I agree with Dayokanu on this issue, this was the same guy who stood by his wife for the 5 years she could not conceive, helped with the costly IVF procedure, donated his spermatozoa, rather than act like the typical Nigerian man and go and get another wife to replace her, NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE IS EVIL AND HAS MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS BECAUSE OF HIS GENUINE CONCERN ABOUT HIS CHILDREN'S SAFETY AND FUTURE


And like Dayokanu said, this should have been discussed whilst courting. Mind you if this story had been = My husband wants to divorce me or I want to divorce my husband because he wants to send the children to Nigeria, these two faced hyprocrites would have been the one preaching to the girl to go on her knees, cook his favourite soup, seduce him, blah blah blah and if all this fails, agree with him, he is the head, respect him, don't question his authority, blah blah blah


Big ups to Myjoe, Makayibbz, and ziga for setting the record straight. One would think everyone in Nigeria drops dead before the age of 21 from numerous diseases the way some ojuorolari here condemns the Country


Kids like svosi are reasons parents should raise their children in the Western world rather than ship them off to Africa  at all. Asians in the Uk send their kids home from age 7 compared to Africans who wait till child is 11 upwards, as they believe that is the right age to instill discipline and looking at statistics, whose children turn out worse? Which race is always making the headlines?


And as for the daft bint comparing crime rate to that in Nigeria, is it not in UK that a child is either stabbed or subjected to a violent assault every 45 seconds in the UK by another child? Is it not in the UK that you can't send your child to the next postcode or street because he will be chased and shanked(stabbed) by his fellow children for tresspassing their territory?  Is this level of mindless violence available in Nigeria? And y'all can keep your head buried in the sand if you think this only happens in Hackney, Peckham, Stratford . . ,

A lot of what you have posted does not make sense are you even sure you know what you are trying to say?

gestapo:

I agree with Dayokanu on this issue, this was the same guy who stood by his wife for the 5 years she could not conceive, helped with the costly IVF procedure, donated his spermatozoa, rather than act like the typical Nigerian man and go and get another wife to replace her, NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE IS EVIL AND HAS MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS BECAUSE OF HIS GENUINE CONCERN ABOUT HIS CHILDREN'S SAFETY AND FUTURE


And like Dayokanu said, this should have been discussed whilst courting. Mind you if this story had been = My husband wants to divorce me or I want to divorce my husband because he wants to send the children to Nigeria, these two faced hyprocrites would have been the one preaching to the girl to go on her knees, cook his favourite soup, seduce him, blah blah blah and if all this fails, agree with him, he is the head, respect him, don't question his authority, blah blah blah

[b]
Big ups to Myjoe, Makayibbz, and ziga for setting the record straight. One would think everyone in Nigeria drops dead before the age of 21 from numerous diseases the way some ojuorolari here condemns the Country


Kids like svosi are reasons parents should raise their children in the Western world rather than ship them off to Africa at all. Asians in the Uk send their kids home from age 7 compared to Africans who wait till child is 11 upwards, as they believe that is the right age to instill discipline and looking at statistics, whose children turn out worse? Which race is always making the headlines?


And as for the daft bint comparing crime rate to that in Nigeria, is it not in UK that a child is either stabbed or subjected to a violent assault every 45 seconds in the UK by another child? Is it not in the UK that you can't send your child to the next postcode or street because he will be chased and shanked(stabbed) by his fellow children for tresspassing their territory? Is this level of mindless violence available in Nigeria? And y'all can keep your head buried in the sand if you think this only happens in Hackney, Peckham, Stratford . . , [/b]

LadyT:

A lot of what you have posted does not make sense are you even sure you know what you are trying to say?

You don't understand? Awwww shucks, sorry about your plight, but i can't help you there, so kindly move aside for those who would understand No hard feelings

gestapo:


You don't understand? Awwww shucks, sorry about your plight, but i can't help you there, so kindly move aside for those who would understand No hard feelings

Sorry I dont speak Gorilla.

Ode

gestapo:


You don't understand? Awwww shucks, sorry about your plight, but i can't help you there, so kindly move aside for those who would understand No hard feelings

You are talking a lot but saying nothing. So we should now give him a round of applause because he stayed with his wife while she went through painful IVF. AFterall according to you most Nigerian men are irresponsible and just go find another woman. Wow. What a hero.
I don't know why people like to lie to themselves. Where do you live gestapo? Granted I have never lived in a ghetto but even in a ghetto the law will still hold people accountable for their actions. Is that the case in Nigeria? Please do not insult people by trying to compare crime in the Uk to Nigeria. It will make more sense to compare it to a war zone.

LadyT:

Sorry I dont speak Gorilla.

Ode

Done?or is there still more you wanna get outta your chest


Now bounce my friend.


mscheeeewwwwwww

Outstrip:


You are talking a lot but saying nothing.

Is this a fact or your inane opinion

Outstrip:


So we should now give him a round of applause because he stayed with his wife while she went through painful IVF. AFterall according to you most Nigerian men are irresponsible and just go find another woman. Wow. What a hero.

Like Dayokanu asked, Did they not talk about this before getting married
Did the fact that he opened up his mind to the friend Psalm23, not show you a man still willing to communicate and reason like a decent human being?
Why can't the wife capitalise on this?
Why don't you clap for yourself instead for labelling him the devil instead? Thats much better innit

Outstrip:

I don't know why people like to lie to themselves. Where do you live gestapo? Granted I have never lived in a ghetto

Wow, glad to know you have a perfect life, will you like a cookie to go with that

Outstrip:


but even in a ghetto the law will still hold people accountable for their actions. Is that the case in Nigeria?

What law? I have lived in California, i have lived in the UK, the Prisons are full and bursting at the seams, people are now let off to serve community sentencing for serious grieveous offenceS, jail terms are being reduced drasticlly, etc. But why this query? Who said anything about rate of conviction in Nigeria,DEFINITELY NOT ME, SO I WONDER WHY YOU BROUGHT IT UP

Outstrip:

Please do not insult people by trying to compare crime in the Uk to Nigeria. It will make more sense to compare it to a war zone.

Again, this topic raised the risks the concern of the Husband of his children and the risk they could be predisposed to in US, so abeg if you wanna present points, make sure it is relative to the issue on the ground.

Thank God for people who can see things from my point of view.

A woman who probably didnt notice the husband was a monster when she was in Nigeria didnt notice when she just got to the US, didnt notice when she was looking for a child suddenly notices that she married a devil after getting papers and having twins from the mans semen.

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What most people are saying is that Yes; send the child to Nigeria if you feel that the child will be better off in Nigeria; each case to be judged on its own merit, and the man must have good enough reasons to want to send them back, but the age of 5 is too young for the kids to actually get any benefit out of it.

That has been my point. Do you mind checking my first post on this thread?

I don't support him sending the kids to Naija at 5yrs old and look at the solution I suggested The wife could probably prevail on him to delay till the kids are older instead of seeking the "I would run away with the kids" method.

If the wife get a Doctor to tell the husband that the children are not ready physically and psychologically to go to Naija I am sure most men would reason with that but when you start the I MUST PREVAIL method then wahala dey.

Chaircover, Do you think they didn't discuss this before they got married or before they had babies? Cos I find it hard to believe the man just woke up last Summer and decided to take his own kids to Naija suddenly

Most likely they did, But why didn't the wife object at that point and not go ahead with the marriage.

If you are single and you meet a guy who told you that he would like you to be a full time housewife. You agreed and later into the marriage you now start having a different opinion and not ready to discuss it maturely but are of the opinion that since you are in the US or UK where women have more "power" and can twist his arms to do whatever you want with the law. Then you are courting trouble

gestapo:

I agree with Dayokanu on this issue, this was the same guy who stood by his wife for the 5 years she could not conceive, helped with the costly IVF procedure, donated his spermatozoa, rather than act like the typical Nigerian man and go and get another wife to replace her, NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN, HE IS EVIL AND HAS MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS BECAUSE OF HIS GENUINE CONCERN ABOUT HIS CHILDREN'S SAFETY AND FUTURE

And as for the daft bint comparing crime rate to that in Nigeria, is it not in UK that a child is either stabbed or subjected to a violent assault every 45 seconds in the UK by another child? Is it not in the UK that you can't send your child to the next postcode or street because he will be chased and shanked(stabbed) by his fellow children for tresspassing their territory?  Is this level of mindless violence available in Nigeria? And y'all can keep your head buried in the sand if you think this only happens in[b] Hackney, Peckham, Stratford[/b] . . ,

ha ha ha too funny - not all of us nigerians live in inner city areas, so like many other people in this country being exposed to this is not really something that keeps me up all night.

whether they discussed this or not b4 marriage things can change - nigeria of today is not what it was when these people where courting (about 10 years ago i assume) if the wife has now seen that Nigeria might not be the safest place for her children why is she now being branded a user - and none of us even know the effect being separated from their life in america will have on these children - children need stability and 5 is just too young for this kind of change.

I can only speak from the mother's point of view and for those saying the man should get a pat on the back for staying with the wife during 5 years of trying need to re-read what is said during a wedding ceremony, when u say for better for worse that is real, for better for worse does not have condition. This is something i hate about our culture - if this man lost his legs this woman would be expected to stand by his side - but if a woman has any small problem then wedding vows don't apply to a naija man cos he can "go and get a second wife".

i'm sure the man did his own share in the IVF process but if any of u know what a woman goes thru during that IVF process emotionally and physically u may understand why this woman in question is in no rush to send her precious twins to the village in Nigeria.

thats my 2 cents on this topic this morning

pslm23:

Granny does not know oh! no be me go tell am! the couple are both out. She is in my home and he is at their home but the kids are still with me because DYFS says they haven't completed their investigation. I was asked if i want to continue caring for them until the investigation is over and if i can't they wld have to be placed in foster care. Of course i said yes. All this rubbish could have been averted if her husband had bothered to consider his wife's feelings in his terrible decision to send 5 year olds back to the village, not even town but village. I'm sorry, and i know most men will dis-agree here, but why are MOST (not all) of our  Nigerian men so stubborn? what makes them think that ALL decisions must come from them and whatever decision they make FINAL!; no questions asked; and if you dare to challenge them they decide to beat you so u remember your place and remember that they are the HEAD of the household? I just don't get it.
I would think that after living here for years, this man would have picked up a little change in culture and know that women have a say in almost everything now especially in their homes. Yes, he went back to Nigeria and got a wife but she was an educated wife not a village one. She is a graduate of UNIBEN majoring in Community Health. She is quiet, submissive to an extent and a good wife and fantastic mother. Why can't he listen to her? When they argue, he threatens her with "i will send you back to the village where u came from". Before she got pregnant, it was always one threat after another, "what kind of life did u live in school" i will marry another wife, i need children, my momther needs to see my children" and it just goes on and on. The day she told me these stories, i was boiling mad.
For all those supporting him, since they both got out of jail this morning (he bonded himself out of jail) he has not come to see his kids or asked me how they are. His wife is now at my house and really considering taking out a restraining order against him. Lets see how he will ship them off to Nigeria now!

hmmn.
My Sis,na wao.I wud say u too tread carefully,u are a friend,a good friend but dont let ur feelings directly or indirectly affect ur friends decision abt this issue.Let her think well,reflect wellu wellu before she take actions.Shes been through alot with this man to let go of everything now.
Children are blessings from God,the heritage of God and pride of every marriage so why shld theirs break their home or bring them pains after all the long wait?
Both Parties have tried to flex muscle and it landed them in jail They shld pleaseeee,try to talk as adults,each one doing away with all pride and find a way to resolve this non-issue.
@OP,Since ur friend came back from Jail,have she made any attempt to reach the husband?
Encourage her to call her husband or set-up a meeting for them,I know the hubby have been difficult but still,Things can be worked out UNLESS ur friend have decided she wants to leave the man.

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tensor777:

I don't know why Dayo suddenly decide to come up with this one. I mean what man in his right senses would tell his fiancee that he would take her child away from her and give to his mum after weaning?? Hasn't he lost the plot from that moment?

Nobody has a template for raising kids.

And many kids who were sent to their grand mother to be raised turn out well.

So why insinuate anyone who sends kids to Granny has lost the plot.

I guess you have a faultless paperback written on how to raise children to become responsible citizens.

dayokanu:

Nobody has a template for raising kids.
And many kids who were sent to their grand mother to be raised turn out well.
So why insinuate anyone who sends kids to Granny has lost the plot.
I guess you have a faultless paperback written on how to raise children to become responsible citizens.

You do have some good points there but the main issue I have with you is this your raising the bar style of argument.

However regarding the issue at hand, the key matters here in sending the kids over to Nigeria or any other place for that matter are :-

1)consent of wife,
2)age of kids, and
3)pure logic of the decision.

That notwithstanding is life not a little bit too dynamic for a courting couple to be coming up with detailed plans and discussions? I am sure neither of them envisaged  having to wait 5 years for a child and I'm sure that the wife did not envisage that the mother-in-law would be able to exert such overweening influence over her son even in America.

Lol Dayo you keep trying to add things that are not relevant. At the end of the day if parents want to be lazy or work all the hours God sends and send their kids to boarding school or to live with other relations that's their headache but it takes two to make a baby so the decision should be mutual.
It's clear this guy is not being fair I suggest the uneducated as in regards to IVF should please read up on it. Or ask the mothers on here such as chairlover about her labour!

Fathers are important but you don't go thru what a woman goes thru so a little understanding is needed

I wonder wetin i dey find for here.

LadyT:

Lol Dayo you keep trying to add things that are not relevant. At the end of the day if parents want to be lazy or work all the hours God sends and send their kids to boarding school or to live with other relations that's their headache but it takes two to make a baby so the decision should be mutual.
It's clear this guy is not being fair I suggest the uneducated as in regards to IVF should please read up on it. Or ask the mothers on here such as chairlover about her labour!

Fathers are important but you don't go thru what a woman goes thru so a little understanding is needed

my sister please tell them - IVF is not a small thing neither is carrying a child for 9 months.

Congratulation to Her

tensor777:

Woman you just don't know what you are talking about. Most people here are talking from extensive personal experience as opposed to relying on the commercially- oriented trash stories spouted in the red-top tabloids. What you are saying is just too ludicrous even to warrant a response.
However as you don't have extensive first hand knowledge about Nigeria or even England just keep your mouth shut and stop these foolish generalisations and comparisons.

Oi, who you calling woman or telling to shut up do you freaking know me from Adam to know whether i am talking from personal experience or not back the funk off if you don't want me to send you back to your iyalaya baba e O ba furo e, iwo alaileko radarada yi Don't know what is special about Britain the sick man of Europe, a country already on its knees where nothing works By the way, i was born and bred in the UK and US, now put that up your pipe and smoke it

ada24:

ha ha ha too funny - not all of us nigerians live in inner city areas, so like many other people in this country being exposed to this is not really something that keeps me up all night.

whether they discussed this or not b4 marriage things can change - nigeria of today is not what it was when these people where courting (about 10 years ago i assume) if the wife has now seen that Nigeria might not be the safest place for her children why is she now being branded a user - and none of us even know the effect being separated from their life in america will have on these children - children need stability and 5 is just too young for this kind of change.

I can only speak from the mother's point of view and for those saying the man should get a pat on the back for staying with the wife during 5 years of trying need to re-read what is said during a wedding ceremony, when u say for better for worse that is real, for better for worse does not have condition. This is something i hate about our culture - if this man lost his legs this woman would be expected to stand by his side - but if a woman has any small problem then wedding vows don't apply to a naija man cos he can "go and get a second wife".

i'm sure the man did his own share in the IVF process but if any of u know what a woman goes thru during that IVF process emotionally and physically u may understand why this woman in question is in no rush to send her precious twins to the village in Nigeria.

thats my 2 cents on this topic this morning

What is funny you daft bint, was that what i said or do you have problem with reading You have to always show off you are in England, you don't even bother reading before posting, sorry o Madam everyone on nairaland must know by force that i am from United kingdom, mschewwwww And since when did getting pregnant and carrying it for 9 months become a disability that requires women to be issued an Emmy or Grammy award for

chaircover:

Gestapo cool down now . . .

Cool down for where, you think its easy chasing after you on foot whilst you escape in that Beemer whilst fayawoing your car through the jungle to avoid paying me my due

and now i even more vexed since i heard just the tyres alone cost you £8k I demand you send a 2010 car of this same car to my personal garage before this week runs out to calm down my nerves  otherwise i will send my boys down to collect duty on the wholesale fake TURA you have been supplying African Michael Jackson wannabe Mr Oam4J

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gestapo:

And since when did getting pregnant and carrying it for 9 months become a disability that requires women to be issued an Emmy or Grammy award for

Thank God this is coming from another woman cos if to say na Man write am dem for don bring down the roof.

No one mandated anyone to get Pregnant and have babies. Women who do it, do so because they love to and it should be a thing to blackmail ppl about.

"Do you know I carried my baby for nine months" Who send you message?

When the couple in question didn't have a child did they know what the man too went through? But now its the womans baby because she carried for 9months. NONSENSE

"And since when did getting pregnant and carrying it for 9 months become a disability that requires women to be issued an Emmy or Grammy award for"

@ Gestapo, do you have kids? She did not just get pregnant.She struggled for years to have those babies. Not only does she deserve an Emmy and Grammy, she desrves the Noble Peace Prize for standing up for what is right and putting her foot down when it comes to issues that could affect the lives of her kids. Any mother would do the same.

@ Dayo, karma is a BIATCH! that's all i have to say to you.

To the rest of you, here are the answers to ur questions.

Husband and wife never discussed how and where their kids will be raise. i do not know of many African men and women that actually do this. my husband is American and we did talk about how we would raise our kids if we were blessed with them. Our plan was that my mom would come and stay with us for at least 6moths to a year after the baby is born, and then when the child reaches school year and is able to know right from wrong, he/she will spend all holidays except Thanksgiving with my mom. my mom died 2 years ago so that plan has been scrapped but my kid will know his/her heritage.

Yes, since she got out of jail, my friend has been over to her house to pick up a few items. She says she's still not comfortable enough to stay under  the same roof with him. She hasn't taken out a restraining order yet. Social services are aware of what caused the fight so we'll see what they say when their report is final
I am threading carefully and know my bounds. As much as i hate what is going on and how it is affecting the kids and my friend, i still fully intend to support her 100% in any decision she make.

I am safe and i do not think her husband will harm me in any way (at least i hope not). This case has stressed me beyond limits and right now, i'm more concerned about the children. Mom and dad can sort their problems out later but those kids are suffering while this mess is brewing.

In my opinion it does not even matter what arrangement was maid before the children came. When you hold your child in your arms it is a different story. I remember my Ghanaian friend's husband did not want kids before marriage. She even got pregnant without his "yes". He pouted for a while but when grandma came to carry the child back to Ghana the man simply refused. They even have two kids now and the man is the perfect dad. It is one thing to make plans but another to hold your child in your arms.
What is common sense to some has to be taught to others obviously. I am sure this woman is smarter now and I am glad that social services are in on it too.

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