MrWondah:
Please don't laugh. Ok you can laugh at my misery, i have been selfish but before you laugh read my story so you will avoid same mistake.
Few months ago someone invited me to a whatsapp group. I don't usually accept such unless... Well i did accept and went on with my usual search for girls.
I added couple of them only few replied. There is this fine one that complied well, she happened to be a student of Uniport.
We got along and things started moving fine o. We went on our usual date, then on Sunday she visited but gave her usual excuse that it was her first time. Meanwhile, this girl don chop my card, chop sharwarma for my head plus a lot of other expenses.
After months of being a maga, and she left that Sunday without a bleep i was so angry but kept my cool.
Fast forward to Tuesday, we spoke at length and she agreed to visit then go on Wednesday, before she comes again over the weekend.
I was so excited, i arranged the house, dressed the bed, got some food items and my death cert, which has kept me in this condition.
Bea, called me by 4 dt she left Choba, PH and was on her way. I waited 6pm she no show, i was hungry so i decided to eat. While eating she called saying she was at Agip, coming to my crib, (Oshimini area). I didn't want her to see me with anything so I drank the enhancer i bought, as if that one no do me, (God punish that aboki) i still bought two shots from aboki. 7pm bea no show, i called phone was switched off. Wetin? 8 she no come, 9 she called saying she was in a hold up. (For person wey don near my house?) I grunted and accepted she was coming so i took another tab of the enhancer... Meanwhile the effect of the one i took was beginning to kick. 10:26 bea called saying she can't make it. How i wan do?
Dear Nairalanders, as i am typing i have been having an erection for three bad days, can't go to class I've just been indoors. I don drink different drugs to reduce am no way, i don watch porn taya my hand to pain me for wanking for where now dem say make i go hospital. If this one stop i no go ever....

MasterKim:
Guy, u no fit survive am oo.
Na to go repent, pack everytin u get dash people, go sidon for one corner.

Or if u get any river for ur village wey don full well well make u jump inside.
If u no like water,

Find railway go, d side wey pipul no plenty na en u go stay. If any train dey come, if e don near u reach small, jump for en front like u won scare pesin. Leave d rest to nature, u re a gonner already.

Or better still, find snipper, no dilute am oo, put 10 tablespoonful inside one cup coz u no go fit take am one by one(I no knw why but na so I hear am too). Get tom tom coz he be like say d tin dey bitter for mouth. Pour d snipper for mouth and swallow ONCE! Wait for 5min and lick d tom tom.

I think dz heart felt solutions go epp.
Don't tank me coz I no say u go won dey tank me now, just choose one option and act fast. no time to check time

tosyne2much:
OP, when was the last time you visited your village?

MrWondah:

Boss, u dey suspect my village people?

tosyne2much:
I dey use style dey suspect them ooo bro

MrCork:



...ok..spek to jacksparr0w1.27....he loves diks n diks related threads. He not really gay thou

toastedbread:
go casablanca carry one olosho cure your stiff small head. ready go hospital if it fails...

try sleeping in the tub for an hour (or in shower for an hour). Leave uniport girls, u no agree.
next time, go school of nursing or college of health...

Inanna:
Death is around the corner. Serves you right. You filthy idiots that think because you spend money on a girl grants you automatic access to her pûssy.

agbonkamen:
Why would a right thinking guy take sex enhancing drugs just to fu*k tot* .....is pussy more important than your life? Soak garri or drink palm oil..(red oil) una no dey hear word.

muller101:
Op Linus. But continue

gsogbu:

Best Nairaland advice of the year. Op is not that we hate you o, but three days and still counting if I'm not mistaken is lots of time. The best solution has been given, I don't know if redbeans and lefulefu have other options been following them and they might have something to say.

lefulefu:

na miracle fit solve dis one oo
anyway na d guy create im own problem sha.just only one girl na im dey take sex enhancing drugs while im mates like lexington steel,prince yeshua go bulala 3 to 6 girls at once without taking anything.and na d girls sef go dey beg for mercy.

gsogbu:
Na Apostle Suleiman go fit help him ministry.Na Apostle Suleiman go fit help him ministry. At least him go give am one make him finish for back

kindredspirit:
You have Priapism. You better go see a Doctor if you don't want the hydraulics system and tissues of your penis to become irreversibly damaged.

And I'm not joking. Google is your friend.

gsogbu:

Best Nairaland advice of the year. Op is not that we hate you o, but three days and still counting if I'm not mistaken is lots of time. The best solution has been given, I don't know if re.dbeans and le.fulefu have other options been following them and they might have something to say.