presentley:
It appears you were too liberal in your dealings with her. Please ensure to check through her luggage and get your wife to search her as well before she steps out to leave.

Exactly what wifey has been saying from the get go, that I made her feel too comfortable. Was only trying to treat her like a family

LotannaAnaekwe:


If only you will take this my advice. I pray you do. Take it as a, warning. DO NOT WAIT TILL WEEKEND. GO NOW AND DROP THAT GIRL WITH THE UNCLE.DONT GIVE HER CASH DIRECTLY. PAY IT INTO HER ACCOUNT. You are about to dodge a bullet. Be careful!

I have never given her cash since Sept she came in. I have always insisted to pay into her account

richyblink1:
Hello all, I have this help that has been with us for a couple of months. She is 22 and is done with secondary school. She was referred to us through her uncle who happens to be her custodian.

Before taking her in we agreed on the followings;
1. She will stay at least a year before talking about visiting home. This was necessary because she came in around November, to avoid she saying she wants to travel for Christmas.
2. That she is to be paid Bleep amount monthly.
3. We will take care of her like ours.

The issue:
After a month old with us, her uncle that gave her to us appeared one evening around 8pm with a woman he would later introduced to us as the girl's mother. That they are coming from the village. I welcomed and entertained them. After a while, the uncle said he will be leaving and that the mother of the girl will stay back at least 2 days with us. I called him back asking him to kindly take along his sister as I was not informed beforehand of their visit nor the intention of the mother staying with me.
He took offence and demanded I return the transportation fair the mother spent in coming to our house as if I invited her. I politely informed him that won't be possible as it was not in my budget. They left.

During the Christmas period, our help told us that her mother called that she will be visiting to spend the holidays with us. Again, wifey said no, that she can't come just like that. That we need to at least be informed adequately. It ended that way.

Two weeks ago she walked up to us to say her brother was coming to visit us after work that day. Mind you, we are all about leaving the house for a function including her. We told her it won't be possible as we won't be around. She said she can come back ahead of us to be with the brother. I told her that won't be possible as I won't have a stranger I have not met in my house when I am not home.

Just yesterday evening, she was on call from morning til evening. Then in the evening she told us that she want to go to the junction to pick her brother. I asked were she is taking him to. She said she is bringing him to our house. I said no, that since she feel she can just wake up and do what pleases her without informing me. That it won't be possible.

This morning she greeted my wife with her departure news. That her mother want her back. I said no problem. But that her uncle who gave her to me will have to come pick her during the weekend that we will be home.

Note:
1 We have been paying her promptly as agreed since her arrival.
2. We got her a phone within the short period she has been with us.
3. We even enrolled her for jamb this year so she can go to school. Which she even passed (210) with plans on ground for her studies.
4. Got her reasonable amount of clothes.

My people, what's my wrong in insisting that we be informed adequately before any of her visitor come visiting? Or are they trying to take advantage of our kind gestures?

If you are born-again, pray to the good LORD to give you a good person.

I advice a person that comes to work at your house on daily basis, say, except on Sundays. A person that comes and goes daily like regular job. I won't advice a live-in-house help; young girls and their drama stuff.

richyblink1:


Thanks. Wifey tried calling the mother twice today, but she did not take her call nor return the calls. I have already asked her to get her things ready

This is a flaw.

Do not make her know when she will be leaving. She may pick some stuff that are not hers.

Pls take her yourself to the uncle. Do not tell the man that you are coming. Remember to go with transport money for her. Go early enough so that they will have enough time to travel.

TheeDetective:
SHE REALLY HAS THE EFFRONTERY TO DEMAND THINGS THAT SHE IS NOT ENTITLED TO. GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH. DON'T LET HER SPEND ANOTHER DAY IN YOUR HOUSE. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TERRIBLE PLANS SHE HAS UP HER SLEEVES. WHEN CHILDREN ARE INVOLVED, YOU ACT FAST. KEEP YOUR FAMILY SAFE. For the urgency, I have typed in CAPS LOCK.

You have a strong point here.

richyblink1:


I have never given her cash since Sept she came in. I have always insisted to pay into her account

Good. Get rid of her ASAP.

mylove4him:
My help of two months said she is going for her great grand mums burial. I told her I don't approve of it, omo I was at work when my niece told me she has packed all her belongings to go. She left without my consent and after three days she was calling me. I never bothered to return her call nor pick. All my money for test and transport gone down the drain.

Get someone that comes to work at your house on daily basis (Mon - Sat). She closes say 5:30 or 6, depending on when you get home and where she lives.

You messed up the terms of contract the moment you got her a phone, clothes and JAMB form.

Lets tell ourselves the truth. Assuming you own a service company, would you buy your Secretary at work a dress, phone after a month of working with you?

Let's stop treating maid/house help like Charity work. The only legal tender in Nigeria is money. Whoever you're going to employ after she leaves should be made to sign a term of contract that spells the do's and don'ts. Possibly, avoid a live-in maid and apply all the bye laws of employment.

Now that she's leaving, I hope you know what to do? Can you resign from a job and leave with your company's car, ID card? Of course not. So go ahead and withdraw the Company materials (phone, and possibly de-register her JAMB). Pay her a month salary like you would do for an employee resigning from an organisation.

treasuredkids:
From what u just narrated op, I fear you might be dealing with some criminals. Your family is not safe especially your kids. The earlier you take a step and if possible involve the law enforcement now b4 they take you unawares.

From the get go they have been parading around us like a bee that has seen honey.

Will take it up

9

jusRadical:




This is a flaw.

Do not make her know when she will be leaving. She may pick some stuff that are not hers.

Pls take her yourself to the uncle. Do not tell the man that you are coming. Remember to go with transport money for her. Go early enough so that they will have enough time to travel.

She is not from the village so to say. She is been living with the uncle who was her custodian til she was given to us.
The deal is that she said her mother asked her to leave, I said I won't release her to any other person except the uncle who gave her to me, to avoid issues of missing person or allegation of kidnap

Acidosis:
You messed up the terms of contract the moment you got her a phone, clothes and JAMB form.

Lets tell ourselves the truth. Assuming you own a service company, would you buy your Secretary at work a dress, phone after a month of working with you?

Let's stop treating maid/house help like Charity work. The only legal tender in Nigeria is money. Whoever you're going to employ after she leaves should be made to sign a term of contract that spells the do's and don'ts. Possibly, avoid a live-in maid and apply all the bye laws of employment.

Now that she's leaving, I hope you know what to do? Can you resign from a job and leave with your company's car, ID card? Of course not. So go ahead and withdraw the Company materials (phone, and possibly de-register her JAMB). Pay her a month salary like you would do for an employee resigning from an organisation.

Now you sound like the chairman of my coy. Trust me, wasn't doing any of those things to impress her peeps. I felt a person living under my roof should be treated like family.
Was trying to avoid a case were we will go out and she will be looking like an alien

jusRadical:



Get someone that comes to work at your house on daily basis (Mon - Sat). She closes say 5:30 or 6, depending on when you get home and where she lives.

Thanks for this

jusRadical:





If you are born-again, pray to the good LORD to give you a good person.

I advice a person that comes to work at your house on daily basis, say, except on Sundays. A person that comes and goes daily like regular job. I won't advice a live-in-house help; young girls and their drama stuff.

If prayer answering is for born again's, then there would be no need for prayer of repentance because such prayer won't be answered as well

richyblink1:


If prayer answering is for born again's, then there would be no need for prayer of repentance because such prayer won't be answered as well

Proverbs 15:8 (KJVA) The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD: but the prayer of the upright is his delight.


Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
James 5:16 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/jas.5.16.NIV

Hmm op dont treat this matter with kids gloves.back up with evidence.
First pay her last salary into her acc;keep invoices or screenshots of debit alerts

Take her to her uncle by yourself and pls take a pic of the both of them before you leave.

search her bag wella and take your phone back Someone was just framed for kidnapping cos of a help that left while he was away.

but if this is your 4th help you guys can try to take care of your home yourselves before you will go aand caarry devil incarnate.Both of you can do it if you plan urself wella.

op.. this life in discovered is unfair. good people most times get tag along with the wrong or bad people. pls don't hesitate to let her go. she is a mole

It is very difficult to get good helps now, and when you do get the good ones, they are often fill of demands and unreasonable expectations.

This is a very tricky situation because like you said, she's good to your kids and does her job well. If she leaves, no telling what the next one will be like. I think you should call her, sit her down and try to find out exactly where this whole thing is coming from. Don't be confrontational or harsh, try and reason with her. She may be feeling some sort of pressure from her family and is only trying to please her. Let her understand why she needs to look out for herself and her own interests instead of that.

Sending her away now will leave you stranded, and that is not fun at all.

Just do everything you can so that at least you'll know you tried your best.

LadySarah:
Hmm op dont treat this matter with kids gloves.back up with evidence.
First pay her last salary into her acc;keep invoices or screenshots of debit alerts

Take her to her uncle by yourself and pls take a pic of the both of them before you leave.

search her bag wella and take your phone back Someone was just framed for kidnapping cos of a help that left while he was away.

but if this is your 4th help you guys can try to take care of your home yourselves before you will go aand caarry devil incarnate.Both of you can do it if you plan urself wella.

This your last paragraph is easier said than done. I thought that too and sent my last help away when she insulted me, and since to then I've been going to work with my three kids now they are on holiday. When school starts it will be worse because then I have to go pick them from school during lunch time and then bring them to work, till I close. I won't even begin to describe the stress of the chores.

Bottom line is that it's very difficult handling a home with young children without help these days. Except of course one of the parent is not working.

LadySarah:
Hmm op dont treat this matter with kids gloves.back up with evidence.
First pay her last salary into her acc;keep invoices or screenshots of debit alerts

Take her to her uncle by yourself and pls take a pic of the both of them before you leave.

search her bag wella and take your phone back Someone was just framed for kidnapping cos of a help that left while he was away.

but if this is your 4th help you guys can try to take care of your home yourselves before you will go aand caarry devil incarnate.Both of you can do it if you plan urself wella.

Thanks

dankol:
op.. this life in discovered is unfair. good people most times get tag along with the wrong or bad people. pls don't hesitate to let her go. she is a mole

Thanks

UjuJoan2:


This your last paragraph is easier said than done. I thought that too and sent my last help away when she insulted me, and since to then I've been going to work with my three kids now they are on holiday. When school starts it will be worse because then I have to go pick them from school during lunch time and then bring them to work, till I close. I won't even begin to describe the stress of the chores.

Bottom line is that it's very difficult handling a home with young children without help these days. Except of course one of the parent is not working.

Didnt knw what to say anymore.I understand you sha

UjuJoan2:
It is very difficult to get good helps now, and when you do get the good ones, they are often fill of demands and unreasonable expectations.

This is a very tricky situation because like you said, she's good to your kids and does her job well. If she leaves, no telling what the next one will be like. I think you should call her, sit her down and try to find out exactly where this whole thing is coming from. Don't be confrontational or harsh, try and reason with her. She may be feeling some sort of pressure from her family and is only trying to please her. Let her understand why she needs to look out for herself and her own interests instead of that.

Sending her away now will leave you stranded, and that is not fun at all.

Just do everything you can so that at least you'll know you tried your best.

I think you got the whole story properly. Her first two months with me, her uncle and mother were busy calling to collect her salary. The first month, the uncle gave her his account number, that was were i credited the first salary.
The second month was the mothers turn, then the third month another relative entire provided an account number.

From the fourth month I refused sending her salary to any relative and insisted on sending it to her account which i have been doing till now.

I feel the pressure is because they feel she is comfortable as she does not touch her salary for anything. Wifey buys her undies, deodorant, soaps tolitries, takes her to same saloon she (wifey and the kids uses) at least once a month.
In fact, because of how attached the kids are with her, my mother in law was impressed and got her about 7 dresses just a week ago when she visited. We had to move her to the children's room because of how they bond. Most times the kids will be crying and want only her to carry them. She sings nursery ryhmes with them, teaches them numeracy etc.

Her only flaw is that she is a dull in her turn around time, and often forget. And can eat 2 cups of eba at once.

I feel the pressure started when the mother and uncle visited us after she must have told them she is relaxed and comfortable.

Just like acidosis rightly said, I made her too comfortable that she/her people forgot she is being paid for services rendered and not for charity or privilege.

richyblink1:


I think you got the whole story properly. Her first two months with me, her uncle and mother were busy calling to collect her salary. The first month, the uncle gave her his account number, that was were i credited the first salary.
The second month was the mothers turn, then the third month another relative entire provided an account number.

From the fourth month I refused sending her salary to any relative and insisted on sending it to her account which i have been doing till now.

I feel the pressure is because they feel she is comfortable as she does not touch her salary for anything. Wifey buys her undies, deodorant, soaps tolitries, takes her to same saloon she (wifey and the kids uses) at least once a month.
In fact, because of how attached the kids are with her, my mother in law was impressed and got her about 7 dresses just a week ago when she visited. We had to move her to the children's room because of how they bond. Most times the kids will be crying and want only her to carry them. She sings nursery ryhmes with them, teaches them numeracy etc.

Her only flaw is that she is a dull in her turn around time, and often forget. And can eat 2 cups of eba at once.

I feel the pressure started when the mother and uncle visited us after she must have told them she is relaxed and comfortable.

Just like acidosis rightly said, I made her too comfortable that she/her people forgot she is being paid for services rendered and not for charity or privilege.

I understand perfectly, I once had a help whose parents thought I was some kind of cash point, someone i paid for her services and took care of all her expenses. When I refused to dish out cash to them constantly, they convinced her to leave. Two months later she was calling me begging to come back. Of course it was already too late because I had replaced her. Eventually the mumu I replaced her with grew wings to the point of insulting me in my own house. I still wish I convinced the other girl to stay, but I was indignant that she would consider leaving after everything I had done for her, so I let her go with the hope of replacing her. Getting someone as good as she was has proven almost impossible. I now wish I did everything I could to make here stay.

These people are extremely selfish and think of themselves only. They should be glad their child is in a good home and being properly cared for, instead they want to exploit you, because they think you are desperate for help. Still I don't blame her, it's them I blame. Also you did nothing wrong by being nice and generous to her. When someone is caring for your young kid, you need to go the extra mile to make her happy.

Good side is that she's not a kid. She's an adult and matured enough to know what is right and wrong. You need to be able to convince her that her family is not looking out for her own interests. If she leaves, she will regret it in the very very near future.

If she still insists to go, then let her go and hope for a better replacement.

UjuJoan2:


I understand perfectly, I once had a help whose parents thought I was some kind of cash point, someone i paid for her services and took care of all her expenses. When I refused to dish out cash to them constantly, they convinced her to leave. Two months later she was calling me begging to come back. Of course it was already too late because I had replaced her. Eventually the mumu I replaced her with grew wings to the point of insulting me in my own house. I still wish I convinced the other girl to stay, but I was indignant that she would consider leaving after everything I had done for her, so I let her go with the hope of replacing her. Getting someone as good as she was has proven almost impossible. I now wish I did everything I could to make here stay.

These people are extremely selfish and think of themselves only. They should be glad their child is in a good home and being properly cared for, instead they want to exploit you, because they think you are desperate for help. Still I don't blame her, it's them I blame. Also you did nothing wrong by being nice and generous to her. When someone is caring for your young kid, you need to go the extra mile to make her happy.

Good side is that she's not a kid. She's an adult and matured enough to know what is right and wrong. You need to be able to convince her that her family is not looking out for her own interests. If she leaves, she will regret it in the very very near future.

If she still insists to go, then let her go and hope for a better replacement.

Thanks a bunch. Very elaborate and thoughtful

LadySarah:


Didnt knw what to say anymore.I understand you sha

The whole thing is a nightmare . . . I woke up this morning close to tears. School starts next week and I have no help/nanny. My 8Mth Old daughter had to start daycare . . way to early in my opinion. I can afford a nanny/help. Getting a good one is the wahala.

I interviewed someone on Sunday, she said she would only take the job if she didn't have to do any house work. Just baby sit . . My baby is in daycare, the other two are starting school next week, she'll be doing absolutely nothing till they get back from school. She won't be live-in so I have to still dress them up in the morning and get them ready for school myself. After a stressful day at work, I'll come home to do all the chores. At the end of the month I'll pay you 25k. Odiegwu!

The one I interviewed last week agreed to live-in and do chores, but she needed to go to her village for a special deliverance session before she can resume, she said. It would cost her 15k, if I could be gracious enough to advance her salary before she even starts work.

I tried an elderly woman and she told me she wont be able to come to work before 9am because she usually has a 'slow morning', plus she has wit-low and won't be able to do anything involving water, including bathing and washing.

How I envy stay at home moms now, I wish I could afford to do that.

I live with my once estranged cousin now 14.he came when he was 12 but looked 7 or 8.It took us mths to put him in shape but the wait was worth it.His mum my aunt is late
At the begginning he came with anger issues coupled with street life but we gradually molded him with Gods help too. It was a tough time.
I also defined his job which is basically companionship for my kids and washing dishes/cleaning the house.He brings my older son bac k from school and stays with him till we come back on his way from his and helps him do his homework.

My sons have come to love him so much too.He is the one who understands the gibberish they talk and all the pj mask,paw patrol,barney songs.

The phone is neccessary to communicate with him incase you have a message.He has never cooked ,gone to mkt or washed my/my kids clothes.My husband helps out alot too

My work place allows me come with my LO(perks of civil service)
so as not to overlabour him.

I do our laundry with my machine and also cook on weekends.

I must commend his efforts and willingness to learn.He has been telling me he wants to start cooking but Dh says no.He is also very good with electrical stuffs. he is very much happy here yhat even when i threaten him to go home if he misbehaves he starts crying.

I 'm trying my best to make him comfy and also not overpamper him.
There are still good ones because me i dont have strength for older girls

She should be out of your home like yesterday. This story has too many red flags from her uncle bringing an unknown woman to come aboard in your home to the girl herself asking for control of your home while you're absent. They may be planning to rob you or worse. Let her go at the weekend to avoid stories that touch. I would advise you to even involve the police I coming them of your plans of disengaging her. Her uncle might not show up vat the weekend, she must still leave.

LadySarah:
I live with my once estranged cousin now 14.he came when he was 12 but looked 7 or 8.It took us mths to put him in shape but the wait was worth it.His mum my aunt is late
At the begginning he came with anger issues coupled with street life but we gradually molded him with Gods help too. It was a tough time.
I also defined his job which is basically companionship for my kids and washing dishes/cleaning the house.He brings my older son bac k from school and stays with him till we come back on his way from his and helps him do his homework.

My sons have come to love him so much too.He is the one who understands the gibberish they talk and all the pj mask,paw patrol,barney songs.

The phone is neccessary to communicate with him incase you have a message.He has never cooked ,gone to mkt or washed my/my kids clothes.My husband helps out alot too

My work place allows me come with my LO(perks of civil service)
so as not to overlabour him.

I do our laundry with my machine and also cook on weekends.

I must commend his efforts and willingness to learn.He has been telling me he wants to start cooking but Dh says no.He is also very good with electrical stuffs. he is very much happy here yhat even when i threaten him to go home if he misbehaves he starts crying.

I 'm trying my best to make him comfy and also not overpamper him.
There are still good ones because me i dont have strength for older girls

You're so lucky. He'll be more useful to you when he gets older. I can't handle young children Sha, I've tried. I just don't have the patience to mold people without prior training of any sort. Plus my work is kind of tedious and my husband doesn't live in the same town.

Young children need a lot of supervision and guidance which I'm not available to provide. I spend the little time I have on my kids.

I'll just keep managing until I find the right fit. It's just a matter of time.

UjuJoan2:


You're so lucky. He'll be more useful to you when he gets older. I can't handle young children Sha, I've tried. I just don't have the patience to mold people without prior training of any sort. Plus my work is kind of tedious and my husband doesn't live in the same town.

Young children need a lot of supervision and guidance which I'm not available to provide. I spend the little time I have on my kids.

I'll just keep managing until I find the right fit. It's just a matter of time.

You will definitely.Its not easy at all on career women who are mothers.You handle the homefront and have to keep up with work too.

What if you reg them in a school close to ur work place.You pay the school for After school services then y'all come home together afterwork.Weekends y'all tackle everything together cos thats how my sis does hers.your stories are alike.You can also pay someone to then work on weekends while you get u get ur rest or go to mkt/cook.

Send her away. Something is not right with all these stories you are telling...

Timbuktuo:
She should be out of your home like yesterday. This story has too many red flags from her uncle bringing an unknown woman to come aboard in your home to the girl herself asking for control of your home while you're absent. They may be planning to rob you or worse. Let her go at the weekend to avoid stories that touch. I would advise you to even involve the police I coming them of your plans of disengaging her. Her uncle might not show up vat the weekend, she must still leave.

If he fails to show up, will take her to him. But that's not really the issue.

The plot is actually thickening right now.
Yesterday she was making calls at about 10pm in the night. Few minutes into the call wifey walked up to her and asked who she's been talking to for that long considering the time and duration of the call. She claimed she was trying to tell her caller to call back in the morning. So wifey got the phone from her to return it back in the morning.

Coincidentally, an alert of 20k came in. Lo and behold her account balance amounted to several hundred of thousands. This is a girl her account was reading 0.00 when I started paying her, and I have paid for a few month as she came in about 5 months ago.

My people, I am wondering what I have in my hand. Really confuse what she is up to, and who has been collaborating with her. She talks on phone everyday for long hours.
Since i asked her to call her uncle to come pick her that i won't release her to any other person. She has turned Angel overnight and willing to tumble 20x on her own accord.

I feel someone (a good for nothing guy) out there is taking advantage of her to perpetuate evil.