hi all,
i try to be d best woman to my husband, but on every little row we have, he leaves hom for 5 days without coming bk, wen i call he doesnt pik up,neither does he calls. i dont knw whr he sleeps nor eats. & he coms bk later on,no apology, no explanations,even wen i try to probe, he says he doesnt want to talk abt it. we dnt av a kid yet. & we ar nt yet a yr old in marriage yet!!! pls wives, wot av i done wrg? dont u guys also av rows , i feel like gettin away from him, i cant trust him anymore.i think he doesnt lov me again. pls ur candid advise

where you @? you need to be talk to live!!!

south-south region. since he doesnt discuss issues wit me as they arise, it gets to a pt whr he explodes, & dat normally results in him beating me, squeezing my neck, bruises evywhr. hhhmmmmmmmm, i pray God gives me the strenght to hang on here all the way.

That's very sad for a marriage that's not up to one year, try to avoid quarrels with him even if it means him having his way always.He'll definitely come back to his senses soon.

OMG and why would I want to go to hell marry when I see stories like all the time on nairaland? (just kidding)

@poster, your husband is def up to something. How abt you try bringing in some elders like your mom, his mom, or someone
you both respect.

@poster
Don't tell me that you are begining to take the beating as normal and keeping quiet over it, talk to elders----your parents or his. Violence in marriage begins small but can lead to mighty life threatening things especially when a woman allows it on and on. Some have mistakenly killed wives while beating, a woman was disfigured and turned into such a monster that children cry at the sight of her face after her husband shot her on her face. So curb the catastrophe before it magnifies itself into something else.

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MR Money £:

THE POSTER SHOULD CHECK HERSELF AND THINK OF WHAT SHE HAS BEEN
DOING WRONG, MOST OF THE LADIES AFTER GETTING MARRIED THEY THINK THAT IS THE END OF THE WORLD,
AND THEY ARE NOW IN CONTROL OF THE MAN, AND THEY CAN GO AHEAD TO CHALLENGE
EVERY ACTION OF THE MAN, IS NOT JUST ENOUGH TO LISTEN TO YOUR STORY AND MAKE CONCLUSION,
IN THE AREA OF RESPONSIBILITY AT HOME, THE WAY YOU TALK TO THE MAN,
THE WAY YOU REPLY HIM MAY BE YOU DONT EVEN RESPECT HIM ANY LONGER,
OR YOU DONT APPEAL TO HIS STOMACK WITH NICE DELICACY, JUST CHECK YOURSELF IN THOSE AREAS NO MAN LIKES BEHAVING FUNNY,

Typical . . . the woman HAS to be doing something wrong!

Ujujoan:

Typical . . . the woman HAS to be doing something wrong!

Very very typical - would be nice if the guy came back and she has gone for a few days too

Basildon1:

Very very typical - would be nice if the guy came back and she has gone for a few days too

Was going to suggest same thing too, but then decided against it before some people call me a home wrecker

@poster
you are just waiting for the day that he will squeeze that neck a little longer and you will simply die in his hands!

i am sorry to say that SOME WOMEN ARE JUST PLAIN DESPERATE AND STOOPID!!!!!

if he has the audacity to do this in such a short period of marriage, i am safe to say that you will not live to see the 10th anniversary of this marriage.
RUN WHILE YOU ARE STILL ALIVE!

@poster
i dont normally comment (just enjoy reading posts) but deep down in my heart i feel 4u, i kinda ve a similar experience, my wife is sometimes a nagger/ complainer and on those times i feel i shd leave and never come back home until days. but i cant. not that i am very  responsible, i just cant .
back to d solution to your prob.
1. let the involvement of third parties be the last option
2. know that no matter how u try to exonerate yourself you have a share in this prob, and since you ve taken the initiative to seek help, follow peace to the end.
So stop frowning your face and those question of 'where do u think u are coming back from' it wont take u anywhere, only boils up the polity.
Observe him closely there will be a moment he is going to 4get his prob and will relax,
look sweet, the way he loves it and walk to him smiling{even though all u feeel is hatred} and let him know you had always wanted a happy home where there is great love shared, and you are sorry if you ve not been at your best. that you do not like his running away from home, or how will he feel if at the slightest provocation you do same.
That, his running home does not really solve the prob, rather both of u can sit and talk things over (observe hin closely, chances are that he wants to ear more) now ask him wat is it that he doesnot like, surely he will rant all your bad deed but pls be kool. note ;fire can never quench fire only water can. ask him if he will come back home if you do all these things he is saying.(he must voice out a response here) if yes,
Now tell he will ve to help you achieve this as you are but flesh , now tactically lay down his flaws or the reasons you you behaved the way, he accused you of.
and both of you sha remain committed to whtever you agree upon, if all works out well, let that day will unique sort of. once in a while someone will violate, but gentle reminds him of that day.
this is just my little piece of advice.

MRbrownJAY:

@poster
you are just waiting for the day that he will squeeze that neck a little longer and you will simply die in his hands!

i am sorry to say that SOME WOMEN ARE JUST PLAIN DESPERATE AND STOOPID!!!!!

if he has the audacity to do this in such a short period of marriage, i am safe to say that you will not live to see the 10th anniversary of this marriage.
RUN WHILE YOU ARE STILL ALIVE!

Wait till mutter comes with her 'men-have-the-upper-hand' theory! Lol

@ Poster Pls take this advise from mengi and several others. Its what u need. but do it prayerfully with Fasting oo, because so many things dey fight marriages this days, Its yr marriage , dont give up easily . Be careful not to drive yr man into the hands of other women, that is if he hasnt gone yet. Its totally bad for a Man to lay hands on a lady, that aspect u have to try as much as possible to avoid so He doesn't disfigure u.

mengi:

@poster
i dont normally comment (just enjoy reading posts) but deep down in my heart i feel 4u, i kinda ve a similar experience, my wife is a great nagger/ complainer. she just finds pleasure in letting me know my inadequates and on those times i feel i shd leave and never come back home until days. but i cant. not that i am very  responsible, i just cant bear leaving my son, not for anthing in this world.
back to d solution to your prob.
1. let the involvement of third parties be the last option
2. know that no matter how u try to exonerate yourself you have a share in this prob, and since you ve taken the initiative to seek help, follow peace to the end.
So stop frowning your face and those question of 'where do u think u are coming back from' it wont take u anywhere, only boils up the polity.
Observe him closely there will be a moment he is going to 4get his prob and will relax,
look sweet, the way he loves it and walk to him smiling{even though all u feeel is hatred} and let him know you had always wanted a happy home where there is great love shared, and you are sorry if you ve not been at your best. that you do not like his running away from home, or how will he feel if at the slightest provocation you do same.
That, his running home does not really solve the prob, rather both of u can sit and talk things over (observe hin closely, chances are that he wants to ear more) now ask him wat is it that he doesnot like, surely he will rant all your bad deed but pls be kool. note ;fire can never quench fire only water can. ask him if he will come back home if you do all these things he is saying.(he must voice out a response here) if yes,
Now tell he will ve to help you achieve this as you are but flesh , now tactically lay down his flaws or the reasons you you behaved the way, he accused you of.
and both of you sha remain committed to whtever you agree upon, if all works out well, let that day will unique sort of. once in a while someone will violate, but gentle reminds him of that day.
this is just my little piece of advice.

Unfortunately you have married a selfish monster who has little or no regard for you. If he's doing all of this in the first year, he must've shown signs before you married (which you ignored or overlooked) or you didn't get to know him at all before tying the knot.

Either way, you've put this cross on your shoulders. . . .I suggest you try speaking to someone he respects before he beats you to death or brings you some choice diseases from the women he's surely sleeping with.

To be experiencing this type of trouble is not a good sign for the marriage at all.

myhome10:

south-south region. since he doesnt discuss issues wit me as they arise, it gets to a pt whr he explodes, & dat normally results in him beating me, squeezing my neck, bruises evywhr. hhhmmmmmmmm, i pray God gives me the strenght to hang on here all the way.

You need to get out of this marriage as fast as you can. . . or yo may never leave to tell this story again.

Chookym:


@ Poster Pls take this advise from mengi and several others. Its what u need. but do it prayerfully with Fasting oo, because so many things dey fight marriages this days, Its yr marriage , dont give up easily . Be careful not to drive yr man into the hands of other women, that is if he hasnt gone yet. . . . . .

what the heck are you talking about . . he is killing her!

@poster:

This is wife abuse,the man is a rascal,am sure he has a lover outside that where he goes to and spend 5 whole days return with no apology, send me a mail right away i need to advice you offlist: rafikoualabi@ymail.com

Ujujoan since you invited me into this topic, I shall not disappoint you.
@ Poster. sometimes when we seek advise we do not lay all the cards on the table and I know that can be cumbersome when writing in a forum. But even if you do not write anything here, you need to examine the situation.
Did you cheat on your husband during the marriage?
Did you do anything before the marriage that you hid from your husband? I mean something that you know that would have made him change his mind about marrying you if he knew. Something rather serious.
If the answer is yes, you need to go to your family and look for a way to beg him.
If you know that this is something he will never forgive, try to dissolve the marriage because it will only bring you pain in the long run.

Now if none of the above apply you have a serious problem on your hands and one you should not try settling alone. This man is not ready for marriage and definitely not with you or maybe not now.
You are still young and do not have a kid so better look for a solution now.
Even marriages that start rosy can became difficult over the years, but now it is already a battlefield.
No human being has a right to keep you so miserable and believe me it is agony what you are going through now.
Please hid the advise of other posters and make this a family issue.
If you were my daughter I would take you out of that house immediately and wait for the man and his people to render me explanations about what is going on. They would have some serious explaining to do and a hard time convincing me why this marriage should not be put to an end.
Don`t forget you still have a family that loves you and that will stand by you in this issue.- at least I pray you do.
Be strong and pull this true, do not make the mistake of believing that the more you please him the more chance you have that he will change. He will only feel contempt, because there is more behind his behaviour that the efforts you are putting into the marriage.

thanks all concerned, i am so honoured to be attended to with several ways fwd. hes hasnt eaten in the hse since wen he left & rtnd, wen asked y, says hes nt hungry, he doesnt talk to me, just pushes an ear piece into his ear, listens to music & sleeps off wen he rtns frm work.some of the options have already been explored,like talking to his other relatives,whom he respects{his mom & dad didnt consent to our marriage, so i dnt go there} my dad is hypertensive & diabetic, d last time i tried tellin him, it landed him in the hosp,no mum. i will try all ur suggestions one aft the other. frm the continous prayers, peace talk again to trial abscondment etc. i pray he changes. it actually hurts me badly, more dan u knw, well that destiny i guess. i lost my job resently but am scouting for anoda , i will brave up no mata wot comes out after all said & done, Peace!!!!!!! & tnks once again.

You obviously want this to work. It is tough when your in-laws are not helping too.

Please try to keep this away from your dad.

Stay strong.

God bless.

Poster, your hubby is not acting funny. he`s acting deadly (no offence). I fear for your life really. Grabbing your throat? What manner of man will grab his spouse by the throat in his moment of anger? He`s demonstrating immaturity and failure to take responsibility as a married man. He may also be overwhelmed by the demands of married life. I`d suggest u report 2 d nearest police station should dis happen again. Your life is precious and u have every right to preserve it.

Poor darling, I am wondering how anyone can get thru such an insensitive man that closes his ear off you with an earpiece and cuts you off so. May God work things out for you dear. All in all never return his immature behaviours with silence or malice, be openhearted and remain loving. Talk to him even when he doesn't talk to you, someday soon he will thaw. The bible is right when it said in Romans 12 ending that when you repay evil with good, you will be heaping coals of fire on the person.
As per that beating of a thing it is a "No,No", he mustn't beat you----next time he tries that let him hear it from you that you are not in marriage to be used as a punching bag for somebody and that you are never gonna tolerate that. Most bullies and violent people are weaklings, you only need to stand up for yourself and they will run and even develop some respect and fear for you but as long as you submit your body to be punched, you will be feeding their ego that is full of complexes. I am really wondering what in the world will make a man beat me bikonu, I can't remember when last I got beat up by my parents while young and growing up and after all these sweet years of taking care of oneself some person that calls himself "husband" will come to make me wallow in unnecessary fears. That can never happen in my life, I won't allow that.
Some women have been heard to say that they enjoy the break up and make up part of having their man beat them as things get sweeter when they make up, I beg to differ please.

You need to leave him. Before he kills you. Before you have a kid. Do it now now now. Run far away.

my dear, this is what one of my friend is going through now, the guy will be gone for a whole week, does not pick up phone, then he comes homes and says he left phone at work, and that he was at his brothers house, this guy started doing this since summer, last month my friend found out he has a girlfriend he has been parading around town, even taking her to his work, now he has left her , i say he is obviously cheating and ur being really dumb by accepting his nonsense.

@poster, Search yourself and be honest. The man is quite unfair and ungentleman in his approach but he may simply be acting according to Newton's 3rd Law of motion that "for every action, there is equal and opposite reaction", Tell us your actions that are generating this man's reactions. You must have a skeleton in your walldrope you are still hiding and if you reveal it to us, it will generate a sincere advice from someone like me.

it is so simple the man has another family that he goes to live with. poster you are marride to a polygamist

leave him b4 he kills u by hand or AIDS

livin:

leave him b4 he kills u by hand or AIDS

my simple advice for you, LEAVE HIM, for God sake how many months old is your marriage?i pray he doesn't kill you

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