My best friend (male) and I have know each other for close to 15yrs. We went to secondary school together and infact sat on the same sit. We got to be very close and people naturally assumed we had something going. After school we all went our separate ways but still kept in touch. His a intelligent nice, kind and good natured person. And very God fearing. He started dating a girl from another tribe some years ago and three yrs back said he wants to settle down with her.

Initially his family kicked against it along side the lady's family. Gradually his family came around but her family refused. For 3yrs they have been trying to get her parents to accept and bless the union. Some days ago, he told me they decided not to go through with the marriage as her family wont give their blessings. He said he is moving to plan B. Naturally i asked him what plan B is? You wont believe he said, ME! I have always liked him and even imagined myself in love with him at one time. Sometimes I still think I am.

See, the issue is. i told him his still hurting from that rejection and is looking for a rebound girl. He deny's it even though we both know it's true. I have been in a similar relationship for close to 14yrs. Only in my case the guy wants to take his sweet time. I want to say yes but I do not want to be the girl who came second. I know he does not feel much for me other than respect. I also feel not much for him other than respect but am 31yrs old this year and so is he. I want a home. And my guy says this year but I know him well enough to know he wont do anything cos I asked him.

T on the other hand is ready and wants it done in march. My questions are:

1. Do I say yes and risk a marriage based on respect not love?
2. Do I ignore his request and keep my on and off guy giving this yr as the final mark?

Naturally I already know what I should do but I want to know what you guys and babes out there would advice.

Call it stereotype, call it cliche, call it whatever. . . fact is @ 31 in naija, time is not ur best friend. You too play along with on/off guy, if he doesn't come up with something concrete soon, bone am go marry ur best friend.

As mean as it might sound u're fast approaching the age when u might be forced to settle for the available and not the desireable.

ok, what really is love? friendship, trust, respect, these are the basis for a good marriage and i dare say, love as well.

I personally believe you guys will get on wel together. However, there also has to be some attraction between you guys.

If you cannot see him in that light, there might be an issue there, IMO

as far as i am concerned love is important in a union, but its not all that is required to keep it going, there shld be respect, understanding and friendship, you guyz already got the other three going for u, and i have no doubt that you will develop love as you grow together.

besides you aint a kid anymore, and i wont advise you to continue with your unserious bf, i wont be surprised if he dumps ypu for a younger lady later. i will say you jump on this opportunity, even though he sees you as a plan B

cos believe me, its better to run the race of life beside a ''good friend''

i can understand why you'd be hurt. if you can get over the hurt, maybe this is a chance to show him why you were supposed to be the only option - as well as how to hold his tongue on original motives. that said, yes, he's taking you for granted.

if you really believe a marriage will work, tell him no, but you're willing to date him and see how it turns out. and do just that. put age behind you, and any other insecurities. marriage is life-time. plan A and plan B just sounds like he's not taking it seriously enough.

Go ahead and marry ur best friend.

Marry him if you feel you really love him ! (rem its for a life-time)

@ OP
Girlfriend, first of all age is nobody's friend and so i may say that you should know that time waits for no one.
On the issue at hand, let me advice you to go and watch this movie "MY BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING"

Once you have watched the movie, come back and tell me what you think.

Common sense will tell you to go for your best friend, there is nothing better than marrying a best friend, trust me i am talking from experience.

This sound like something out of a Naija movie.

And I'm not even sure what your best friend's reasoning is, aside the fact that you're the only other available girl to him at this point. You've never had feelings for you and neither has he, and he can't now claim to have had feelings for you all this while, because it's obviously not true. If he really had feelings for you before, why was he planning to marry another girl? And because that plan didn't go through, he came running to you. Just because he got rejected by his fiance doesn't mean he now has to propose to you. And don't even reason or listen to anyone saying that because he's your best friend, you two'll get along and'll be great for each other. , Uhm, No. And you already said the marriage'll be based on "respect," not love, so me thinks you already have your answer right there. And so what, you're in your 30s? It's not the end of the world. He needs to move on and find someone else. I would much rather wait and find the right person for me than be someone's Plan B.

But it's all up to you. You know the situation better than I or anyone else here.

Marry your best friend. . . .you guyz will have a very good marriage

[size=13pt]hmm i un'stand you not wanting to play 2nd fiddle, nobody wants to anyways but maybe just maybe he likes you too from inception but feels you both have working relationships so its better not to stir it all up and he might even be scared that u ll reject him if he tells you and thereby lose a fifteen yr old friendship'
And ur biological time is tick -tocking away, wat if your boyfriend does not pop the question this year ? that makes you wat 32? so just marry your best friend. if you can endure and tolerate yourselves for 15 long years then you can weather any storm together i think and the good thing is you guys know each other so well so there will be mutual understanding and respect .i just think you shld really consider your besty [/size]

Yield:


And I'm not even sure what your best friend's reasoning is, aside the fact that you're the only other available girl to him at this point. You've never had feelings for you and neither has he, and he can't now claim to have had feelings for you all this while, because it's obviously not true. If he really had feelings for you before, why was he planning to marry another girl? And because that plan didn't go through, he came running to you. Just because he got rejected by his fiance doesn't mean he now has to propose to you. And don't even reason or listen to anyone saying that because he's your best friend, you two'll get along and'll be great for each other. , Uhm, No. And you already said the marriage'll be based on "respect," not love, so me thinks you already have your answer right there. And so what, you're in your 30s? It's not the end of the world. He needs to move on and find someone else. I would much rather wait and find the right person for me than be someone's Plan B.

But it's all up to you. You know the situation better than I or anyone else here.

Best advice in my opinion.

Pls take ur time and think about it properly and while ur at it you can spend more time wit ur friend and get to know some more of him.as for your current guy,i just feel he's not serious after 14 years of courtship and he's still not ready for you.he's probably lookin 4d opportunity to dump you.you can still give another serious toaster a chance.anyway,the choice is yours.

Pls take your time and think about it properly and while your at it you can spend more time wit your friend and get to know some more of him.as for your current guy,i just feel he's not serious after 14 years of courtship and he's still not ready for you.he's probably lookin 4d opportunity to dump you.you can still give another serious toaster a chance.anyway,the choice is yours.

for me i think you shuld just go with this

Yield:

This sound like something out of a Naija movie.

And I'm not even sure what your best friend's reasoning is, aside the fact that you're the only other available girl to him at this point. You've never had feelings for you and neither has he, and he can't now claim to have had feelings for you all this while, because it's obviously not true. If he really had feelings for you before, why was he planning to marry another girl? And because that plan didn't go through, he came running to you. Just because he got rejected by his fiance doesn't mean he now has to propose to you. And don't even reason or listen to anyone saying that because he's your best friend, you two'll get along and'll be great for each other. , Uhm, No. And you already said the marriage'll be based on "respect," not love, so me thinks you already have your answer right there. And so what, you're in your 30s? It's not the end of the world. He needs to move on and find someone else. I would much rather wait and find the right person for me than be someone's Plan B.

But it's all up to you. You know the situation better than I or anyone else here.

@Yield, @bennygee, @Ted Bundy, and all you guys thank you so much for your advice. As for my current BF I already made up my mind to send him packing. maybe some day I gist you guys all about that affair. As for my best friend, am seeing him on Friday and really like @tachi said there has always been that attraction. We just never acted on it.

I ll keep you guys posted and @Yield my life is a Naija movie presentation really

dont marry ur best friend its tooo risky,y am saying this is because in marriage its a different phase altogether , u er friends now but u wuld be husband and wife and thats another thing on its own

I will advice you give ur relationship some months be4 u will finally say yes.
Ur story is like that of SRK and Kajol (Kuch Kuch Hota Hai) an indian movie.when u had feelings for him,he didnt notice you but was busy chasing another girl.now that the girl is not available for him,he sees u as plan B.Am sure u r going to be good couples but u must be ready to use the friendship spirit to kill the feelings he has for the other girl.

I don

I don`t think the issue of second best is relevant here, d man probably found out you are the best think for him n deliberately made his former relationship fail I think u have the unique opportunity of marrying someone you really know and understand. Babe forget girl talk and marry the man. I don`t think think u are option B my dear you`ve been option A since time Imo rive.r The Guy just realised.