any right to see you again.

2. Your chances of settling with another guy improves. Believe me, no matter how diplomatic guys would want to appear, NO MAN WANTS TO TAKE CARE OF ANOTHER MAN's CHILD.

The only disadvantage I can see is that you lose your own child. If you keep the child, no matter what the courts say, you must accommodate the father at some point.

Question is....do you dislike the man enough to pay the price?

Juzzybabe:


Thank you. Love got me in this o. But my child, I can't see a genuine reason why any law should favour this man after all he's done to me. Good thing is I am out of Nigeria with my child, all thanks to well meaning people on this forum who stood by me in thick and thin of this trouble. I committed no crime having a child for him after marriage neither did I commit a crime by surviving a C-section to bear him a child. So what is now my crime that after he has made me a single mother, he is bent on stealing the only comfort I have left?

Juzzybabe:


"Obsessed with abroad guy"...Did you read the part where I stated I dated him since 2013 while he was in Nigeria drinking garri and I had to steal from my guardians to feed him as well? The man who took my virginity...I loved him even while he was empty with nothing. It was after our wedding that he told me all along he had a land and was building a house in Lagos. I married the poor guy I knew, not cuz he traveled. So get your point well please.

Onegai:
Marriage for women is like chickens voting for Christmas; they know they are gonna die but they still want Christmas to be celebrated and are happy when it comes around.

Where are all hospital, creche and school fees receipts? Get your bank statements for at least 6 months. More than enough proof that he paid zilch for upkeep. Then get a shi.t hot lawyer. You may need to start a social media campaign.

LexngtonSteele:


Just 1 single question :

Is it the norm or the exception for a man to want to take care of another man's kids?

Answer before I start yawning again.... YAWN...

I know your type, after ranting here, you would be the first to say an "after-1" has lost market value in real life

eyinjuege:


A responsible father/mother should provide for his/her child. What has the child been feeding on? How about his schooling/ fees? Has he been sleeping under the bridge? What of clothing or he's been running around naked exposed to the elements all this while?
What kind of parent beats a pregnant woman? Who in their right senses wants to leave a child alone with such a violent man? Such a child is at risk.

That's definitely not in the best interest of the child. He shouldn't have custody of that child, he may have visitation afterall he's the father.
Haven't you heard of parents maiming or even killing their children? Both in Nig and abroad.

At OP,Juzzybabe:

That's why every act of violence must be reported to the police and filed in their records. At the police station, make sure you take pictures, have copies, and let the police also have copies of the pics showing your bruises, and your physical state.
From police station, straight to the hospital, preferable a govt hospital. Let the Dr document your injuries and treatment. Tell them you will still come for hospital report so they can do their documentation well. Depending on the level of your injuries, you may go to the hospital first to treat yourself before the police station.
You never know when all these things will come in handy.

tosyne2much:
I believe this should serve as a lesson to other girls that are obsessed with abroad based guys.

I really learnt a lot of lessons from her story tho

Juzzybabe:


Even if I am 10year old I will still fight for her. I never understood the bond between a mother and her child until that morning I held mine in my arms...Maybe its all because I loved her dad so much... the love has been transfered. I can't explain the bond but I know its called love. your last comment, I may have offended my MIL but I did ask for forgiveness even when I could not point at anything. even my mum went on bended knees to beg my MIL to forgive whatever I did to her, but she said she will not live to see her son and I live as husband and wife. What else can I say? I am not a saint. I kept mute on all my mother in-law did to me until when I had my baby and she came shouting at me and calling me names accusing me of not being a wife material becus I had her son's first child through CS, o yes I did stood up and addressed her for once. I talked back at her as I could no longer swallow her insults and threats to my marriage. Anyone in my shoes, would someday get tired of such. Am human

LexngtonSteele:


Finally...you woke me up, Chief! But if you do a random survey, you would still appreciate that it's a rare case and not the norm.

No wonder, you were so insistent.

But be frank, hardly will you see someone willingly choose a tokunbo car over brand new. Let's be frank and not politically correct.

In most cases,MARKET VALUE in descending order :

1. Single gal no kids
2. Widow no kid
3. Widow, 1 kid, not present (lower the better)
4. Divorcee, no kid
5. Divorced, 1 kid not present (lower the better)
6. Widow/ Divorcee, kids PRESENT ( )

Juzzybabe:


Thank you. Love got me in this o. But my child, I can't see a genuine reason why any law should favour this man after all he's done to me. Good thing is I am out of Nigeria with my child, all thanks to well meaning people on this forum who stood by me in thick and thin of this trouble. I committed no crime having a child for him after marriage neither did I commit a crime by surviving a C-section to bear him a child. So what is now my crime that after he has made me a single mother, he is bent on stealing the only comfort I have left?

Berbierklaus:

My mum gave birth to me before she got married to her husband,he was single as a singlet and I didn't even know till I was of age,I don't even know the difference till date.

Now kill yourself
Many more men don't reason the way you do,let me not call it archaic reasoning yet

LexngtonSteele:


Learn to reason yourself.... The question is, are they minority / majority?. Just answer the very simple question.

majekdom2:
your keyword doesn't make any difference. I have had encounters with more wicked women than men... How about that? Don't use your experience and standards to generalise... scum is no respecter of gender, wickedness is no peculiar to any gender!

cococandy:
Lmao

Onegai:


Why are you laughing, it's the truth we can scream all we want about what will happen after (the terror, anguish, heartbreak and dumb acceptance of their jail and sorrow and clinging desperately unto prayer and the Church), but they are too busy fantasizing about the asoebi, how pretty they will look, the attention they will get and how sweet it will be to start every sentence with "my husband said/did...". Idiotically, they don't realize that is why weddings are all about the bride: because you should always dress the animal to be slaughtered for sacrifice in a nice manner and pet it, you wouldn't want it bolting in fear now, would you?

I mean, the happiest married Nigerian woman is usually in her 40s. Let that chilling remark sink in as you wonder what happened to her 20s and 30s.

Juzzybabe, relax your child won't grow up and hate you. My cousin doesn't care about his father (he loves his mum), I don't send my dad, infact I won't even name my child after him (and he left me property sef), and as you can see, there are a million threads on NL stating how they love their mothers, not their fathers. So ignore all these people trying to scare you. They have to try so that when you break down and go back to your marital cage like a dumb and broken animal, they can high-five themselves on a job well done and hope when it is their wife's turn, others will help break her down into dumb acceptance.

cococandy:
It's true. What I wonder most is this.

I did notice based on personal experience that it's even the women in unhappy marriages who are usually loudest about enticing other girls to get married.

It's almost like they have a secret joke that I'm yet to find out.

Onegai:


And when you have problems and want to leave, they will fight you to the bitter end to make sure you stay, armed with biblical passages, browbeating and ruthless emotional blackmail. They will swear to you they are now happy after 10 years of sorrow, so you should get in line. They are also the chief procurer of the movie "War Room".

Onegai:

In the North, it is women who celebrate child marriage loudest. They went through it and survived, how dare you think things should be different? Peju Alatishe made a statue to it.

cococandy:


Forgive my laughter. It's just funny.

I've an older female related to me that this describes perfectly. And sometimes I just keep quiet so that someone won't go report me to my parents for being disrespectful.

I've always wanted to ask her in a not very nice way. "What did you gain from your marriage and why are you always on the case of single girls"?

cococandy:
It's true. What I wonder most is this.

I did notice based on personal experience that it's even the women in unhappy marriages who are usually loudest about enticing other girls to get married.

It's almost like they have a secret joke that I'm yet to find out.

Onegai:


Eh, I just got my own tongue lashing. I reacted to very obvious wickedness and it was met with shrieks of "Are you being rude to me?!!! "when the actual thought was" At last, an opening! I can finally break her down, I thought she would never snap, whew, now whom do I report her to so they can finish the good job of demolishing her, I need to protect my own at her expense". I cannot WAIT to fvck her daughter up one day in a likewise manner.

It makes no sense to them that they can be a better way. Change is hard, especially when millions cannot do it. That is why they will tell you "Marriage is not easy, Love covers a multitude of sins" whilst glossing over the fact that not only did God abhor Adultery and Abuse so much, He put it in the 10 commandments but the Bible is filled with scripture telling men how to act better. However, who's in charge of most churches? So why fight the status-quo.