how can two people who are not married be together for 15 years that sheer irresponsibility on both party and stupidity on the male part,and 4 kids for that matter.what has the world come to

pc guru:

how can two people who are not married be together for 15 years that sheer irresponsibility on both party and stupidity on the male part,and 4 kids for that matter.what has the world come to

And so?

Na by force to be married because you are together or have kids? What is so wrong with co-habiting?

Sagamite:

And so?

Na by force to be married because you are together or have kids? What is so wrong with co-habiting?

If you want to co habitat, no drama. Just dont have any kids til you decide to commit to each other. Not cool when there is children involved. Just my opinion.

Guy u are wicked o,

after a woman has had 4 of ur kids u still want her to be size 10. u have not even married her.

It seems u just want to kill her self esteem.

Just be truthful and honest with her. You guys have been together for quite a while, and by now you should know how to talk to her. Tell her it is important to you, and it will help you keep your vows. *everyone has their preferences, and this is just yours. Dont mind the people trying to make you feel bad*
Then you guys can work on something. Maybe changing the diet and exercise. This kind of healthy and active lifestyle will be a good example for your children, and doing it together will help you guys bond. Goodluck.

Tink_sh:

If you want to co habitat, no drama. Just dont have any kids til you decide to commit to each other. Not cool when there is children involved. Just my opinion.

Tish,

Playing a devil's advocate here. So why not have kids out of wedlock? Why is that not cool?

What difference does it make in the child's life if you have a piece of paper and a ceremony saying you are married? If you are couple that are happy together is that not enough to raise kids?

Sagamite:

Tish,

Playing a devil's advocate here. So why not have kids out of wedlock? Why is that not cool?

What difference does it make in the child's life if you have a piece of paper and a ceremony saying you are married? If you are couple that are happy together is that not enough to raise kids?

That piece of paper gives legitimacy to the whole thing. Gives security as well! Something no amount of 'happiness can bring' . . .

Ujujoan:

That piece of paper gives legitimacy to the whole thing. Gives security as well! Something no amount of 'happiness can bring' . . .

So the relationship cannot be legitimate until you tie the knot?

Once you say those words: "I do", the relationship is more secure? I assume when you say secure, you mean cheating and break-up?

Sagamite:

So the relationship cannot be legitimate until you tie the knot?

Once you say those words: "I do", the relationship is more secure? I assume when you say secure, you mean cheating and break-up?

How can you date for 12 years and still think of it as a legitimate r/ship? If it's so wonderful, then what's keeping them from making it legal?

And yes, saying 'I do' brings security! The fact that you can't just pick your bags and walk away is enough to make people want to settle their differences when things go wrong!

As a Nigerian, you know how difficult it is to break a marriage . . The kids will feel safer knowing their parents are bound by law, tradition and the church, than seeing themselves as offsprings of a 'good romance'!

Ujujoan:

How can you date for 12 years and still think of it as a legitimate r/ship? If it's so wonderful, then what's keeping them from making it legal?

Why not? Do you really need a reverend to tell you it is legitimate? With both of you raising kids together for so long (that call you mummy and daddy) not a sign it is for real?

Ujujoan:

And yes, saying 'I do' brings security! The fact that you can't just pick your bags and walk away is enough to make people want to settle their differences when things go wrong!

I hope you realise in the west, once you have kids involved, you are paying bills together and are financially linked (e.g. sharing a mortgage or credit card bill), it is not that easy to pick your bag and walk away as well.

Sagamite:

Why not? Do you really need a reverend to tell you it is legitimate? With both of you raising kids together for so long (that call you mummy and daddy) not a sign it is for real?

I hope you realise in the west, once you have kids involved, you are paying bills together and are financially linked (e.g. sharing a mortgage or credit card bill), it is not that easy to pick your bag and walk away as well.

I'm sorry for not thinking like the Westerners. I'm a Nigerian and I act and think like one!

And I do need a reverend t make my r/ship legitimate. I thought I was clear on that earlier

Anyway, marriage is an institution, and not even people who have lived together all their lives can beat that!

You know it's funny, I'm just trying to imagine having to have this conversation with my family and friend's 20 years from now!

ME: Hi, meet my boyfrinend. you know, the one I live with who is also the father of my son/daughter! lol! You know we've been living together for over 20 years, we are almost married!

rotflmao    . .  Hilarious!

Ujujoan:

I'm sorry for not thinking like the Westerners. I'm a Nigerian and I act and think like one!

And I do need a reverend t make my r/ship legitimate. I thought I was clear on that earlier

Anyway, marriage is an institution, and not even people who have lived together all their lives can beat that!

I hope you know and acknowledge there is nothing your Reverend can do, that a Babalawo can not do better.

Sagamite:

Tish,

Playing a devil's advocate here. So why not have kids out of wedlock? Why is that not cool?

What difference does it make in the child's life if you have a piece of paper and a ceremony saying you are married? If you are couple that are happy together is that not enough to raise kids?

Cos marriage is not just of peice of paper. Its much more than that. I lived with my fiance for two years before the wedding and i can assure you there was a huge difference once married than living together like before. It wasnt a bad difference just different.

If you can commit to having a child then why cant you commit to the mother of that child. I would wonder if my parents really do love each other if they never married each other.

@ topic (irrespective of your suspect story with its inconsistencies),

I don't think there's any need to announce to your wife that she's fat, she probably already realizes and despairs of her formerly slim figure which she probably used to maintain effortlessly (thus, her seeming inactive to you now, she probably was before too).

I would say, maybe discuss with her that you want the family to get more active and be healthier, and take walks as a family/organize outdoor activities and games/ join a gym/ eat healthier etc etc. Don't go to the gym/work out alone, make it a couple's thing you guys do together. Be like "we're both so busy with everything, we rarely get to spend time just the two of us as a couple. Will you come work out with me?" Because that way it's cute and romantic and not out and out, you're fat and need to go to the gym.

In general, make it about the family, and don't make it about weight, make it about health, and don't make it about her specifically. A huge part of it is probably food, offer to make meals occasionally and make healthy things and stop aiding in the buying of unhealthy snacks/ fast food.

Gabry:

Based on your post, I know you marry your wife because she is slim and sexy not because you love her. So even if she loose weight for u now and you both grow old, I bet you will be complaining about her wrinkles and her sagging body.

Ujujoan:

You know it's funny, I'm just trying to imagine having to have this conversation with my family and friend's 20 years from now!

ME: Hi, meet my boyfrinend. you know, the one I live with who is also the father of my son/daughter! lol! You know we've been living together for over 20 years, we are almost married!

rotflmao    . .  Hilarious!

lol!! and when we do wed, our kids would be the brides maid and grooms men, and our grand kids, the little bride and groom
now that is sosoo crasy!

i do understand men and women alike have thier preferences

i would prefer to marry a lance gross or usher raymond lookalike

so if i made a post; my husband doesnt have a 13 pack and tatoos

what would be the major response?

women need to be really careful when they chose certain men

because one can be extremely beautiful, slim, and spontaneous in appearance

but men should no 40yrs later ur nt gna look the same

ageing is inevitable

but then again it boils down to the man (or maybe even the woman) -

shallowness is a disease and dear poster is severely infected!


lol and if u really wanna slim wife u can send her to turkey with 10grand, shell come back lookin like michael wit ur money!

@poster rember when gain weight after childbirth, both genders gain weight as they age, regardless of what your wife size is you should love her and find her beautiful regardless (ladies same thing if your husbsnds look as if they are carring triplets). telling your wife she is fat or needs to loose weight will make the problem worse (women tend to comfort eat more then men - your coments can make her depressed and cause her to eat more). best option is to tell her you want to spend more time with her and pick physical activities. tell her you would like the two of you to take a walk after work to talk about your day, tell you you want to take her swimming or dancing. encourage her to be more active in a tactful way. offer to cook a healthy meal for her (dont put it that way - be romantic) tell her about some great new dish you had somewhere and that you think she would like it and have the recipie ready (healthy dish). things along those lines.

agathamari:

@poster rember when gain weight after childbirth, both genders gain weight as they age, regardless of what your wife size is you [size=18pt]should[/size] love her and find her beautiful regardless (ladies same thing if your husbsnds look as if they are carring triplets).  telling your wife she is fat or needs to loose weight will make the problem worse (women tend to comfort eat more then men - your coments can make her depressed and cause her to eat more).  best option is to tell her you want to spend more time with her and pick physical activities.  tell her you would like the two of you to take a walk after work to talk about your day, tell you you want to take her swimming or dancing.  encourage her to be more active in a tactful way.  offer to cook a healthy meal for her (dont put it that way - be romantic) tell her about some great new dish you had somewhere and that you think she would like it and have the recipie ready (healthy dish).  things along those lines. 

Should?  Siddon they look.

What about girls you tell "let us be more active" and she moans that she can not be bothered and is not interested, she prefers to curl and and be cozy in bed watching TV. So what does a guy do then?

Why don't you manage her instead of trying to make her feel bad about herself.

mama-gee:

Why don't you [size=14pt]manage[/size] her instead of trying to make her feel bad about herself.

Sagamite:

Should? Siddon they look.

What about girls you tell "let us be more active" and she moans that she can not be bothered and is not interested, she prefers to curl and and be cozy in bed watching TV. So what does a guy do then?

if she prefers to spend her day in bed, work the pounds off her there.

agathamari:

if she prefers to spend her day in bed, work the pounds off her there.

That would cost too much money to pay for the increase in her health insurance premiums.

=

=

i hav things you can advice your wife to use in liquid form. if after a month/2 months and there are no changes i will giv you ur money back. call laye on 08036434601.

Take her to the gym and register both of you, tell her you wanna spend time together . . . . Tell her you will be turned on looking at her on those thread mills.

I guess the thing would be when you made vows to each other, THAT WAS A PROMISE TO EACH OTHER AND IT AMAZES ME THAT PEOPLE FORGETS THE PROMISE AFTER THEY GET COMFORTABLE,


IF YOU HAVE SUCH AN ISSUE WITH HER WEIGHT, TALK TO HER FIRST BEFORE COMING TO NL,


START AN EXERCISE REGIME, LOW IMPACT AND DO SOMETHING ACTIVE WITH EACH OTHER,

NOW IT SEEMS TO ME YOU ARE A BIT PERTURBED BECAUSE YOU WOULD CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE BECAUSE SHE A SIZE 16, WHICH TO ME IS NOT A BIG SIZE THEN AGAIN, I AM AN AMERICAN SO WHAT BIG HERE IS DIFFERENT THEAN OVER THERE IN NIGERIA,

THANK GOD MY FIANCE IS NOT LIKE YOU!

queeneve:

I guess the thing would be when you made vows to each other, THAT WAS A PROMISE TO EACH OTHER AND IT AMAZES ME THAT PEOPLE FORGETS THE PROMISE AFTER THEY GET COMFORTABLE,


IF YOU HAVE SUCH AN ISSUE WITH HER WEIGHT, TALK TO HER FIRST BEFORE COMING TO NL,


START AN EXERCISE REGIME, LOW IMPACT AND DO SOMETHING ACTIVE WITH EACH OTHER,

NOW IT SEEMS TO ME YOU ARE A BIT PERTURBED BECAUSE YOU WOULD CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE BECAUSE SHE A SIZE 16, WHICH TO ME IS NOT A BIG SIZE THEN AGAIN, I AM AN AMERICAN SO WHAT BIG HERE IS DIFFERENT THEAN OVER THERE IN NIGERIA,

THANK GOD MY FIANCE IS NOT LIKE YOU!

The guy needs advice on how to approach it, so as not to hurt the feelings of the wife, i think that is an act of a caring man.