I need a Mature response
Pls safe my marriage

Good evening all

Few years ago,I got a government job through the assistance of my father in-law and at initial stage all was going on smoothly. Until recently My mother in-law called me that she want her two children from Ijebu to come and stay with me even without prior notice. I told her politely that ma, you know that I just get a job and the salary is not something to be proud off we are just managing here with two kids. To my surprise my wife remind me how her father helped me to get the job I am doing, with all sorts insults, her mother too joined her and shouted on me which resulted in arguments to the extent that outsiders came to settle it for us

Since then things as not been what it used to be in the past. My wife is in full support of her parents, insisting that two of her younger ones must stay with us. I am confused

I leave in room and parlor self contain which hardly accommodate myself, wife and my two kids in Lagos here.

Admin help me to put these on front page. I need a Mature reply help me out

Sorry. Your in-laws can go to hell.

You just need your wife to support you. Talk to her.

Be serious about it. Get a paper or make a power point presentation or whatever — just break down expenses & let her know you can't afford to feed two extra mouth.

Accommodation too is a problem. It'll be uncomfortable.
Her personal space will be invaded. Yours too. Show her it'll affect her too. If you can convince her, it's done.

The last resort is too accommodate a single person.

Only a weak man allows his in-laws dictate to him what to do. You are grateful for their help alright, but that's where it stops. Draw the line. Your family needs privacy. Seriously OP, I feel like slapping you

Sooo sad that you are passing through this at this point of your life. That being said, your wife is to be blamed as she is not helping matters knowing fully well the situation of things with you and also you stay in one room self contained when you already has two kids to look after.Talk to her to her to see reasons with you so that she can explain things to her parents. If to say you do not have kids with her, I would have advised you to get out of the relationship as her family will end up pulling you down.
Since her father helped you to secure your job, they would want to run and control your family to your own detriment. If you try your best to talk her out of it and she refuses to take your advise, allow her do what she wants and start saving some money for yourself as this could crash your marriage.

emmyN:
Only a weak man allows his in-laws dictate to him what to do. You are grateful for their help alright, but that's where it stops. Draw the line. Your family needs privacy. Seriously OP, I feel like slapping you

He got his job through his in-laws so he needs wisdom and diplomacy to handle the situation.

OP, in my opinion, you're not weak. What you need is wisdom to handle this situation and you need your wife on your side in this matter. There are two parties. Make sure it's you and your wife against your parents-in-law and not you against your wife and her family.

1. Work out some alternatives to this situation. What are you willing to concede and what are the things that are important to you in this discussion.
2. Use the framework of 1 above to develop at least 2 win/win alternatives. This means a solution that will give both parties some of what they want without anybody losing face.

3. Paint a realistic picture of the additional occupancy to your wife. Make it as realistically grim as possible without really putting your self or your interests into consideration. Ideally if you have gotten other things right with your family before this scenario, your wife's interests should overlap with yours considerably and that should give you a leverage.

4. Repeat step 1 with your wife and carefully guide her or carefully chip in your concerns. Once both of you agree on your concerns, work together to develop a win/win alternative similar to what you had in two or better.

Finally, find a way of presenting this alternative to your wife's family in a humble and sensitive manner so that it doesn't look as if you're saying no to their request (don't call it demand).

It's a long and complicated process and I have made lots of assumptions. One of my assumptions is that you have won your wife's trust before now and she believes in your leadership. Another one is that both of you are aligned financially. I have others but those 2 are key.

I wish you all the best.

Ehn, allow them come to stay na, but before then, draw up your current budget and show it to madam with a stern warning that this budget will not be exceeded by a kobo. Since she is in support of two extra mouths to feed then she must chip in financially. In short, she must be responsible for feeding by at least 45%.

If she fails to see reason keep silent and stick to you budget, but make sure your children have enough for their needs. It's all man for himself since she will not borrow herself brain.

I rily concur with what a nairalander said up there, diplomacy is highly needed here,u dnt av to turn it to hot argument wit ur wife nd inlaw
There is a way u culd talk to ur wife nd she will be on ur side,if that is achieved,u do win the issue

Talk to your wife in the middle of the night and make her understand you can not afford to accommodate her brothers for now as feeding and ur privacy are also needed to be consider therefore to avoid wahala, you can't welcome them in ur house for now.

Your wife should be the one going against the whole idea of bringing her siblings to you but If she failed to understand..then, you can just make one empty promise like they can come in December.

That's is just an excuse to bail out of the situation so to avoid wahala. Cuz those guys go just develop unnecessary hatred towards your person.

All you need is to apply wisdom as a family man.

emmyN:
Only a weak man allows his in-laws dictate to him what to do. You are grateful for their help alright, but that's where it stops. Draw the line. Your family needs privacy. Seriously OP, I feel like slapping you

Succinctly stated. Bravo.

I pity you bro...

The truth is that with your wife siding her parents means disloyalty, her loyalty should have been God first, then you second before her parents, maybe in your years of dating and subsequently marrying her, you didn't do enough to convince her to push her loyalty to you.

Whatever decision you make, I pray you don't lose your marriage, cos either way you might still lose your marriage, cow after all the squabbling, if you allow them to come stay, then be rest assured of a serious gang up between your wife and her siblings against you... Bros can you withstand that?

That's why I think twice before recieving some help

9japrof:
I pity you bro...

The truth is that with your wife siding her parents means disloyalty, her loyalty should have been God first, then you second before her parents, maybe in your years of dating and subsequently marrying her, you didn't do enough to convince her to push her loyalty to you.

Whatever decision you make, I pray you don't lose your marriage, cos either way you might still lose your marriage, cow after all the squabbling, if you allow them to come stay, then be rest assured of a serious gang up between your wife and her siblings against you... Bros can you withstand that?

That's why I think twice before recieving some help

Thank you so much for this advice

Ishilove:
Ehn, allow them come to stay na, but before then, draw up your current budget and show it to madam with a stern warning that this budget will not be exceeded by a kobo. Since she is in support of two extra mouths to feed then she must chip in financially. In short, she must be responsible for feeding by at least 45%.

If she fails to see reason keep silent and stick to you budget, but make sure your children have enough for their needs. It's all man for himself since she will not borrow herself brain.

i agree with you here, sometimes its really hard to tame a sturborn wife.

Call your wife to order bro. Major decisions in the family must be taken between husband and wife. Their should be no third party interference. This is dangerous godfatherism in marriage.

Be a man and stand your ground. It is your house after all.

At times, accepting help in any form from in-laws most especially, the woman side is awkward. Because, most times, it backfires. They will rub it on the man'face, making him to look stupid as if he has no control over his own wife and family. They always want to control his family.

What I will do in such situation, you can't do it,so no need to advice you.Do exactly what your spirit tells you and what makes you happy. You know your flaws.

ireke:


He got his job through his in-laws so he needs wisdom and diplomacy to handle the situation.

OP, in my opinion, you're not weak. What you need is wisdom to handle this situation and you need your wife on your side in this matter. There are two parties. Make sure it's you and your wife against your parents-in-law and not you against your wife and her family.

1. Work out some alternatives to this situation. What are you willing to concede and what are the things that are important to you in this discussion.
2. Use the framework of 1 above to develop at least 2 win/win alternatives. This means a solution that will give both parties some of what they want without anybody losing face.

3. Paint a realistic picture of the additional occupancy to your wife. Make it as realistically grim as possible without really putting your self or your interests into consideration. Ideally if you have gotten other things right with your family before this scenario, your wife's interests should overlap with yours considerably and that should give you a leverage.

4. Repeat step 1 with your wife and carefully guide her or carefully chip in your concerns. Once both of you agree on your concerns, work together to develop a win/win alternative similar to what you had in two or better.

Finally, find a way of presenting this alternative to your wife's family in a humble and sensitive manner so that it doesn't look as if you're saying no to their request (don't call it demand).

It's a long and complicated process and I have made lots of assumptions. One of my assumptions is that you have won your wife's trust before now and she believes in your leadership. Another one is that both of you are aligned financially. I have others but those 2 are key.

I wish you all the best.

I admire your reasoning perspective and the clamour for diplomacy in settling the issue. But the fact that the wife could scold her man before her mum, and the mum even joined her in the act shows that the OP has been reduced to a riffraff in his home.

There is a bigger issue I can see there now than just the brothers coming to stay with them. The OP needs to earn his balls back, and he would by taking a firm stand on this particular issue. He could render financial support to them, but living in his house should be a no no. It's up to him

This Such Of Marriage Is No For Me I No Go Do Let Love Matter Out Of It

platorepublic:
I need a Mature response
Pls safe my marriage

Good evening all

Few years ago,I got a government job through the assistance of my father in-law and at initial stage all was going on smoothly. Until recently My mother in-law called me that she want her two children from Ijebu to come and stay with me even without prior notice. I told her politely that ma, you know that I just get a job and the salary is not something to be proud off we are just managing here with two kids. To my surprise my wife remind me how her father helped me to get the job I am doing, with all sorts insults, her mother too joined her and shouted on me which resulted in arguments to the extent that outsiders came to settle it for us

Since then things as not been what it used to be in the past. My wife is in full support of her parents, insisting that two of her younger ones must stay with us. I am confused

I leave in room and parlor self contain which hardly accommodate myself, wife and my two kids in Lagos here.

Admin help me to put these on front page. I need a Mature reply help me out

I won't advise you to divorce.
I want to use this medium to pray for every nigga out there who wish to marry.. May we never get married IJN..

These hoes ain't loyal..

Bruv deal with your sh!t.





I wonder why some men think they can't live without women..

Iamtosignno:
This Such Of Marriage Is No For Me
I No Go Do Let Love Matter Out Of It

This is another reason I always tell dudes these:


1. Never work in your in-laws company.

2. Never loan money from in-laws.

3. Never get a job via your in-laws.

4. Never live in a house provided or built by your in-laws.

5. Never collect a car gift from your in-laws.

milemimi93:
This is another reason I always tell dudes these:


1. Never work in your in-laws company.

2. Never loan money from in-laws.

3. Never get a job via your in-laws.

4. Never live in a house provided or built by your in-laws.

5. Never collect a car gift from your in-laws.

Na True Gee SomeTime To Love Is The Beginning Of MuMu Imagine SomeOne Go Dey Accept Anything That Come His/Her Way Whether The End Is Regret Or Joy