Single and happy mentality is a mindset young people frequently have when they have not yet meet "that special someone".

Some people believe this outlook is a defense mechanism, others think it's nessecary to have such a mind set in order not to appear desperate to the opposite sex.

Nevertheless, the age at which such mentality can become dangerous to the future marital plans of a person is very difficult to ascertain.

A survey published by [Daily mail online] puts the best age for men to settle down at mid to late 20s. The research also stated that pregnant wives of adult male in their 40s have a 60% chance of suffering miscarriage when compared with pregnant wives of men in their mid to late 20s.

Another study published by [The American view of family growth] advises women to settle at the age range of 25-29. The report further stated that women are best fitted for marriage at the age range of 25-29 because it is at this age range they show the most emotional maturity in their 20s.

Still, these studies are mere suggestions that can be debatable, based on many other real life scenarios. Consequently, my question to fellow Nairalanders is to suggest the best age or age range the "single and happy" mindset can become dangerous to a person's future marital plan?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3012094/The-ages-define-man-s-life-fertility-starts-falling-just-22-s-likely-cheat-49-stops-looking-sexy-four-years-later.html

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/relationship-milestones

Ccl lalasticlala

there is no such thing as a "best age" to get married... so long as you are comfortable in your own shoes, then stay single for the rest of your life, if thats what you desire. people who live their lives according to what OTHERS think is best, are deluded.


this is why so many are living miserable lives, when they marry some donkey just out of pressure from the "best age to marry" nonsense!

MrBrownJay1:
there is no such thing as a "best age" to get married... so long as you are comfortable in your own shoes, then stay single for the rest of your life, if thats what you desire. people who live their lives according to what OTHERS think is best, are deluded.


this is why so many are living miserable lives, when they marry some donkey just out of pressure from the "best age to marry" nonsense!

you are right bro but at what age should one be concern about his/her relationship status

sunshineG:
you are right bro but at what age should one be concern about his/her relationship status

why should you be concerned about choices you make in life?! did you make these choices out of duress OR because thats what you desired for yourself?!
so long as you are happy with your life and choices, then there should be no concern as ITS ALL GOOD ... and if you have any concern, then change your r/ship status, et voila! age is irrelevant in this matter.

....

MrBrownJay1:


why should you be concerned about choices you make in life?! did you make these choices out of duress OR because thats what you desired for yourself?!
so long as you are happy with your life and choices, then there should be no concern as ITS ALL GOOD ... and if you have any concern, then change your r/ship status, et voila! age is irrelevant in this matter.

I understand where you are coming from, but society have expectations

Our parents, brothers, sisters expect us to be in a certain position at certain age

How will a person deal with such expectations without fighting them(our love one's) ?

sunshineG:

I understand where you are coming from, but society have expectations

MISTAKE #1
the minute you put anything such as society/religious/family expectations ABOVE YOURS, thats the minute you have already lost the game.
YOUR own expectations and desire is what should ONLY matter. falling to peer/family/social/religious pressure is a sure way to fail in life.

Our parents, brothers, sisters expect us to be in a certain position at certain age

MISTAKE #2
let them expect what they want, but unless you want to be miserable in life, you best live YOUR life at your own pace. why run when you cant (or dont want to) walk yet?! why live their lives while it is yours?! why even care what they say? if they cared for you they wouldnt pressure you... this is not a race, its LIFE, and failing is not an option, so dont let others run YOUR life.

How will a person deal with such expectations without fighting them(our love one's) ?

MISTAKE #2
there comes a time when you have to become a RESPONSIBLE ADULT, thats when you have to use your brain and take proper mature decisions. as it is YOUR life, YOU have to decide what is best for YOU. there will come a time when you have to put your foot down and tell people exactly how you feel, and saying NO is part of that important process. trying to satisfy everybody in your life, while disregarding your star player (aka YOU) is not only a sure way to fail, but also a miserable way to live life.

you can either be yourself and tell people exactly how the game will be played, or be who THEY want you to be and live the way THEY want you to live (aka be miserable). YOUR CHOICE!

@ Mrbrownjay 1

So you are saying a total neglect of our parents and society opinion is necessary at a stage in one's life

The truth is that most of those opinion are very informed, especially the one's coming from our parents and the elderly in the society.

In fact, some people might argue that total disregard of the opinion of our parents and older generations is the major cause for the terrible state of African societies as a whole and relationship is no different

There are also biological issues like fertility and psychological issues like emotional maturity that I raised in my initial post

sunshineG:
@ Mrbrownjay 1
So you are saying a total neglect of our parents and society opinion is necessary at a stage in one's life

its either you neglect your parent/society and live a fruitful life (where you go for what you desire) or follow society/parents and become a puppet or pretender in order to please them.
btw if your parents really cared about you, they would accept whatever choices YOU desire as an adult (so long as you aint doing anything criminal).

The truth is that most of those opinion are very informed, especially the one's coming from our parent the elderly in the society.

our parents grew up and lived in a different era... what worked back in the days (even 10/15yrs ago) does NOT work today. you have to adapt to changes and sadly, living your life to please your parents is NOT right. you must always please yourself, be yourself, act yourself....and hopefully, if you have proper parents, they will love you regardless the decision you take.

In fact, some people might argue that total disregard of the opinion of our parents and older generations is the major cause for the terrible state of the African societies as a whole and relationship is no different

how many miserable people are married to some stranger/donkey today because of their parents? how many people are dying at the hands of these donkeys/strangers they married, solely to please their parents? how difficult it is for your loving parent to accept that you want to be single? how selfish of any parents to demand that a child go into a r/ship and have kids, solely because THEY want grandkids etc?!

something is seriously wrong in the African society if a person who desire to stay single is forced to, not only marry, but also have kids with just about anybody. we all know that the bride price is like "jackpot" for some parents so i understand why so many sold off their daughters, but would you say that this is RIGHT , if that person doesnt want marriage?! IMHO thats completely WRONG!

the terrible state of African society today is down to WOMEN now having a say in marriage, having a voice... before they were silent and obedient slaves. thats what changed!

MrBrownJay1:


its either you neglect your parent/society and live a fruitful life (where you go for what you desire) or follow society/parents and become a puppet or pretender in order to please them.
btw if your parents really cared about you, they would accept whatever choices YOU desire as an adult (so long as you aint doing anything criminal).



our parents grew up and lived in a different era... what worked back in the days (even 10/15yrs ago) does NOT work today. you have to adapt to changes and sadly, living your life to please your parents is NOT right. you must always please yourself, be yourself, act yourself....and hopefully, if you have proper parents, they will love you regardless the decision you take.



how many miserable people are married to some stranger/donkey today because of their parents? how many people are dying at the hands of these donkeys/strangers they married, solely to please their parents? how difficult it is for your loving parent to accept that you want to be single? how selfish of any parents to demand that a child go into a r/ship and have kids, solely because THEY want grandkids etc?!

something is seriously wrong in the African society if a person who desire to stay single is forced to, not only marry, but also have kids with just about anybody. we all know that the bride price is like "jackpot" for some parents so i understand why so many sold off their daughters, but would you say that this is RIGHT , if that person doesnt want marriage?! IMHO thats completely WRONG!

the terrible state of African society today is down to WOMEN now having a say in marriage, having a voice... before they were silent and obedient slaves. thats what changed!

Yes the terrible state in Africa societies is as a,result of more women now having a say in martial issues but isn't it as a result of the new mindset that we are talking about.
The mentality that they believe they are clever than their mothers, that they refuse to listen to them

sunshineG:

Yes the terrible state in Africa societies is as a,result of more women now having a say in martial issues but isn't it as a result of the new mindset that we are talking about.
The mentality that they believe they are clever than their mothers, that they refuse to listen to them

actually you misunderstood me... having women to be able to stand for themselves is a GOOD THING. the way mothers lived in the past was WRONG, EVIL.so i fully understand why men would now say that before was better, but ask any of your female parents which was better.

marriage is a partnership, so BOTH parties should have a say. if only men have a say then thats not marriage, thats bloody slavery. before men had the pick of the lot, while today women can say NO, if they dont want to marry. they can stay single for as long as they desire and only have miscellaneous dikc to service them. this is good, let everyone be who they want to be, instead of wanting to put everyone in the same box.

just because people refuse to listen does not mean they are arrogant, it means they are DETERMINED... how DARE someone want to decide over YOUR adult life?! thats the most arrogant part here.

Mrbrownjay1

MrBrownJay1:


actually you misunderstood me... having women to be able to stand for themselves is a GOOD THING. the way mothers lived in the past was WRONG, EVIL.so i fully understand why men would now say that before was better, but ask any of your female parents which was better.

marriage is a partnership, so BOTH parties should have a say. if only men have a say then thats not marriage, thats bloody slavery. before men had the pick of the lot, while today women can say NO, if they dont want to marry. they can stay single for as long as they desire and only have miscellaneous dikc to service them. this is good, let everyone be who they want to be, instead of wanting to put everyone in the same box.

just because people refuse to listen does not mean they are arrogant, it means they are DETERMINED... how DARE someone want to decide over YOUR adult life?! thats the most arrogant part here.

I love u man! So intelligent

MrBrownJay1:


actually you misunderstood me... having women to be able to stand for themselves is a GOOD THING. the way mothers lived in the past was WRONG, EVIL.so i fully understand why men would now say that before was better, but ask any of your female parents which was better.

marriage is a partnership, so BOTH parties should have a say. if only men have a say then thats not marriage, thats bloody slavery. before men had the pick of the lot, while today women can say NO, if they dont want to marry. they can stay single for as long as they desire and only have miscellaneous dikc to service them. this is good, let everyone be who they want to be, instead of wanting to put everyone in the same box.

just because people refuse to listen does not mean they are arrogant, it means they are DETERMINED... how DARE someone want to decide over YOUR adult life?! thats the most arrogant part here.

Acctually listening to others doesn't mean they will decide for you
It only means you are humble to understand others can reason just as your self
If a person refuse to take inputs of others and learn from others mistake
He/she is bound to fail like those before him/her

The issue of marriage needs a lot of consideration

The issue of marriage needs a lot of consultation from experienced person

Don't forget marriage is said to be an informal institution of learning

who are the people to be role models
Who are those to offer guidance

If one refuse to learn the easy way(from experienced persons) one may have to learn the hard way(from terrible experience)

Thusly, do you think it is proper to neglect the knowledge of our parents

sunshineG:

If a person refuse to take inputs of others and learn from others mistake
He/she is bound to fail like those before him/her

The issue of marriage needs a lot of consideration

The issue of marriage needs a lot of consultation from experienced person

Don't forget marriage is said to be an informal institution of learning

who are the people to be role models
Who are those to offer guidance

If one refuse to learn the easy way(from experienced persons) one may have to learn the hard way(from terrible experience)

Thusly, do you think it is proper to neglect the knowledge of our parents

He is not saying u shouldn't learn from others, what he is saying in essence is that nobody should pressure u into getting married if u don't want to. U are talking as if it's a bad thing to decide not to marry, if u want to get marry then u can find someone as a mentor to put u through. Stop looking down on single people, they don't owe u their lives

sunshineG:
Acctually listening to others doesn't mean they will decide for you
It only means you are humble to understand others can reason just as your self

everyone can reason, but the minute you believe that THEIR reasoning has more value than YOURS, thats when you have lost the plot on reality. for example, you like eba, but someone tells you that amala is better, so you will now change your life to eat amala, even though deep down inside you prefer eba?! makes NO DAMN SENSE, to me. be yourself!

If a person refuse to take inputs of others and learn from others mistake
He/she is bound to fail like those before him/her

again you are making a lot of mistakes here, but your main mistake is to NOT want to live life fully, and instead live the life that others want you to live. let me ask you:"if your neighbor started his own business and got ruined, would you use his FAILURE as a reference to never try to open your own business?!"

what about making your own path in life?! what about living your own adventures and desires? what abiout being UNIQUE!!!! are you saying that we should all be the same and live the same one sided lives?! if that was the case, what a boring world that would be!

The issue of marriage needs a lot of consideration

yes it does, so long as A) you desire marriage and B) only consideration needed is from both participants

The issue of marriage needs a lot of consultation from experienced person
Don't forget marriage is said to be an informal institution of learning

there are no RIGHT way to marry someone... we are all different and what works for Paul, may not work for Peter. the minute you use Paul's marriage to dictate what Peter should do, is the moment you would have failed in this union. YES, listen to advice from people who have been married but ultimately YOU must decide what you want. some people are happy in polygamous marriage, while others are happy with just one wife; some are happy with NO children while others are happy with 10; some are happy with an equal partner while others would rather be under their spouse... marriage is an adventure, some succeed and others fail.

who are the people to be role models, Who are those to offer guidance

there is a huge difference between offering guidance AND forcing someone to do what they are not willing to do. as i said, let each and everyone live their own lives, because at the end of the day, THEY are the one who will live AND suffer the consequences of their actions (aka marriage).

If one refuse to learn the easy way(from experienced persons) one may have to learn the hard way(from terrible experience)

such a sad statement.... but then (reading your post) i understand where you are coming from. people like you need guidance, while other are mature enough to make their own mind.

Thusly, do you think it is proper to neglect the knowledge of our parents

do you think it is proper for parent to disregard their children desires, for their selfish ambition?!
do you think getting married gives you knowledge?! do you think because someone has been married for +20yrs, they are automatically expert on marriage?! do you think marriage of the past have a place in society of the present/future?!

Daeylar:
Mrbrownjay1

Empressabbie:
I love u man! So intelligent

thanks

Empressabbie:
He is not saying u shouldn't learn from others, what he is saying in essence is that nobody should pressure u into getting married if u don't want to. U are talking as if it's a bad thing to decide not to marry, if u want to get marry then u can find someone as a mentor to put u through. Stop looking down on single people, they don't owe u their lives

my sis
First of all, I am not married
I are Mr brown are just having a friendly debate
I am not looking down on those that have not yet married
My initial question was meant to gauge the opinion of nairalanders on the appropriate age to engage in a serious romantic relationship as against the midset of "single and happy" some people have
I may agree i and mr brown maybe arguing something different though

MrBrownJay1:


yes it does, so long as [b]A) you desire marriage and B) only consideration needed is from both participants

there are no RIGHT way to marry someone... we are all different and what works for Paul, may not work for Peter. the minute you use Paul's marriage to dictate what Peter should do, is the moment you would have failed in this union. YES, listen to advice from people who have been married but ultimately YOU must decide what you want. some people are happy in polygamous marriage, while others are happy with just one wife; some are happy with NO children while others are happy with 10; some are happy with an equal partner while others would rather be under their spouse... marriage is an adventure, some succeed and others fail.

there is a huge difference between offering guidance AND forcing someone to do what they are not willing to do. as i said, let each and everyone live their own lives, because at the end of the day, THEY are the one who will live AND suffer the consequences of their actions (aka marriage).

such a sad statement.... but then (reading your post) i understand where you are coming from. people like you need guidance, while other are mature enough to make their own mind.

do you think it is proper for parent to disregard their children desires, for their selfish ambition?!
do you think getting married gives you knowledge?! do you think because someone has been married for +20yrs, they are automatically expert on marriage?! do you think marriage of the past have a place in society of the present/futuure [/b]

Lol, you are making sense that's why I keep posting these smileys
Every sentence

@Mrbrownjay1
1) I didn't advocate anywhere in my spot that anyone should allow the opinion of others over ride yours when taking important decisions about your life. I simply stated that it is wise to give the opinion of others serious thought before embarking on something.
Take for example, how nations often study past wars before embarking on new one, or the current flood situation in Houston Texas where lesson learnt from Catrina where applied to make life easier for the residents in texas.


2) I have stated before that marriage is an institution of learning. Therefore, no knowledge should be disregarded. The fact that you brought in a business analogy shows that you haven't understand my point. Unlike business that is llimited to a few people, marriage is not. Everyone gets to marry. Thus, many people have the knowledge about marital issues that can be applied to your own marriage.

3) I never said there was a right way to marry. I merely claimed that knowledge from others marital experiences can assist when singles are making the decision to marry

4) My initial post was not about the opinion of the parents, but the judgment of professionals in the field based on research carried out.
I left the links to the study on my initial post if you want yo read further.