I've been following most posts on this section alot lately,and i guess it would be my turn today,seeking for advice.I'm in luv with this girl,we've been together for about 3years,and by God's grace i'd want to settle down with her.The only problem i have with her,and which hurts me alot is her ability to transfer aggression.Whenever she has a bad day,or has issues,i end up bearing the brunt of everything.We've talked about this same issue alot of times,she always promises to change,but ends up doing the same thing over and over again.Sometimes i'm like Wtf,i'm not the one that spoilt ur day,and then she goes hysterical on me.I luv this girl,i'm not looking for the easy way out cos i know every relationship has it's own peculiar problems,but what do i do?

Well everybody has dere oda sides
jst try n understand dat dats whom she is
n anoda very gdthing 2 do wyl she s @ dat is 2 jst try ur ways 2 mk er happy
u said u love er ryt?
Den u shld accept er 4 whom she is n m sure as tym goes on,i bet she ll calm down
mayb afta 2 kids

My dear, deal with it. Yeah, that's sommin you should do. There are worse things a gal can be doing to hurt her man, than merely transfering aggressions, which i'm certain isn't peculiar to only you. It's a bad character, yes, but on a general level. I'm cocksure that you have your own faults too, but she hasn't opened a thread about it yet. Manage yourselves abeg.

@poster
there is a difference between having a bad day and being aggressive. some people have anger issue regardless of what happens during the day. they have no ability to control their temper or behave in a subtle manner when face with a sense of loss.

if she cant control her aggressive nature then i can imagine what will happen when you are NOT around and the (future) kids ask her a simple question.

this person needs to channel her aggressiveness elsewhere. she could join a gym or something that would take the steam off her but unfortunately she could still come home from work and "explode".

like a defense mechanism, they can explode at the slightest sense of loss and still NOT think that anything is wrong with their behavior. as hard as it may be, you need to seek PROFESSIONAL HELP for your partner.

Sign her up for a therapy session.

While I agree dat professional help for her mite bring some alleviation I'd rather u saw as a way to bring two of u even closer. If u treat this rite rather bcomin a target for frustration u could bcom d safe haven in d storm.

How? First of all create a calm n peaceful atmosphere. This can b as simple as pulling her into a corner of the room folding ur arms around her n whispering into her ear It's ok am here. Or u could make elaborate arrangements a la candlelight dinner wateva feels comfortable for u will pass across d message dat u are there for her.

Phase two listen without bias or judgement. Let her talk let her rant but if she is becomin hysterical calm her down n remind her dat u are wit her.
Offer any comments on the situation dat will make her see a new angle to the whole situation but if u don't have any don't. Simply letting her know dat u trust her to handle d situation in a prudent manner will boost her self confidence and increase her willingness to share matters wit u without aggression.

There's more to this dan my simple comments but I bet u if u use these as a starting point u will see positive changes.

Sign her up for a therapy session.

I loe this one. Not just her both of you. She will be taught hw to mange her anger. You also will have your role to play.
Some people have ability to know their problem while some need to be told. But the real thing is how to get out of the problem(very hard).

ANGER MANAGEMENT!! You need to have a serious talking with her, and let her know, if she is not willing to change you might want to rethink the marriage thing! Can you see your self spending the rest of your life with someone who does not know how to direct their anger.?, Things will surely get worse once you add children etc,

Lord_Reed:

While I agree dat professional help for her mite bring some alleviation I'd rather u saw as a way to bring two of u even closer. If u treat this rite rather bcomin a target for frustration u could bcom d safe haven in d storm.

How? First of all create a calm n peaceful atmosphere. This can b as simple as pulling her into a corner of the room folding your arms around her n whispering into her ear It's ok am here. Or u could make elaborate arrangements a la candlelight dinner wateva feels comfortable for u will pass across d message dat u are there for her.

Phase two listen without bias or judgement. Let her talk let her rant but if she is becomin hysterical calm her down n remind her dat u are wit her.
Offer any comments on the situation dat will make her see a new angle to the whole situation but if u don't have any don't. Simply letting her know dat u trust her to handle d situation in a prudent manner will boost her self confidence and increase her willingness to share matters wit u without aggression.

There's more to this dan my simple comments but I bet u if u use these as a starting point u will see positive changes.

what you wrote made plenty of sense but the reason why i would never suggest it is because you will only be a scapegoat as we all know that you wont be there to comfort her, all the time.
she will always need YOU to calm her down therefore when you are not around, she will be her crazy self again thus not really solving her anger issue.
so yes, your help is needed but she has to work on her issues and fix it within her.

You've been dealing with it for 3 long years. Either you keep it or you leave it since you now have issues with the situation. Why did you wait so long? She perhaps need professional help to get rid of that anger. But if its going on for so long, I think its just her personality and most people, no matter how much help they get, they just will be what/who they are.

MRbrownJAY:

what you wrote made plenty of sense but the reason why i would never suggest it is because you will only be a scapegoat as we all know that you wont be there to comfort her, all the time.
she will always need YOU to calm her down therefore when you are not around, she will be her crazy self again thus not really solving her anger issue.
so yes, your help is needed but she has to work on her issues and fix it within her.

The plan is not for him to remain a scapegoat but to proactively turn a negative behaviour into a chance for deepening their relationship while at the same time giving her a chance to work/walk away from her aggression. Being there for her means that even in his absence she will still seek dat calm. I don't doubt dat professional help would make a difference but if shes not d 'psycho' type it's rather extreme imho.

Helping her help herself draws them closer.

OP,
I wouldn't suggest anything for u to conduct than to accept it that way!. . .It's the issue i've been facing ,experiencing aswell . . . . .Whenever ma babie is on her period ''Mestruation'' that's when i feel the hell and guessing if Jesus is almost around . . . lol . . . .Nothing i haven't tried to help this aggressive lovely babie . . But what to do? ''nothing'' than to accpet it that way . .Some ppl ''Elders'' say with time u guys spend together will watch off the attitude . . . .Sometimes we just have to buy flowers with itheir flaws. . . .I would advise u to aswell try al lthe prescribed options and if didn't work . . stick to ma advice . . , Don't worry bout it at all just have the hope that once she moves into ur house ''married'' and u guys start mixing up ,the flaw ll automatically be watched off!

Ojigho:

I've been following most posts on this section alot lately,and i guess it would be my turn today,seeking for advice.I'm in luv with this girl,we've been together for about 3years,and by God's grace i'd want to settle down with her.The only problem i have with her,and which hurts me alot is her ability to transfer aggression.Whenever she has a bad day,or has issues,i end up bearing the brunt of everything.We've talked about this same issue alot of times,she always promises to change,but ends up doing the same thing over and over again.Sometimes i'm like Wtf,i'm not the one that spoilt your day,and then she goes hysterical on me.I luv this girl,i'm not looking for the easy way out cos i know every relationship has it's own peculiar problems,but what do i do?

Are you a man at all
The next time she tries to 'transfer her agression' to you, beat the shyyt outta her.
She'd learn never to mess with you again

Isnt your gf female.
Common be a man, and act like some one with a di*ck.

Gosh, what if there was no NL, what would you do? report your gf to her parents? Why did God make you a man?

What a girlie man you are.

Voke, migwo.

@everyone.Thanks for your responses,like the saying goes, "what wouldn't kill a man,makes him stronger.I'm still trying in my own little way to handle the whole issue,but honestly it really annoys me sometimes.@stranger,i've never and would never be a violent person.I believe there are other ways of handling issues instead of getting physical on her.If i take your advice,and beat her to death,u'd still be the same one saying if u asked me to put my hand in fire,would i?She could be an angel when she's in her element,but when she's stressed out,hell.@blank.It's not voke,its obas.