Rorachy:
I refute your claims, its actually ladies that easily forgive cos they have soft mind.

The thing about forgiveness is just that if you love someone, to forgive the person won't be that difficult .

i mentioned you, now i see reasons, you have broken everything into pieces with the bolded.

bamisepeters:
the bolded got me . I mentioned something that many didn't read, the last two paragraphs.

You don't have a choice after you have tried to be spirit more than at least 2 times. When your forgiven spirit it taken for granted several times many people will know you have even over tried. But there are some people who can forgive over and over again sha o, but before you can forget about forgiveness you should try to put others in your shoes, it fit be you ooo.

In my case, she has over spent my forgiveness... Most times, you can forgive..But then your mind will always be there... If I should forgive her, she can't have her happy home again.. I can't even lay with her again...cause my mind does not forget..I can't imagine wanting to have intercourse with my wife and all I can visualize is one old jack grunting on her and she also moaning... Forgiveness is overstretched..

azeezhy:


In my case, she has over spent my forgiveness... Most times, you can forgive..But then your mind will always be there... If I should forgive her, she can't have her happy home again.. I can't even lay with her again...cause my mind does not forget..I can't imagine wanting to have intercourse with my wife and all I can visualize is one old jack grunting on her and she also moaning... Forgiveness is overstretched..

apologies on your experience. What you have said has shown you have forgiven even more than once. Some people are just like that, they don't know what is takes to be forgiven. I know it is hard to keep imagining that unpleasant experience and like i use to say, only the person it concerns will know what to do at that point.

That one follow

:Dyes but some Yoruba boys will not understand

selflessmaya:


OP, nice write up but this theory is wrong and somewhat pretentious...

the reason siblings stay together and bicker and make-up is cos the love of siblings is different from what partners share, there are things that i would forgive a sibling for no matter how hard it is for me but every relationship has boundaries and if my own sibling crosses an unforgivable line, the relationship is over and we'll become estranged. if my sibling stabs my mother to death multiple times or rapes my child who went for holiday in his house, i will never EVER forgive that and we will never be the same again, even sibling bonds can be broken by wrong-doings of unbearable gravity. same with partners. there is no such thing as "love knows no offense" if that was true the phrase "love is forgiving" will not exist since there's no offense in the first place and the phrase "love is forgiving" does not count if a devastating harm has been done, the fact that u love someone does NOT mean they are good for u, simple.

what makes a relationship stronger is memories of good times, mutual satisfaction and hard times(experienced together) emphasis on the words in bracket!! when 2 ppl go through something and feel it just as equally, if they get through it together, it can bond them but if one person is hurting and the other, not so much, it does not bring them together at all, even worse if one person caused the pain of the other. if 2 friends are broke and starving, when they finally get food to eat, they'll both laugh at how hunger dealt with them, it's not the same as one friend is starving and the other is there eating indomie and saying since he's in the same room with the starving friend, it'll make them closer. false! if an experience is not equally shared by both ppl, only the hurting person is affected and it strengthens nothing, only breeds resentment.

also false, the fact that a person cant forgive an act from a partner does not mean they stop loving them, they just decide to not be with them anymore for the sake of their own happiness and move on. everyone has their own breaking point and it's better for u to walk away than to stay in a toxic relationship. some ppl have gotten into use of narcotics with their partners, they go to rehab, get clean and go back to this same person and relapse into the same toxic cycle, their partner is their enabler and they have to quit him/her in order to kick this addiction, they either walk away or stay till they die of an overdose. some ppl have partners that can never close their legs or control their dicks, they keep forgiving and crying their eyes out in private and finally get their wake-up call when they're given the gift of HIV, some ppl have gone back to partners who get angry and lash out of them and eventually left in a casket.

love is never enough to sustain a relationship, it takes work from BOTH SIDES and if one side is malfunctioning to a point the other side begins to break down, a dissolution becomes absolutely necessary, a relationship is not everything, yes, it's nice to find a good person to be with but it's better to be happy alone than utterly miserable with someone you love.

Nice criticism. Thanks for taking your time.

Next2Bezee:


Op's write-up is quite good for relationship offenders who hurt their partners a few times..probably once or twice.

But if someone keeps doing the same thing, even after numerous confrontations and apologies, then i believe forgiveness is wasted on them.

What then do you say about humans and God, as regards forgiveness? We fucck up everyday and he still forgives us. Jesus said 70 x 70 in one day by one person, lol. He simply said we shouldn't count offenses.

I will forgive my spouse anything, anytime. True love is experienced by few. The few that don't judge others and forgive even before being asked.

You may appear weak but in truth, you are strong. It takes strength to overlook others' flaws. God showed strength when he sacrificed himself without us asking for mercy. It is not easy but it ain't impossible.

best topic I've read on relationship so far. if couples follow this, divorce will reduce in this country.

I hurt somebody in the past, I just pray for the day she will forgive me, I don't know the impact of her absence in my life would be this way. Peace, if you're reading this, there can never be anybody like you.

Dear Gad who writes these things

What if you guys are not compatible

You should forgive but not stay in a relationship that affects your physical, mental or emotional security. Only come back when it is safe.

I concur!

Afromalaika:
Try and acknowledge sources of your information. This is a direct lift/copy cunningly modified from the original teaching of Rev. Mrs. Funke Adejumo.

Nothing stops you from quoting or lifting someone else work BUT, you must always acknowledge them in the context wherein their work (s) were quoted.

Plagiarism is a punishable offence.
Be warned.

So she is the only one in the whole world that speaks on forgiveness in relationships?
Rabbish.

I can forgive a first time offense but from experience, I have come to realise that saying sorry doesnt mean you are sorry . People only feel bad only after they are caught

Nice write up op but I want you to know that it's easy to destroy than to build.

It takes time to trust your partner completely, it might be 4 months or even 1year into the relationship and when you find your partner cheating one of the things that it takes away from you is trust.

When you don't trust someone, you tend to distance yourself from that person, the love you have for them will just die, love and trust go hand in hand..

Even if you forgive, will you be able to trust? And if you don't trust, how do you manage to love your partner?

frenzyduchess:
I can forgive a first time offense but from experience, I have come to realise that saying sorry doesnt mean you are sorry . People only feel bad only after they are caught

Exactly, I'm the type that forgive at least 3 times, depending on the offence. Unless she is not trying to kill me, after the 3 time and she still think other guys are better, I'll give her the freedom to do it openly instead of hiding.

Have notice that some people say sorry just to kill the tension at hand, most don't really mean it.
How can you say sorry and still keep on repeating the same mistake? Haba

Why do we think cheating is the only sin in a Rship/marriage..

udemzyudex:


Exactly, I'm the type that forgive at least 3 times, depending on the offence. Unless she is not trying to kill me, after the 3 time and she still think other guys are better, I'll give her the freedom to do it openly instead of hiding.

Have notice that some people say sorry just to kill the tension at hand, most don't really mean it.
How can you say sorry and still keep on repeating the same mistake? Haba

had the very experience with my ex. I.will personally advice anyone out there to monitor their spouse after a first time offence. If they did it once,they are likely to do it again and again. No one is fautless but when a person does it a second time ,then just know its not your duty to redeem their soul with your forgiveness

It's good to learn how to forgive your partner but if we truly love each other we need not to cheat...

A Relationship is a rollercoaster of inconveniences and a very idiotic way to waste your time and resources as a man.

It is the silly female idea that an unmarried man should be interested in not fvcking other chics and paying for everything she wants (even before she meets him).

She will automatically expect him to be sexually faithful, even when he is not married (and even when she refuses to put out) while conveniently forgetting exactly WHY he is not married.

It is a scenario she pre-imagines in her head in which a man does everything with HER best interest above all other things in mind while he is expected to fill a pre-conceived role of “provider” even when she has made zero effort to EARN what she expects.

In a relationship, the needs, dreams and desires of a man are a non-consideration and totally irrelevant (and everybody knows it).

A relationship is when a female makes a man prove his "commitment" by jumping through proverbial hoops & doing a wide variety of stupid things which include professing his "undying love", showering her with constant & unnecessary attention, and draining his wallet on her behalf --- while she dangles the promise of an access to her vagina at his face.

It is common for a female to expect such “commitment” and displays of costly devotion, while giving her affection away for free to someone else (AKA 'bad boy') who is not remotely invested in her.

RuthDaniels:
Nice write-up, nice sermon! But unrealistic and one dimensional!

It's funny how we all preach forgiveness but never provide a pill to forget offenses.Take it or leave it, every human has that "thing" they can't condole, it's not being unforgiving, it's just that we can't bring ourselves to accept it! . Forgiveness is easy, forgetting/letting go is difficult and sometimes impossible. It doesn't make us lesser, it's just a limitation we all experience as human.

Cheating is not something that happens all of a sudden, it is a deliberate act,it is either from lust or attractions not dealt with. It is no mistake! Once a cheat always a cheat! . It shouldn't be encouraged but dealt with!

To err is human, to forgive is divine!

well written.

Let us take this write-up to married couple, cos it's best fitted there. This girlfriend and boyfriend of a thing these days are just for fun and a complete joke.

If you are really determined to build a "home" ur level of maturity and forgiveness must surpass that which u have when you were courting or doing ur so called boyfriend and girlfriend things.

Forgiveness is highly needed in a relationship. The only factor that can make u forgive easily is love. That is why u should try as much as possible to marry who u truly love. Not who u love cos of money or cos of facial or bodily beauty.

Another thing u need is sacrifice. Sacrifice without mumbling. Most times, problem in the family starts when one partner feels he/she is sacrificing more than he/she think is too much. No sacrifice is too much to keep ur home peaceful. If u think otherwise, try a broken home.
The time u start feeling giving too much, forgiving too much or sacrificing too much, you have created a hole for ur family to start sinking.
Young boys and young girls will not understand this, hence they will condemn what i am saying. They will tend to label u Jew man when u behave this way, but never mind them. When they grow, they will understand it.

I love my wife so much and love my family so dearly. When i look forward and think of not bn wt them, i have a great fear and thereby try all i could to enjoy the absolute peace i enjoy with them. This include, most times, saying sorry even when i am not supposed to. Sometimes When i wait for that apology to come from her and it is not coming and the silence is growing, the communication gap is widening, strange feelings are coming in all i do is to go to her and pls let us forgive each other and lets be the way we were. That solves the problem. It doesn't reduce who i am. I doesn't make me less than a man, rather it makes me more matured man and makes her to love me more cos most times in her sober mood, she will say to me; Honey, do u kw that no other man can love me and treat me the way u do.

So if i think i am giving too much and stop this character that God blessed me wt in this relationship, the next thing is that just a minor quarrel will tear us apart.

So don't think that multiple forgiveness coming from u to keep ur relationship is bn a weakling.

If you are serious about getting married.

The question you need to ask yourself now is that what do you and your future spouse have in common for sure.

You have the internet in common - He or she uses the internet.

It makes sense to join [url]LostRib.com[/url] and be united with the love of your life.

Rorachy:
I refute your claims, its actually ladies that easily forgive cos they have soft mind.

The thing about forgiveness is just that if you love someone, to forgive the person won't be that difficult .

@the emboldened......Maybe you're referring to you in particular! My dear, I've dated some unforgiving she-devils, who still nurses hatred in their hearts towards me....even the one married with kids!
So speak for yourself, not ladies

even with forgiveness it doesnt always goes rossy from there as a matter of fact forgivness is the easy part living with the memories and scares of all the lies and betrayal is a slow dose of poison especialy if it was infidelity and its someone you deeply love....if u strong enough to overcome it then i wish you all the best but to the rest of us that knows life is too short for high bp na to move on ...

Forgiveness is really the oil of relationships

Love is the food of relationships

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bamisepeters:
Our intention most times determines the success of our relationship, not what anyone says.

Like we know that it is never possible for two people who are blood related to stay with each other for little period of time without offending each other.

So also, it is paramount that we know that two who are not related by blood nor gender can never be together in the name of love and expect an offense-free relationship.

Personally, i feel when your partner go wrong it makes you know more about them and how to handle them in the future.

I understand there are some offense that are hard to forgive, but love knows no offense as it even forgives before any offense is committed.

I have heard, read and witnessed some extremely bad situations whereby the partners of those involved still overlooked the sin and moved on happily.

One thing i used to tell those who care to listen to the sense making relationship nonsense that i say or write especially when they need to forgive their partner is that it can be anyone's turn, and it can be the other way round the next minute because we are humans and not spirit.

In a relationship, which other offense is greater than seeing your partner whom you have sacrificed all for moaning in confirmation of a great sexual experience under someone else?

For your information, I have seen couples who still moved on together after the above happened.

Believe me, it is never easy to forgive one's partner after such experience, in fact, many people will tell you to even run as far as possible from such partner.

Most times you take some decisions on your own when it comes to relationship because other are blind when it comes to what you see in your partner as they don't know your desires and the point of attraction.

This is not about the sacrifice or desperate measures you've taken to sustain the relationship, but the love making you to be as foolish enough to see reasons why you must forgive your partner.

This post is not just about cheating, it can be anything else apart from cheating.

The fact is that offense and forgiveness is what makes many relationship or marriage to be as strong as they are.

Remember, you are not a perfect man, neither is she a better woman, we are all striving to be the best to our partner.

And as your partner is trying all to be better for just you, you need to be ready to give room for mistakes.

I don't want to give some of the examples I have witnessed so as not to look as if I am on the side of one gender, because to me we are all the same, what is good for one goose is good for another goose.

As I am preaching forgiveness, it should make us to try harder at achieving great union free of scandal and divorce which is rampant this days.

This should make those that cheat see reasons why they must stop as it harms the partner emotionally.

Those that abuse their partner physically and mentally should also stop as the pain inflicted on your partner is more than your understanding, don't take the spirit of forgiveness which accompanied the love for granted.

In case you don't know; the day your partner stops forgiving you is when they stop loving you.

Don't abuse the spirit of forgiveness, don't do it to the point that your partner will see nothing attractive in you anymore.

Love is blind they say, you may not be the one to share the experience when the blindness receives healing.

Cc: Talk2bella, Rorachy, tosyne2much,

Source: http://bamisepeters..com/2017/07/relationship-is-for-those-who-are.html

Good talk thanks.

Words for this morning

austinosita:
Very true!

Men can easily forgive. Atleast matured men! But ladies.....whether matured or not, can never easily forgive.

I'm saying this from experience, ask me why or reasons and I'll give you enough!

pls explain more

Good write up

You must always be ready to forgive your partner at all times, but that does not mean you should not take measures to avoid similar occurrence in the future.

These measures can be in form of a warning, a conditional stay, or even a divorce...but you must forgive not punish your partner.

When you take measures, you are only aligning to live right, just the same way you drop bad habits to live right.

Cheers

I just came in to say
You Rock bro!

Eluwilussit:


What then do you say about humans and God, as regards forgiveness? We fucck up everyday and he still forgives us. Jesus said 70 x 70 in one day by one person, lol. He simply said we shouldn't count offenses.

I will forgive my spouse anything, anytime. True love is experienced by few. The few that don't judge others and forgive even before being asked.

You may appear weak but in truth, you are strong. It takes strength to overlook others' flaws. God showed strength when he sacrificed himself without us asking for mercy. It is not easy but it ain't impossible.

And she will cheat on you again. You may think you are strong but in the real sense you are weak(you are afraid to leave her because you believe you we be empty and find no love again) If you continue with someone who cheat on you several times then you are nothing but a fool. You are not God, you are covered with flesh. I believe you are saying that because nobody cheated on you before.