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Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg - Family - Nairaland

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Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by Woged2005(f): 3:43pm On Feb 23, 2013
Annoying Begging Culture In Nigeria! How Can One Raise Kids Who Don't Beg?

Please fellow Nigerians how can one raise her kids to avoid this annoying needy, begging culture in Nigeria? I don't know why some people have jobs in Nigeria but cannot afford to renew their rents at the end of the year without help. They can't go to hospital unless you give them money. Some of our ladies greet you with "I hope you have something for me?". Some working ladies are quiting stable relationships simply because the man doesn't 'help' them (meaning he doesn't give them money). What happens to their salary? The grown men 'flash' you with their phone to call back so you'll pay the bill to hear them talk about their problems. 80% of the sermons in the church is actually begging for money sweet-coated under titles like: "breakthrough giving', 'Tithes', 'Sowing seeds', 'invest in your pastor', 'pastor appreciation', etc.

The most annoying are relatives and friends who cut communication with you because you don't send them money & gifts. What do they send to friends and relatives abroad? Afterall Nigeria has Egusi, dried fish, crayfish, ogbono, traditional clothes, beeds, etc that cost a fortune abroad. why can't they send them to friends abroad as gifts unless you give them money to do so?

Why do our people appear too needy and want to be taken care of? I really want to know how to raise kids who don't beg but are self-reliant. The needy culture is very unhealthy.

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Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by chaircover: 3:54pm On Feb 23, 2013

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Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by Nobody: 4:32pm On Feb 23, 2013
OP first of all how far with your cousin's kids and the dad? has he surfaced yet?

@ Topic: cc has said it and even in my group of friends , when we get together, common sharing among kids ( provided the child already got his/her own share) is prohibited.

Also we parent have to model the kind of behaviour we want out children to posses.you have to work for everything whatever gender you are.

No miraculous expectation where you didn't sow.

OP , lol don't expect anybody( except your close knit family ) to send you Nigerian food for free o! Well maybe except they're visiting ( like souvenir) grin

May God help us all.( that actually feels good, thanks @greatgod)
Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by greatgod2012(f): 5:02pm On Feb 23, 2013
Yes oo madam CC, always correct, just yesterday, my sister's kids came to play with my kids, and along d line, one of them was begging for biscuits from one of my kids, and d next thing i overheard my first kid telling him is...."dont you have self-esteem, why would you be begging for something, are you a policeman?"
and d other kid answered him....." what is soo special there, everyone begs for one thing or d other" and my kids replied....."noooooooo, its a lie, i have never begged for anything and i've never seen any of my parent begging for anything from anyone, so, its not everyone that begs"..........blah, blah, blah.....
so, op, d basis of my story is that, it lies with d parent, whatever you train your kid with is what he will grow up to be, ......."train a child d way he shall go and when hes old, he will not depart from it"
Anyone that begs cant possibly have that self-esteem and cant attract respect from pple, so, its our duty to teach our children self-esteem, its very important, lets always teach them to be self-dependent and self reliance rather than thinking that someone will help them to solve their problems.
May God help us all.

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Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by slimyem: 5:12pm On Feb 23, 2013
Parents are their children's first role models.It is what you impact in them that they work their lifestyles around mostly so you should have no fear.
There are a few people who were born and bred in this same country but didn't get with the Nigerian way because of the functional homes they grew up in and parents with high moral values who led and taught them right.
The environment would try to effect.no doubt but a well trained child will always remember its home and what is expected of him or her.
The "train your child in the way he should go...." phrase also applies here.cool

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Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by damiso(f): 5:21pm On Feb 23, 2013
As CC and Greatgod have said kids learn mostly from watching their parents.Its scary the way kids pick up stuff from the adults around them.So it should be more a lifestyle choice.

Lil things like insisting if i have said No to something dont think you can go behind me to ask Aunty to get it for you.I am not against aunties or uncles getting gifts for my kids per se BUT i would not be happy if i said No to a certain thing maybe just to teach delayed gratification and one uncle bought it for my child.I practise that with other people kids.I remember my nephew(my SIL son)asking for WII Skylander games and figures from me.I guessed from the way he asked his mum and dad said no.So i asked what his mum said.He was like mum said no games till i learn my 12 times table.I immediately said No if mummy said no.I then told him that i will ask his mum and PROBABLY get him a suprise once he knew 12 times table.I would get him the game but only give it to him with his parents consent.

I might seem like a meanie but i think kids need to learn you cant always always get ALL you want so NO you are not getting that.You wont die if you dont get that(esp silly material stuff).That teaches them to look forward and appreciate stuff more.Also teaches the valuable lesson of living within your means which frankly alot of adults learnt the hard way.

Sometimes some people do need help(dont we all at some point one way or the other)BUT in the Nigerian context most times the begging is as a result of living beyond your means.Eg I have 5,000 naira and i want to make my hair.N5,000 can make braids or Darling Yaki conveniently with change sef.But Brazilian weave is the newest swag(unfortunately credit cards are not still that common in Naija if not that could have helped).Ha me too i must fix brasilian o,ehn big girl like me(ontop my 5,000 naira o) so the best way to cover the diff is to beg,beg guys,beg my cousin in SA,beg my sisters uncle husband friend who is rich(sebi he has money) until the brazilian weave money comes out.THAT is the main reason for the begging most times.Failing to see that the 5,000 more than covers my need.

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Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by ileobatojo: 5:33pm On Feb 23, 2013
greatgod2012: Yes oo madam CC, always correct, just yesterday, my sister's kids came to play with my kids, and along d line, one of them was begging for biscuits from one of my kids, and d next thing i overheard my first kid telling him is...."dont you have self-esteem, why would you be begging for something, are you a policeman?"
and d other kid answered him....." what is soo special there, everyone begs for one thing or d other" and my kids replied....."noooooooo, its a lie, i have never begged for anything and i've never seen any of my parent begging for anything from anyone, so, its not everyone that begs"..........blah, blah, blah.....

Epic!! Thumbs up Greatgod!
Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by Woged2005(f): 5:34pm On Feb 23, 2013
[quote author=jidegirl12]OP first of all how far with your cousin's kids and the dad? has he surfaced yet?

Thanks for asking. I haven't seen them for a while. I believe they are doing well. We are believing God will intervene in His own way at some time.

Yea My sister, there are people in Nigeria specially trained to get other angry even when you are happy. How can a friend stop talking with you because you did not send her gift or money, yet she's working o!..LOL!!
Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by chaircover: 5:44pm On Feb 23, 2013

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Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by Nobody: 5:45pm On Feb 23, 2013
It's really a big concern to me too how you raise kids who will not adopt this Nija begging culture. The Security who opens the gate expects money from you for doing what he's already being paid to do. Drivers and even Colleagues who earn below what you earn except you to always pay for their meals..... I tire. Just a couple of weeks back, I came back from grocery shopping with my kids and a well dressed neighbour's Son was asking my Son for "something" to eat from the shopping bag! I was extremely dissapointed..... I live in what u call a high-brow area in Abuja and I know the Boys Father drives a Range Sport so the boy should at least not lack common food. I warned my Son seriously that day that if i ever see or hear you ask for anything from anyone..... In Nija, it will take God's grace to eradicate that begging culture, it's eaten deep already.

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Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by biolabee(m): 5:48pm On Feb 23, 2013
self esteem n begging as u people call it (or specifically with the kids) i dont see d correlation
Where is the place of caring and sharing

It is your prerogative to say NO just as it is the others to ask if they need help

If you cant help say NO but lets not turn it to self esteem


Some people fall on hard things and need help
It hurts their pride to actually ask

Instead of kicking a man who is down, just say NO or lie you dont have

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Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by chaircover: 5:50pm On Feb 23, 2013

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Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by biolabee(m): 5:51pm On Feb 23, 2013
self esteem n begging as u people call it (or specifically with the kids) i dont see d correlation
Where is the place of caring and sharing

It is your prerogative to say NO just as it is the others to ask if they need help

If you cant help say NO but lets not turn it to self esteem


Some people fall on hard things and need help
It hurts their pride to actually ask

Instead of kicking a man who is down, just say NO or lie you dont have

Suddenly its about the parents not training their kids .. smh sad
Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by damiso(f): 5:58pm On Feb 23, 2013
biolabee:

self esteem n begging as u people call it (or specifically with the kids) i dont see d correlation
Where is the place of caring and sharing

It is your prerogative to say NO just as it is the others to ask if they need help

If you cant help say NO but lets not turn it to self esteem


Some people fall on hard things and need help
It hurts their pride to actually ask

Instead of kicking a man who is down, just say NO or lie you dont have

Suddenly its about the parents not training their kids .. smh sad

Unc biola you sha see in my post where i said we all need help in one form or the other at some point in our lives.No matter how self sufficient you are you do need help.When i had my daughter me and hubby were alone with no immediate family around us, church members had to rally round.So help does not have to be money.

I think what people take an exception to is people begging just cos they can.For a WANT and not a NEED.You do know that oftentimes SOME people beg cos they feel you can afford it and they really do not NEED what they are begging for.

As a christian when you notice someone in NEED you dont even have to wait to be asked so as not let the person who is down already feel worse than they do.

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Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by Nobody: 6:01pm On Feb 23, 2013
Rofl @cc I can't stop laughing at your last post. grin cheesy

damiso:

I think what people take an exception to is people begging just cos they can.For a WANT and not a NEED.You do know that oftentimes SOME people beg cos they feel you can afford it and they really do not NEED what they are begging for.
[quote author=damiso]

This^^^ is exactly the problem , most people beg just to keep up with the joneses .
Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by biolabee(m): 6:05pm On Feb 23, 2013
Woged2005: Please fellow Nigerians how can one raise her kids to avoid this annoying needy, begging culture in Nigeria?

Why do our people appear too needy and want to be taken care of? I really want to know how to raise kids who don't beg but are self-reliant. The needy culture is very unhealthy.

To the OP and raising kids who dont beg according to you
It is pertinent to state that the people actually taking advantage of this charity actually are of moderate means and have a sort of entitlement mentslity

You csnt raise any others kids but only yours
Be disciplined and be content to live within your means
But still your small contribution (10k here, 5K there or etc) can really go a long way for others

1 Like

Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by biolabee(m): 6:09pm On Feb 23, 2013
damiso:
Unc biola you sha see in my post where i said we all need help in one form or the other at some point in our lives.No matter how self sufficient you are you do need help.When i had my daughter me and hubby were alone with no immediate family around us, church members had to rally round.So help does not have to be money.

I think what people take an exception to is people begging just cos they can.For a WANT and not a NEED.You do know that oftentimes SOME people beg cos they feel you can afford it and they really do not NEED what they are begging for.

As a christian when you notice someone in NEED you dont even have to wait to be asked so as not let the person who is down already feel worse than they do.
Sorry ma no offence meant
dear ma thanks for clarifying your point and this I totally agree with

let me even tell you something funnier

If you are complaining of people who are begging, what will you now say when they even speak behind you and say
is that all you could do

Contentment is the key to me

I stated that the annoying thing is people who can afford this and still ask up and down
Imagine someone coming to do a vacation in my place and telling me to pay for the flight ticket

I just feel that saying NO is not an agressive rather an ASSERTIVE behavior
if you cant help, say NO but there is a way you can say NO and the person wil not feel bad about it

In his mind he will say "well you tried your best"
Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by chaircover: 6:15pm On Feb 23, 2013
.
Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by damiso(f): 6:20pm On Feb 23, 2013
biolabee:
Sorry ma no offence meant
dear ma thanks for clarifying your point and this I totally agree with

let me even tell you something funnier

If you are complaining of people who are begging, what will you now say when they even speak behind you and say
is that all you could do

Contentment is the key to me

I stated that the annoying thing is people who can afford this and still ask up and down
Imagine someone coming to do a vacation in my place and telling me to pay for the flight ticket

I just feel that saying NO is not an agressive rather an ASSERTIVE behavior
if you cant help, say NO but there is a way you can say NO and the person wil not feel bad about it

In his mind he will say "well you tried your best"



No offence taken cheesy,i just wanted to point out that the major culprit is lack of contentment.I might have to disagree abit though,there is a slight case for self esteem here.The main reason i wont beg for what i dont need is cos i am comfortable in who i am.So i dont need to be begging for stuff i cant afford cos that 'stuff' does not make me who i am.

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Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by biolabee(m): 6:22pm On Feb 23, 2013
damiso:

No offence taken cheesy,i just wanted to point out that the major culprit is lack of contentment.I might have to disagree abit though,there is a slight case for self esteem here.The main reason i wont beg for what i dont need is cos i am comfortable in who i am.So i dont need to be begging for stuff i cant afford cos that 'stuff' does not make me who i am.

no problem MA we just look at things from different angle
Just note that some of these "beggars" have comfortable jobs and are smooth talkers
so it may not necessarily be self esteem sha
Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by Woged2005(f): 6:23pm On Feb 23, 2013
The worst is facebook friends. Some people are simply on facebook to beg, and they beg agressively. They first become your friends, chatting with u everyday and even text and call sending you their pictures. then the begging thing starts. A friend I've never met asked me to help her rent a house at Lagos bc she's sick and tired of living with her sister. Guess how much? ..N200k ($1,670 as at today's exchange rate). Meanwhile I am sharing an appartment here..LOLoLOL!!

1 Like

Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by Nobody: 6:27pm On Feb 23, 2013
chaircover:

This is what I am saying! Aunty what did you bring for me from your travels is not a need. It is a want!!!!!. . . .

If you said you are building a house and need help so you and your wife can move into one room in the house then that is a different case.

@cc abeg I can't laugh grin ... Aunty what did you bring?... Nuh un.. Where did you send me? grin
Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by damiso(f): 6:30pm On Feb 23, 2013
biolabee:

no problem MA we just look at things from different angle
Just note that some of these "beggars" have comfortable jobs and are smooth talkers
so it may not necessarily be self esteem sha

True that sha. smileySome people beg cos they just think they can.As you said too that is the one that annoys me the MOST.And then in the same begging sentence say stuff like"UK sha,God forbid i can never live here with you people you are trying.God forbid.Naija is the place to make money"Shoooo After you just said can i have your bag? angry
Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by biolabee(m): 6:35pm On Feb 23, 2013
damiso:

True that sha. smileySome people beg cos they just think they can.As you said too that is the one that annoys me the MOST.And then in the same begging sentence say stuff like"UK sha,God forbid i can never live here with you people you are trying.God forbid.Naija is the place to make money"Shoooo After you just said can i have your bag? angry

ROTFLMAO
As if Dave Cameron and Osborne are sharin the money on the streets

meanwhile are you guys prepared for the onslaught from the Heather Frost-types and the Romanians coming to hook up on welfare? cheesy
Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by davidylan(m): 6:44pm On Feb 23, 2013
greatgod2012: Yes oo madam CC, always correct, just yesterday, my sister's kids came to play with my kids, and along d line, one of them was begging for biscuits from one of my kids, and d next thing i overheard my first kid telling him is...."dont you have self-esteem, why would you be begging for something, are you a policeman?"
and d other kid answered him....." what is soo special there, everyone begs for one thing or d other" and my kids replied....."noooooooo, its a lie, i have never begged for anything and i've never seen any of my parent begging for anything from anyone, so, its not everyone that begs"..........blah, blah, blah.....
so, op, d basis of my story is that, it lies with d parent, whatever you train your kid with is what he will grow up to be, ......."train a child d way he shall go and when hes old, he will not depart from it"
Anyone that begs cant possibly have that self-esteem and cant attract respect from pple, so, its our duty to teach our children self-esteem, its very important, lets always teach them to be self-dependent and self reliance rather than thinking that someone will help them to solve their problems.
May God help us all.

American kids have all the "self esteem" in the world but arent really better than asian, european or african kids. All these "self esteem" stuff to me is actually detrimental to our kids. American kids have so much "self esteem" and is probably why we have so much lack of self discipline, lack of respect and a narcissistic sense of entitlement. Is it any surprise really that the more "self esteem" the american kids are taught, the more of them are being diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders, ADD, ADHD and all what not.

Teach your kids how to be content with what they have... teach them to comes to mommy and daddy to ask if they really feel they need something without fear of being told off.

Last but not the least... let kids be kids... at their age they will still want to ask for something from their peers... it is normal.

9 Likes

Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by davidylan(m): 6:48pm On Feb 23, 2013
mrs flawless: It's really a big concern to me too how you raise kids who will not adopt this Nija begging culture. The Security who opens the gate expects money from you for doing what he's already being paid to do. Drivers and even Colleagues who earn below what you earn except you to always pay for their meals..... I tire. Just a couple of weeks back, I came back from grocery shopping with my kids and a well dressed neighbour's Son was asking my Son for "something" to eat from the shopping bag! I was extremely dissapointed..... I live in what u call a high-brow area in Abuja and I know the Boys Father drives a Range Sport so the boy should at least not lack common food. I warned my Son seriously that day that if i ever see or hear you ask for anything from anyone..... In Nija, it will take God's grace to eradicate that begging culture, it's eaten deep already.

hmmm what if he truly needs help? He should die in pride?
Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by biolabee(m): 6:51pm On Feb 23, 2013
davidylan:

hmmm what if he truly needs help? He should die in pride?

good one davidy which is why i said i dont see a correlation betwwen self esteem and begging

What is being described so far is more of taking advantage of anothers kindness
Some people do need this thing
Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by davidylan(m): 6:55pm On Feb 23, 2013
This thread is an agglomeration of people who are simply here by accident of birth. If anyone of us were to be unfortunate to have been born dirt poor in nigeria i wonder if your tone here would be different. People beg in nigeria simply because it is a country where more than 70% live on less than $1 a day... that is a country where more than 75% are living in sheer poverty. Sometimes people beg, not because it is an ingrained culture but because they HAVE to do so to survive. When i was growing up, there were times when my folks were so hard up it was painful to watch my proud mother have to ask people beneath her for some extra cash to tide her young kids through. Did she want to? No... but sometimes condition forces you to do things you would never wish to. thank God for mercies, grace and hardwork... you look back on days like that and you cannot but say thank you to everyone who was kind enough to spare a little change here and there to keep us going until the good times smiled on us again.

Feel free to say no and be principled about it... i do all the time. Coming online to laugh at the unfortunate circumstance of others is not fair.

Lets be honest, many here are financially not much better than the people they sneer at. It is easier to survive here because there are government benefits to lean on in hard times, there are credit cards to tide you over until the next month, food is dirt cheap... i try not to laugh at those who beg today... who knows, you might just be the one needing their help tomorrow. As they say, no condition is permanent.

21 Likes

Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by damiso(f): 7:17pm On Feb 23, 2013
davidylan: This thread is an agglomeration of people who are simply here by accident of birth. If anyone of us were to be unfortunate to have been born dirt poor in nigeria i wonder if your tone here would be different. People beg in nigeria simply because it is a country where more than 70% live on less than $1 a day... that is a country where more than 75% are living in sheer poverty. Sometimes people beg, not because it is an ingrained culture but because they HAVE to do so to survive. When i was growing up, there were times when my folks were so hard up it was painful to watch my proud mother have to ask people beneath her for some extra cash to tide her young kids through. Did she want to? No... but sometimes condition forces you to do things you would never wish to. thank God for mercies, grace and hardwork... you look back on days like that and you cannot but say thank you to everyone who was kind enough to spare a little change here and there to keep us going until the good times smiled on us again.

Feel free to say no and be principled about it... i do all the time. Coming online to laugh at the unfortunate circumstance of others is not fair.

Lets be honest, many here are financially not much better than the people they sneer at. It is easier to survive here because there are government benefits to lean on in hard times, there are credit cards to tide you over until the next month, food is dirt cheap... i try not to laugh at those who beg today... who knows, you might just be the one needing their help tomorrow. As they say, no condition is permanent.
davidylan: This thread is an agglomeration of people who are simply here by accident of birth. If anyone of us were to be unfortunate to have been born dirt poor in nigeria i wonder if your tone here would be different. People beg in nigeria simply because it is a country where more than 70% live on less than $1 a day... that is a country where more than 75% are living in sheer poverty. Sometimes people beg, not because it is an ingrained culture but because they HAVE to do so to survive. When i was growing up, there were times when my folks were so hard up it was painful to watch my proud mother have to ask people beneath her for some extra cash to tide her young kids through. Did she want to? No... but sometimes condition forces you to do things you would never wish to. thank God for mercies, grace and hardwork... you look back on days like that and you cannot but say thank you to everyone who was kind enough to spare a little change here and there to keep us going until the good times smiled on us again.

Feel free to say no and be principled about it... i do all the time. Coming online to laugh at the unfortunate circumstance of others is not fair.

Lets be honest, many here are financially not much better than the people they sneer at. It is easier to survive here because there are government benefits to lean on in hard times, there are credit cards to tide you over until the next month, food is dirt cheap... i try not to laugh at those who beg today... who knows, you might just be the one needing their help tomorrow. As they say, no condition is permanent.

Oga i will never ever SNEER at people in NEED.NEVER.Fortunately or unfortunately i come from a family that went through both having and not having.Heck my dad got called olowo atijo(rich before before) my some people who were meant to be friends.So as I keep saying no one so far on this thread has said dont give to people who are in need.

The issue is begging people for things that are non essential.I am not one of those people who believe they are better than somebody cos they live abroad.My friends are even always joking that my jokes about how they are enjoying would make anyone hate living abroad ;DSome even say eeeya pele i simply dont know how ur coping without permanent live in domestic help.

In short if it is to beg i should be begging some of my husband relatives that come from.Nigeria cos some shops they enter hen i neva haff the liver lipsrsealed if i enter na for 99% off sales grin.But i wont beg them to buy me Birkin bag cos if i dony carry birkin or mulberry or Ferragamo bag i wont die.

2 Likes

Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by Nobody: 7:24pm On Feb 23, 2013
Nobody is making jest of unprivileged people but discussed about how to make our kids self content so they're not looked down among their peers which eventually bruise their self esteem in the society.
Also truth be told most Nigerians beg to keep up and not cos they really NEED it, just self contentment .
Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by chaircover: 7:24pm On Feb 23, 2013
Re: Raising Kids Who Do Not Beg by Nobody: 7:28pm On Feb 23, 2013
Have you really thought and pondered why people kidnap and steal for money especially Nigeria? God help us.

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