I have a thing for happily ever afters or maybe happily never afters. These were the thoughts that filled my head as I sat on my bathroom floor back pressed against the tiles and tears flowing down my cheeks. Regrets of my action flowed in freely and I would have to live with this for the rest of my life. I stare at my phone which had suddenly gone mute. A month ago, you would have bombarded me with calls to ask how I felt, messages to remind me you were there. But at this moment, I was alone and even the silence became too loud for my ears.

We had both gone through terrible breakups that year. She left your heart shattered in little tiny pieces, he left mine broken beyond repair. We were the perfect mess and we found solitude in each other’s arms. We promised to help each other heal – it wasn’t going to be an easy task but we were up to it. When you brought up the idea, I flinched “how dare you think of such” but deep down within I know I wanted it too. I had heard so many stories about these things – they never work out, they always end badly and so many other tragedies. You told me not to be sacred, reminding me that you got me as usual.

I go on Google and search for the best answers. Maybe just maybe there was going to be some positivity in there somewhere. I typed in my search word and I got a thousand results in a split second. HOW TO BE FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND. The one thing I feared the most was the one thing that kept popping up in every response I got: ‘catching feelings’.

We prepared a lot for the day. When it eventually came, all the excitement was gone. It was more like a rehearsed play. We both laid there for what seemed like ages before one of us managed to say something. It was you; you laughed so


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