If we want our children to bring about the desired change we have been praying for on behalf of our dear country, then pls, pls let begin now and teach them to work hard so they can stand alone and most importantly be content, not having to "steal", which seem to be the norm these days.
“30 is the new 18”. That seems to be an unspoken but widely accepted mindset among the last 2 generations of parents in Nigeria .

At age 18 years, a typical young adult in the UK leaves the clutches of his/her parents for the University, chances are, that’s the last time those parents will ever play “landlord” to their son or daughter except of course the occasional home visits during the academic year.

At 21 years + or -, the now fully grown and independent minded adult graduates from University, searches for employment, gets a job and shares a flat with other young people on a journey into becoming fully fledged adults.

I can hear the echo of parents saying, well, that is because the UK economy is thriving, safe, well structured and jobs are everywhere? I beg to differ and I ask that you kindly hear me out.

I am UK trained Recruitment Consultant and I have been practising for the past 10 years in Nigeria . I have a broad range of experience from recruiting graduates to executive director level of large corporations.

In addition, I talk from the point of view of someone with relatively privileged upbringing. Driven to school every day, had my clothes washed for me, barred from taking any part-time job during my A-levels so that I could concentrate on studying for my exams?!

BUT,  I got the opportunity to live apart from my parents from age 18 and the only time I came back home to stay was for 3 months before I got married!

Am I saying that every parent should wash their hands off their children at age 18? No, not at all. Of course, I enjoyed the savings that I made from living on and off at my parent’s house in London – indeed that is the primary reason for my being able to by myself a 3 bedroom flat in London at age 25 with absolutely no direct financial help from my parents!

For me, pocket money stopped at age 22, not that it was ever enough for my lifestyle to compete with Paris Hilton’s or Victoria Beckham’s. Meanwhile today, we have Nigerian children who have never worked for 5 minutes in their lives insisting on flying “only” first or business class, carrying the latest Louis Vuitton ensemble, Victoria ’s Secret underwear and wearing Jimmy Choo’s, fully paid for by their “loving” parents.

I often get calls from anxious parents, my son graduated 2 years ago and is still looking for a job, can you please assist! Oh really! So where exactly is this “child” is my usual question. Why are you the one making this call dad/mum?

I am yet to get a satisfactory answer, but between you and me, chances are that big boy is cruising around Lagos with a babe dressed to the nines, in his dad’s spanking new SUV with enough “pocket money” to put your salary to shame.

It is not at all strange to have a 28 year old who has NEVER worked for a day in his or her life in Nigeria but “earns” a six figure “salary” from parents for doing absolutely nothing.

I see them in my office once in a while,  26 years old with absolutely no skills to sell, apart from a shiny CV, written by his dad’s secretary in the office. Of course, he has a driver at his beck and call and he is driven to the job interview. We have a fairly decent conversation and we get to the inevitable question - so, what salary are you looking to earn? Answer comes straight out - N250,000. I ask if that is per month or per annum? Of course it is per month. Oh, why do you think you should be earning that much on your first job? Well, because my current pocket money is N200,000 and I feel that an employer should be able to pay me more than my parents. I try very hard to compose myself,

Overparenting is in my opinion the greatest evil handicapping the Nigerian youth. It is at the root of our national malaise. We have a youth population of tens of millions of who are being “breastfed and diapered” well into their 30s.

Even though the examples I have given above are from parents of considerable affluence, similar patterns can be observed from Abeokuta to Adamawa!

Wake up mum! Wake up dad!

You are practically loving your children to death! No wonder corruption continues to thrive. We have a society of young people who have been brought up to expect something for nothing,  as if it were a birth right.

I want to encourage you to send your young men and women (anyone over 20 can hardly be called a child!) out into the world, maybe even consider reducing or stopping the pocket money to encourage them to think, explore and strive. Let them know that it is possible for them to succeed without your “help”.

Take a moment to think back to your own time as a young man/woman, what if someone had kept spoon feeding you, would you be where you are today?
--
Regards,
(Author's name witheld)

Interesting read.

There couldn't have been a better way to drive this!

You just hit the nail on the head. Parents these days 're over pampering their kids,thats why these kids find it difficult to be independent,act very stupid,lack street sense and so on.Give ur kids the best of education & opportunity but don't spoil them.

well said.

the message is very on point!!

but i'm not convinced that middle class lagosians are as opulent as u describe.
Maybe the letter should be addressed to "privileged parents" in general.

also, I think that the "30 is the new 18" phenomenon also applies to many countries besides Nigeria. The US is also complaining about it (termed the "Y generation" or "boomerang generation") .and it's also prevalent in Japan (termed the "parasite single"). You can google these terms.
Young people just generally have less opportunities than they had in d past. but, truth to be told, some over protective rich parents are not making the matter any better.

Chase the Hooligans-in-Power (HiPs) out and vote in better candidates.

Remember to RSVP -

Register;
Select and sponsor(your candidates);
Vote;
Protect your votes;

Let this be our motto for this election period.
Copy and text the motto to as many as possible on your GSM and several times during the voter registration period.
One Man, One Vote!!!

Yes good Message.

But I agree with Oyinda, This article should be addressed to "privileged parents" in general.

And yes this type of Kids are everywhere in Nigeria, But also in other countries like the UK. In fact those other countries have too much on them.

God Bless Nigeria.

Is he writing to the middle class or to the rich

well said.

I dont think this write-up is for the Nigerian Middle class .
Its strictly for the RICH.At 18 a boy from Middle class family is already hustling 

AS In!!!!!
I'm so sick of people referring their children to me to help them find "executive jobs like mine, after all if we're age mates, their children too can be managers like me" but when you see the sorry sacks of shit they call children, who went to university abroad, didn't even find time to do an internship while there and who came back for NYSC 3 years ago and have remained jobless, you just say, ok aunty and trash the CV.

They forget that my parents did not coddle me like they coddle their 27 - 32yr olds leeches. I got my first job before I entered university and have been working just about every day for the past 15 years, that's why I qualify as a manager. Could my parents have afforded to give me the same lifestyle as they gave their children, absolutely, but they didn't want this problem on their hands. Now I too have come back home and am just saddened by these oafs fooling themselves in Lagos and environs.

Please adjust the Topic of this POST, my parents can be classified as middle parents but i was never pampered, i know a lot of middle class kids who have same experience, your story up there is about the Dangotes and the Adenugas, Those are the kids of the first class citizens, lol.
Most middle parents in nigeria can't even afford first class tickets, lol
I feel your pain bro, when it comes to what you just wrote.

nkilirox:

AS In!!!!!
I'm so sick of people referring their children to me to help them find "executive jobs like mine, after all if we're age mates, their children too can be managers like me" but when you see the sorry sacks of poo they call children, who went to university abroad, didn't even find time to do an internship while there and who came back for NYSC 3 years ago and have remained jobless, you just say, ok aunty and trash the CV.

They forget that my parents did not coddle me like they coddle their 27 - 32yr olds leeches. I got my first job before I entered university and have been working just about every day for the past 15 years, that's why I qualify as a manager. Could my parents have afforded to give me the same lifestyle as they gave their children, absolutely, but they didn't want this problem on their hands. Now I too have come back home and am just saddened by these oafs fooling themselves in Lagos and environs.

Sister, if you grew up in the UK or USA, no dey compare with naija o, Who in Nigeria wil employ a Secondary Sch cert boi for a part time job and pay enough money to keep you at the JOB? highest you get is a job at Mr Biggs and at the end of the day, you spend your cash all on transport. I was priviledged to have gotten a job when i left Secondary sch with an Audit firm that my Dad owns, and well, back then i remember that i used to get about N2000 a week which is just enough for food and transport back then, there was no way i could get to save even a penny, so where is the inspiration to continue, i just continued because it was fun for me, plus it was my dads firm. but not all kids were opportuned to do this,

Still i say, what you are fighting is just what happens to the first class kids in this country.

What is your definition of Middle class?

Ujujoan:

Is he writing to the middle class or to the rich

Madcow:

What is your definition of Middle class?

Waiting for answers to these questions.

I thought the children of the rich already have their future especially in terms of Job set cos all the upper class children I know did not stay in the job market for long (max 3 month). After their studies(1st degree and 2nd degree) abroad, they came in served and moved into either NNPC, NLNG, GLO etc. Some that could not make the recruitment time, hang around doing one contract or some other runs.

Now below is a big topic on it's own.
However in my opinion the Nigerian middle class is our upper working class.

Madcow:

What is your definition of Middle class?

ifyalways:

I dont think this write-up is for the Nigerian Middle class .
Its strictly for the RICH.At 18 a boy from Middle class family is already hustling

good reply, sister

They forget that my parents did not coddle me like they coddle their 27 - 32yr olds leeches

unfortunately, many people do need their parents coddling and monitoring them all the time despite the fact that they're adults, and some may even be working.

otherwise they get in all kinds of trouble which even a 10 year old would know to stay out of.

The greatest thing that has happened to me so far is being told my dad to start looking after myself after I completed my youth service.  As soon as I got a job paying me 15,000 Naira [ I was not really paid by my employer until I left the shores of Nigeria ], my dad started asking me if I was making plans to secure my own accomodation . Then I found my way out of Nigeria to Western Europe. Family turned their backs on me after a while. I'm stronger now and my future is bright doing things on my own. Nothing beats being independent and free


www.vibes-extra..com

we cannot deny the fact that most parents do exactly what the poster said,but is this the disease cripping into the society?

zionsown:

what happens in a society where parents can not take care of the children feeding wise let alone getting education, i do agree with the poster but to some extent. i am a nigeria i have seen parents and children who will embark on a party just to gather the remains of foods and then bring it home only becos they cant afford good food and that is their only choice.
do you now think that such parents can have a strong hold of their children, when the responsibility of parenthood has fallen on the children in most cases how then will you now expect the future of such child to be secure, trust me had i not been i the uk it would have been worse because i couldnt afford to watch my parents or siblings suffer.
we must learn to help ourselves, if you live close to some one who cant afford education and you are wealthy enough to help why not instead of allowing the child go into agony of taking the wrong path.

please lets be wise and be our brothers keeper. love you all,

@zionsown, i totally agree wif you. i think the posters i getting avery thing mixed up. Come to think of it how many parent in Nigeria can afford to over pamper their kids (just 1%) what happen to the rest.
Besides any parent who can afford to provide all the above mentioned luxury will already have a job the child.

ifyalways:

I dont think this write-up is for the Nigerian Middle class .
Its strictly for the RICH.At 18 a boy from Middle class family is already hustling  

Like say you dey read my mind, for where an undergraduate for Nigeria fit see Good job for Nigeria wey him go take sponsor himself for school? wey even Graduate (without Connection) never get Job

Lovely writeup.However,the title applies to all Nigerian parents that have struggled to be comfortable with their present status.I for one don't think middle class still exists in our society.

A POOR kid starts to survive from 5 yrs , We see them on the street hawking all sort of items or even rendering all types of services to people in markets.

A MIDDLE-CLASS starts to survive from 18 yrs , We see them working after Senior School.

A RICH CLASS starts to survive when they get a good pay Job, Jobs already secured for them by their parents via their connections.


So I think this article is for the RICH,

Lovely writeup.However,the title applies to all Nigerian parents that have struggled to be comfortable with their present status.I for one don't think middle class still exists in our society.

I think the article is spot on at diagnosing some of the problems with Nigerian youths. However, the solution to the problem is not readily apparent as the responsibility falls within the purview of the government and parent.

Middle class kids in the US move out of their parent’s house at age 18 but mostly end up going away to college in a different state. The kids that don’t want to go away to college can find jobs that allow them to survive on their own.

In Nigeria, the same is probably true with the exception that kids that did not get admitted to a University can’t usually find a job that is not degrading. A job has to have a certain level of dignity attached to it and what that dignity is varies per culture. For lack of a better example, being a poo hauler, “agbe poo”, will be considered degrading by most people.

Where most Nigerian parents lack is from not being able to distinguish a kid’s “wants” from “needs”. I would argue that if a parent can afford a child’s need, then by all means, they should. After all, one of the reasons parents work hard is to afford a better life for their family. However, parents have to understand that just because they can afford “it” doesn’t mean that they should buy “it.”

For example, there’s absolutely nothing wrong in buying your child a reliable car to get to work even if he/she is making minimum wage. But buying the child a brand new BMW when all he needs is a car that gets him from point A to B is borderline irresponsible. Also, there’s almost no reasonable reason why a kid should be flying first class on the parent’s dime except if traveling with the parent. How is the kid suppose to adjust to the realities of life when he realizes, as an adult, that he can no longer afford the BMW’s and first class tickets on his own dime?

Parents should provide for their kid’s needs as best as they could but not past what is needed and earned.

Another major issue with kids having rich parents is that the kids are usually not motivated to do anything meaningful with their lives. This is one of the arguments in favor of high inheritance/estate tax in the US. This is a government tax on a deceased parent’s estate (entire property after death) that is willed to their kids, which could be high as 55%. If you’re an heir to your parent’s estate worth $3,000,000, the government will give you a tax bill of about $1.3M. It is the government’s responsibility to stem perpetual wealth.

Here’s an extreme example, think about a billionaire’s kid; what motivation will such a person have to earn a living? Why struggle to earn better grades in school when you can just get by and graduate? Why strive to work at a top law firm or practice when daddy’s billion dollar company will be yours after he dies? In the long run, perpetual wealth does a disservice to the country and might create generations of trust fund babies.

Motivation comes partly from desiring something outside one’s reach.

this is very good write up but me think it shld be written in ovation or any of the fashion mag rich kids love to read cos as somebody rightly said At 18 a boy/girl from Middle class family is already hustling   even at 5 they're out there hawking for survival

So what is the poster feeling like? Self-made or what? Abegi! I don't see a world of difference between you and the "middle class" parents and their spoilt-brat children whom you so impugn.

The fact remains that whatever it is you have 'achieved' today is ENTIRELY due to the high pedestal that your parents relative wealth placed you, from which it was much easier to climb (if one can even call it that) the ladder of success. I don't listen to folks like you because you did not/have not paid your dues. I know a couple of my uneducated Igbo hustler brethren who 'trekked' from some rustic village in Anambra to Lagos, leaving behind dirt-poor parents, and armed with nothing more than N1,000 and a single-minded determination to succeed 'by any means necessary'. A number of them find that success one way or the other and achieve wealth that I can only dream about. Now, such truly self-made individuals are best placed to lecture us on how to prepare ourselves and/or our children for the world, not some dude who was chauffeur-driven to school, lived in his parents London home, and bought his own home from saving lump pocket money given by his parents! You guys whose palm kernels were cracked on your behalf by "benevolent spirits" never cease to amaze me with your smug self-righteousness and fallacious sense of achievement.

Dem dey tell blind man say war don start?

Shey na young, young boys wey dia eye dey chook, wey full street dey waka up and down dey find anyhow job wey dem go do to take survive naim u dey write all dis 1 for? I DOUBT IT! Tell you what, believe u me, if the youth's nowadays roamin round d street's of lagos seekin for anyhow job to do here in Nigeria (upon the hardship and lack of jobs, dey stil survive thru 1 thing or the other), if dey can ever find their way to that UK, that's when u'll know that, all the Nigerian youths that are roamin around the streets lookin for daily bread are not silly and lazy. Buh it's the LACK OF JOB OPPORTUNITY that made them look like "Look at this jobless TOUT !!!

Nigeria as a country is very, very hard for so many parent's to make it. If you come down here in Nigeria, then you'll know that so many Nigerian youths are not Dependin on their parents atall. We all know's what the situation is like here in Nigeria, so we'r dealin with it!

BL: NICE WRITE UP, BUT I THINK IT'S STRICTLY FOR THE RICH FOLKS. ONCE AGAIN, NICE WRITE UP!!!