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tensor777:

Exactly!! Sometimes I just wonder at the mentality of some people here. All this extreme all or nothing dogma.
Is it compulsory that you must live in places like hackney and peckham when there are perfectly good neighbourhoods in outer london and the surrounding shires??
And yes most faith schools in England are very good in terms of discipline and academics so you don't need to send your kids to expensive private schools either.

i totally agree, this who thing about gun crime and wot not are people suggesting there is no crime in Nigeria?

i still want to know why this man is insisting on village and not even lagos or abuja

pslm23:
@ Chaircover, actually, when I was brought into this drama, i suggested to the husband that maybe the kids should only spend holidays with their grandparents, but only when they are a little bit bigger; @ 5 they are still babies! and are susceptible to diseases and all what not! Those kids have lived their lives with electricty, proper healthcare, dental care, etc. They will not survive malaria or any other childhood disease we that were born and bred in Naija suffered from!

Sorry, but that ^^^ hardly makes any more sense than the idea of sending kids to the village to "learn respect". Nigeria, or Nigerian villages, are not all about diseases. True, there are people who die of curable diseases, but that is usually because they are poor and illiterate. Many people grow up healthy in villages. Most have health centres and generals hospitals are often not too far away. They will survive malaria - quit saying that sort of thing. There are Caucasian kids living in different parts of Nigeria, including the extreme-weather North, some born in Nigeria, some born outside. Like everyone else, they cope with the electricity problem. I guess anyone who is not poor can provide their own light. They have proper healthcare and dental care in Nigeria, too. Of course, it will be a different story if these kids have specific health problems that Nigerian hospitals, which are inferior compared to what they have in the US, cannot manage. If that is not the case, your post is utterly misleading.

And I am not expressing any support for the fellow who is plotting to separate kids for their mother just to go learn respect and national pride, whatever those are.

As of this morning there has been no consensus reached by the couple. I sat with him for over 3 hours after i got off of work and pleaded with him to no avail. He is even more adamant that he wants his kids raised in Nigeria. He believes that 5 years old is the right age to start instilling respect and discipline into a child. Apparently, from what I've gathered so far, he has seen many instances where young African kids born and raised in the US talk back to their parents and the parents can't do anything for fear of being locked up by the police. Their next door neighbor is from Ghana and their 10 year old daughter reported her mom to her teacher because her mom spanked her for cutting up a pair of brand new sneakers she suffered to buy because her peers had a different style or something to that effect. The teacher called the police and DYFS. Mom was arrested, child was removed from home pending investigation.

This is one of the many many reasons why my friend's husband is determined to send his twins home. I told him i agree that children need discipline at an early age but that 5 years was just too damn early. I was told when i have mine i can do whatever the heck i wanted. So i backed off.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I believe I've tried my best.

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tensor777:

Yes but are they living in the villages.??   I mean the real villages of rural Nigeria.

You mean the villages are not inhabited by people? Or that those people risk being wiped out by diseases?

tensor777:
However you should be bold enough to stae your own views on the topic at hand.

You missed it?

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ok, can nlers this thread get any weirder.

see post:

svovi:

@freshera,don't know why u're shocked,Its pple like you who have driven our youngsters into gutters doing shocking things,Havent u heard of a disease called STRESS,do u think kids are immune to it?would u rather a kid take their stress on street violence than to graciously weed away their problems in their bedroom?

plse lets think with our hearts and responsibly,

Some people's reasoning here is just appalling.

I can see from the man's point of view, but there may be other ways of achieving the same aim. Both parties involved (mum and Dad) must be willing to compromise.

However, i am surprised at the people saying that he shouldn't have his children in Nigeria because it is a "fiery inferno" or other stoopid words like that. I believe you should be able to come up with more valid reasons.

There are newborns in Nigeria who are in good health. In what way are his kids better than them

Inferiority complex has eaten sooo deep into the hearts of a lot of Nigerians. . . both home and abroad. Wgat a shame!!!

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tpiah:


ok, can nlers this thread get any weirder.

see post:

Whats weird about it,the whole point is to help other parents struggling with kids and what to do with them,the little ones are really suffering in the wrong hands.l dont like it when pple rush to judge and pass coments with no sense,if you are following my threads you will totally understand what lm on about

l bet you one of those pple who would stop a 10 yr old from reading a pornographic magazine,as if they will do anything with it

^^i pity any child in your grasp.

let me assume your comments are tongue in cheek, _{albeit in very bad taste}

tpiah:

^^i pity any child in your grasp.

let me assume your comments are tongue in cheek, _{albeit in very bad taste}

Plse Tpiah dont insult me,l am allowed to air my views without fear of being judged by the Tpiah's of this world.

^^ok!

just go easy on the jokes.

pslm23:

As of this morning there has been no consensus reached by the couple. I sat with him for over 3 hours after i got off of work and pleaded with him to no avail. He is even more adamant that he wants his kids raised in Nigeria. He believes that 5 years old is the right age to start instilling respect and discipline into a child. Apparently, from what I've gathered so far, he has seen many instances where young African kids born and raised in the US talk back to their parents and the parents can't do anything for fear of being locked up by the police. Their next door neighbor is from Ghana and their 10 year old daughter reported her mom to her teacher because her mom spanked her for cutting up a pair of brand new sneakers  she suffered to buy because her peers had a different style or something to that effect. The teacher called the police and DYFS. Mom was arrested, child was removed from home pending investigation.

This is one of the many many reasons why my friend's husband is determined to send his twins home. I told him i agree that children need discipline at an early age but that 5 years was just too damn early. I was told when i have mine i can do whatever the heck i wanted. So i backed off.

I just don't know what to do anymore. I believe I've tried my best.

OK.
Well,as it stands now,the decision rests on your friends shoulders.BTWN,did the husband suggest your friend ie wife goes home too to stay with the kids for those years or he wants her to stay with him in london,make more babies and ship them off to grannie?
The west might be bad and unsafe but i still maintain thats lazy parents that wud ship away their children cos they feel their environment is not safe for bringing up kids.
@OP,your friend wud either hold on to her kids,stop them from going home and lose her husband OR decide to leave everything,go back and stay with the kids plus grannie for those 5  years. . .Unless ofcourse the hubby changes his mind.
Assuming shes not having any prior problem with the MIL,i wud think it wud be better for her to go with the kids,stay for some mnths and stage her comeback with her children .

tensor777:

Yes I missed your views on this topical issue

May I take the liberty, then, to assume you read only the portion you quoted in your first response to my post? Try reading everything.

tensor777:
and yes there is a high level of death and disease in those villages due to lack of potable water and basic health care facilities.
There is an ever present risk of contracting various water borne diseases like typhoid, malaria and cholera which is a real killer of children in rural Africa.
We are not even talking about the lack of good schools.

No, sir. Highlighted is an egregiously wrong information. But if you choose to make assertions without any shred of evidence, there is little I can do to change your mind. Nigerian villages are not crawling with diseases. I grew up in one. My observation is that where a relatively high mortality rate is observable, it is due to the higher levels of poverty and illiteracy. Note that that problem applies to slum areas of cities like Lagos. I can tell you that the standard of living - in terms of toilet and water - in villages is far higher in many cases than what obtains in city slums. Yet those slums are not necessarily magnets of diseases and death because it comes down to YOUR MOTHER. By that, I mean as long as the families in these slums and villages know how to survive under those conditions they are fine. And health care facilities are accessible to most Nigerian villages. Sometimes affordable government facilities are a bit far away and you have to make a considerable journey, but there are city dwellers who face this problem. Besides, many state and local governments have reduced this problem by providing primary health care centres.

Now, let's look at the three diseases you mention. From personal experience I can tell you typhoid is not endemic in Nigerian villages any more than it is at cities. Gone are the days when people drank water from the pond. Where boreholes are not available there may be freshwater springs or streams or people buy water from hawkers who come from the town.

I don't see how you can argue that malaria is worse at villages than cities. The conditions leading to the breeding of mosquitoes are not particularly contingent on the nature of a human settlement. Cholera outbreaks are not a feature of rural settlements, either. Cholera epidemics tend to break out for certain reasons in different countries throughout the third world. And they experience epidemics in the first world, too.

On the whole, I think what you fail to realise is that it is the lack of awareness, and sometimes money, that kills. Ignorance kills faster than anything in this world. Village people are largely now aware of things and no one drinks mud water nowadays! Whereas if you live in Manhattan and fail to master basic rules of hygiene you'd be steak.

tpiah:

^^ok!

just go easy on the jokes.

u think everything is a joke wait till u get social services knock on ur door,thats when u probably realise kids have rights

the woman needs to do some serious prayer until the granny herself instructs the man not to send those children home.

svovi:

u think everything is a joke wait till u get social services knock on your door,thats when u probably realise kids have rights

children have rights to smoke weed @ 10 years?

ae you thinking straight here because it's comments like these that send people into panic mode and make them fedex their kids to the remotest village they can find in africa.

so you're saying social services would ignore you feeding weed and p.ornography to your kids because you're invisible perhaps?

abeg let's not drag this thing.

where do you say you're located. Just curious.

are you into child soldiers and the like.

i'm very sure you're either ghanaian or nigerian btw.

anyway, God punish devil.

tpiah:

home.

i'm happy yu said it, cos it is home.

and ya'll living in d u.s are talking like naija is worse than hell and the people living in it are worthless animals.

nonsense

^^do you have a problem and why are you quoting me?

did nl give out free ogogoro today cos yall are just weird.

tpiah:

children have rights to smoke weed @ 10 years?

ae you thinking straight here because it's comments like these that send people into panic mode and make them fedex their kids to the remotest village they can find in africa.

so you're saying social services would ignore you feeding weed and p.ornography to your kids because you're invisible perhaps?

abeg let's not drag this thing.

where do you say you're located. Just curious.

are you into child soldiers and the like.

i'm very sure you're either ghanaian or nigerian btw.

Nawao for some pple, so it has come to u nationalising me and wanting to know were l live.Shame on u snitch.It it you who is into child soldier,l have worned u DO NOT INSULT ME.

I did not say all 10yr old should be smoking weed,if you go back and read again u will find me saying if the kid is being bullied or harassed,oooh for goodness sake are you that dum

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ifyalways:

OK.
Well,as it stands now,the decision rests on your friends shoulders.BTWN,did the husband suggest your friend ie wife goes home too to stay with the kids for those years or he wants her to stay with him in london,make more babies and ship them off to grannie?
The west might be bad and unsafe but i still maintain thats lazy parents that wud ship away their children cos they feel their environment is not safe for bringing up kids.
@OP,your friend wud either hold on to her kids,stop them from going home and lose her husband OR decide to leave everything,go back and stay with the kids plus grannie for those 5  years. . .Unless ofcourse the hubby changes his mind.
Assuming shes not having any prior problem with the MIL,i wud think it wud be better for her to go with the kids,stay for some mnths and stage her comeback with her children .

Ifyalways, his plans are just to send the kids back home while him and his wife remains her in the US. they are both working and i guess he doesn't want to be the only one making money here. He did threaten to forcefully send her back to the village with the kids if she didn't stop badgering him about his plan.

I just want to correct a few misconceptions I've read here so far.

1. The children do not have passports, for those of you suggesting my friend take the passports and hide
2. According to my friend, her passport and greencard have always been in her husband's hand. he claimed to have put it in a safety deposit box at their bank.
3. It took her years to get pregnant and 5 years after she is still unable to conceive on her own. The twins were conceived via IVF. So technically, those babies are her life.
4. her MIL (mother in law) is a controlling bossy woman. I met her once when i visited home and had to take gifts to her on behalf of my friend. she never appreciated any of the gifts. she said (in igbo language of course) "what am i going to do with all this things, he should send me money instead of sending me things i can't use" .
It was one complaint after the other and i sure was glad to leave when i did.
5. They were going to rent a place for his mom in  Awka or Onitsha so she would leave the village but she wouldn't hear of it. She said she was born in the village and she will die there.

I agree with prttygrr, i think it's time for my friend to consult with an immigration attorney and at least know her rights. December is around the corner.

tensor777:


Pesonally I wouldn't choose to bring up my own kids in a typical village in Nigeria.

arent there humans living there

make an anonymous call to Child Protection Services girl and do it quick (if he already bought their flight ticket) if not, then continue to talk to him


i think the man has a secret agenda, maybe so the wife could work or do nursing?

too young to be shipped to nigeria. the wife should be tough and raise hell

(devil go soda the man wey call himself my husband and wan pack my pikins dem go bush) Na fire for that house. he no go chop, drink water or even mess. by the time i do am finish, he go forget where he commot from)

pslm23:

Ifyalways, his plans are just to send the kids back home while him and his wife remains her in the US. they are both working and i guess he doesn't want to be the only one making money here. He did threaten to forcefully send her back to the village with the kids if she didn't stop badgering him about his plan.

I just want to correct a few misconceptions I've read here so far.

1. The children do not have passports, for those of you suggesting my friend take the passports and hide
2. According to my friend, her passport and greencard have always been in her husband's hand. he claimed to have put it in a safety deposit box at their bank.
3. It took her years to get pregnant and 5 years after she is still unable to conceive on her own. The twins were conceived via IVF. So technically, those babies are her life.
4. her MIL (mother in law) is a controlling bossy woman. I met her once when i visited home and had to take gifts to her on behalf of my friend. she never appreciated any of the gifts. she said (in igbo language of course) "what am i going to do with all this things, he should send me money instead of sending me things i can't use" .
It was one complaint after the other and i sure was glad to leave when i did.
5. They were going to rent a place for his mom in  Awka or Onitsha so she would leave the village but she wouldn't hear of it. She said she was born in the village and she will die there.

I agree with prttygrr, i think it's time for my friend to consult with an immigration attorney and at least know her rights. December is around the corner.

My sister,this their case get K-Leg and Bow-leg at the same time.
Things might still change b4 dec.who knows?
If i were her,im sure am going with my children,stay some mths,cook-up some stories and come back,to hell with the work,that is IF im still intrested in the man and marriage.
I only wish your friend makes the best decision for herself and her children.
Ikpe nke a kariri umunna itinye onu.  

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ifyalways:

Ikpe nke a kariri umunna itinye onu. 

no be small thing oh my sister 

tensor777:

There is a lot of disease, poverty, deprivation and lack of infrastructure in the rural areas. High infant mortality is mainly caused by lack of health care infrastructure and lack of potable water. There is no getting away from that however much Nigerians like to sweep unpleasant things under the carpet.

I was expecting you to say that I highlighted since people always come up with something like that whenever they try to paint Nigeria as a state of nature constantly burning and you try to point out it's not. By the way, I am not one to sweep things under the carpet and am very much distressed by the state of things Nigeria generally. You will find that if you read the few posts I have made in the politics section.

tensor777:
[Talking about boreholes and what have you doesn't quite cut it in my opinion. What happens in case of breakdown or power outage?]

The post wasn't all about borehole. I only mentioned bore hole as one of the common sources of water in villages. I am not aware of power outages causing any problem for any bore holes in any villages. What some of you Afro-Saxons don't realise is that people adapt to their environment. Why would anyone build a borehole in a Nigerian village and wait for NEPA to run it such that people go without water whenever there is an outage?

I know of villages where they don't even have boreholes yet there is no cholera or typhoid because they drink good water. Your assertion that there is a lot of diseases in Nigerian villages is only true to the extent you imagine it to be so. If you bother to find out things for yourself you will be surprised by what you will actually find on the ground. You talked about school. Growing up in the village didn't stop some of us from accessing good schools. There are parents who send their wards to boarding schools, even from villages. IGNORANCE and POVERTY, sir, are the only real problems. What if someone lives in a London slum and sends his kids to some of these schools with very bad reputations? There is poverty in Nigeria but that is not a function of where you live. If you send your kids to the village from England I would assume you would not be too poor to send them to good schools. The problem of infrastructure in Nigeria is a topic for another day.

svovi:

Nawao for some pple, so it has come to u nationalising me and wanting to know were l live.Shame on u snitch.It it you who is into child soldier,l have worned u DO NOT INSULT ME.

I did not say all 10yr old should be smoking weed,if you go back and read again u will find me saying if the kid is being bullied or harassed,oooh for goodness sake are you that dum

you're the one snitching on yourself because nobody forced you to type rubbish.



yes, it's important to know your location because if you're in africa, then the man is sending his kids straight into the waiting arms of fellows like you.