Hello People,

How are you? Maybe you can offer some advice as to how to handle this situation diplomatically and how would a Nigerian man deal with a women like this.

I have this girl I met from Nigeria on-line, Ikeja to be exact that came over to the states to see me or at least thats what i thought. She actually visited another man before me but that didn't work out so she came and saw me instead. I told her that I was a struggling professional but that we can combine our resources and make a fortune from the ground up. On line she was all for this but,

To make a long story short we have alot of difference and decided not to pursue the romantic route. I don't think we didn't pursue the romantic route its because she is Nigerian I think its because she is used to men kissing her ass sitting there while she criticizes them about this and that and do her bidding without an ounce of complaint on her part and I am not that kind of man.

Also she very materialistic I mean she would put American women to shame and she doesn't even put out to give you an incentive to put her with her BS. Please if any of you have lived in America the men here have ample choices to deal with sensible women why would you deal with one that caused you grief .


But anyway being the gentlemen I am I got her an apartment and let her use my credit to rent the place. I also paid sums for travel and whole bunch of other stuff moving her stuff from one state to the next.

I also paid a security deposit on the place and help her move her stuff in. Cool

Now its a been a month since she has been in the place and she wants to move I guess because she found a new hubbie candidate. The lease is for a year.

She has notified me of the fact only yesterday and told me that she wants me to take over the apartment and that she is leaving March 10th. Cool no problem anticipated this. The rent is due March 5th and its $900. I can pay that but I need to move in when I pay that because money is tight, Plus I pay rent elsewhere.

But here is kick she wants me to pay her 1500 to move in for the furniture she bought plus March rent. I told her no and that I give her $500 dollars for the furniture.

She had the nerve to tell me that if I didn't pay her for the furniture that I couldn't take over the apartment. She said would find someone to take over the apartment that I rented with my credit if I didn't abide by her terms.

I told her and actually went with her to rent furniture in my name again but she said that she doesn't like to use credit. i said welcome to America plus if safe guards you if you decide you don't like your arrangement because you can return the stuff. She said she buys to own and that the finance charges means she would pay nearly double what she could save in cash if she bought now.

I said have you ever heard of the time value of money.

She said to pay monthly for furniture is beneath her.

Legally I can have her ass on the street but my kindhearted self won't do that. However I won't be taken advantage of neither. I want to be fair for all parties sake.

I even told her that if she moves in April instead I'd pay the rent and for April and give her 1,000 toward the furniture. This give me ample time to make arrangements with my current situation to prepare to take over this situation.

She said I had to do it her way or no way.

Is she crazy? Or am I obligated to make sure this happens. Did this lady have malicious intent from the beginning. Is this how a Nigerian women dispose of things when they move on from a man.

I ask this from a cultural perspective . Please her fellow countrymen and women I ask your advice or i will dispose of the situation the American way.

How would a Nigerian man suppose to respond, and in all honesty is what she asking me to do common for the man to perform? I am curious and I don't want one Nigerian women to mess up my experience for the other ones I intend to date, but if they all respond in this fashion then I might look at dating Ghanaian women instead.

yes I am heartbroken but hey these things happen.

I am asking advice as to how you would handle her. No money has exchange hands yet except for me paying to move her in etc etc.

Also rent gets paid to management not her. lol but that other 1500 gets paid to her. My question is based on your reading the scenario would you submit to her demands.

Hey bro please understand that the picture created by this scum-bag isnt a true picture of all Nigerian women, she is simply a stupid egoistic and selfish predator lurking around and seeking an innocent dude to take advantage of, Please take this from me No Nigerian dude would take that shiit from here for no reason she'd have gotten her ass kicked and thrown on the street for her ingratitude believe me bro,

You are beign taken advantage of here and you need to hit back at her or else she would insist on having things go or done her own way,

Wish you the best !!

thank you bro that what I thought she has since back down from her demands and plans to keep the apartment until I rent it in april

ok you need to kick her a ss out, you are just fucking up ur credit, stop being stupid, its clear that she is using you and you are stupidly going for it, why do u have to pay her to move to be with another man, lol na craze dey worry person.

she is not ur burden, you have done alot for her and she obviously doesn't appreciate you and you are letting her walk over you, i say kick her a ss out, where ever she decides to go is none of ur business and stop giving her money.

Why would you ask about the management of the building.


Her wanting me to pay 1500 is side issue that doesn't concern management,

my name is on the lease as well as hers but I am the one who has the social security number. And the US the one who is a citizen runs the show.

I am asking you is whether her demands are fair or not. Not If can take advantadge of her situation.

I know I can but it might not be equitable from a Nigerian point of view. She is a Ora women maybe they are special in that regard.

and yes we met management together

doesn't matter where she is from dude, a biatch is a biatch, Looks like you like being used, trust me no nigerian man would put up with her, she is using you and u r worried about taking advantage of her situation, and you fully know the relationship is disastrous but you still wanna meet her demands, she has got you tied down, so u do anything for her without complaining, or you must be a nice person.

anyway im not gonna bother anymore telling you to kick the biatch out, you want her to keep using you. good luck dude.

don't be stupid.

Spoken like a true person. Kind of harsh but yes she does have bitch tendicies. Thank you for your advice. I thought it maybe some sort of courtesy nigerian men show their women even if they are acting like a bitch concerning possesions and matters of the house,

Yea, I hate that you'd think her (deplorable) behavior   can be attributed to her nationality, kinda like thinking all black men are lazy.  

Born n bred in NY, currenlty living in Nigeria, I have met women like that on both sides,

The situation sucks and I feel bad for you but dude, you just ran into a gold digger. Shake it off and move on, but don't assume women will be a certain way because of nationality!

Boy!I feel your pain,however this is the time for you to do away with all emotion!Treat her as a dog,like she truly is.No pity.You know what to do

I am sorry about this. On the other hand I think you've been so nice and I would say Get rid of the bitch ass.Don't waste ur time.

I like women from Naija. I was thinking that maybe this lady represented a type of women that I should weary of when I hook up with another women from Nigeria or Ghana or wherever in Africa.

In my mind it don't get no better than the mother land.

Also Nationality does help influence I mean the whole reason we have a culture attributed to place. Especially women. But I feel you I shouldn't attach a nationality to women less desirable behavior.

I saw you pic as well my stars should have align with you. Holla

Thanks for the advice

I feel your pain. This lady you mention is definitely gold-digger. Stop giving her your financial support! Stop pity her! Kick her out after your lease is expired.

If you wish to hook up with another woman from Nigeria, Ghana or whatever, why don't you find those who has either excellent college background to find decent job or look for a husband  becoming full-time housewife, especially understand America culture she wants to learn seriously in the quality of becoming US citizen someday?

not all naija women are gold-diggers like the one you have now, stop generalizing just because she is from naija when it comes down to it she is just a woman like everyone else, don't add nationality to it, i am a naija woman and im not a gold-digger so pick your battle.

i think if she was more educated then she wouldn't be much of a bitch.

I feel you sista. Naija girls are wonderful. One women won't spoil the show. I love you all thanks for the input. I should show her this thread.

ya u should show her, lol she would prolly change or become more bitchy

Kind-hearted self? Kick the gold digger out instantly. She's not even supposed to have the mouth to make demands. You're paying all the money and you're using your credit. As far as I know, you should be the one making demands.

As everyone who has posted b4 me, not all of us are like that. There are a lot of decent ones - just that you met the wrong one.

you met her on the net? that's really risky

how did she get into the US, possibly it was another internet boyfriend that sorted out her papers to travel and since she has no need for him she called you and you got her an apartment. This chic is really doing some work on you played like a fiddle and a cello (in the air and on the ground)

I won't call her names, but you should seriously send her out and stop answering to every of her requests.

She has no right WHATSOEVER, to Demand Things from you.

Think like a man, and look at her as Woman, Not As a NIgerian Woman. WOuld you tolerate this nonsense from An American woman? If NO, then you shouldnt tolerate it from a Nigerian Woman either.

It sounds like you are one of those weak victims that smart ladies take advantage of. What can I say? You deserve what you got. Like the saying, be careful what you ask for. Smarten up and keep it moving.

Also, did you mention that you are Black American? Do your people have issue with Nigerians? or Africans as a whole. If you are one of them I am ready for fight.

If any one have issue with my comments, go figure.

I forgot to mention that she paid her first months rent but I paid the secuirty deposit. Acutally she came here with 10,000 dollars. But spent about 7,000 thus far.

I am not as stupid as everyone thinks. There were reasons for my actions and I also contigencies for when thing won't work out.

But you are right she has no right making demands I guess that's what she was use to dealing with the men she did in Nigeria.

But she is women in a strange land trying to survive and when women are scared they do things outside of their character. She hasn't found a way to earn income and has some trouble understanding how things work in the US but I will help her come around.


Also she has decided to stay in the apartment and find a way to earn an living before going on to whatever is she decides.

Quiet as kept I was hoping she left in April so I can just take over the place and have a bachelor crib.

I mean the place is 15 minutes from manhattan by train and a 2 minute walk to the station. Oh well I guess I am stuck with her until she moves on. lol

To the people in this forrum thanks your input and opinions are appreciated.

Okay, sorry to say but you're starting to sound a bit co-dependant. You seem to even enjoy this drama- a little? (admit it!)
Seriously, knowing the Us system, you have more bargaining power than she does. True, you rented the apartment in your name, you can let the management know you will be breaking your lease and moving out- it's up to them to call the cops on her if she doesnt want to move. You could also sublet it to someone else and she's have to deal with that person (and they'll probably get thepolice involved in having her vacate). Those are the hard ways- she seems hardheaded anyway and might need those options.

The easy way would be to let her know that if she wants to keep the apartment, she can't get money for furniture (the $1,500)and she cannot back out any time she wants. She has to pay you one month in advance you you have atleast one month to gauge her movements and to prepare to take over her responsibilities.

Don't be so naive to think she just got to the States and doesnt know what to do or how to earn money, some of the biggest hustlas i've met are nigerian women! Trust me she can work- she just has good ol' relaible you, so why should she?!

We don't think you are stupid but it would help in giving our input, if we knew the reasons for your actions and contigencies you had in place incase the thing didnt work out.

She is here on a visitors Visa for 6 months and yes she does have people who can or may help her but not in New Jersey or New York. But she is use to having her own and very proud about that and although I know men in Nigeria who may have help her and probably still can. She wants to see if she can do it own her own.

She was a business development manager for an oil company contractor I checked and verified I have people in Lagos as well,

So in her mind she may be only use to the corporate environment with work and the security of income that provides.

Look I met a bougie women from Nigeria not the down to earth type I wanted. Any insight on how a bougie women acts would help


Her family is already dissapointed that she failed at relationship she is 30 years old. Not being married at 30 I am told in your culture the family starts to look at you funny.

Should I call her bluff and kick her out and make them help her regardless of the fact.



As you know renting an apartment without credit, getting a job without a social security number and tackling New York without having a family member is insane for a foreigner let alone an African. When they come here they are usually attached to organization or university not alone.

It took her 2 months for the bank to activate her debit card because it wasn't attached to a social security number. You don't want to know what I did to get them to finally activate it for her.

She was a business development manager for an oil company contractor I checked and verified I have people in Lagos as well,



Truth be told I just want her to move out so I can take over the apartment and go with whoever it is she chooses to be with. I actually want that apartment because of its closeness to manhattan. In regular circumstances I wouldn't be this kind. If this was a girl from the states or at least lived here for two years my sentiments would be far less.

However if the shoe was on the opposite foot and I was in Lagos would I want some to help me figure things out or maybe my hustla spirit would guide me.

Listen, I am not that cruel to kick someone out especially a sister from the Motherland. You can say all this stuff about doing this and that but you know that would be in bad taste.

I am an American and projecting an image just save face in front of my countrymen is not my biggest concern I think as an individual.

Although culturally people of African descent tend to think heavily on how they are viewed by their peers from an image standpoint and that can influence them to making decisions outside what they truly feel is the moral thing to do. Nigerians are no different.



But Dewdrop (the name even tells me your from New York) your suggestion to make her pay the rent a month in advance before she leaves is a good one.

I am going to make sure she meets that demand. I am thinking of letting a women be a liason between us in future matters to not skew my vision.

And once again I wish our stars had aligned Ma Ma. What part of New York or you from and where can I find them like you?

But seriously good Looking on the advice because you knowledge is from two points of view!

hmmmmm,first of all,i'm wondering y u let her take such piss with u,and i'm goin to say its all ur fault,cos if u didnt indulge her,she wouldn't do that,u allowed her to do that simple,

this is not bout nigerian women,its about all women period,if they see a guy as an easy target,they'll disrespect him and thats exactly what happened here,so i will say count ur loss and just move on,u dont have to result to be mean,by throwing her out cos u can but whats that goin to do for u,trust me ,it wont make u feel better,

Advice, learn bout somebody's character before u even commit urself and like i said ,its not bout being a nigerian,Ghanian, American e.t.c ,it just depends on the individual,

Black,

Aww hell stop sugar coating it. You are a straiht up sucker.  I can assure you that your Nigerian woman isn't the innocent that she is portraying.  I feel safe in saying she has probably been around the block a dozen times.  What in the hell do you know about this woman?  Do you know she and thousands others will con anybody to get out of Naija?
Don't you know they live in internet cafes on dating sites looking for desperate suckers like you.  You have been 419ed! 

I bet you are one of those ignorant "motherland" types.  Yeah you think the grass is greener on the other side.  You have not even began to see materialistic behavior yet.

Are you so desperate that you will assume this type of burden in your life?  Would you go out of your way like this for a decent black American woman?  Hell to da naw!! She has pegged you right - a needy sucker.

You are being a straight up sucker, and I am sure she laughing at you behind your back.  I say continue to be the fool, and a year later he will be complaining about how women are terrible.  Just no you this. You ain't the only pipe she has on a string.  Come heah so I can slap you stupid!

By the way, I am an African/Black American woman.

Hey Dude ! have you slept with her yet ? Once you have perused her female anatomy you have no more moral grounds to dump her just like that. Thats sexploitation !

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Sorry this happened to you. I am a Naija-America born in America but Naija parents. I would say that you have the upper hand. Did you know you could remover her from the lease since it is your SSN and credit that was used. You have a few choices one of the is not to boot her because that is illegal to do that with the exception that you go before one of the 24 hour magistrates and file a small court claim against her to vacate. The other thing is you she cannot let some one else move in instead of you or move in period as for in the fine print of your leasing agreement and most leasing agreement that it would be a "lease violation" to "sublet" meaning to allow someone who is not on the lease to rent the apartment and pay you or her for staying there. That is illegal it can cause the management to evict you/her from the unit. However, that maybe of your best interest. That's if she is not bluffing about letting someone come there she could just be saying that as a way to by herself time and to confuse you *(don't sleep on that not)

Let's just say you confirm that she does want someone to move in and pay her. You could let her do it. Then you could go to the leasing office and report it. You could just tell them that you are out of the country or town on business and that when you came back she had vacated you have no idea where she is and some strange person is in the unit. That would give you grounds to get that person out however i dont know if that management charges penalty fees. However you could partner with them and be like i went out of town for a month left my gal there and I came back the locks were changed and theres a strange person there. Better yet you could go to the office play dumb and be like I can't get into my house. and then when the maintenance man lets you in play dumb like what's this stuff in the house like you have no clue of what happen

That may be a way of getting out of it. It maybe drastic measures

However the legal and most reasonable thing to do is to go to the magistrate and file the claim to vacate her. She'd be given however many days your state allows for eviction probably 30 days like most states. That would be the best thing beside she needs a little shaking up if she gets a subpoena in the mail she may decide to continue with the lease and pay or start to become more rational and reasonable once she know the law is involved.

Seems you can't manage her on your own seek legal counsel. Take your heart off of your sleeve put it back in your chest and get her out of your hair ! She means you know good. God forbid you make her angry in a dispute and she calls the police that you hit her, YOU ARE DONE


So I advise you get her out of your life move on. All Najia women are not bad not all Naija men are bad, nevertheless there are bad apples in every ethnic group everyone knows that.

I just hope that it was not you that funded her to come to live in the states, cause if so she probably knew or was already communicating with her new beau and she and the guy were in on it together to get her here at your expense. I don't know the whole story but I can read in between the lines besides. I am educated, cultured and I have streets smarts to the hilt,


Take my advise

SEEK LEGAL COUNSEL to get her out or if you know someone you can trust move her out move them in or you move in.

As for the money. You owe her nothing! DONT' GIVE her nothing
as for the furniture if its on your credit call the rental center have the pick it up
She can go to Wal Mart and get an Air mattress you don't have to cater to someone who is getting banged by another man! You can be nice but you dont have to kiss her ass!

Remember what comes around goes around karma will follow her in the end. But protect your own best interest and credit cause at this rate your credit will go down hill and she'll be on her merry way


i dey out

YOU are a NEW YORKER. letting some bitty swindle you come on!!!!!
You have the right to take her to court

THERE ARE 24 HOUR MAGISTRATES IN NEW YORK what are you waiting for. Come on her he@d could not be that good that you are letting some body run you. You would not be that nice to a black woman born and raised in america you would have kicked her out as soon as she started.

You have been saying things like you don't have the upper hand , like you don't know what to do it's almost in pity. You didnt even have to post this blog you just need to go to small claims court and your done your laundry is not out in the open

Okay, so she’s been there for a few months but only has a 6month visa, does it seem weird to you then that she wants so much…is she planning to disappear into the masses? hmmm,

A business development manager for an oil company contractor = Small (Oil Company) Marketer (Probably!) which means she can hustle! And a manager at that- she’s good at it! Trust me “Corporate Environment” in Nigeria, in oil- unless she was at one of the bigger companies or the global companies is complete crap!! Getting a job in the first place is the biggest hustle and to even have had a job, especially one that sounds so (what word can I use here) Behind?, means she can hustle & sell herself!

You learn to sink- or swim very early in Nigeria and I’m sure she’s just choosing to sink and wait hopefully that someone like you will come along and rescue her (chances are though that she’d just pull you down with her)

Her family’s disappointment in her marital status obviously isn’t affecting her as much as it’s affecting you. If it were so, she’d be glad she found a good man and would settle down instead of jumping from one sponsor to another.

Yea I understand that it can be difficult to adjust a new place alone but she’s not the first and wont be the last to do it, and LUCKILY New York is one of the best places to be as a African (Nigerian) immigrant- she has so many places/ people that would gladly help another face from home! For real!

I know it’s hard to hear the feedback especially because you seem to want to believe the best in her but seriously- you should just encourage her to move to Italy and she can set up business proper! (Naija people would know what this means!!)

People in general (not just of African descent) think too much on how they are viewed by others and some luckily learn that as long as it feels good to your soul and pleases God, you’ll be okay… Some unfortunately don’t.

Before I get too judgmental, Do you know her background? Do you know if she’s been praying for that visa for ages and is the first from her family to go abroad and they are expecting a lot from her? If the pressure is that high, the more reason she should do what she can to make money. How many aunties do I know that are successful business owners here but in NY do what they can as cleaning women, home attendants, day care attendants, hair stylists? They are doing what they gotta do to swim!

Since your primary interest is in the apartment, stick to your guns and ask for the month to month- pre-paid agreement and get it in writing (seeing that she’s from the corporate world??) she’d understand contracts. Plus when you come at her on a business level, the sense of entitlement she obviously feels due to your romantic affiliation may lessen- let’s hope!

As 4 Me? B&B- Brooklyn, Midwood to be exact and finding one like me would be difficult cuz as my momma always said, I’m special & unique!

Overall, I sympathize (or is that empathize)? with you. LoL
You got a rough break but, you are a better man than most cuz she would be out on her ass in the cold by now!! Contrary to what tresjolie believes, I saw you wrote and I hope you are not as cruel as to kick out with no safety net for her even if she wasn’t a “sister from the Motherland”, remember that saying: "do unto others, "

Just take it easy, and I pray that the consideration you are showing to her even after she obviously tried to play you 4 a fool will be granted to you also.

Btw, if she’s still giving you a hard time after her 6mth ‘legal’ stay (visit) is up, just threaten her with INS- she’d understand that!

Thanks for the advice. Check my profile and we can chat on AIM. Your advice hit the mark and she is sucking up to me and coppin pleas.

She is also wondering who my mysterious nigerian friend is who gave this advice.

However I am not into games with people I see no future with I just want her to move on out of the apartment so I can live the bachelor life in NY.

P.S. I still got my plan tickets to Nigeria and I plan to come soon. Save a spot for me on the dance floor.

Peace and Good Looking.