Never share bills 50-50 with your husband. 30-70 is still manageable. You've taken that role as the head of your home sadly.

badwife:


Asking my husband for 15k from 300k makes me selfish?

He plans to send money to his father (he is sick), his younger brother, his friend too...what about me his wife, what about his child?
Don't we deserve something...

why not prove to him you can survive without a share in the 300k and wait for ur pound of flesh.

you confirm he earn little, same you allude you've not eaten his 1k yet he dated, courted and is married to you for 3 years...hmmm!

suddenly you want to divorce him over 15k. how do you intend to care for your kids, pay bills and care for self? will ur fortune change being divorced?

badwife:


Oh my...I've tried it all
Back then I would chase him down the street like a mad woman for money, I've quarrelled, I've fought, I've prayed, I've cried, I've called parents, I've called pastors.

I've done it all, my salary is not just enough.
I've sacrificed my looks for the family, I've given my all.
I don't know what else to do, I'm just tired.

Oh
This I didn't see


You know what
Your mind is made up
You just need to be justified for doing whatever you wanna do

The ball is in your court and only you know exactly what it is you passing through

Whatever you wanna do
Make yourself happy

It is just unfortunate that you have been taken for granted. I can imagine how you feel. Obviously your husband has relaxed on taking responsibility because you have shown that you are capable enough and you have family support.

While you worry about paying the bills, he is giving friends and family money and probably saving. You need to wise up. You need to save and also develop yourself.

Talk to him first about taking responsibilty and if he still refuses to contribute, you should let him worry about paying the bills. Stop shouldering all the responsibilities henceforth. Take care of yourself. Buy new clothes, make your hair, go to the spa.

You cannot be selfless and your husband will be acting selfish

ImaIma1:
It is just unfortunate that you have been taken for granted. I can imagine how you feel. Obviously your husband has relaxed on taking responsibility because you have shown that you are capable enough and you have family support.

While you worry about paying the bills, he is giving friends and family money and probably saving. You need to wise up. You need to save and also develop yourself.

Talk to him first about taking responsibilty and if he still refuses to contribute, you should let him worry about paying the bills. Stop shouldering all the responsibilities henceforth. Take care of yourself. Buy new clothes, make your hair, go to the spa.

You cannot be selfless and your husband will be acting selfish

God bless you for understanding. I don't want a divorce but I'm just not happy.
I've been assisting all this while because I believed if things were better he will take back his responsibility but I guess he had other plans.

It is just not fair, I've given my all but to this home.
I can do without the 15k but I just feel this is how I'm going to do it all forever.

freshvine:


why not prove to him you can survive without a share in the 300k and wait for ur pound of flesh.

you confirm he earn little, same you allude you've not eaten his 1k yet he dated, courted and is married to you for 3 years...hmmm!

suddenly you want to divorce him over 15k. how do you intend to care for your kids, pay bills and care for self? will ur fortune change being divorced?

He sends money to his friends and family, I get nothing.

@op, I feel your pain. That said, you would not be the first or last woman to be in this type of situation you are in. You now need to sit down with your husband with a pen and paper and both of you would write down what expenses each person caters for in the month. So even if a particular expense is fixed like rent should be included on the paper as well as other expenses too. In that way, both of you would know the exact expenses each person pays for and then a budget can be drawn up for the month to avoid one party being burden down with more expenses than required.

Moving ahead, if for example you earn 250K per month, split your salary into 4 places as follows:

62.5k – Savings (COMPULSORY)

62.5k – Yourself

62.5k – Children’s expenses

62.5k – Miscellaneous/feeding for household/rent and other expenses

If you carry on the way you are currently going, the resentment for the situation you are in will build up so much that everything your husband does will irritate you and cause unnecessary quarrel. There is a reason why a man is the head of his house which SHOULD include providing and catering for his family both materially and otherwise.

ENOUGH SAID.

badwife:
Marriage has not favoured me in anyway, I'm just bearing MRS for nothing.

it is well dear

Oyindidi:
it is well dear

Is this funny?

Dyt:


Is this funny?

This post I quoted

Oyindidi:
This post I quoted

I see

Dyt:


I see

The lady still made me laugh in this disheartening situation of hers. I pray God to help her.

freshvine:


take a look in the mirror, say to yourself loudly...(i am a married woman with responsibility). continue saying it until it sink deep into your consciousness.

after this exercise, you'll come to terms that you've responsibities toward your family irrespective of your husband's insensitivity. that way, selfishness will evaporate from your moral fibre.

I have read what cannot be unread.

Smh

Hmmm...all those women who are strong, independent, with substance, non tax collectors and do not let their bfs pick some of their bills while dating, see your life! He clearly isn't responsible! You spoilt him! He's all yours,deal with it! Hian! I dey vex cos I know his kind!

No vex.

Op I know jst hw u feel... 1st u got it wrong by taking up his role as d provider. D bible said dt he who cant provide 4 his family is worst than an infidel. I know u did it out of love bt its stil wrong.if u decide to stop payin bills now,u n ur kid(s)wil suffer.he'll opt to stayin out and gettin everythin he wants includin SEX. D solution nw is ds: QUIT: NAGGING, WHINNING,COMPLAINTS,FIGHTS...ETC
START: Being nice to him,its nt goin to be easy seein he's nt treatin u wel bt try(despite what he does,u love him and want ur marriage to work). Maintain this and dnt talk abt money.once he sees dt ur being nice is nt 4 money,he'll adjust and den u open ur communication line-start wt things dt interests him-football...anything.treat him like a king and make ur home his kingdom, Believe me u wont need to tell him wat to do abt money,he knows.d both of u were captins of a boat and so he gave u ur way. Its nt goin to b easy I say bt ofcourse nothin good comes easy! One more thing: wen u plan ur budget, add self maintainance! U have to love urself to be able to love others wel! Put God above ALL(PRAY ALWAYS) God wants u to enjoy ur marriage and u wil. God's grace

badwife:


God bless you for understanding. I don't want a divorce but I'm just not happy.
I've been assisting all this while because I believed if things were better he will take back his responsibility but I guess he had other plans.

It is just not fair, I've given my all but to this home.
I can do without the 15k but I just feel this is how I'm going to do it all forever.

Whatever you plan to do, you have to do now. If there are no kids at the moment, how does he plan to provide for them and take responsibility when they come if he cannot take care of you.

He is just being selfish. And please stop tolerating the malice keeping behaviour...it is a childish and annoying behaviour.

freshvine:


take a look in the mirror, say to yourself loudly...(i am a married woman with responsibility). continue saying it until it sink deep into your consciousness.

after this exercise, you'll come to terms that you've responsibities toward your family irrespective of your husband's insensitivity. that way, selfishness will evaporate from your moral fibre.

If the OP was a guy, would you give this kind of advice. Try to be reasonable and impartial. She should take responsibility but he shouldn't.

badwife:
I have to do this to keep my sanity in check, pardon my grammatical errors.

I've been married to my husband for three years and we've been having serious financial struggles but God has been our helper.

I'm the last child of my parents and my siblings are doing very well financially and even support me sometimes.

I earn equal amount with my husband and early this year I told him I will bear full responsibility of the home with the exception of dstv payment and buying of fuel so he can clear all debts he incurred.

I've been feeding the house, buying toiletries, fueling the generator, assist with the car servicing, I pay the school fees and so many other things to numerous too mention.

I have been doing all these things with little grumbling and no appreciation from my husband.
Most times I have to beg my family for assistance because my salary is not enough.

My husband got some extra money this month and I asked him to assist with 10,000naira only and he has blatantly refused (I asked in a loving way).

I feel he is taking me for granted because he thinks I don't have the mind to keep malice (as he does), I have decided not to do anything in this house anymore.

He told me he will do what he likes and I have decided to take that stand too...I asked my husband to spare 10k for feeding and 5k for making my hair out of 300k he received and he has refused.

I have never eaten my husbands 1000naira before but he gives his family and friends.

I feel betrayed and i have decided to be wise

Your moniker has defined who you are.
You have decided to be wise abi?
Keep wising your co wife is on her way..

freshvine:


why not prove to him you can survive without a share in the 300k and wait for ur pound of flesh.

you confirm he earn little, same you allude you've not eaten his 1k yet he dated, courted and is married to you for 3 years...hmmm!

suddenly you want to divorce him over 15k. how do you intend to care for your kids, pay bills and care for self? will ur fortune change being divorced?

kai, i pray make sense no kee you


_{mbok you get younger sister, i wan show her something}

STARGREEN:

Every issue has solution. If you have teeth problem u visit a dentist, if its car then comes a mechanical engineer. Family issues is best resolved indoors. I wish u can see reasons with me

it is better to be quiet and be considered wise....
than spew rubbish and clear all doubt

freshvine:


take a look in the mirror, say to yourself loudly...(i am a married woman with responsibility). continue saying it until it sink deep into your consciousness.

after this exercise, you'll come to terms that you've responsibities toward your family irrespective of your husband's insensitivity. that way, selfishness will evaporate from your moral fibre.

REALLY? or rather "continue saying it until you sink into depression".. Hianity!!!!

mimimile93:


Your moniker has defined who you are.
You have decided to be wise abi?
Keep wising your co wife is on her way..

Co wife indeed. When he cannot even take care of only one. You think it is that easy..

Won't it even be better to have a co wife that will share the responsibility?

ImaIma1:


Co wife indeed. When he cannot even take care of only one. You think it is that easy..

Won't it even be better to have a co wife that will share the responsibility?

Why is it that when it comes to benefits, y'all women want equal right but when it comes to responsibilities y'all tryna dodge?

I am not supporting the husband oo just asking.

Ufan - ima Ame'sere o

badwife:


I felt like talking to someone and since the forum is anonymous, I feel better pouring my heart out here than talking to a friend or family member.

This forum is not as anonymous as you think

mimimile93:


Why is it that when it comes to benefits, y'all women want equal right but when it comes to responsibilities y'all tryna dodge?

I am not supporting the husband oo just asking.

Ufan - ima Ame'sere o

What are you talking about? A man has blatantly refused to spend his money in the house and is ok with the woman shouldering all the responsibilities but is ok spending on friends and other family. And you are talking of equal rights and benefits.

Is it this equal or beneficial?

Mesiere nde

ImaIma1:


What are you talking about? A man has blatantly refused to spend his money in the house and is ok with the woman shouldering all the responsibilities but is ok spending on friends and other family. And you are talking of equal rights and benefits.

Is it this equal or beneficial?

Mesiere nde

Ufan remember I said that I am not in support of her husband's behaviour.
I was just asking that question because not only her, I've seen and heard a lot of women yelling whenever it comes to taking responsibilities but would fight for equality when it comes to benefits.

Let her endure, change is constant and I believe the man would change. She can't start adding fuel to the fire.
Let her remember the motto and keep her head up.
Motto: No pain No gain.

Ima mpo aba'diah? Adu ke mong?

ImaIma1:


If the OP was a guy, would you give this kind of advice. Try to be reasonable and impartial. She should take responsibility but he shouldn't.

it's unwise to attack my post base on sentiment and uncontrolled emotion.
whatever money her hubby borrowed was for the good of the family, she decided to support him by increasing her stake in bills...(not doing hubby a favour but making sure her young family does'nt run aground). this is the point i allude if she thinks she need recompense then she's selfish.

men has been taking financial responsibilities of home without grudge so why is it difficult for a woman to step up without demanding for some sort of accolade?

freshvine:




men has been taking financial responsibilities of home without grudge so why is it difficult for a woman to step up without demanding for some sort of accolade?

Who doesn't like appreciation?
You don't have to go on your kneels before you can show appreciation
Even these men expect same from us

Little things could heal the most wounded heart

And you open a nairaland account with the name badwife...

And you expect me to think you are the best wife ever..



Women!! Just one day of becoming the bread winner and CNN will carry the news.. Nonsense

@freshvine it seems you are among those that doesn't read a story complete in details.
Am not trying to support the OP either cos I have not heard the husband's side of the story. I have had close experiences from around me in years of men who totally pushed all their responsibilities to their wives. Little wonder while I was in university, almost everyone I knew always mention their 'mom'. "Their mom paid this for them. Their mom will buy this stuff for them'. Hardly will you hear them speak of their dads. The disadvantage of this men INTENTIONALLY leaving their responsibilities for their wives to shoulder all is that at the long run, several years later, when they are old and little or no strength atall, the grown up children who saw everything that happened then but couldn't talk while younger tend to put all their efforts in catering for their aged mothers while abandoning their fathers and is the SONS that mostly act this way.
From what I understand from her story, the woman have been COMMITTED in contributing her own quota to the family from DAY 1 of her marriage. Even adding both the financial support she gets from her own siblings into her home. While the man is rather giving his own parents and siblings.
The bottom line is that she is emotionally choked and cannot breathe any longer.
All she needed is just an APPRECIATION from her husband and not his MONEY. Even though she knows her husband is not daft and aware of what she is doing, all she wants is for him to voice it out sincerely and say " Sweetheart I can see all that you have been doing for me in other to avoid me to be shamed and for this I want to say thank you. You have been the woman in my life and I don't regret loving you". SIMPLE
Madam just pray first and check yourself, then talk to your husband.
Respect him.
Do what only you think you can do.
Don't kill yourself over anything.
Take good care of yourself and love yourself ( DON'T JOKE WITH THIS ATALL).
Save your money crazily. Cut expenses.
I wish you the best.

neoG:
@freshvine it seems you are among those that doesn't read a story complete in details.
Am not trying to support the OP either cos I have not heard the husband's side of the story. I have had close experiences from around me in years of men who totally pushed all their responsibilities to their wives. Little wonder while I was in university, almost everyone I knew always mention their 'mom'. "Their mom paid this for them. Their mom will buy this stuff for them'. Hardly will you hear them speak of their dads. The disadvantage of this men INTENTIONALLY leaving their responsibilities for their wives to shoulder all is that at the long run, several years later, when they are old and little or no strength atall, the grown up children who saw everything that happened then but couldn't talk while younger tend to put all their efforts in catering for their aged mothers while abandoning their fathers and is the SONS that mostly act this way.
From what I understand from her story, the woman have been COMMITTED in contributing her own quota to the family from DAY 1 of her marriage. Even adding both the financial support she gets from her own siblings into her home. While the man is rather giving his own parents and siblings.
The bottom line is that she is emotionally choked and cannot breathe any longer.
All she needed is just an APPRECIATION from her husband and not his MONEY. Even though she knows her husband is not daft and aware of what she is doing, all she wants is for him to voice it out sincerely and say " Sweetheart I can see all that you have been doing for me in other to avoid me to be shamed and for this I want to say thank you. You have been the woman in my life and I don't regret loving you". SIMPLE
Madam just pray first and check yourself, then talk to your husband.
Respect him.
Do what only you think you can do.
Don't kill yourself over anything.
Take good care of yourself and love yourself ( DON'T JOKE WITH THIS ATALL).
Save your money crazily. Cut expenses.
I wish you the best.

Thank you so much and God bless you.

NwanyiAwkaetiti:
Never share bills 50-50 with your husband. 30-70 is still manageable. You've taken that role as the head of your home sadly.

Idi wicked