martin231:
Initially I did not want to comment after my post, I only wanted to read but now i have to....Well, I think most of y’ll here got it all wrong I didn’t come to Nairaland to fight her or make her start feeling bad again ,I begged her promised not to verbally abuse her again that was after she forwarded me the messages she have been saving on her phone , those words was actually September 2019 but she saved all of it on her phone and i was surprised when she forwarded all of it to me this January and I begged her and gave her my word not to repeat it again , also y’ll should know that something actually triggered those words even though she didn’t post that part here, but still nothing to justify myself for saying those words to her.......Like I said, I begged her and made up with her, so we sure not fighting more ...... So the reasons why I actually came to nairaland is to seek if there is need calling her father since i have not gotten any calls from him about what happened (My Father in-law) in Quote for those that did not understand “ Now the problem is that my wife doesn’t want to go anymore but she doesn’t have the courage to tell her family that we have settled our misunderstand and doesn’t want to go anymore . She wants me to start calling every member of her family including her father to apologize and reassure them my love towards her again but to me I don’t know how to start the conversation with the father more especially because i believe having issues in marriage is normal and everyone understands that fact and since I have made up with her is their any need calling her family again“ Also why i mentioned about the money part was coz i wanted people to understand the gravity of the misunderstanding that is not really something serious...... All I wanted was advice or how to start conversations with the Father since I and my wife have already made up because she keep insisting that I should call the father, if not she will leave but sadly I don’t know what to him” ( Like should I tell him that I had a fight with my wife and we have made up? That I just wanted to tell him that we had a fight but we’re fine now? �) My captions says it all “I’m inexperienced “

You are the villian here and you have no excuse whatsoever for your behaviour. You are wrong on so many levels.

First of all you do not seem to love or care for your wife or daughter. Your daugher has been going in and out of hospital for 3 months, and you seem unconcerned. Your only concern was the 400,000 you gave your wife in November. What will you then say, if your daugher requires a medical procedure costing millions of naira? I can't go to the office today because my 11 year old son is sick and undergoing treatment. I can't leave him alone at home.

I think you don't love the woman you married. how can you go a full year without speaking to or swing the woman you claim to love? If my wife is late from coming home for up to 24hrs, I call here to know if there is a problem. You then project your anger on her by verbally abusing her.
I am not sure that you don't have another relationship going on in your base. I as a man knows that suffering konji for a year is not easy.

If you are really concerned about the financial prudence of your wife, you should have demanded a breakdown of living expenses including food, utilities, housekeeping, medicals and pocket money. You then give allowances based on needs and not based on what you feel like giving. In Nigeria a lot of unforseen expenses crop up unexpectedly.

The father is right to demand to talk to you concerning the welfare of his daughter. You went to him to ask his for his daughters hand in marriage, with a promise to take care of his daughter. If he feels his daugher is not happy he has the right to ask you if there is any problem.

Call him to discuss, man to man, father in law to son in law. Even if there are no issues, courtesy demands you call your father in law from time to time.

Mr Martins, would you allow a man speak and treat your daughter, the way you treat your wife?

Now, you said you won't abuse her verbally again. I put it to you Mr Martins, you will do it over and over again, cos you still don't understand.

You can't give what you don't have. It's an upbringing problem. I can't imagine calling my wife, whom I claim to love and cherish, an idiot or stupid. Unimaginable!!!

Mrs Martins, try and be independent and stop relying on your husband for most things. He will respect you more, since money is often the cause of your problems.

To other men, treat your wife the way you would want other men to treat your daughter.

Soon, we will father-in-laws. Hopefully by then, we will understand better.

Femsyn:
Mr Martins, would you allow a man speak and treat your daughter, the way you treat your wife?

Now, you said you won't abuse her verbally again. I put it to you Mr Martin's, you will do it over and over again, cos you still don't understand. You can't give what you don't have. It's an upbringing problem. I can't imagine calling wife, whom I claim to love and cherish, an idiot or stupid. Unimaginable!!!

Mrs Martins, try and be independent and stop relying on your husband for most things. He will respect you more, since money is often the cause of your problems.

To other men, treat your wife the way you would want other men to treat your daughter.

Soon, we will father-in-laws. Hopefully by then, we will understand better.

Not easy for a woman in a new marriage trying to raise children properly. If you want your children to grow up properly, balance and imbibe good values, it is better for one parent to be home looking care of the children, until at least the last one is about 6 to 8 years. Nothing wrong with the wife taking care of the home front, while the husband takes care of the financial front. Sometimes the reverse is the case. MKO a abiola was at home taking care of Kola, while simbiat was working. Cooking for the family, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, preparing the children for school and helping them with homework, has as much value as going to work to earn money. In fact if all these services offered by the wife is monetized, I am sure most husbands will be unable to pay. That's why it's called a family, each act as one towards a common goal. The wife can then pursue a career or go back to school after the children are fairly independent.
Hiring nannies, househelps and even family members to take of my children is a no no for me. I am just not ready to take the risk.

wirinet:

Not easy for a woman in a new marriage trying to raise children properly. If you want your children to grow up properly, balance and imbibe good values, it is better for one parent to be home looking care of the children, until at least the last one is about 6 to 8 years. Nothing wrong with the wife taking care of the home front, while the husband takes care of the financial front. Sometimes the reverse is the case. MKO a abiola was at home taking care of Kola, while simbiat was working. Cooking for the family, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, preparing the children for school and helping them with homework, has as much value as going to work to earn money. In fact if all these services offered by the wife is monetized, I am sure most husbands will be unable to pay. That's why it's called a family, each act as one towards a common goal. The wife can then pursue a career or go back to school after the children are fairly independent.
Hiring nannies, househelps and even family members to take of my children is a no no for me. I am just not ready to take the risk.

Well I understand your view, as what works for one family may not work for the other.

My submission is strictly for this peculiar case, and not general.

Outside this, you will agree with me, not every woman want to be full housewives by default, even for a year. At the same time, some men would never want their wives to be full housewives, even for 1sec. I am an example of such men.

When it comes to house chores, I support my wife. Bathing the child, feeding her, clothing, cooking and sometimes cleaning, and ofcourse I drive them everywhere. We both work!

So, what works for A may not work for B. For this case, I've only made my suggestion.