Hello nairalanders,
Welcome to my story



I am a male in my early 20's

I have had a not too good life
Though I have never lacked financially
Except cos I spend foolishly

I grew up shy, lonely and afraid of everything
I hated my body shape , structure ,posture and gait
I still do
I got ridicule for everything I did
I hated my parents as well cos I felt I got all these from them

I never had a friend , not close with my parents
I couldn't confide in them cos they would ridicule me later with whatever I had told them
And I would feel bad and cry
I cried almost all the time
I suffered emotional blackmail

Buh I laugh whenever someone's talking to me even when I don't want to , I can't help even when it's not funny
Maybe it's d anxiety

As I became older I grew to love my space
Gradually drifting away from the world
I started smoking , drinking. Tried to get my confidence
Wanted to get the ladies too

But all these didn't work

I grew interested in cultism and joined one
I wanted to b strong, unafraid , bold


But it's been years now

I have grown in rank , I am feared
Though I have never actually killed a person
Buh I haven't changed a bit ,I have known deadly guys
I should be strong now but am not
I still fear , am still not bold , am still weak
I still don't know how to talk to girls

I still get anxious easily , anxiety still makes me laugh when pple talk to me even when I don't want to

I want to please pple all the time even against my own good
I still feel hurt

I don't know how to stop all these cos I might b pushed to doing even greater evils

All I have ever wanted is to be whole
Be like everyone else
Buh I can't


I know I am to blame for everything
I could have acted differently
But I didn't
I just want to be normal
All these thoughts. Feelings drove me into becoming this

I should have gotten over this now
I went to boarding, I join a cult the beatings should have made me tough
But it didn't
Now it's driving me to be even worse
Pls help me before it's too late

Lalasticlala. This guy needs help

Dont give up hope, you can still come out and stay free

Kill yourself. You'll still die either way.

Abjay97:
Lalasticlala. This guy needs help

lol same person, different moniker

shege45:
lol same person, different moniker

I dont blame your foolishness

If your mother has understanding, talk to her for help, some people here will make ur matter worse

See a shrink....
Practise before a mirror.
Talk to random girls, they won't bite, the worst is to embarrass up, hence make sure it's a more private place, like on the street in d evening.

Try to be honest, and if them no gree, fish never finish in oceans

Thais part got me laffing....."I just wanna be normal, like every body else"

Yo dude!!! Nobody is normal, we are all trying to keep it together, by forming or adjusting a bit..

why do u think women shave off their beautiful eyebrows and draw another stupid one with a dark pencil? No offence to ladies ....

Why do u think guys keep running around stealing pants.....
People wearimg torn ragged clothes, dressing nakedd, showing cleavage..

It's because Society have just created an unconscious standard for everything people stupidly follow.

Man..!!!!! Create ur standard for happiness in the confines of capability, dream big if u like...Cos all this social construct will only put u edge u will always wanna leave up to .....And that's depression and suicide around the corner.....YOLO man!!!

No one forced you to join cult. Low self esteem and anxiety is not an excuse to be fuçked up.There is no such thing as normal,there is no such thing as whole. No one has everything they wish for.
You foolishly allowed moronic judgement get to you.
Now you have your yeye power and fake bravado yet nothing.
Anyway I hate cultists with passion.
You are a potential danger to someone somewhere.
So do the world a favor and end yourself before you end someone.

Bro i wish i could talk to u face to face
I understand how u feel

First u av to love ur parents, even tho u inherited som tinz from dem, remember they ar not their own creator, and with dos characteristics in dem dey both stil find partners.

Dat's telling u som1 is out ther 4 u, all u need is courage

Quit bn a cultist, i knw its not easy n i knw it might b difficult esp in higher institution...But if "possible", quit.

Heyyy, stop drinking n smoking,that's gonna b chasing responsible ppl away frm u.

U need better ppl around u, so u av 2 lead a better life.

Be responsible, gather courage n start aving female frnds...Start frm ther.

jasonguru:
If your mother has understanding, talk to her for help, some people here will make ur matter worse

She's going to make it worse
Thanks for your input

Athena4:
No one forced you to join cult. Low self esteem and anxiety is not an excuse to be fuçked up.There is no such thing as normal,there is no such thing as whole. No one has everything they wish for.
You foolishly allowed moronic judgement get to you.
Now you have your yeye power and fake bravado yet nothing.
Anyway I hate cultists with passion.
You are a potential danger to someone somewhere.
So do the world a favor and end yourself before you end someone.

You are correct

Maybe I might take your recommendation

sherylbakky:
First u av to love ur parents, even tho u inherited som tinz from dem, remember they ar not their own creator, and with dos characteristics in dem dey both stil find partners.

Dat's telling u som1 is out ther 4 u, all u need is courage

Quit bn a cultist, i knw its not easy n i knw it might b difficult esp in higher institution...But if "possible", quit.

Heyyy, stop drinking n smoking,that's gonna b chasing responsible ppl away frm u.

U need better ppl around u, so u av 2 lead a better life.

Be responsible, gather courage n start aving female frnds...Start frm ther.

Thank you bro

Abjay97:
Dont give up hope, you can still come out and stay free

Thank you

ValCon888:
Kill yourself. You'll still die either way.

This kind of comments made me hate myself , hate other pple as well

Why can't you put yourself in my shoes and comment like a reasonable fellow

Few kinds words would have done a lot of good than this

There are others like me out there who want to come out
But pple like you are also out there frustrating their efforts

1StopRudeness:
Thais part got me laffing....."I just wanna be normal, like every body else"

Yo dude!!! Nobody is normal, we are all trying to keep it together, by forming or adjusting a bit..

why do u think women shave off their beautiful eyebrows and draw another stupid one with a dark pencil? No offence to ladies ....

Why do u think guys keep running around stealing pants.....
People wearimg torn ragged clothes, dressing nakedd, showing cleavage..

It's because Society have just created an unconscious standard for everything people stupidly follow.

Man..!!!!! Create ur standard for happiness in the confines of capability, dream big if u like...Cos all this social construct will only put u edge u will always wanna leave up to .....And that's depression and suicide around the corner.....YOLO man!!!

Thanks for this
I just needed someone to pour out my heart to

'Nobody is normal'
Thanks

I was in your situation before but God redeemed me , i am happily married with a son now

Before I talk, na which cult you dey by the way?

If you don't work on what's inside your head your physical environment will never make it up.

Make friends,there are lots of people waiting for a hand of friendship to be extended but if no one makes the first move,we are all gonna remain strangers. Learn to say no to things you don't want,even people you do not like.

Tell yourself everyday you are a miracle and mean it,With time you'll start to believe it.

Always remember nobody has life figured out,we are all trying. Stay winning brotherly!!

Only you got the solution to your problems. But my advice to you is..... Embrace Jesus and you will be saved!.

osothermal:
I was in your situation before but God redeemed me , i am happily married with a son now

Please how did you do it?

@Op, first I want to commend your literary skills.

When I was 17, I was extremely pretty as a young man. I was shy and quiet and lack boldness. Two girlfriends i had then made the first move cuz i could not initiate conversation easily with girls.

Then I joined Supreme Vikings Confraternity and was taken to an abandoned uncompleted building in a bush where i was given a palace initiation that was accompanied with severe beating with matchets and would later to be conferred with Intel Chief post. I thought it would make me a strong and bold man but it didn't. Rather I was living in fear and was advised by a strike chief to get my gun cuz of bastards(Axemen) living around.

A month after, a full blown war broke out between rival cult groups which my cult group was one.I had a deep retrospect and remembered where I came from and how my decision might ruin reputation and break hearts.

I packed my things, left the school and started staying with a friend in another state. I registered for another UME, succeeded and relocated to Lagos where I started undergraduate programme afresh. In the midst of that, I found God.

I gave all my attention to studies and acquiring of knowledge. I rebuffed seduction of campus girls who always throw themselves to handsome guys. I developed confidence and boldness because of the level of my exposures.

Today, I am a lawyer and have two bachelor degrees to my credit.

You may leave the cult and start afresh in a pristine environment and surround yourself with very few friends of good characters. Trust me, you don't need girls at this stage. They only complicate your problems.

From your tone, I understand you are within the age range of 18-22. Don't worry by the time you attain your late 20s, you would understand the importance of loving parents in one's life.

Confidence and boldness come from living our purpose. Find yours

I know I am to blame for everythingI could have acted differentlyBut I didn't

of course you're, there are people who faced worse things but didn't yield to cult nonsense

there are some their parents gave 40% attention, yet still turn out well

as far you're above 18,your parents owe you nothing

and if you fail to see that,then you're doom for life

now you know your mistakes, only YOU can correct it,no one else

.

ALL YOU NEED IS NOTHING BUT JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR PERSON AL LORD AND SAVIOUR.

I GUESS YOU ARE FROM A CHRISTIAN HOME.

superman1073:
ALL YOU NEED IS NOTHING BUT JESUS CHRIST AS YOUR PERSON AL LORD AND SAVIOUR.

I GUESS YOU ARE FROM A CHRISTIAN HOME.

Shut that thing U call a mouth

sadtrut:
Hello nairalanders,
Welcome to my story



I am a male in my early 20's

I have had a not too good life
Though I have never lacked financially
Except cos I spend foolishly

I grew up shy, lonely and afraid of everything
I hated my body shape , structure ,posture and gait
I still do
I got ridicule for everything I did
I hated my parents as well cos I felt I got all these from them

I never had a friend , not close with my parents
I couldn't confide in them cos they would ridicule me later with whatever I had told them
And I would feel bad and cry
I cried almost all the time
I suffered emotional blackmail

Buh I laugh whenever someone's talking to me even when I don't want to , I can't help even when it's not funny
Maybe it's d anxiety

As I became older I grew to love my space
Gradually drifting away from the world
I started smoking , drinking. Tried to get my confidence
Wanted to get the ladies too

But all these didn't work

I grew interested in cultism and joined one
I wanted to b strong, unafraid , bold


But it's been years now

I have grown in rank , I am feared
Though I have never actually killed a person
Buh I haven't changed a bit ,I have known deadly guys
I should be strong now but am not
I still fear , am still not bold , am still weak
I still don't know how to talk to girls

I still get anxious easily , anxiety still makes me laugh when pple talk to me even when I don't want to

I want to please pple all the time even against my own good
I still feel hurt

I don't know how to stop all these cos I might b pushed to doing even greater evils

All I have ever wanted is to be whole
Be like everyone else
Buh I can't


I know I am to blame for everything
I could have acted differently
But I didn't
I just want to be normal
All these thoughts. Feelings drove me into becoming this

I should have gotten over this now
I went to boarding, I join a cult the beatings should have made me tough
But it didn't
Now it's driving me to be even worse
Pls help me before it's too late

not again,a young guy lost his life just a day after his graduation to a rival cult group in Kogi State university.please you can live your life all over again even if it means changing your school(even if it involves taking another jamb)and do away with all the friends you associate with presently,ur future is far more important than the present life you are living.Take that bold step, move closer to God and make friends with people who are very active with the work of God,gradually every other thing will fall in place(your self esteem and the rest).Don't give up on yourself,though it will be rough in the beginning but you will definitely overcome.Be strong.

A cult group is supposed to be a social group where members can come together and relate with one another. Members are supposed to have each other's backs and solve individual problems collectively.

But all the cult leaders in Nigeria know these days is how to collect dues and fight unnecessary wars. Someone who is in cult should not feel lonely! There should be jollies and gyrations to spice up life. Members should be guided into becoming real men and responsible members of the society.
Cultism can be harnessed to the advantage of members and the society generally if cult leaders learn to do the right thing.

Cultists are liable to die young... Have that at the back of your mind.
Only foolish girls run after cultists....for you to be feared and grown in rank you must have taken a soul.... Fact.
I hate cultists while in school I noticed that they are always tensed up, don't attend classes, always try be available online and on mobile should in case there is a fight between rivals so they could flee.
Had it been i was a cultist back then in school I think I should have been wasted, because i remembered an event that happened when a group of cultist numbering about 15 entered the hostel and I was about going out they stopped me and was searching all over my body for clues, they asked "Ayee or baga" note that they are all with pistle, long guns which is pump action, knives. I simply told them am not a cultist and secondly God's grace they left and took my phone and asked me of a particular guy that they want him and his group down.

[b]An advice to any university or institution undergraduate or prospective students don't ever get involved in cultism, immediately you signed up then good bye to your studies you can only write exams, do your clearance by proxy or under tension.
Don't say i will join and no one will know, the day you get involved your rival already knows everything about you, every details and most occasions they used the few girls that comes your way to extract information from you.... You won't know

And the story line that women will fall for you are all lies, women in the universities go for the more brilliant guys who are upto date with their studies. While in school girls are my closest friends (business partners) in fact they fund my daily , monthly and text books expenses except school fees and hostel accommodation. Because I always assist on their assignments and other school stuffs so the very big girls do pay, both lunch etc :* nothing more I don't like Za Oza Room

Another story line that you will be bold.... A big lie in fact your fears and worries increase by 10 because you will be and must be on alert not only what goes on in your school but other schools close by be it Polytechnics or college of education or university...

Most killings done in IMSU started in federal Polytechnic of nekede, most killings might even start from other states universities or polytechnics and men will fall out from there to take souls in the other state schools.

I have witnessed several killings and I must warn or we must warn our kids going into higher institutions to know the real situation on ground [/b]

https://www.nairaland.com/3264879/angel-obrien-ibekwe-shot-dead

The above is a departmental mate, I know him personally, we all suppose to go for service that year 2016, friendly and cool headed and handsome when I say handsome it's an understatement , always smile with clean clothes and very tiny so one shouldn't believe that he could be a cultist, I still can't believe till date untill I spoke to a girl last year who was in same department if he is actually one... She said yes but no one wil ever know, she gave shocking details and even said it was a girl they used to track him. . We must sound the alerm to our younger one's coming up stay away from cultism it will consume you

hiss! Other people have bigger problems, you your there complaining about them stupid bitches.
Try being unemployed, try loosing alot of money and not being able to get them back not to mention the price of your favorite drug being jacked up every single month up to the extent that it has completely skyrocketed.

Bitches?? fukk bitches!! I got bigger problems.