@dancewith
What a plonker you are
So the woman who carried the children for 9 months doesn't have a say
Some men are just damn right ridiculous

This is a straight forward issue. The woman should pls shut up and send the kids home to learn their language and custom. If you think this is not important it shows just how uncultured some of us are

Maybe it is no big deal if your kids can't speak their mother tongue? Or even the local names of things they use daily. No matter the type of passports they carry, at the end of the day, the blood of their grandparents runs in their veins

The man should have just kept silent and do his thing once they land in good ol' naija

it is not important. i'm so devastated im uncultured. f**k you and your 'culture'

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Would you let your husband and his family force you to send your 5 year old back to your village in Naija to "learn respect and be brought up with a "strong pride" in Nigeria" ? (this is their reasoning for doing this).

My friend is in this dilemma and she is fighting tooth and nail to stop this. She is Nigerian and her husband is too. She has 5 year old twins whom i think are so well behaved for kids their age. These are her only children and the thought of them being away from her for 5 years is driving her crazy Cry (grandmama wants to keep them till they turn 10). She can't go with them because of her job. What can she do?

Never heard of such before. How can your husband's family be telling you how to raise your own children? This things happen? Jesu!

To answer your question; No.
I hope there's no other REAL reason why grandmama wants to keep them till 10.

[/quote][quote author=dayokanu link=topic=529710.msg6927581#msg6927581 date=1286900768]
And the constructive thing you have to say to your friend is for her to divorce, So the children can be given to her by law.
I assume you have your own husband and family but want your friend to be divorced. Good Friends

Dayokanu, yes i have a husband and NO I do not have a family, yet. My husband is an American and NK and I first met on a forum where we were both seeking answers as to why we are unable to concieve. God blessed her with twins and ever since then we are closer than sisters. Yes, i sugested divorce because she said she was going to leave him and move to another state with the kids by end of November and i figured well, rather than run away, why not just get a divorce and let the courts force him not to leave the country with the children.
you can say whatever you want to say. I'm done responding to u. I just hope and pray that someday in the future, no female member in your family will go through something similar like this because they will not be able to count on you for support!

I'm quite divided on this one.
I know some people that have successfully raised kids abroad and instilled culture and
knowledge of where we come from though .(eg my sis in the U.S).

I  also know some people who have bundled their kids home to
school there so as to learn it all by themselves.

My verdict is that if you are at the risk of raising boys in the west and having them
not wanting anything to do with home, then bundle them home i say! !

Imagine an only child (a son) having male kids that dont want to know about home.
That linage don close be that.

suprted:

another person who can't comprehend @dayoakanu
i've read this thread and don't see what you're saying.  maybe it's just me.  
do you even know why people send their kids to boarding school?  
do you think most people send their kids to rubbish schools because it is boarding or do they send their children to good schools that happen to have boarding facilities?  no boarding school takes kids as young as 5 by the way.  5 year olds are still in nursery school.  5 year olds still wet the bed, which boarding school is going to be dealing with that?    

now what is the benefit of sending these kids home for 5 years, after which they will have to make a big change again?

I dont speak Gorilla, can you tell someone to communicate your thoughts clearly?

jay bee:

@dancewith
What a plonker you are
So the woman who carried the children for 9 months doesn't have a say
Some men are just damn right ridiculous

The man whose genes run in the children too has a say. And if opinions conflict, they should find a mid point not that the woman would would file for sole custody of the child like the OP and some people wanted

pslm23:

Yes, i sugested divorce because she said she was going to leave him and move to another state with the kids by end of November and i figured well, rather than run away, why not just get a divorce and let the courts force him not to leave the country with the children.

The evil in some peoples heart is mind boggling. She wants to take the mans seeds away from him? Is she the one that impregnated herself?
The wickedness of some women knows no bound.

marry a guy to get children through him and later use some means to take the children away? What other mystery lies in this world? I thought I have heard it all.

you can say whatever you want to say. I'm done responding to u. I just hope and pray that someday in the future, no female member in your family will go through something similar like this because they will not be able to count on you for support!

I pray none of my sisters and female family memebers never encounter a friend who is happily married but would readily suggest divorce for them AMEN!!

Support a friend is to tell her to divorce, Next time support might mean to tell her to kill the husband

dayokanu:


The man whose genes run in the children too has a say. And if opinions conflict, they should find a mid point not that the woman would would file for sole custody of the child like the OP and some people wanted

Agreed, but what happens when they can't find a suitable mid point?
The woman still stands a greater chance of having sole custody if the case goes to court.

There is nothing wrong with sending your kids to Nigeria to learn about the culture and the people of our great Nation. But for 5 year olds eh mm ,
It just does not sound right. I believe dialogue may help the couple.

In the 10 years i've spent in this country, i've run across die hard traditionalists who say they are only in the US to make money. They've sent all their kids back home to study and stay (not in the village but in their respective towns). Some have even given tribal marks to their kids.
My friend's husband so believes in his tradition and is buried deep in it. His mom has always been present in his life and almost all decisions he makes even approving of his wife before he married her.
I do not see this saga ending properly and i honestly believe that he might just end up sending his wife and kids back home. Maybe that's his plan all along. He knows she won't let them go and he expects her to say she'll go with them thus giving him chance to do what he really wants!
The truth will come out sooner or later.

Ibo-made:

There is nothing wrong with sending your kids to Nigeria to learn about the culture and the people of our great Nation. But for 5 year olds eh mm ,
It just does not sound right. I believe dialogue may help the couple.

Nooo Oh. To many people its completely wrong and The solution is to divorce or run away with the child. SMH

jay bee:

Agreed, but what happens when they can't find a suitable mid point?
The woman still stands a greater chance of having sole custody if the case goes to court.

There wont be a solution when you are so quick to play the divorce and child custody card. The children cant live with their parents forever, what happens to a suggestion like below.

Let her just tell the husband that the kids would go when they are about to go to middle school.

Convince the husband that they have some medical conditions and its not healthy enough to live in a strange weather without their parents. If possible talk to your family doctor so he can advise your husband about sending 5yr olds away.

The mans fear must be borne out of something. If anyone hears about some children in the western country you go fear.

If the woman involves a doctor in this who tells the man that the children would be at a health and psychological risk if they should travel at this age, maybe when they are older but NO the solution is for someone happily married to want her friend to divorce and her twins to be raised with another man or men as the case might turn out

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dayokanu:

A

If you read comments here like those quoted below, You would see many posters agree that any parent who makes the kids live outside the house doesnt like the children and has a hidden agenda

Everyone is entitled to their opinion as am I.

Because other people who are posting feel this way - that's irrelevant - I feel differently - I am not voting for that opinion - I beg to differ - kids living out the house doesn't equate a "hidden agenda"

Now what?

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tensor777:

Are you on the right page here? We are not talking about the kids of the well-heeled that attend expensive private schools in the West.

This is  about the proposed kidnapping of a 5year old child from her mum.

What?

Yes! I am on the right page.

This isn't about kidnapping a child - this is a dad trying to send a child back to the child's native country because he fears that the crazy culture in America will be the one the child follows.

You mentioned boarding schools - 5 year olds don't go to boarding schools - and there are grants and scholarships available for ANYONE TO ATTEND so your equating boarding schools with being well-heeled and expensive and some type of Western Privilege - shows that you know very little "actual facts even in that area."

Why are you highlighting my statements? I know you not and want it to REMAIN THAT WAY.

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[

Chaircover, i dey vex for you o.

wake the man up at 2:00am in the morning and start crying hysterically and tell him that you want to confess something terrible to him.

When he presses for the confession; tell him that twins aren't his. chikena  

And you want to have a murder on your hand?

seriously, I dont get the age 5 neither do I get the 5 year training period. I personally dont think any of this is in the childs best interest. Much can be acheived kids going on regular holidays & the parents and grandma & other family members teaching those kids whatever values & culture in the comfort of their own home.

I have said in my first post that 5yrs is too young an age to take children to a foreign country without their parents being there. It can distort the child psychologically.

And whats up with all the hypocrisy. If the west was so bad, what is his lordship doing in the USA anyway. Shouldn't he be on his farm digging yam and drinking palmy & playing ayo with the elders on a wooden bench under the stars?

And what is wrong with living in another country and still embracing and appreciating your native culture.

The foreigners that live in Nigeria too dont allow their children to roll tyres, and play ten-ten like local kids do.

Indians, Chinese and Mexicans that live in the West also keep to their tradition and culture. i dont think its wrong for someone to want to hold tight to his culture.

[

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Pass me your friends number sharp sharp

tensor777:

Well I have to quote you as  you seem to be all over the place with your points. So now it is the crazy yankee culture which he wants his child to avoid as opposed to the more positive reasons for wanting the kid to learn about the native culture? Even the kid would presumably come back in the volatile teen years to face the same supposedly crazy culture.
Really woman what are you on about??

It is obvious to even a "slow person" that there are "many layers" going on here.

Yankee?  Who uses that word?  Do you live in the Southern part of the US?  Yankee was used by Southerners to describe those that lived in the Northern part of this country back during the Civil War and "racists Southerners" use it today - as they can't seem to step into this CENTURY.  Now you are using that word in a discussion with me?  Who are you?

I assure you my friend - that choosing me as an opponent on an intellectual level isn't a wise decision for you to make.

Can you ONLY do one task at a time?  Can you only see ONE IDEA and assume that that "one idea" is SEPARATE FROM OTHERS?

Pay attention ok?  

It is obvious that I was implying more than one idea in my statement that you are making a paltry attempt to tear apart.

It's obvious the Dad wants MANY THINGS FOR HIS OFFSPRING.  Avoiding the "craziness" with many of the kids in the US and instilling his native cultures in the childrearing process as well as bonding his children with his family in Nigeria and learning about their native land, etc, etc, etc,

Try to learn how to grasp more than one concept ok?

Are you watching TV and trying to post?  It seems as though your full attention isn't being applied to what you are reading and writing here on NL.

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@ tensor777

lololololololol

hahahahahahaha

please leave me alone

ok

I just read your last 17 posts - you don't have to leave me alone - I am going to ignore you

This is just you - this is who you are trying to be intentionally on NL

You have disagreed with everyone - 15 of the last 17 posts from you were posted to take the "opposite stance"

You have a method to your madness

I am not replying to you again - I am officially off of your roller coaster ride

The guy is a bad parent. Even worse him and his wife have been barren for a while, finally Gid answers you and the next step is to ship the babies off to crazy grandma in the village!

If she has other children will he ship them off too one by one? There's no big problem she should not even get on that plane he can't make her and he can't take the kids just tell him if he tries it you will call police end of the matter.

I bet this man is holding his wifes passport as well

[

as you lay your bed so shall you lie in it. nobody told her to marry an archaic prehistoric dinosaur of a man. men who have these kind of values dont develop them all of a sudden. he was always this archaic and she knew it when she married him but she was either desperate or was enjoying the sex lol. either way it is time to pay the piper.
personally i think she has to leave the man. they obviously are two completely different people with different ideals. buf if she decides to stay with the man, then she has to give up her job and go with the kids to naija for those 5 years if she loves them that much.

chaircover:

Dayo wetin de vex u now 

Going to Nigeria for 6 weeks in the summer holidays playing in the stream & throwing sticks at fruit tress, stepping on glass from a broken beer bottle, buying gala in go slow, going to summer lesson and contacting withlow abi wetin dem dey call am sef will have the same effect.

My kids dont live in Naija but they are pretty well behaved, kneel down for elders and my daughter smokes gari every day like a pro 

the man sef has received some bashing but he deserves it sha.