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A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage - Islam for Muslims - Nairaland

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A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Ahmed4002(m): 10:29am On Jun 23, 2017
This little list I make is meant to help you young Muslims (and some of you older ones also) get your marriage started off on the right track.

Control Your Tongue

As a woman, you most likely are better at talking than your husband. You can probably talk rings around him. You can hit him with two or three verbal zingers while he’s still trying to figure out a response to your opening statement.

Your tongue is a weapon, and it can hurt. Not just him, but you too. Use it wisely and judiciously.

If you’re not careful, the things you say may ruin your marriage. You might shut him up with a particularly sharp comment, but that will only be a temporary and false victory. The long term damage of making your husband look and feel foolish will hurt your marriage even more.

Remember, Men Have Egos

This goes along with the previous advice. Don’t be so determined to “win” an argument that you “lose” your husband.

Men have egos. We have big egos. Men go to war over their egos. It may be petty. It may be silly. But it’s true.

Some women get a wicked sort of satisfaction by humiliating their husband and knocking his ego down a few notches. Don’t be like that.

Even if your husband has done something foolish, don’t beat him over the head with it. Sometimes, silence is the best educator.

This Isn’t A Competition

Arguments will happen. They’re inevitable in any marriage.

Don’t turn your arguments into a “me versus him” sort of thing. Your marriage is not a competition. It’s not a chess game. If you checkmate the king, everybody loses.

Be graceful and wise even in your disagreements.

Sometimes, you might have to let your husband have the last word if it means preventing a bigger argument. Sometimes, you have to be the mature person. It’s just that simple.

In the long run, a happy marriage is more important than a fistful of memories[i/]where you where able to outmaneuver him and make him feel foolish and small.

Serve Him

Perhaps this sounds primitive. But all men are just big boys.

And we almost always marry someone who reminds us in some way of our mothers. And that’s because, secretly, we want to marry someone like our mothers!

Our mothers fed us and clothed us and took care of us when we were sick. She defended us and stood by us and every now and then, repremanded us when we did something wrong.

Like it or not, sisters, your husband wants the same thing from you. The only difference is that he also wants to have babies with you (sorry for being so crude, but we’re all adults here, right?).

Study And Learn Him

I get a lot of comments and emails from men who are attracted to someone else besides their wife. And do you know what attracts him the most?

It’s not the other woman’s beauty or her wealth or her youth.

Mostly, it’s because the man feels this “other woman” understands him better than his own wife.

Now, I’m not justifying his actions. Adultery in Islam is punishable by death and is one of the worst sins anyone, man or woman, can commit.

But you’ll be doing yourself a big favor if you truly learn what kind of person your husband is.

Don’t make the mistake of lumping him with all other men (though most of us all do share many common qualities). Your husband is an individual. [i]Study your husband and learn what he likes and dislikes.

Start doing this now, while you’re both young and your marriage is just beginning. A little bit of foresight and knowledge can go a long way.

It’s Not About You

Most of the points I’ve listed so far – for both men and women – focus on one idea: SACRIFICE.

That’s what any marriage is about. Sacrificing your ego, your desires, and your wants (not your needs), to create a happy and lasting union.

Both you and your husband will have to make some sacrifices. You might think that you’re making the biggest sacrifices. And that may or may not be true; Allah knows best.

But it’s not about who does more for whom. It’s about doing whatever is necessary to have a happy marriage. Be prepared and be willing, sisters, to make sacrifices in your marriage. That’s just a part of life.

Fear Allah

All of these points can be applied to both men and women. And this last one is no different.

You’re married to another person; another Muslim. He is a slave of Allah. He has rights just like you do (wait a minute, didn’t I start this whole thing off dissing our “rights”?)

Be careful in how you deal with your husband and don’t let his faults lead you to sin. As I mentioned earlier, this isn’t a competition to see who can hurt the other person the most. If it gets to that point, all you’re going to wind up doing is destroying yourself.

Remember that Allah is with you and He is watching you no matter where you are.

“There is no private conversation of three except that He (Allah) is the fourth of them, and neither one of five except that He (Allah) is the sixth. And He is with them wherever they may be.” Quran, Chapter 58, verse 7.

And in another verse Allah says:

“He (Allah) knows what goes into the earth and what comes out from it, and what comes down from the sky and what goes up into it. And He (Allah) is with you wherever you may be.” Quran, Chapter 57, verse 4.


Jumaat Kareem

Culled from Islamic materials

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Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Mofpearl: 10:40am On Jun 23, 2017
Jazakallahu Khyran.

Have a few reservations but I enjoyed reading.

1 Like

Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Origin(f): 10:51am On Jun 23, 2017
Jazakallah khayran.


Sound words of advice.

1 Like

Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by helphelp: 11:18am On Jun 23, 2017
be calm when he decides on a new wife

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Zeinymira(f): 11:45am On Jun 23, 2017
We need marriage tips for males also

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Mofpearl: 11:47am On Jun 23, 2017
Zeinymira:
We need marriage tips for males also

He posted one for men. I hope it gets to fp to balance it out.

4 Likes

Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Ahmed4002(m): 11:48am On Jun 23, 2017
Zeinymira:
We need marriage tips for males also

I just did.
Waiting for the MOD to push it to Fp

Cc
Mukina2
Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by stuffs4me(m): 11:51am On Jun 23, 2017
Our Muslim Ladies should always remember that they are Muslims and must act or do everything withing the laws of the Shari'ah.

2 Likes

Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by eitsei(m): 11:53am On Jun 23, 2017
Zeinymira:
We need marriage tips for males also
I don't know why it's mostly about the women, while we are telling the women to be good wives we need to tell the men to be good husbands to their wives and fathers to their children
The prophet didn't just have good and pious wives he was also a very good and pious husband so did his companions and if we always claim to love Allah and his prophet we must then treat our wives right as Allah commands and be a good husband as was the prophet.. May Allah Make it easy for us, give us good and pious spouse and make our homes a blessed one.... Ramadan Mubarak and happy eid-l-fitri in advance to my fellow Muslim faithfuls

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Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Zeinymira(f): 12:04pm On Jun 23, 2017
eitsei:
I don't know why it's mostly about the women, while we are telling the women to be good wives we need to tell the men to be good husbands to their wives and fathers to their children
The prophet didn't just have good and pious wives he was also a very good and pious husband so did his companions and if we always claim to love Allah and his prophet we must then treat our wives right as Allah commands and be a good husband as was the prophet.. May Allah Make it easy for us, give us good and pious spouse and make our homes a blessed one.... Ramadan Mubarak and happy eid-l-fitri in advance to my fellow Muslim faithfuls

That's my thoughts too, from lectures to stuffs you read online are all about women. Even the Yoruba culture is based on the females and how they should keep their homes while the men are left out.
Happy eid-l-fitri to you
Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Zeinymira(f): 12:05pm On Jun 23, 2017
Ahmed4002:

I just did. Waiting for the MOD to push it to Fp
Cc Mukina2
Jazaakumullahu khayran
Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by zeedof(m): 12:07pm On Jun 23, 2017
One of the difficult thing to find in life for hardworking man is true female lady to marry. A lot of Muslim lady out their doesn't have the feature of Muslim aside the name and some don't even bear the name while many who lil look like Muslim will upload 20 pics daily on Fb calling themselves slaying under hijab.... Hayam tired of searching for wife...


Any responsible Muslim lady should dm me for better conversation. Am an average man who is hoping higher.... Me don't have 30billion in my Acct ooo

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by eitsei(m): 12:07pm On Jun 23, 2017
Zeinymira:


That's my thoughts too, from lectures to stuffs you read online are all about women. Even the Yoruba culture is based on the females and how they should keep their homes while the men are left out.
Happy eid-l-fitri to you
whereas for a marriage to work it takes to people to work together as one, it's a two-way thing

1 Like

Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Ahmed4002(m): 12:10pm On Jun 23, 2017
eitsei:
I don't know why it's mostly about the women, while we are telling the women to be good wives we need to tell the men to be good husbands to their wives and fathers to their children
The prophet didn't just have good and pious wives he was also a very good and pious husband so did his companions and if we always claim to love Allah and his prophet we must then treat our wives right as Allah commands and be a good husband as was the prophet.. May Allah Make it easy for us, give us good and pious spouse and make our homes a blessed one.... Ramadan Mubarak and happy eid-l-fitri in advance to my fellow Muslim faithfuls



https://www.nairaland.com/3878633/quick-guide-muslim-men-starting
Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Ahmed4002(m): 12:10pm On Jun 23, 2017
Zeinymira:


That's my thoughts too, from lectures to stuffs you read online are all about women. Even the Yoruba culture is based on the females and how they should keep their homes while the men are left out.
Happy eid-l-fitri to you

https://www.nairaland.com/3878633/quick-guide-muslim-men-starting

1 Like

Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Newnas(m): 3:00pm On Jun 23, 2017
Nice one OP.

As for those saying that the topic is always about the females, this is not true. If you disagree on this then you have the right rather responsibility to fill that gap by writing on it.
Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by engrkaz(m): 3:38pm On Jun 23, 2017
Jazakumla Khairan
Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Ahmed4002(m): 4:17pm On Jun 23, 2017
Newnas:
Nice one OP.

As for those saying that the topic is always about the females, this is not true. If you disagree on this then you have the right rather responsibility to fill that gap by writing on it.

https://www.nairaland.com/3878633/quick-guide-muslim-men-starting
Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Nobody: 9:48pm On Jun 23, 2017
jazakallah khair

1 Like

Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Mofpearl: 8:35pm On Jun 28, 2017
zeedof:
One of the difficult thing to find in life for hardworking man is true female lady to marry. A lot of Muslim lady out their doesn't have the feature of Muslim aside the name and some don't even bear the name while many who lil look like Muslim will upload 20 pics daily on Fb calling themselves slaying under hijab.... Hayam tired of searching for wife...

This goes both ways.

It's the same for brothers.
Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Alennsar(f): 8:43pm On Jun 28, 2017
Mofpearl:


This goes both ways.

It's the same for brothers.

"and Allah shall give to you your kind and type. pious man for pious women's and also wayward men for wayward women. Allah our creator is truthful pls check yourself brother and keep searching.

1 Like

Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Mofpearl: 8:48pm On Jun 28, 2017
Alennsar:


"and Allah shall give to you your kind and type. pious man for pious women's and also wayward men for wayward women. Allah our creator is truthful pls check yourself brother and keep searching.

Reading articles and going back to the prophet (peace and blessing be upon him) recommendation on marriage makes me open to the idea of getting married but I still know marriage isn't an easy thing.

1 Like

Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Alennsar(f): 11:14am On Jun 29, 2017
Mofpearl:


Reading articles and going back to the prophet (peace and blessing be upon him) recommendation on marriage makes me open to the idea of getting married but I still know marriage isn't an easy thing.

yea it is not easy but if Muslims should go with the way Allah and and his messenger has taught us. it won't be too difficult to bear.

1 Like

Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by zeedof(m): 5:16pm On Jun 29, 2017
Mofpearl:


This goes both ways.

It's the same for brothers.

Hmm yea you right but I think well decent and true Muslim lady can easily get good guy. Well if you don't mind we can whatsapp
Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Mofpearl: 10:22pm On Jun 29, 2017
zeedof:

I wouldn't say easily. I think it's just as hard for both genders.

I mind.
Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by zeedof(m): 10:50pm On Jun 29, 2017
Mofpearl:

I wouldn't say easily. I think it's just as hard for both genders.

I mind.

Hmmmm whatsapp for better talk
Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by Mofpearl: 10:55pm On Jun 29, 2017
zeedof:



When I mentioned that I mind, I meant I wasn't okay with it.

You can modify your post. It's actually not permissible for men and women to be chatting up.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: A Quick Guide For Muslim Women Starting Off In Marriage by zeedof(m): 9:36am On Jun 30, 2017
Mofpearl:


When I mentioned that I mind, I meant I wasn't okay with it.

You can modify your post. It's actually not permissible for men and women to be chatting up.
noted

2 Likes

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