During an event, I witnessed a very interesting conversation that transpired amongst some Nigerian millenial women (probably in their early-to-mid twenties) regarding finding “Mr Right” and marriage.

One of the women present, a 24-year-old pretty Ibo girl who already has a thriving career (let’s call her “Ada”, expressed concerns about finding a good husband. Ada asked her peers present, what it would take to find a man who wouldn’t be intimidated by her success. She also stated that she always wondered when/how/where she would find a husband, as she’s an Ibo girl and “time isn’t on her side.” In addition, she mentioned that she was under pressure from some of her family members to get married.

Some of the other women present at the event advised her to disregard the pressure she was experiencing and just be patient about finding a hubby.

After hearing Ada express her concerns about marriage, I felt the need to address this issue on my blog.

Here is some advice on the issue from my own perspective. Again, I’m NOT a relationship or marriage expert. However, I believe that sharing my views about this issue may help someone out there who is worried about marriage.

My thoughts on finding the right husband are as follows:

Don’t look for him. He will find you

I believe that when you are truly ready to meet your God-ordained partner, he will find you when you least expect it. You don’t have to go hunting for a man. I really don’t believe that seeking love should be a stressful affair. Love yourself. Stay true to yourself. When you are ready in God’s eyes, lifetime bae will come.

Put God first

The mere fact that you love someone doesn’t necessarily mean you should marry them. Put God first. Pray about the person and ask God if he is truly the person you are meant to be with for a lifetime. From my experience, you will get the answer to this question in unique ways. God may blatanly give you an answer via dreams and visions. Or you may suddenly find yourself in a particular situation with your partner, and judging by the way you both react it, the answer will become clear. The answer may also come seemingly serendipitously while you are interacting with other people in your everyday life.

Don’t compare Your Man with Your Friend’s Man

You never know what’s going on behind closed doors in anyone’s relationship. So don’t go comparing your partner with anyone else’s. For instance, let’s say your partner is very materially wealthy. He pays all your bills, gives you a monthly allowance, and takes you on shopping trips around the world. But then you have a friend whose partner isn’t as wealthy as yours and perhaps they split all their bills 50-50, but it appears that what he lacks in finances, he makes up for with touching acts of love and heartfelt displays of affection – a quality you may feel like your own partner doesn’t have as much of. Then you start to feel envious because you want more of what you friend’s partner has. Don’t do that! Be content with what what you have. Longing for what someone else has ultimately leads to feelings of discontent, which may prevent you from missing out on the fact that your own partner may just be husband material.

If he encourages your success, he’s a keeper!

You don’t need a man who feels intimidated by your success. Rather, he should encourage you to be the best version of yourself in all areas of your life. Even if you are doing better than him financially or career-wise, he should be proud of you and keep encouraging you to excel even more.

If he’s showing signs of jealousy or a controlling nature due to the fact that you’re doing well, please run away fast and don’t look back. Do NOT think you can change him during marriage.

I once had a friend that experienced this same situation. Her fiancé had never liked the fact that she made more money than he did, and he was actually very vocal about his displeasure. However, due to pressure she had put on herself to get married at a certain age, she convinced herself that she could work on changing his mindset during the marriage. Sadly, this was not the case.

Under the guise of wanting to be her sole provider and be a good husband, when they got married, he convinced her to quit her six-figure salary job and be a housewife. And that’s when his true colors really began to show. He started to emotionally and physically abuse and manipulate her. Well, that marriage didn’t last up to a year, because she filed for a divorce after she realized that no amount of fasting and prayers would ever change him.

Don’t succumb to family pressure

Easier said than done in many cases, I know. But the truth of the matter is that often times, this pressure is exerted for selfish reasons. Many parents want to feel proud to tell their friends that their daughter is finally getting married. They want to organize an elaborate wedding to boost their own egos, sell aso-ebi, and just be all-round “extra.” Girl, remember that wedding only lasts for one or two days, and the marriage lasts for a lifetime! After parents, friends, and wedding guests have finished eating all the small chops, jollof rice, nkwobi, amala and gbegiri, they will go back to their own homes to their own families. You will subsequently be left alone with your husband. You may never even get any phone calls from many of your so-called “aunties” and “uncles” after the wedding to check on you to enquire about how you are coping in your new home. NOPE. Once they digest and shit out the small chops, you become a distant memory in their minds. So why get married to please them or anyone else?

I once heard about a woman who found out the day before the wedding that her husband-to-be (whom parents had “arranged” for her by the way) was cheating on her with an ex girlfriend. She told her mom she wanted to call off the wedding, but mommy was like “yo dude, we’ve paid for the hall, cake, food, people are attending from out of town, just manage for now and sort it out during the marriage.” LOL.

Anyways you get the point. DON’T MARRY TO PLEASE YOUR FAMILY. Do it on your own terms, how and when you want to do it. Who cares if you are over 30 and unmarried? Marriage is not a competition. Or an achievement. Don’t let family and society brainwash you.


continue reading on http://queenmoremi.com/2018/08/how-to-find-a-good-husband-part-2/

hmmmm formular 101

Good one OP

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Nigerians and putting God first mentality can be so nauseating.

Did Pastor Chris Oyakhilome and his ex wife put Satan first?

Simple, logical and pragmatic steps to finding a good partner (male and female)

Be a good wife/husband material yourself.
Don't be pretentious about what you are not.
Know when to be good and when to play "dirty".
Learn to listen to your partner.
And lastly be open minded, your right partner can be anywhere.



QED

Only God





Humans pretend alot

This Op's advice is so 1996 when the Economy was still fairly stable and runs girls were still very coded and their population minimal, when morality was high and men valued family values over "sexiness" and "physical attributes".These days the reality is different, any young lady that wants to get married and is forming "standards and "principles" is in for a "long search" because we are in the era of "all that glitters is gold", the truth is most of the young men that want to get married to "Morally sound" women are handicapped financially and most of the rich eligible bachelors are busy in the DMs of Instagram slay queens/runs girls. People always ask why "bad girls" always get "good guys" these days and the answer is simply, they know how to position themselves and how to treat a man, while most of these "career women/ feminists" are busy looking for "equal rights". These "bad girls" know the "key things" most men what from a woman is -----

1) Submission- more than 90% of men no matter how advanced or intellectual they claim to be crave submission from a woman more than anything, that sense of control will make a man wife a woman faster than any church program or crusade will.

2) Good sex----There is a way you will do Chinese bending on a man that he will borrow money to pay your bride price...(This is the major factor that makes the "bad girls" always get the "good men" before the "good women"

3) Care----- Every man no matter how Macho or Alpha male they seem to be likes to be taken care of, if you take "good" care of a man he will definitely make it "permanent". Care doesn't necessarily mean you have to turn to "housegirl" but a few chores every now and then and showing concern about his general well being will do the magic

............Watch out for PART 2......

Nice

Just be good yourself and you will attract your kind. Meanwhile, for those that have found theirs and the man is weak in bed due to weak attention & quick cum. Alias "Indomie ambassador". We have natural herbal tea that can guarantee lasting solution. See profile for contact.

By wearing mini gown or skirt you will surely find a good husband trust me

Lol

Hmm! Love Doctor

Ok

Indeed.

We hear

Dominique, your Mr. Right is here! Can we have a talk. After we win this election, I'm taking you to Barbados.

most of them always see good guys but they only want or think they can get something better.

Abeg just be yourself, there is a man for every woman.

Isoright

Girls dey even dey reason all those ones
Na if belle enter then we the guys go proceed or decide to turn her into baby mama

your first advice is useless as we are no longer in the age where only men are allowed to chase. if you see someone that suits your ideas of a husband, try and work out something with him as God has already given us the tips and guidelines we need in choosing a partner in the Bible.
God won't throw a man from heaven. you have to reach out and fit in

Don't be a Gold_ digger....

Op you said they should sit down and wait for their husband to come to dem ok oo make the mountain they wait for Mohammed to come

Don't chase men's wallet..
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Check my signature out.

Lol

Dont be a slay queen

k

Just be a good woman simple.

How can a lady who insults and disrespect any man at every given provocation, and you expect her to see Mr Right easily?..... No way....... As a lady, love and respect yourself enough to respect other men...... A man you respected yesterday might end up referring your future spouse to you.

Good write-up, but the "Put God first" part is completely irrelevant and unnecessary. Stop feeding people's delusions.

I don't think there's an exact formula to finding the right partner but there are strategies you can adopt like the other points OP made.

Communicate when you Baku love the guy.
Play boys don't like girls that open up to them cos they don't want commitment. Real guys just grab that fact and explore it.