@ itsmyeila

You are not okay! She didn't even cheat on you. She did what she did before you guys met. And then you had to make the children suffer for it too? Na wa oh!

My sister , marriage is no longer a do or die affair, if u say u have tried so many options at resolving the issue, and they don't seem to be working, abeg BOLT.
He[i] doesn't want to talk about anything[/i], meaning[b] he doesn't want to find a solution to the problems u guyz are having.[/b]
U don't have a child for him yet, better, a child would have complicated the matter. Now there is no reason for u to want to remain in the house.
The marriage is not up to a year yet and u re so unhappy, do u want to spend the rest of ur life in an unhappy marriage, just for the sake of being married?, that's if u live long enough.

My sister, the marriage was a mistake, the essence of it no longer exist, there is no point hanging on.
But before u BOLT, ur last move is to let the people he respects most, know what's happening, and plead with them to talk to him or call a meeting where u guys will be present to talk,

oh my, oh my!

@ poster,

poison him.

I am persuaded that the poster is not sincere about her posting on this relationship/marriage. If by now the questions most people have been raising is yet to be answered. Such attitude can really make an husband run away. It's like living in denial.

What are you doing that irritates him?
Are you giving him the respect he deserves as the only man you chose?
Are you sticking to things he has dissagree with?
Are you the disobedient, highly opinionated, self-righteous, proud, attention-seeking, nagging, brawling, tantrum-throwing wife?
Have you brought order, peace into his life or the opposite?

Even if you go for counselling with the mind that it is only your husband that is the bad egg without critical look into how you are triggering such behaviour, people may still not be able to help you appropriately as they would have love to do.In my opinion, changes starts by looking inward, to consistently seek how to prevent chaos as it will benefit no one.

Also, if he is truly your husband, and even if he didn't talk explicitly, you should be able to have a lists of things that can trigger such a behaviour from such a man who has just spent heavily on your wedding.

So many people who owned up to those vices listed above have received great helps and are now bouncing in the marital bliss.

Unlike my several Nairaland brethren, I don't subscribe to the notion that you have wronged your husband to cause him to act badly towards you. And, for argument sake, say you did offend him, he his nevertheless obliged to communicate your wrongdoings to you. That he has refused to do. Your husband has probably met and fallen in love with a lady who is taking care of his needs for you, and he his too timid to communicate to you that he wants out. Again, it is particularly worrisome that he has refused to communicate with you, which signals his disinterest in resolving any marital or personal problems that may exist. I will suggest that you run for your life.

The primary goal of living is to strive for happiness. That being said, if staying in that misery has deprived you of happiness, which I presume it has, then please leave and find happiness by yourself or with someone else. It is not by force to be married, abeg!

Its a pity, marriage as young as months old
u need to talk to him, involve one or two family members
then, if afterwards he continues, don't set urself in a war from.

Marriage is suppose to be a thing of joy
pray hard also, God is the head of every family

You sold yourself at the lowest possible price to your husband that his mom & dad didnt consent to your marriage with him, so you dnt go there. It was a  very big mistake. Your husband knows that you are on your own that why he is behaving like that in a marriage of less than a year. Habah.
Well invovle your pastor or elders that you know that your husband will listen to. Then latter to stabilize yourself in this marriage, try your best to win the acceptance of your husband parents or else be expecting bigger beating of your life. If nothing works think well well and run way before you get killed. Goodluck.

Keep your wedding promises, FOR BETTER FOR WORSE, TILL DEATH DO YOU PART.

Please disregard all these people asking you to quit the marriage. I know that it was for fact that you love this man that gave you the courage to present the issue to NL.

My simple advice is to hang on, soon the storm will be over, Just make sure you do not repeat the issue that made him raise his hands on you the last time. Always be the first to apologize, no matter who was wrong. Please note that by doing this, you are not being stupid or weak, you are only trying to work on his weaknesses.

Buy him gifts, get him those things he always cherished in those days you guys were courting,


And finally and sincerely take this to GOD in prayer, he will not forsake you. It may seem as if he is not listening to your prayers, my dear he does and he will surely perfect the marriage at his own time.


WISH YOU THE BEST.

HELLO MADAM,
It is wise and biblical for u to pray for ur husband,Never contemplate divorce because it will end up putting u in more pressure.A year's marriage is too young for u guys to start having problems.U guys need to understand each other the more.Best of luck

it is imperative for the Poster to clarify:-

1) How they met and what the attraction was?

2) Why his parents objected to the marriage

3) was the marriage celebrated under a shortgun (compulsion)

4) who are the man's friends? Is he a loner or are his friends 'men about town'

information on the above could give clue to why your man is behaving in such irresponsible and irrational manner

madam change your ways, i see you are the fault else how can your man be looking for breathing space, damn!

super story, i guess?

Ujujoan:

@ itsmyeila

You are not okay! She didn't even cheat on you. She did what she did before you guys met. And then you had to make the children suffer for it too? Na wa oh!

@Ujujoan,
after typing,do you ever bother to re-read and listen to it in your head to know if you are making any sense before clicking the "Reply" button

U HAVEN'T TOLD US IF U GUYS MET IN THE NIGHT CLUB, OR, AT A BAR,

B4 I CAN GIVE MY CANDID ADVISE, DID U MARRY HIM COS HE WAS RICH? WATS UR PAST, MAYBE ITS MENESIS,

DONT GET ME WRONG, SOMETIMES THE LITTLE TINS MATTER THE MOST,

imagine when u marry a husband u know drinks late, club all night (with u) etc b4 u marry, wat else do u expect,

if u want my advise, u might need to send me a mail, twotech_concepts@yahoo.com

@ The Poster, there is nothing like impossibility at the sight of God but that is only on one condition, that your hands are clean both before and while on the marriage. Your hands being clean in the sense that you did not use charm or something to hypnotize this man into agreeing to marry you in the first place. Check yourself all round and when you found out you have a clean mind and a clean hand, then go on your knees.  But if there is a fowl play before the marriage either by you or by any of your parents, I tell you, the marriage can't know any peace. I have a neighbor with such a problem and until she was exposed by a man of God, she could not get to tell us how she made the marriage a possibility in the first place( with charm, she made this man married her) but the marriage lasted for just a year, six month and today, the man in question  is married to another lady living peacefully with her to everyone's utmost surprise. So my sister, if you are clean, be rest assured that all you need to revamp your dying marriage is just prayer and nothing but prayers. Good luck.

@ Poster
There is no reason, and i mean no reason a man should beat his wife or any woman for that matter. If something happened and he could not forgive, i wonder why you are still there. Do you not value your life? I guess if you dont respect yourself and your life, others will disrespect you even more than you can imagine. The road is clear for you to pick race, you never born for am. Marriage is not a do or die affair. Whatever is making you stay there, trust me, you will find a man that can provide more for you and will not touch a hair on your head. If you are trying to prove a point to his parents that the both of you can make it work, forget story and pick race. The battle has already been lost, the guy has someone else and most likely another family that his parents probably approve of. Just call your dad and tell him you are coming home. Pack your load one afternoon when your husband is at work and PICK RACE, DO NOT LOOK BACK! Dont mind all these crazy posters saying it is your fault, it is never your fault but his, he lack emotional maturity and is just not fit or ready for a commitment like marriage. And you know what? Some men never are, and this one will squeeze your neck till you die one day. Are you ready to DIE? Because when you die, he will move his new wife in. They will just claim you died in your sleep. chikena.

Nobody should get careless with words here and tell this poor lady that she is this and that here, she is an unhappy lady that came here to seek advise for goodness sake. Don't depress her the more. None of us is perfect and she does not deserve to have that husband mete out all that to her whatever it is she has done.
People let's not be insensitive. I agree that she should make a check and see where she is erring him or pushing him outside the home but calling her names is way out of it. If you have nothing kind and useful to give her why not let others advise her as they are doing. Thanks

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Why do women get married to strangers?

There is no other thing for you to do, marriage is an institution that when you get admitted you never graduate, if truly both of you get married mutually, just pray for God's intervention,
he may be acting like this because he is the one that is providing everything, if you don't have what you are doing, get something doing
or better still click on this link
www.Learntheeasiestmoneysecret..com
thank's and enjoy ur marriage

A few things:

it's very difficult to find a man who would go to these extremes unless the woman has greatly disappointed him. Men have extra marital affairs even from the first day of marriage but they hide it from their wives and they come home everytime and make 'seemingly' genuine excuses when they don't. i believe that this is not just a case of finding comfort outside;
even the most wayward husband will give u an excuse, no matter how ridiculous, for actions like this.
but in this case i can tell you that your 'husband' has lost every respect for you. and i think you know the reason.

Ujujoan:

@ itsmyeila

You are not okay! She didn't even cheat on you. She did what she did before you guys met. And then you had to make the children suffer for it too? Na wa oh!

i'm not totally in support of his actions but can i ask u?

how would u feel, if u are a man, knowing that TWO of your brothers have slept with your wife before u married her?

My dear sister, I like you to sit down and meditate on manything pls. God wants you to enjoy life and have happy a home. Your marriage can still work and it will work, your husband can still be who God designed him to be. Divorce is not the solution dont even think about it, but try and pay attention to certain things in your marriage pls. Just find time to know what the problem actually is. Conflicts in marriage is not like any other conflict. If you need counsel you can send me an email:opesimeon2000@yahoo.com. I will be glad to also link you with marriage counselors God can use them to tame your husband. May the PEACE of God rule and reign in your home. Stay blessed.

[

if this story is true, then i will say the signs were there but the lady was too 'in-love' to notice
i also suggest she leaves the house the next time the guy 'disappears'

Where did you meet this thing, please run for your dear life before something will do you. 5 days away from home no apology and no explanation, its not once, twice and the end is not in sight. My question is did you not see sign of this before marrying him. But wait a minute what is his grouse, it maybe that he wants a child but you not giving him. Find a way and discuss with him.

@OP, I am available incase you finally make up your mind to ditch the guy. Just holla me!

All the best though!

There is no excuse for abuse, so your husband is 100% wrong there. But I have a feeling you have not told us the entire story. Is there something that he consistently warns you about that you do not heed to? Do you nag too much? What you regard as a small row may not be small to him. Most men just want peace. Are you giving him peace?

More Importantly, YOU NEED TO BE HUMBLE. If you have a problem with anything, talk to him in a humble manner about it as opposed to blowing up and causing wahala. I have uncles that are complete riots but their wives know exactly how to talk to them humbly and get what they want. You need to learn the art of soft skills and diplomacy.

Now, if you already do the things I stated, and your husband is still behaving the same way then he has a MAJOR problem.

@poster,

I feel for your concern but as 'chaircover' rightly said and analysed, there are too many questions to be answered and too many unknowns.
Frankly, you cannot get any firm response here if you do not tell the full story as it is. From your own side/story:

What could you have done?
How did you both meet?
Did you con him into marriage?
Did you get pregnant for him?
How was the relationship before marriage?

Many questions to be answered!!!!

I know someone who got married to his girlfriend because she got pregnant for him, even though he wasnt ready. Today, the marriage of 2 years is on the verge of an eventual split but we are praying that God re-unite them.


Be bold to address the issues even if you are responsible for the problems.

one year marriage,sme pple no dey pretend atall him 4 jst pretend 4 like 2 years, insensitive man