DATING VERSUS COURTSHIP, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE?

Can a Christian date? This is a controversial topic here in Nigeria because of our religious setting and lots of singles are very confused when it comes to this game of love and picking the right partner.

Personally, I see nothing bad in dating as long as it is not abused. Dating is simply a process of finding out if your friend is suitable for a long term relationship (marriage) with you while courtship is a relationship based on a formal agreement to marry each other after the man had proposed and the woman has accepted. For courtship to exist, the man tells you CLEARLY (not beating around the bush) in whatever style that suits him (definitely not during sex that is not marriage proposal it is insanity) that he wants to marry you and you clearly said YES, courtship begins on that note. From the moment forward, you separate each other from others and know you have a committed relationship with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Dating however, is picking one out of your friends. (Actually, you should marry one of your friends, your BEST FRIEND), you spend time with them, take them out, study them and try to find out if both of you are compatible and suitable for marriage, if not, you let them go.

HERE IS THE CAUTION:

1. DATING IS NOT FOR TEENAGERS: doing boyfriend and girlfriend is not dating at all. You are not trying to find out if you can marry them. Marry? You should be facing your studies for crying out loud. You are simply exploring your feelings which is not stable yet, admiring their physical features, get aroused sexually, have sex and move to someone else. Nothing serious to talk about except look into each others eyes and say sweet nothings that contributes absolutely nothing to your future.

2. NO SEX. There is no basis for that. You have no commitment to this person. They can choose to walk out of your life without any apology. There is no formal agreement between both of you to spend the rest of your life together.

3. ONLY 50% OR LESS OF YOUR HEART IS INVOLVED: No commitment, you are not yet in a formal relationship. Lots of ladies suffer heart breaks giving 100% of their hearts to a man who is just finding out if he will marry them. They thought they are courting because he takes them out. Come on baby, you can't assume for a man, until he clearly asks you to marry him and you accept his proposal, he can walk out of your life, any day, any time.

4. DON'T DOUBLE-DATE, IT'S WRONG. Lots of singles are even double courting. They don't want to put all their eggs in one basket to avoid being hurt. It is a sign of immaturity and unfaithfulness. You have the potential to commit adultery in marriage.

There are different schools of thought when it comes to dating especially for Christians. Some believe, dating is testing God. It's better you wait for God to expressly tell you whom you are to marry, while you as a lady shouldn't be involved with any guy, just ask God if any opposite sex who comes to you is God's will. If you are lucky he is the one, you start courting and the courtship must not be more than 6 months then you get married. While it is good to hear God and you MUST hear God before you marry someone, this method makes a relationship so dry and marriage so boring and unromantic. It is one of the reasons so many marriages of Christian couples lack romance and genuine intimacy.

To have a healthy relationship in marriage, you should have good, godly, platonic, holy relationship with both genders: your same sex friends and opposite sex friends. Friendship with the opposite sex will help you understand the opposite gender before you get married, it helped me a lot.

One of your friends may later give you more attention, spend more time with you, prefers you above others, compliment you a lot, tell you things they like about you that makes you different, fall in love with you (dating), prays about you to know if you are the one, you pray about it to know if they are God's will for you. If he is not God's will, dating ends, if he is God's will, you accept the marriage proposal and courtship begins.

There are different meaning, interpretations and presentations of dating. Just as there are godly and ungodly courtship, there are godly and ungodly dating. Dating in itself is not bad, it is the way people go about it that makes it look bad.

All in all, do what you are comfortable with. If you believe in dating, date wisely and purely, if you are not, wait till you get a signal from heaven before you go ahead with the person.

All in all, God's will is the ultimate. Pray for God's will before you marry anybody and don't marry blindly, you must ask questions and find out if both of you are compatible before you say I do. God bless you. Cheers!
© Seun Oladele, 2017.
www.askseunoladele..com

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