bros were you dey go?leaving your father's house? is jesus Christ not in his father's house even at his age?think!

Bro...it's not like you were living with your family all your life and now want to move. You did it before ...so what exactly is the problem preventing you from doing it again? Your parents are very capable of taking care of their younger children....it's for you to help if you can...not to take over the responsibility of head of household. You are encouraging your parents to abandon their responsibilities. If you can't find the guts....the man in you to move out again.... I can guarantee you your life would be one of misery.... no gf...no marriage...and if someone decides to marry you...I can bet my life you wouldn't be the one wearing the pants. Man up...move out.

Biko... Take care of your parents when they are alive now.. Else you will spend money feeding people at your parents burial

SalamRushdie:
There is nothing better for a man than paying your parents back ...in the wise world we call those moment .

Rubbish advise

Ezkid:
Hello house, though some people have accused me of being an ungrateful child by calling out my mother's unbecoming attitude, I wish to state categorically that I do not belong in the group of people that can be tagged as such. But the burdens that rested on my shoulders is very much for a young guy like me and it has taken its toll on my mental and physical health.

I'm a guy that work 6 to 7 hours everyday and I make little amount I can consider enough to sustain the life someone like me should be living as a young simple guy, but because I've made a terrible mistake of relocating from where I was living alone to live with my family, now it has become obvious that my family have considered me as their sole savior and the first button to press whenever they're in need, they've lost total faith in my father and theyve stop disturbing him like before.

Like I told u guys before, Mum is no longer working since she became born again and Dad is out of town, he only come around whenever he got the alerts, but before my relocation he used to send some tokens even before the end of the month, now it seems to me my Dad have capitalized on the fact that I'm working, and I should be responsible for the whole family's upkeep until his arrival
Jeez! Since I got to this house I've not being able to save a penny, my expenses is twice as much as my earnings. Whenever I go to work, I'll come back to meet my mom waiting for me at the balcony with a story of how she's been praying for someone to buy her favorite dish for her since morning, the funniest thing is no one has ever asked me for one naira since I got there but there's a way they'll start talking about food, money and other things that ll make me dip my hand in my pocket and hand over what I have, also there's these old look on everyone's face whenever they need something from me which will make me to give them what they want without being asked.

I've practically become a slave to them, always waiting for me to come before they'll start talking about what to cook and eat, right now I'm at the edge, I just want out immediately! All my earnings are being used on food for the whole family, every time I give them money I always refuse to eat out of what they cook thinking they'll get the message but its always the same, I always pity my younger ones cos they've got a real battle ahead of the.

Pls house should I leave or remain with them for the time being? Right now I'm thinking of running away from them.

Bros you don't have a problem.

Cutehector:
Biko... Take care of your parents when they are alive now.. Else you will spend money feeding people at your parents burial

BS

If they can't and won't work don't give them a penny

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KanwuliaExtra:
Your mother became a “born-again” that does not work?

No wonder your father runs away from the house!

You have younger ones too?


Sorry to say. . . . . Your parents are SHAMELESS to put such a burden on you.

Leaving will not solve the problem. You have to send your younger ones out into the STREETS!

What a sad situation with no way out!

The OP is being very uncharitable to his mother. His Mom is not working, not because she is a born again, but because she had a nervous breakdown and other mental health issues. The OP seeks to minimize her health problems by putting things off on her born again status.

OP’s mother used to be a hair dresser and supported the whole family, including the OP’s father. OP’s mother had a breakdown and ends up getting ensnared by a pastor who convinces her that hair dressing is not a godly profession. OP’s father promptly married another woman and is not taking care of his children.

OP does not seem to see this and for some strange reason, all his animus seems to be directed at the mother. Read his old thread: “What is wrong with my mother”

My advise to OP is to move out, while still helping in any little way he can. However, it is very important that he gets the right perspective, otherwise he might end up hating his Mom who was just as much a victim as himself

chronique:
different strokes for different folks. if my family askes me for money and i cant give,i end up feeling depressed and sad. whenever i am asked and i give,i feel excited and happy that i can give. i dont know how you guys were raised and as such,i cannot judge you. do whatever you think is right though.

Dont worry you will eventually grow up and bitter by the time many of your good years are gone and nothing to show for it. That excitement will turn into misery and anger. Everybody must work and bring something to the table.

noble2faith:


You and the person dat liked your post need brain resetting club on your head. Must you insult his parents!

You won't believe that woman you quoted is in her 50s. Everyone knows her in food and politics section.

ReinaFarine:
Hmmmm.... I can only comment based on your post here.

Please move out of the house. Not only because your parents are 'burdening' you with financial responsibilities that's crushing you, but because you're an adult. Living with your parents keeps you in a cocoon like state. You're not as independent as you should be. You are not learning what it means to handle some things as an adult living on his own. You cannot be as hardworking as your mate because you live in your family house. So, save enough, get and apartment first. It is going to toughen you up. And from your post, you need some toughening.

Secondly, although it is the African (Nigerian) Culture for a child to take care of his parents in appreciation to them for taking care of him, don't do it to your detriment. Calculate your salary. Maybe you can say:
20% for transport, airtime/data and other day to day expenses you incur...

30% to your parents which includes food, utility bills and etcetera...

40% for savings towards your rent...

10% as emergency fund... Sickness, contribution for some unprecedented situation.

(If you're religious you can make it 15% out of the rent money for tithe and offerings)


After getting the apartment, make sure you set aside at least 20% towards investment in your own dream. After working 6-7 hours, you can't just sleep and chat for the rest of the day. Start creating your legacy. You don't want to 'burden' your kids too do you?

So, explain to mumsi in a calm respectful manner that things are getting a little tithe for you and you have a very very important project so... Your income is automatically deducted by say... 50%. Trust me, if you explain it patiently, she will understand. Don't sha tell her you're moving out yet.

Take care...


PS: you can also get a part time job to compensate...

Good explanation and if they don't understand, lie to them that something happened in ur office and u spoilt a machine costing millions so u are repayimg with half ur salary. Dat all u have isn't fare. They suld give u a break for 6 months dat den u must have completed .

Try that trick. It will help them regain their senses

I dont know why Nigerian parents think you owe them your life because they brought you into this wicked world.


Ask your lazy parents to find a facking job.

Quite disheartening...
But I'll say this.

You are a young man, with dreams and aspirations.
It will be sappy of you to rub yourself off your life just to be taken as a "good son".

First, try talking to your mum about how u feel, and know if she considers you... and then,

If she does, you can remain in the house, while contributing your quota to the house, but not taking full responsibility of the entire house. Your Dad too must be briefed on this devt.
And if she doesn't, PLS MOVE OUT. Don't rub Peter to pay Paul. Plan and save for your future FIRST bro.

And most importantly, pray towards this issue, while you're also having in mind never to disregard your Mum, not on any ground. Settle amicably with her even before moving out.

And may God see u through.

God...as I get ready to wear these same shoes that op is wearing right now, let my feet(funds) be big enough to size in perfectly.

Op, face your duty with delight. Family is everything. Mine are the only people I love more than myself. I can shed some pints for them without thinking that I have done a great sacrifice. Last last, na there be my refuge if the whole world reject me.

The only thing I think you need is bigger funds.

NdiaraIGBO:


Dont worry you will eventually grow up and bitter by the time many of your good years are gone and nothing to show for it. That excitement will turn into misery and anger. Everybody must work and bring something to the table.

Stop talking like a fool. I don't come from a family where helping out feels like a burden. Shove your stupid advice down your arse.

Ezkid... in life theres smtn called organization without it things are a mess. U have to organize urself and that house if u choose to remain there. Set boundaries and sm level of discipline. Its a gud thing to be there for ur family not just financially bt advisory or wateva way bt u shudnt let it destabilize u either. They probably think u earn so much so they pressure u. Let them know exactly wat u can afford to give them monthly and stick to it they will adjust or look for any additional from ur dad. Make dat very clear to them!!! If it gets out hand leave and keep doing ur best for them from there. Keep planning ur life and career. Cheers

Ezkid:
I've practically become a slave to them, always waiting for me to come before they'll start talking about what to cook and eat, right now I'm at the edge, I just want out immediately! All my earnings are being used on food for the whole family, every time I give them money I always refuse to eat out of what they cook thinking they'll get the message but its always the same, I always pity my younger ones cos they've got a real battle ahead of the.

Pls house should I leave or remain with them for the time being? Right now I'm thinking of running away from them.

No one forced you to be a slave to them.
When you are ready to stop being a slave, you will stop.
You may want to note that no one can take money from you except you give them.

SalamRushdie:
There is nothing better for a man than paying your parents back ...in the wise world we call those moment .

On That I agree with you but not to the extent of self hurting.

post=67760511:
I think it's beautiful knowing that you've your loved ones around you, many wish for that though.

Having said that, you actually put upon yourself the position of a acting daddy which you're not. The issue is not whether your mom is working or not or whether they make a face that makes you give even when they don't ask, the issue is you acting like you're their daddy on the little income you earn. You see, family is delicate and they're meant to be loved.

You can either voice out and let them know you're trying to survive also or leave the house.

Looking at it in a comical way, if you're living in a house, won't you pay rent? If you chose to live with them consider it as paying your rent.

This is easily the best advice here, In my case it just makes me super happy to give to my parents, they never ask for anything, but the way they say "May God bless you my son'' just makes me want to earn more & keep spending plenty on them. family is awesome

If she is still a newly born again,yhen use her pastor's influence on her to make her wake up.


Then the major angle here is, don't you have one or two niggas nearby that you can align with even if they aren't that on the same level with you socially or otherwise?




Then finally and practically, leave small small papernotes of the Bible verse that hints on parents not provoking their children to anger.... make plenty of it.... and see if it works.





Or grow up and learn how to refuse them. They've pushed you to the wall so let them feel how it is to be pushed back too. Last last, na to send you away, which they would not do wholeheartedly.


You should take a cue from your dad's absence too.

Jiang:


This is easily the best advice here, In my case it just makes me super happy to give to my parents, they never ask for anything, but the way they say "May God bless you my son'' just makes me want to earn more & keep spending plenty on them. family is awesome

I like the part you said earn more and keep spending plenty on them. It's amazing to still have a family and share the love among each other.

There's nothing too much to do for them, the prayers of a mom when she receives the alert is enough to gladdens ones heart. Many out there wish to have a mom. Family is family! One can only pray for more money.

Especially in the OP's case, his family is not demanding, he just couldn't take his eyes off the murmurings and needs in the home which somewhat makes him a good son.

First of all why will u be living with ur parents and what has being a born again has to do with ur mum working if she can.
Your family shud give u space biko
U have ur life to live too

post=67763058:

I like the part you said earn more and keep spending plenty on them. It's amazing to still have a family and share the love among each other.

There's nothing too much to do for them, the prayers of a mom when she receives the alert is enough to gladdens ones heart. Many out there wish to have a mom. Family is family! One can only pray for more money.

Especially in the OP's case, his family is not demanding, he just couldn't take his eyes off the murmurings and needs in the home which somewhat makes him a good son.

You havent experience emotional blackmail
Its better they say what they want
Spending on family is good but not when u just starting to make ends meet. It cripples you

ThanosEronz:

You havent experience emotional blackmail
Its better they say what they want
Spending on family is good but not when u just starting to make ends meet. It cripples you

I understand you! There are different sides to families.
You can have a family that doesn't demand but you know you will give, it's discretion.
You can have a family that won't come out straight at you but make demands indirectly which means you give when you have or say it outrightly if you don't have with reasons (they deserve to know at least you're working).
You can have demanding family that doesn't want to know whether you have or not, just bring it. Every family sides has a diplomatic way of handling it while we maintain the family love.

KanwuliaExtra:
Your mother became a “born-again” that does not work?

No wonder your father runs away from the house!

You have younger ones too?


Sorry to say. . . . . Your parents are SHAMELESS to put such a burden on you.

Leaving will not solve the problem. You have to send your younger ones out into the STREETS!

What a sad situation with no way out!

you are one of the reason many people don't like to exploit the goodness of this forum again by seeking advice on relationship, family, business and all that just for the fear of immature insults from kids like you.

For him to express his issue here for reasonable advice from matured minds doesn't mean you should insult his parent now.

Kids have spoilt this forum completely. .....op pls move out even if you can't afford apartment for now , go and scot wit a friend.

KanwuliaExtra:
Your mother became a “born-again” that does not work?

No wonder your father runs away from the house!

You have younger ones too?


Sorry to say. . . . . Your parents are SHAMELESS to put such a burden on you.

Leaving will not solve the problem. You have to send your younger ones out into the STREETS!

What a sad situation with no way out!

i pray I never get to mingle with your type... Your pessimism is on another level... Look at how you just pointed out all the bad areas of his predicament with offering a single solution... Da fuq outta here!!!

Ezkid the way u put the write up in ur first story made it seem like u hate u mum, and put all the blame on her alone instead of ur dad too,hence the reply u got mostly, the truth is u are just starting up life and life hasnt even given u trees of lemon to make lemonade so start out ur own plans firstly by moving out. Continue to send them money after u have saved up too , u are not their parent ,its thier responsibility to cater for their young .
Dont worry bout ur mum, the church will feed and cloth her sinnce its her believe not to support u guys.just do what u can.
Nigeria is hard as it is now,people dropping dead cos of too much overthinking.

I have an elder brother who always complained about the little help he rendered for the family. He practically didn't allow his younger ones to stay with him but allowed his wife's siblings. When he got opportunity to travel out,he went with his family--wife and kids. Now,his wife has divorced him and is in custody of the children. He is a big loser now. I don't give a shit about him,likewise other members. I pray i make my own money. This was a bro. we had hope in. We prayed and fasted for his success. Considering our background,we never expected this cold attitude from him.

ImaIma1:
Please move out and be scarce and allow your father to handle his responsibility. He married the wife and had the children. He should take care of them.

Help when you can after you move out. And don't move to a place close to your family house.

you can't force the man to take responsibility because he's obviously tired.... didn't you read his last thread where he said his mom deliberately stopped working! because she became a born again.. like wtf does that? they tried setting up business for her up to 3times but she squandered the money
The father has no choice but to run away because he's tired of the burden

Elliot2:
I have an elder brother who always complained about the little help he rendered for the family. He practically didn't allow his younger ones to stay with him but allowed his wife's siblings. When he got opportunity to travel out,he went with his family--wife and kids. Now,his wife has divorced him and is in custody of the children. He is a big loser now. I don't give a shit about him,likewise other members. I pray i make my own money. This was a bro. we had hope in. We prayed and fasted for his success. Considering our background,we never expected this cold attitude from him.

some men are so senseless.

did they divorce in Nigeria?

this is what i am facing even now,yours is good,mine is worst,because they dont appreciate the little i do,i cant save because of them,they literally tag me wicked once i refuse to do their biddings,even if im barely an adult,and still have a father,(just like yours doesnt live us),ive been paying the house rent since,december,this evening,they are accussing me of being wicked and stingy,because my mum asked me to give her some money so she can go to the market,and ii said i didnt have ,which is true,but i brought a friends new shoe home,they didnt bother asking me if it was mine ...... before jumping into conclusion,im so down mentally right now

Elder001:


some men are so senseless.

did they divorce in Nigeria?

No. Abroad. She even called the cops on him for slapping her. The very first time!