So I have been dating Gbenga for about 3 years now, A serious relationship intending to become a married life very very soon but I am at the point where I am not sure if he is the right person for me to marry.

I have been given it some thought lately and I am very confused.

Please Nairalanders I need your help, I believe that the point of view from someone tht don’t know me is very important because he/she will speak plainly without the fear of hurting my feelings.

Gbenga and I started off like the classics, He came to seek my elder sister’s approval before I could say yes. And my pastor’s too. He is very honest and caring,he can spend his last kobo on me and go home broke. I can remember when I asked him what his intention was before I brought him to my sister. He said will not promise me all the money in the world but he would make sure I never regret any moment with him.

..Fast forward to the beginning of the whole wahala…[b][/b]

I must confess I did hurt Gbenga and I have learnt from my mistake and I am changed. During the first year of our relationship cheated on him more than once for reasons I later realized to be stupid and ashamed of. Gbenga forgave me and made me promise never to do it again.

Ever since, Things never remained the same again. Initially, Gbenga like my best friend, my mentor advising and guiding me through in every aspect of my life. But after the issue we had, My boyfriend became over protective, always trying to make sure I don’t repeat the same mistake again. He move from being a mentor to being my obsessed and wicked secondary school counsellor. That’s is not even a problem for me, I can deal with that. But what I can’t deal with is:
• He claimed that I don’t love him, that if I really do, it will be written all over me. OKAY I started showing that I really love him.
• He came back again saying that I am trying to please him, he doesn’t want to be pleased that I should show him how much I love him in my own way. I WAS CONFUSED AT HEARING THIS, I still am and I am trying but I think too much intelligence is worrying this guy. But I am trying.


I don’t really have friends or time to make one because of the nature of my job. Majority of my friends are guys who mostly started off from toasting me then ended up in my friends’ zone and all this I tell Gbenga. Sometimes he act normal and we joke about it and he advices me to stay clear of their cunny strategies and other time is a different story entirely, He gives me this attitude especially when I make new ones.

..Something happened recently that stroked a cord in my nerve...

Gbenga is always telling my how dumb I can be around guys, saying that I can be easily manipulated and guys can easily bed with me because I lack the etiquette and sense to counter them or even detecting they are scammers. I swear I usually boil when he starts preaching this sermon on my head.

So there is this man in my neighborhood I respect alot, I know his family very well, they were my patient in the hospital I used to work with. About 4 weeks ago he called my line requesting that I meet his junior brother (olumide). Was a bit intrigued, I asked him why bust he was beating around the bush. i told him that I am in a serious relationship but he pleaded that there is no harm that I should just meet with him. Out of respect I agreed.

I fixed a date (Christmas eve).A couple of hours before I went to see olumide,I sent gbenga a text that was going to see someone(I later knew that my boyfriend was about to buy me n my elder sis Christmas chicken when he got the text… we ended up eating frozen chicken for Christmas). I went to meet olumide and we had a chat, I told him I am in a serious relationship and he said OK. Immediately I transferred him to my friends zone. Later I spoke with Gbenga and explained everything to him. He was not mad except for the chicken part.

Since then, Olumide calls me to check on me, he was even the first person to call and wish me Happy new year, He made mention in the 1st date that he is into business which caught my interest. So about 2 weeks ago after work right after my shift my boyfriend called and I told him that I was going to see Olumide. He said OKAY NO PROBLEM. I met with Olumide and realized that the business I thought I was interested in never held any water and he was not really into it, he used the meeting as an opportunity to see me again.

After wards, I had a conversation with Gbenga regarding the meeting and how pissed I was to find out that the guy just wanted to see me again. TO MY SURPRISE Gbenga calmly and passionately injected insults into my blood stream in form of an advice. It was so painful it pierced my heart real time as I was reacting with rivers of tears on my face.

I don’t think I can do this anymore.

Girl u are really cheap just like ur boyfriend said...


U made promise to him not to cheat again right?

And u added olumide's number to friend zone as u claim....why was you moved with his type of business that got attracted to go pay him a second visit...

Girl, u are easily decided with material things..!!

Do that gbenga a favor. And get d heck outta his life..

#ungreatful_thing

• Yes I made a mistake by cheating on him but I am changed.
• Yes he knows me, maybe a little be more than I know myself
• I tell him everything, he is always there for me when I am down
• Yes he is changing my life for better
• He treats me like a child that needs to be taught how to walk, eat and play even though HE IS 2 YEARS OLDER THAN I AM
• He knows how to touch a woman
• He helped me start a small business by teaching me how to make extra income.

But I am tired of all the questioning thoughts he expresses. I don’t think he trust me and I am trying my best to show him but its just never enough.
If I marry him I feel this will never stop. I don’t know what else to do to make him trust me again.
He planned to go see my parent next month but I have not heard anything since the beginning of this year.

This problem is affecting my work and everything around me. Please I need help.

marry him fast bcus these kind of men are hard to get .he will change when u guys are finally married

I should not be doing this but i dont know if what i am doing is right telling the world about my problems. i dont want to make another mistake i will regret for the rest of my life.

working out trust after cheating is serious hard work.

bukkyemotions:
working out trust after cheating is serious hard work.

It feels like a lifes work. like a long term punishment. Please how do you think i can make it right. i am loosing it already.

Honestly speaking, I won't act any different if I was Gbenga. Now my advice: Go on ur knees to Gbenga & do whatsoever u can to win him over again. Stay off Olumide & others before he destroys what u & Gbenga share.

If I'm Gbenga & I don't see this changes in u visibly, I may end up leaving u since u don't value all the priceless times & bridges we have built over time.

May God help u in next line of action.

Regards

adamsoghene:
Honestly speaking, I won't act any different if I was Gbenga. Now my advice: Go on ur knees to Gbenga & do whatsoever u can to win him over again. Stay off Olumide & others before he destroys what u & Gbenga share.

If I'm Gbenga & I don't see this changes in u visibly, I may end up leaving u since u don't value all the priceless times & bridges we have built over time.

May God help u in next line of action.

Regards

Thanks, But i have tried that.. He said he tired of hearing sorry he want me to prove it to him. Thats the problem. i am trying to prove and prove but he is not seeing it. i am beginning feel like he is managing me pending the time he finds another girl. i dont know what else to think.

Gbenga calmly and passionately injected insults into my blood stream in form of an advice

This is cold. If he insults you, give him double. If you don't have the liver, desire or motivation to give him double, walk out on him and give him the cold treatment.

Kingdollar28:
Girl u are really cheap just like ur boyfriend said...


U made promise to him not to cheat again right?

And u added olumide's number to friend zone as u claim....why was you moved with his type of business that got attracted to go pay him a second visit...

Girl, u are easily decided with material things..!!

Do that gbenga a favor. And get d heck outta his life..



#ungreatful_thing

Nothing you would say can be compared to the amount sadness i am feeling.

adamsoghene:
Honestly speaking, I won't act any different if I was Gbenga. Now my advice: Go on ur knees to Gbenga & do whatsoever u can to win him over again. Stay off Olumide & others before he destroys what u & Gbenga share.

If I'm Gbenga & I don't see this changes in u visibly, I may end up leaving u since u don't value all the priceless times & bridges we have built over time.

May God help u in next line of action.

Regards

Go on knees sey she beat im mama?

You seems to be very weak. Can't even be with you for a week. Gbenga is very right. A man called you to meet his brother and he couldn't tell you the reason and you agreed to meet him. Smh.
Greet Gbenga for me ooo. He should be given the most tolerant guy of the year award.

This Gbenga guy is really patient.. God knows I'll do more than what he's currently doing if I was in his shoes.. He needs a better girl that he can trust.

Your BF is right my dear, You can't see pass other guys facade.

Please be very careful and think twice before you marry any guy.weigh the negative and the positive aspect of the relationship because when you get married, the love will first diminish a little that is when you be hearing ''he is a pretender'' I taught I will change him when we get married and now he's is worse. you better sit down and think straight. If you know you are secure with the future of the relationship call him let him realise what you are thinking of the relationship and what he is doing that you don't like and give him sometimes to change because if you are not comfortable in a relationship that you think will lead to marriage how are you going to be comfortable in your marriage?

Please be very careful and think twice before you marry any guy.weigh the negative and the positive aspect of the relationship because when you get married, the love will first diminish a little that is when you be hearing ''he is a pretender'' I taught I will change him when we get married and now he's is worse. you better sit down and think straight. If you know you are secure with the future of the relationship call him let him realise what you are thinking of the relationship and what he is doing that you don't like and give him sometimes to change because if you are not comfortable in a relationship that you think will lead to marriage how are you going to be comfortable in your marriage? The lord will help you in you relationship.

Yemaica:


Thanks, But i have tried that.. He said he tired of hearing sorry he want me to prove it to him. Thats the problem. i am trying to prove and prove but he is not seeing it. i am beginning feel like he is managing me pending the time he finds another girl. i dont know what else to think.

How long are you going to keep living in tension? How long will you keep enduring insults because of your royal fvckup? How long will you keep trying to prove to a grown ass man that you love him? (That's very immature, by the way)

You fvcked up by cheating and destroying his trust, and I don't see things getting better. You best move on and start afresh with someone else, and this time, BE FAITHFUL!

I think first you need to cut all ties and communication with Olumide then get Gbenga to show more commitment by seeing your parents and picking a wedding date

See the deal, fast & pray over it personally first.

Next, report the matter to any elderly person he respect for the person to help u address the matter with him privately.

If need be, see Church approach by following him to see his/ur pastor for counselling & spiritual guidance on marriage.

Marriage is not an easy journey & I'm certain if u take above steps, he will calm down and grant u grace.

Most importantly is for u to belief (faith), that it will surely end up well irrespective of the outcome.

If u need further approach, u can reach me on Whatsapp 07032178167.

I'll put myself in gbengas shoe and advice you
you want to gain his love after cheating on him, that's really difficult. you said you will change but you still visit another man who has an interest in u and expect him to believe you didn't have sex with him?
My advice is that, you stay away from those men or stay out of gbengas life, he is going through worse everyday with the thought that you could have slept with someone since you can't close your legs and sleep with men multiple times.
If you want his trust back which I doubt, cut those admirers short, do not talk politely to them, if they ask you out, be rude to them, do not tell Gbenga that you are doing this to them but stylishly make him see how rude you are to them, Gbenga is a good man, cos if it was me, God know I'll never be with a cheating partner like u

Ishilove:

How long are you going to keep living in tension? How long will you keep enduring insults because of your royal fvckup? How long will you keep trying to prove to a grown ass man that you love him? (That's very immature, by the way)

You fvcked up by cheating and destroying his trust, and I don't see things getting better. You best move on and start afresh with someone else, and this time, BE FAITHFUL!

I really wish i could give full details but cant.

If that is your resolve- to leave him, How will i do that?

After everything i have done. to the man that made me who i am today, ready to defy all odds to marry a girl of another tribe.

How can i do that without breaking his heart?

Yemaica:


I really wish i could give full details but cant.

If that is your resolve- to leave him, How will i do that?

After everything i have done. to the man that made me who i am today, ready to defy all odds to marry a girl of another tribe.

How can i do that without breaking his heart?

his wound will heal with time, staying with him is worse than leaving him, you already broke that trust

Yemaica:


I really wish i could give full details but cant.

If that is your resolve- to leave him, How will i do that?

After everything i have done. to the man that made me who i am today, ready to defy all odds to marry a girl of another tribe.

How can i do that without breaking his heart?

So you intend to keep enduring emotional turmoil for a lifetime? Are you aware that it can kill your self-esteem?

Ask yourself, can you envisage living like this for the rest of your life?

Since walking out is a bit drastic, duke it out with him. Let him know how his distrustful attitude is hurting you, and tell him to stop. You'll be amazed at the things that will come out of his mouth.

This is the price of unfaithfulness and taking a person's love for granted. You're the architect of your own problems but I believe you've learned your lesson.

Be that as it may, you can't continue to suffer for your past sins, otherwise you will just die before your time.

dukeprince50:
I'll put myself in gbengas shoe and advice you
you want to gain his love after cheating on him, that's really difficult. you said you will change but you still visit another man who has an interest in u and expect him to believe you didn't have sex with him?
My advice is that, you stay away from those men or stay out of gbengas life, he is going through worse everyday with the thought that you could have slept with someone since you can't close your legs and sleep with men multiple times.
If you want his trust back which I doubt, cut those admirers short, do not talk politely to them, if they ask you out, be rude to them, do not tell Gbenga that you are doing this to them but stylishly make him see how rude you are to them, Gbenga is a good man, cos if it was me, God know I'll never be with a cheating partner like u

Thank you. for your honesty.

dukeprince50:
his wound will heal with time, staying with him is worse than leaving him, you already broke that trust

He will hate me forever.

Ishilove:

How long are you going to keep living in tension? How long will you keep enduring insults because of your royal fvckup? How long will you keep trying to prove to a grown ass man that you love him? (That's very immature, by the way)

You fvcked up by cheating and destroying his trust, and I don't see things getting better. You best move on and start afresh with someone else, and this time, BE FAITHFUL!

ishilove has said it all. Move on. Trust, once lost is hard to regain

Nice guys are always the ultimate losers.

Leave that guy and move on.

Yemaica:


He will hate me forever.

no he won't, he will get over it, break up with him with time you will also get over it, both of you will just think back and smile, but if you can't stay without him then cut down those admirers, don't even put them in friendzone. Focus on Gbenga, earning a trust is not easy, you can earn sm1 trust in 2yrs and if u break d trust, it could take even a lifetime to get it back.
If he insults you again, tell him how u feel and there is no way he should punish you everyday for a mistake you did and regretted, don't sound like a victim but make h know u really feel bad about your actions then tell him you can't be in a tormenting r/ship and u want to stay away from him a little to heal, don't call him for a week, there is a 90% chance he will muss u and want u back.
wen he calls you, snub his first call that will make him want u more but pick his second call, if he says he is sorry, no do shakara, just accept his apology and go with him.

I think I'll advice that u let go at this juncture, Cox the truth be told, a trust broken AN NEVER BE PERFECTLY RECONSTRUCTED, it's just like a GLASS...

Yemaica:
I should not be doing this but i dont know if what i am doing is right telling the world about my problems. i dont want to make another mistake i will regret for the rest of my life.

You know how to give excuse for your own matter or mistake...

But

When it times for Gbenga error or mistake ...U think maybe he is right man for u..


Well God will give u another man whom u will cheat on , do anyhow , visit many toasters u like but will accept you for who you're...

Shebi dat d advice u need ?

If gbenga knew ur plan towards him.he would av avoided u when he figured ur a cheater.

People like you r reason some men will never be good to a lady without f uc kin dem.
Rubbish