pslm23:

To all N/Landers that responded, goodmorning and thank you for all your input and ideas. I printed out all the responses i could on this topic and showed my friend so she will see that there are people out there that support her in not sending those babies back home just yet!

As of 10pm last night, her husband was still set in his decision and had started becoming erratic. A few of our mutual igbo friends whom we consider elders came and tried to discourage him but this man just wouldn't listen so everybody had to call it a night. This morning my friend calls me and said all night long she was pleading with him and even threatned to harm herself if he carries out this act. He didn't care.
T[b]his is what i want to suggest to her and I need y'all to tell me if it is a good idea. She should file for divorce.[/b] in this country when there's a divorce and kids are involved, neither spouse can take a child away without the consent of the other spouse. She might be given primary custody if she can prove that he is unfit and i think by adamantly wanting to subject these babies to untold hardship at an early age, he can be called unfit!

I also totally agree with that theory that he is just trying to run away from childcare fees, baby sitting fees etc.

hmmn  
u went too far,Just let her see the positives and negatives of what the husband is suggesting and let her make the final decision herself.

makajibbz:

at the end the kids will be well trained and cultured enuff to succed in the u.s cos of the oppurtunities exhibited.

5 year old kids?
what are they going to learn in 9ja?what values wud she impact on them now?How to farm,swim at the stream,fetch firewood,pound foo-foo abi  
First grannie is old,husband is an only child meaning its just grannie and 2 children.what happens when they fall sick?
@OP,If grannie says she aint coming to stay then lets do it this way:
your friend insist shes not leaving her children behind in 9ja.Its either they all stay back or grannie comes back with them.
She spend more time at home with the kids,start working part-time.
Its a delicate situation really which can even break her home.B4 now,have she been having problems with grannie  
She can also call and talk to grannie herself.Just swallow all pride,call her and plead and promise her that she wud send the boys to stay with her when they are 10 or 12.It cud be that she did something in the past and grannie is just using this to get back at her,if her husband is not bulging,she shld try the grannie directly route.
Sincerely,na wao for dat her husband.

Moneky leg please read the above posts they have tried that.

I dont agree with the divorce he will just cook something up about her being mentally ill she has to be much smarter than that. She has married a bully its obvious.

I am mother and i know that no one can take my kids from me for whatever reason why should another woman teach my children good manners where are the palm of my hand to smack and correct them and this will still be done with LOVE?
For crying loud, 5 year olds are still babies and what the hubby and his mother are trying to do is to deprieve them of their childhood.
My advice to the woman is say NO! if the hubby is not ready to listen to you then you will have to draw a line on which is more important to you, a life with hubby and no kids or a life of funs with your children. i know of a woman who lost a child when they were taken to live with the grandmother, the child fell sick and before the old woman would agree that it was serious to call in a doctor it was over.
After taking the kids from you they will find a reason to throw you out to marry another wife after all Hubby is an only child and his mum will want more grandchildren.
My sister tell your friend to shine her eyes cos she bi Niger not Amerikana!

This post is funny

The grand mum wants the kids for 5 years lol Which kin grand mum be that? what type of woman in her right mind would want to take someone else's children away from them? family or no family you dont have to agree to it if you dont want to.

Tell that old ass lady that she wont be able to use the children to get money from you because it seems like she wants them over so she can always call and say things like oh the children need this and that so send money. Poster tell your friend to let her know that it's not going down.

ifyalways:

.5 year old kids?

i agree 5yrs is too early, they shuld wait till they're 10 if the kids havent been spoilt yet. . .

pslm23:

This is what i want to suggest to her and I need y'all to tell me if it is a good idea. She should file for divorce. in this country when there's a divorce and kids are involved, neither spouse can take a child away without the consent of the other spouse.

LOL at the bold. So because a couple are having some disagreement DIVORCE is now the solution. Would you marry your friend after she is divorced. Or when she needs her man and  husband physically and emotionally Should she call you?

Let her just tell the husband that the kids would go when they are about to go to middle school.

Convince the husband that they have some medical conditions and its not healthy enough to live in a strange weather without their parents. If possible talk to your family doctor so he can advise your husband about sending 5yr olds away.

The mans fear must be borne out of something. If anyone hears about some children in the western country you go fear.

Maybe both husband and wife work long hours and the children have to stay with a baby sitter for long hours.
The man might be worried about the kind of attention and upbringing they would be getting.
Anyone conversant with the gangs in South Chicago might have concerns about raising a child in an environment like this. When young boys join gangs at the age of 9yrs and are planning to "HIT" other gang members.

iya ibeji:

After taking the kids from you they will find a reason to throw you out to marry another wife after all Hubby is an only child and his mum will want more grandchildren.
My sister tell your friend to shine her eyes cos she bi Niger not Amerikana!

Can someone spell I-N-S-E-C-U-R-I-T-Y? 
So anything a man does must mean he wants to get another wife?
If he eats Amala na because he is preparing for another wife,
If he gets a better job its because he wants to make money to get another wife,
Even If he brushes his teeth, takes his bath, comb his hair and changes clothes Its because he wants to entice another wife,

What in this situation would remotely suggest he wants another wife? And if he wants another wife, In what ways are the kids being in America stopping him?

Wetin concern all of una inside including the poster

What's the chorus -Wait till they are 10,50,100- about?

Even when they are 10 or 100, as long as they are still dependent, if there isn't a mutual agreement between both parents to send them down, they musn't go.
Grandma's say is secondary.

Why is this even an issue? [s]The Mother doesn't want, husband can kiss a transformer na[/s].

ifyalways:

hmmn
u went too far,Just let her see the positives and negatives of what the husband is suggesting and let her make the final decision herself.

The father doesnt want then the mother too can shower with acid

something's fishy.

they should either all go to nigeria together [for a holiday] or bring the grandma over to the US.

hauler:

Wetin concern all of una inside including the poster

If your best friend is in a dilemma and came to you for help, what would you do? If you have nothing better to say please just take a hike! We met on a forum for mothers trying to concieve and we became instant friends. we struggled like hell to achieve just ONE pregancy and when she took in after her proceedure, I was there by her side from start to finish and to just sit back and watch this man she calls husband try to take away the reason for her sanity is something i won't sit back and watch happen. Those kids might well be the only she'll ever have. I'm not a fair weather friend and i hope if i ever find myself in a situation like this, my friends will stand by me.

I take it the divorce idea was not a good one. No problem, i'll take it off the table but honestly, i think she's better off without him. like some of you have noted, u do not know the whole story but there is more to his actions than meets the eye.

I was there by her side from start to finish and to just sit back and watch this man she calls husband try to take away the reason for her sanity is something i won't sit back and watch happen

^^ Does she have any other marital problem or just this issue of going to Nigeria or Not? Cos you seem to have something personal on the man

was there by her side from start to finish and to just sit back and watch this man she calls husband try to take away the reason for her sanity is something i won't sit back and watch happen.

And why do you think those kids dont mean the world to the man too? Or did she get the semen from a spermbank?

If a man acts like a jackass towards his wife, yes i will have a problem with him. Because he brought her to the US does not give him the right to dictate everything about her life and threaten her with "I will deal with you and send you back to Nigeria if you don't shut up" or give him the right to lay a finger on her when they are arguing. FYI, any man that threatens and beats a woman or tries to deprive a woman of her happiness is nothing but a coward. What would you do if your daughter or sister came to you complaining and crying hysterically that her husband is about to take her kids away just because his mother commanded him to?

I was born in Kano and will never forget when i was 6, my sister 8 and my brother 10 how my father's mom made him send us back to our village in Anambra so she can teach us "home training" regardless of my mom saying she didn't want us to go.  Even though it was only for 1 year, it was the worst time of my life.


And why do you think those kids dont mean the world to the man too? Or did she get the semen from a spermbank?
[quote][/quote]
if the kids meant zilch to him, he wouldn't be doing this.

I can't sleep a day in my house without my daughter period why will i give birth and alive and give dem to so called grandmother hissed nonsenceeeee

Ok funny one

http:///qvG1

Parents who send their kids to boarding school must really hate the children?

Very strange.If you are old enough to be married and give birth,you should be able to take care and bring up those children.Its a parent major responsiblity,ofcourse you need help along the way but here its like granny wants to be the parent here?if she didnt fail with daddy she should trust him not to fail with his own kids. I feel there is so much more to this story,the poor kids are just being used as an excuse.

This idea makes no sense.  After they spend 5 years there, what happens?  They come back to America and spend their actual formative years there? What was the point?  If they are going to be bad kids, they will be bad kids anywhere.  There are bad people and influences everywhere.  Most kids anyway tend to display their wild oats in their pre-teens to teens which is when puberty and hormones make them a bit erratic.  My parents were strict people who didn't hesitate to drop the hammer on me if i messed up and I still got into trouble.  So basically, they'll go home, come back, and still get into trouble. So what's the point.

So after they now go home and get used to Nigeria and make friends and get used to the environment and the extended family they will now have to go back to America?  Is anyone even thinking about the children?  

As for the culture, the irony is that my cousins who were born or raised abroad have a more idealistic view of home than those of us who grew up in Nigeria.

Transplant Grandma in the US

These kids are 5 years old

Grandma - moves to the US - get her a visiting visa

She can live with them and bring her ways with her as well - if she does herbs, she can plant herbs. She can instruct the kids while living in the US and the parents can obey accordingly.

Then the family stays together in the US. Once principles and behaviors are maintained in that household for 2-3 years - if Grandma wants to go back home - she can go.

Look into doing it that way. The kids can visit for summer break to continue learning.

sounds like the grandma had a prior agreement with her son that she would raise his kids for a period of time. Possibly long before he even got married.

the 5 years could even be a concession since most arrangements of that nature tend to be until the child grows up.

it's a very traditional thing but unfair to the children's mother.

[

dayokanu:

Parents who send their kids to boarding school must really hate the children?

Do you even hear yourself? how can you compare boarding school with this? do you send your kids to boarding school at age 5? Haba! you really have nothing constructive to say abi? I can understand if you are making small sense but you are way off.

dayokanu:

Parents who send their kids to boarding school must really hate the children?

That isn't true at all.  Boarding Schools are excellent if you attend the right ones.  Especially in America - they pull the child away from the culture of the "public school system" especially those schools that are unruly - I know many people from the boarding school culture and they now have WONDERFUL JOBS, have gone on to top universities - have sound, good relationships with their families and are very mature as they have lived on their own for years before finishing High School.

It is a team of people that raise students in Boarding School versus a single parent or even a 2 parent household.

[

[

tensor777:

He has no right and no prerogative to make such an agreement. Basically kidnapping the kids from their mum and sending them back to Africa is what is being proposed here if he story is true.

it used to be rather common in the olden days for the mother to consider her first son's oldest child/ren her own, and with the prerogative to raise them.

that may be what's happening here.

tensor777:

Well it certainly isn't quite normal to send a 5 year old to boarding school. So yes it does raise a lot of questions as to the relationship between the parent/guardian and the children.

Boarding Schools in the U.S. generally start in Middle School and High School Age - NOT 5 years of age

7th grade is the earliest Boarding School I have had experience with, The child is generally 12 years old or 13 years old.

[

pslm23:

Do you even hear yourself? how can you compare boarding school with this? do you send your kids to boarding school at age 5? [b]Haba! you really have nothing constructive to say abi? I can understand if you are making small sense but you are way of[/b]f.

And the constructive thing you have to say to your friend is for her to divorce, So the children can be given to her by law.
I assume you have your own husband and family but want your friend to be divorced. Good Friends

Shy-One:

That isn't true at all.  Boarding Schools are excellent if you attend the right ones.  Especially in America - they pull the child away from the culture of the "public school system" especially those schools that are unruly - I know many people from the boarding school culture and they now have WONDERFUL JOBS, have gone on to top universities - have sound, good relationships with their families and are very mature as they have lived on their own for years before finishing High School.

It is a team of people that raise students in Boarding School versus a single parent or even a 2 parent household.

If you read comments here like those quoted below, You would see many posters agree that any parent who makes the kids live outside the house doesnt like the children and has a hidden agenda

soft girl:

I can't sleep a day in my house without my daughter period why will i give birth and alive and give dem to so called grandmother hissed nonsenceeeee

[

This is a straight forward issue. The woman should pls shut up and send the kids home to learn their language and custom. If you think this is not important it shows just how uncultured some of us are

Maybe it is no big deal if your kids can't speak their mother tongue? Or even the local names of things they use daily. No matter the type of passports they carry, at the end of the day, the blood of their grandparents runs in their veins

The man should have just kept silent and do his thing once they land in good ol' naija

another person who can't comprehend @dayoakanu

i've read this thread and don't see what you're saying.  maybe it's just me.  

do you even know why people send their kids to boarding school?  

do you think most people send their kids to rubbish schools because it is boarding or do they send their children to good schools that happen to have boarding facilities?  no boarding school takes kids as young as 5 by the way.  5 year olds are still in nursery school.  5 year olds still wet the bed, which boarding school is going to be dealing with that?    

now what is the benefit of sending these kids home for 5 years, after which they will have to make a big change again?