aseju:

It can cross ones mind as such when the turbulence of marriage gets rough some times. However, if both parties are committed to the relationship, they wont want to crashland together. It has crossed my mind at such times, we survived it. It is a life long project that you work on. It can be gratifying when you look back at the journey. The challenges will surely be there regardless of whomever you take this journey with. I pray mine to be a never-ending one. I am with the RIGHT one.

fifi09:

I do Not and will Never encourage unhealthy or violent relationships. All i'm saying is that No one has the perfect marriage or perfect spouse. Learn to love that person you married. Good, bad, it doesn't matter (loving the bad things - meaning accepting your partner's flaws. Since no one is perfect, you want to learn to appreciate the differences between the TWO of you. Trying to change her/him after getting married will only make both of you miserable.

newtontoyo:

inasmuch as i agree with most points u raised,especially on loving the person u married,i still tend to disgree with u on loving your 'bad' spouse. it takes two to solve watever problems one has within marriage.[/b]The two must be ready to love each other and also be devoted to solving watever issues they have.so wat happens wen as a man,your spouse is always giving u problems, is indifferent and from all indications,the love seems to have gone? i dont advise accepting that,making your life more miserable.Any marriage that does not involve one sacrifice or d other from both parties is bound to hit d rocks.

fifi09:

Like I said before… Loving the bad things meaning accepting your partner's flaws and view them as "facts of life".
Trying to change your partner is difficult and is one of the biggest relationship myths around.

If you're trying to change someone, you are indirectly telling them that you don't love them the way they are. To me, aceptance is LOVE.
If you want this person to change who they are, then why are you with them in the first place? No one is perfect, learn to appreciate the differences between the TWO of you.
They'll change for You when they're ready.

To answer your question: Learn to fall in love again with your partner, and get counseling. If that doesn't work get a divorce.

Can You Love an Unfaithful Spouse?
by Dr. Gary Chapman


Can you really love a spouse who has been unfaithful to you? One lady who was reading my book: Hope for the Separated, told me that when she came to the chapter on "long distance love" that she threw the book on the floor and said to herself, "I'll never love him again after all he's done to me."

"A few days later", she said, " I picked up the book and continued reading. I discovered that Jesus said that we were to 'love our enemies'. Well my husband certainly qualified. It took a few weeks, but I remember the day I baked him a pie and took it to his apartment. It was the beginning of our process of reconciliation."

Yes, with the help of God we can love those who hurt us deeply.

Some people find it strange when I suggest that the greatest thing you can do for an estranged spouse is to love him or to love her. Yet, this is exactly what Jesus taught. We are to love even our enemies and we are to return good for evil. One of the ways in which you express love to a spouse who has walked out on you is by being patient.

The scriptures say, "love is patient". Your marriage did not fall apart overnight and it will not be rebuilt today. Don't set time limits for yourself or your spouse. Be patient with your spouse's ambivalence.

During separation people are often pulled in two directions: On the one hand is the desire for reconciliation, on the other, there is the pain and hurt that says, 'give up'.

Patience is the first step toward love.

Thelmabee:

@newcreatio
omg, better be careful what you say to her then good or bad, its possible to vexed her earlier .

Man !   truth is; you have all the answers to the puzzle.I've to come to learn that when you sincerely play the fool for your wife seeking happines you most definitely will get it - just allowing a woman  be right more than half of the time is the begining of wisdom.
Word!

Damysa:

I regret marrying my spouse most of the time. Infact I am at a crossroad.

I have lost my mind completely and I wanna take a walk k.

Damysa:

I regret marrying my spouse most of the time. Infact I am at a crossroad.

I have lost my mind completely and I wanna take a walk k.

newtontoyo:


U just hit d nail on d head in your last statement.(IN BOLD FONTS).There is a level of 'BAD' things one can accept especially if one does not want to be miserable for the rest of one's life.
I am not having any problems watsover.im just expressing my own opinion on the issue

Miss_Ife: Maybe they think it would be easier/better with someone else, once thay reach a few years of marriage and realize it's not all fun and butterflies, The truth is, it would be more or less the same with anybody. Some of the things that are difficult in a marriage are due to marriage itself (it is not easy to share everything with one person, and all the responsibilities of marriage) or to the person herself , and not the partner (for instance, if it is a challenge for me to expose my feelings and talk to my husband about what bothers me I cannot blame it on him to "not understand me" but on myself, things would be the same with another man ).

Of course, there are some situations when a person really does marry the wrong man/woman (I'm thinking of the girls who would still marry their boyfriend after he beat them, or someone with alcohol problems etc.). But all in all, I believe marriage reveals more about ourselves than anything else, and changing partner will not change us, at some point, we have to look at ourselves and accept to change if we want to make the marriage work, not change the partner.

MLS12: Wen tins dont really go as planned,or ur spouse is not living upto to expectations.in ur quiet time,one could wish.I myself have wished I married my ex boyfriend because he was more of a fun 2me and looks good,dat thot crossed my mind wen my hubby was becoming too busy.everytin was just work and nutin more,buh after some few hours I was still glad I married my hubby,a very good friend of mine.

punta: Did I marry the wrong person Yes!!! He was not a bad man but we were just not meant to be. I didn't seek the face of God and I was simply excited about being married since all my friends were joining the club at the time. Besides I was only 24 and in retrospect, I have no idea how we ended up married because we have different orientations and ideals. He would certainly make a good husband for some girl out there. I hope we become friends again one day. He is still bitter with me for throwing in the towel......don't blame me, I tried hard enough.