cute-ass:

EXACTLY DARLING DON'T LEAVE YOUR SPOUSE HANGING

I guess this means you and i are bound to be married to our spouses til death do us path because we know what it takes

yes oh u damn right.
don't worry i will be at your wedding

@ cute-ass
Yours was the most sensible post from a woman. At least someone bothered to imagine what it would feel like to be in the man's shoes.

At the same time, most women here are quick to ask why men are always looking for an excuse to cheat. Is it not absurd that a woman would use the "he is never at home" excuse to go drinking in a bar with another man? Why was her husband not informed if indeed she loves and respects him?
The fundamental issue here is trust. Imagine what i would be thinking if i were in his shoes. . . what if that was not the first time? What if she had been doing worse than mere drinking at a bar with another man? What if . . .?

Trust once lost is never easy to build again. True i agree that the man has a lot of work to do on his part to get his marriage up again but should the woman have to resort to such a low blow to score a point?

Excellent reaction on your part as regards what you would have done if it were u. Marriage once entered into i believe should be for better or worse. If i could marry her out of every woman on earth then it doesnt matter what it costs me, that marriage just has to work o.

soccerquee:

I can't be with a cheating husband, i feel disrespected as a wife.
How am i sure he won't do the same thing again, once a cheater will always be cheater.

I'm sure the guy feels the same way too.

soccerquee:

Well i can make it without my husband nor do i need his money
This are reason why a women has to be independent, with a very good paying job.

That is not the spirit that makes a marriage work.

soccerquee:

Well there is a reason why she's out drinking with another man in the bar.
The man is not satisfying her in bed

Many cheating husbands use exactly the same excuse, it still does not make it right.

@ donenick

It is not how body scratches us that we should scratch it, if we do, there will be spots all over the body.
Pray for your wife, Fight the good fight of faith for her. From your submission she is not that kind of person.
Talk to her and show her affection all over again. You have to start to woo her again. As it is now, she is considering other options and does not even mind being seen in public with the man. All said and done, you may change your job but dont u ever be jobless.

Your strength of love has been revealed by not creating a scene at the bar. Who does not know that if my wife was disgraced yesterday, I was the one disgraced!

You may have to take a leave for a week or so to renew your affections and commitments to one another. I dont believe that marriages should be allowed to crumble. Research has shown that it takes an average of 5 years for married couples to get their lives back on track after a failed marriage. I am sure you dont have 5 yrs to waste.

Creatively engage her time, it could be by sending her to do a course, open a business for her or buy her a car gift and employ a driver for her. She has to beat both you and the driver to be able to play her pranks! Consider encouraging her to go to church also.

Above all, put on the whole armour of faith, wherewith you would be able to quench all the fiery darts of the devil. No matter what, this marriage must not fail. Please work it out. God will give you wisdom to do it.

I am praying with you on this important issue.

@ Davidylan

you're absolutely right. Trust and communication is so so important in a relationship

and trust once lost is never easy to rebuild, i'm happy you didn't say impossible, guess that means they have a chance at working it out, if they both are ready to

the thing is this, the lady broke the trust and the guy on the other hand broke the communication
if as he mentioned the lady has in the past mentioned it to him, then (for the 10th time, i'm saying she's not justified ooh) he should have done something about it

maybe the lady felt abandoned, neglected and ignored hence making her friends her resting pillar, now trust bad friends to lead you astray

I hope they can both heal each other's pain and start anew, marriage needs endurance, patience, love and undrstanding

davidylan:

@ cute-ass
Yours was the most sensible post from a woman. At least someone bothered to imagine what it would feel like to be in the man's shoes.

Thanks for that comment though

@ boladonas
GOD BLESS YOUR FINGERS DEAR Your girl is lucky and blessed _{that's if you're not the follow my words but not my footsteps type ooh}

@boladonas
You woman should be happy she got u.
Nice comment

@soccerquee
Going to the with another man proves nothing but if it's not a business meeting or her family celebration, what is a married woman doing at the bar with another man behind her husband's back? I feel sorry for your husband if you carry this wayward mentality to your marriage ! There is nothing wrong with a woman having male friends but there should be a limit to everything. Prove or no prove, it's universally wrong for a married woman to go to a bar with another man !!! If you catch your brother's wife at a bar with another man ignore it, since you know too dang much !!! my people says "only evil business makes one cut corner, honest people usually walk straight" ( san larin, aje ni mu ni pekoro) !

If you catch your brother's wife at a bar with another man ignore it, since you know too dang much !!!

well if that happens i will talk to her about it, tell her to follow me outside, nor am not gonna tell my brother.

And also my brother wife will never never in her life go to a bar with another without her husband knowledge.

@ boladonas and cute-ass
You guys just renewed my faith in the institution of marriage. God bless you both.

Depends on what Donenick wants to do. As the man of the home, the health of your marriage rests squarely on your shoulders.
Trust me its tough to trust a woman who can go to a bar with another man behind me but it is not impossible. With good communication and taking Bolabdonas advice, things are not irretrievable.

Broken trust sometimes might be better than a broken marriage. You can survive the former, the latter may put u on the road to an early grave. When i give out that ring, i want it to be forever.

blahhhhhhhhh

davidylan:

@ boladonas and cute-ass
You guys just renewed my faith in the institution of marriage. God bless you both.

that's good to know

As far as the inevitable doesn't happen, hang on in there, there's no guarantee that the next person you run into isn't worst.

Who said there wouldn't be storms, but with your heart at the right place, the storm will sure be over.

For better, for worse

check this out !!!
A woman's work !

have you never had a drink with anybodyWhy do men behave weird when it comes to ladies and they're just fine and try sounding logical when it's their turn, huh sounds so hatful!

too many 'single' marriage cousellors in the house , just wondering where their advice is coming from,
experience

---

_{everybody is an expert}

@topic: Abeg where did you find them drinking? In your house or in a bar/pub?

^ people have restaurants in their houses now?

manntee:

too many 'single' marriage cousellors in the house , just wondering where their advice is coming from,
experience

---

_{everybody is an expert}

Mantee imagine o!

Instead make them ask us who are married.

ThiefOfHearts:

^ people have restaurants in their houses now?

I just wanted to be sure i got that straight right from the beginning. what else is there to discuss? Personally, i wouldnt take a woman i meet in a bar seriously, and any decent girl wont go to a bar after marriage if its not with her husband. If you ask my opinion, then i will tell you she is cheating big time with an old and probably comfortable man who will give her what she wants as long as she continues to give him a fast trip to heaven and back.

Sit with your woman and find out what she wants, if u have no kids yet it makes it alot easier. Sort yourselves out

Vieira:

Mantee imagine o!

Instead make them ask us who are married.

well we didn't have to be marry to give people advice.

All it matters is using your commen sense/ logic

Offcourse we all have parents and we know how they act towards each other and  how they settle their problem without calling the third party.

so since u are married y don't you write your own opinion about this matter

It all boils down to effective communication. Sit her down and talk to her man. Lay down the rules. Its not about wot girls are allowed to do or vice versa, its about wot u are comfortable with. If ur not comfy wit seeing ur wife in that situation, u need to let her kno.

Gud luk man

You know what,if you had saw them at the bar i guess you were there to cool off urself aswell,you could have probably sat at a table close to them or better still join there table if there still be space available.

And act as if you are just a stranger and wait to see if your wife will like be,Mr A. meet my husband but you never acted this way so you never can tell what goin on between them, But if she doesnt Man watch ya back


Good Luck

manntee:

too many 'single' marriage cousellors in the house , just wondering where their advice is coming from,
experience

that we're not married doesn't mean we're senseless. sometimes you learn from self-experience, sometimes you learn from other's experience and sometimes all you need is "wisdom"

you want to tell me that everybody you've rendered an advice in your life is because you've been in the situation. na wah oo

well that i've never been an armed-robber doesn't mean i don't know what to say if i run into one so puh-lease 

Vieira:

Mantee imagine o!

Instead make them ask us who are married.

ask us who are married, right?? and where is the advice you had to give?? none.

then you're not serious

because even though you're married you had nothing to contribute abi? please take your married friend along with you, your partner in crime, mantee

cute-ass:


ask us who are married, right?? and where is the advice you had to give?? none.

then you're not serious

because even though you're married you had nothing to contribute abi? please take your married friend along with you, your partner in crime, mantee

_{laughing and rolling on the floor} girl u don kill me ohhhhhhhh

am happy now since u finished what i started

This just goes to show that unless you have experience you should not be running your mouth.

watching your parents is quite different from experiencing something yourself.

and if you had any experience you would know that common sense rarely works when it comes to emotion.

You want to know why I did not give advice?

Simple:

The story is incomplete and actually sounds made up to me.

If you did not have any previous issues with your wife, then meeting her in a bar with another man is not by itself enough to jump to any conclusions.

I mean, what was her reaction?

what did he the thread starter do?

did he question her? and if yes what did she say?

did he do any further digging regarding the other guy?

did the wife act in a guilty manner?

did the wife say she was going somewhere else initially?

And trust me if this really happened I doubt if you would rush to nairaland to be asking for advice, I sure know I would not.

So till the thread starter gives more information I would not be opening my mouth and spewing any silly advic willy nilly.

@ vieira

its a good thing you think/know the story was made up and who knows maybe it is. You have the right to make up your mind on what you think, noody will dare tell you to do away with what your inner guts is telling you but know you this, an advice you give to someone today can go all the way to the end of the world to save someone else from misery tomorrow

i have come across 1001 fabricated stories on nairaland, infact the fabriated ones are more in number than the true ones lol, sometimes when i feel like, i point it out to the lying poster that i know for sure the story didn't happen to him/her, i love it more sef when i have facts to back my suspicion up

but for the audience, rest of the world, guests(have you ever checked the "who's online" function tosee how many guests visit the site?) i leave my sincere and honest advice

afterall, the fact that he fabricated "his" story (i didn't think so anyway) doesn't mean there isn't someone else going through the same dilemma

but cute ass, you have to accept that even if true, we should be given a lot more detail before we can give good advice.

I mean the whole story is simply: I saw my wive in a bar with another man.

Finito.

I mean what are we to do with that?

I can give true life stories that sound more fantastic than fiction but I will give full details and background and that is what separates fiction from fact.

anyway lets hope the poster comes back with more details but I doubt it.

so puh-lease

ask us who are married, right?? and where is the advice you had to give?? none.

then you're not serious
@ cute ass
viera said it all

well that i've never been an armed-robber doesn't mean i don't know what to say if i run into one

and i don't see the correlation between being an armed robber and experiencing armed robbery. but i will let you know, as someone who has experienced , on more than one occasion, no two experience is the same and there is no hard and fast rule on how to behave, same goes for marriage situation or any emotional situation.
fine you learn from other peoples experience but then you don't have sole right on knowledge and mind you there is a difference in gathering up other peoples experience and applying it wisely and my point is that you can never know the full detail of such situation unless you are the ones involved so you might think you are saying the right thing but it might actually be the converse.
fine you are smart and you can apply common sense but some of the advice i have read is senseless like those justifying why a wife would flirt with another guy because her hubby doesn't give her attention, tell me if there is an iota of sense in that, talk of common sense(afterall, they both made a vow for better or worse).

anyway, enough said.

---

_{i never said your contribution was sensless but if you felt it was well}

@ cuteass
since you can state categorically that i am married, i guess you were the one that married me
and i like your handle i am sure you have one too (cuteass)

@ Mantee

i love the way you reason and you make a lot of sense.

But have you ever thought of the fact that even the person in the relationship is confused, two heads they say is better than one hence people ask one another for advice.

Now we're all different and that's why we make different suggestions, and the chances of the one each of us said being the solution to the particular problem, is 50/50

i always say in my opinion, i think or i hope, i try to withold myself from saying do this, or do that esp. when its a matter that could go both ways.
At the end of the day, what is left for the person is to summarize all answers and choose that which he thinks serves him best and the one he knows he'll be able to do damning the consequences

I never stand for evil to reign so i point out to each his or her mistakes and then give what i think might be possible a solution

have you ever thought of the fact that even if the person doesn't ask us for advice, their decision might still end up to be the wrong one??

something you said made me remeber what i had once said while trying to make a sunmmary reply to a poster concerning all the advice that had been given: and i quote myself, here's a clip from my post to the girl:

cute-ass:

[color=#000099]
Always remember, to look at other people's instances but let those instances not be your solid rock of decision, just an insight of what might be  

because the same situation narrated by A could still be similar to the situation of B, and yet at the end of the day, they both had different outcomes, experience and results

Hence i like saying, in my own opinion or giving the person the possible advantages and disadvantages to the situation because only a fortune-teller should give you a concrete answer since we never know what will happen. Another person's worst nightmare might be the best dream of your life

cheers

no proof, afterall the guy could be her friend or gay

Did i read you say ya wife in a bar with another man? Thats very irresponsible and must stop pronto. The next time it will be his bed. chikina!

no man on earth (not even Mel Gibson) knows what a woman wants. women tend to be a little selfish sometimes. if you don't work and there's no money flowing, they call you a useless, lazy man who can't do anything but sit at home all day. if you're working very hard to make sure she and the kids are comfortable and have all they need, they say you have no time for the family and some might even conclude that you go to your mistress' place to relax after work.

now, there might be many reasons for your wife to want to cheat on you (if it's really true that she's not faithful). and like somebody said, don't put the blame on her friends. since she's an adult and not a kid, i don't believe anybody can tell her to jump into fire and she'll go ahead. in life, people talk to us and we make our decisions in the end. even if anything goes wrong, the person(s) that talked to you won't be held responsible. it's possible that the man she was with is an old friend/colleague (if she's ever worked in a firm)/classmate. but if you noticed her unusual body movement and your mind rigidly tells you something's not right, then she might truly be having an affair. however, since this is the first time you're seeing her with a man (you never indicated that you've been hearing about such before), then you can give her the benefit of doubt and amend things now that everything's still fresh. so think about why she's doing this;

1. she might truly be tired of your unavailabilty and this leads to #2. apparently, even the kids have no time to spend with their dad and that kind of hurts.

2. you're not giving her sex like you used to when you just got married and your hormones were burning like hell fire.

did you ever see the movie Unfaithful?

i'd personally advise you not to quit your job, but adjust your schedule and give your family the time they deserve. what kind of job is it by the way? you should have weekends off work and take your family out to nice places, play with them in and out of the house, talk to them like your friends and above all, never stop loving them. make out the last friday of every month for you and your wife alone. go and see a live band, eat, drink, dance, and drive home with good stories, ensuring that the next month's last friday will even be better. marriage is simple, couples just put unnecessary twists in it and make it look like one difficult union. as for her friends, now is not the time to stop them from coming to your house, otherwise, she'll be going to them and spending more time since she knows your job will never let you catch her. when everything's settled, you'll slowly, in a very smart pattern, let her know that you've never liked those friends of hers and she should minimise (NOTE: minimise, NOT stop) seeing them.

i hope things work out for you and please, do come back to give feedback. just take things easy with her and don't ever try to fight. this is just yet another marriage shake, but it has been ordained by the Almighty, it will always remain rock-steady.

The subject itself is funny. After taking several bottles, na bed discussion dey end oh. Shine ur eye oh. She'll bring up silly excuses.