Hi Nlander,
It is not my joy to post this thread, but I just have to do it.
My heart is bleeding as am posting this message.
My wife of 5years has become so cold and not romantic any longer, even our sex life is nothing to write home about anymore. Before, I used to do 4 rounds, but now, am virtually impotent, this is because I will have to make trouble before we have one round. I've not had second round for more than 3years now cos that doesn't exist in her dictionary.
It got so worse that she turns her back to me when sleeping on the same bed. We're both in our very early 30s
I have tried everything humanly possible to register my mind on this, but she won't just change. She may change for 2 days, after that, she's back to her old way.
In my 5 years of knowing her, I've not seen another woman's pant let alone sleeping with anyone else.
This is really affecting my faith as I am considering getting a sex and romantic partner and probably a second wife, but am afraid of many things, especially for the sake of my brilliant 3+ year old son.
I just need a serious advice from sensible Nlanders. No Jokes pls.

'/'/

This is really affecting my faith as I am considering getting a sex and romantic partner and probably a second wife, but am afraid of many things, especially for the sake of my brilliant 3+ year old son.
I just need a serious advice from sensible Nlanders. No Jokes pls

You need to get a girlfriend.
I think your wife has max'd out on you.
Sorry, not a joke.
I most certainly would and leave her to her coldness.

She could ruin your sexual and mental health for ever.
Who wants to lay down with a cold fish every night?
Arrrrrrrrrrrrantus Nonsensicus!

Watch movies of Romanticism and the attempted merger with this film and let it sit while you watch her and tell her I hope to be my wife such as these are

Or tell her you want to marry another woman

Or whenever I came home Tell her I have a friend with his wife, Hua happy romantic I wish I have a wife like a girl friend

Try to find one of your friends or family centers to play the role of education for your wife

@chaircover - sorry I cant quite point out the answer in the post. Do us a favour in that regard. Thanks

All you need is to make her fall in love with you all over again.Send SD 6189 to 35811 and get a link to download a report on How to make anyone fall in love with you.

We have a serious issue here because romance is very important in a marriage;However, i do not think infidelity or taking a second wife is the solution.The first thing you need is dialogue-is there something you were doing to make your sex life great that you had stopped doing?Could it be that she is no longer in love with you?Is there a health issue?Ask questions;Get her to tell you her mind and let her know how her "coldness"is affecting your home.Be as open as possible and encourage her to be too.Wish you luck.

I am so grateful to all who responded to this post.

I have called her, sat her down, have been to church seminars that deals on marriage issue. I was more than excited when one married lady came up to charge the women on the need for them to be romantic, dive and respond while having sex with their partner and not just sleep like a dummy while the man digs deep and all sort of.

Honestly, am not used to erotic films because of the torment I had from it in the past. or could it be the way out for her?

I do my best as a man to keep my family comfortable. I am dying inside. I am still young and vibrant. I kept myself intact until I got married.

My fear is that, will I ever get back to her if I should find anyone who will keep me warm and break the jinx of these cold nights in my life??

'/'/

@OP -

As things were not always this way, you will have to pinpoint when the change happened; and it seems it was around the time she had a baby.
Your wife may be struggling with post natal depression, reduced libido, hormonal imbalances, a negative body image - all stuff that is usually brought on by having a child. You will have to work with her in finding a way out of this situation, but firstly, your wife MUST be willing to accept there is a problem, otherwise i suspect this will not be resolved anytime soon.

I am so grateful to everyone who responded to this thread.
Your wisdom will not diminish in Jesus name.
People will soon be paying to join Nairaland (lolz)

Furthermore, is there any medication that enhances women's libido if childbirth warrants this.

^^^
Talk to your doctor in case your wife is a nursing mother.
You don't want your babies to become randy too do you?

Just to add to what's been said, show her love. Or is it MORE love. Love is not only in bed. Communicate more often as well, compulsory. Don't just expect her to 'switch on' when you 'switch on'. Love her until she knows it, and don't stop loving her. All other things will be added unto you, as it were.

Poster
Your wife is not being romantic?
Are you
From you posting all I can read out is that you need more s - -. You want at least 2 rounds. The woman should respond!!
Chaircover is right.The answer lies in your post.
If you want romance be romantic. If your wife does not have the urge for your two to four rounds, the more you demand the more she would feel bad about it.
Show your wife affection and love and she will respond to you.
touch her often but make it clear its not sexual. Talk to her in a romantic way and make her feel like a woman.
Only when she feels like a woman and you bring out that feminine side, can she respond like a woman.
Little kind gestures, gifts, they don`t have to be expensive.
Intensify your efforts on the romantic level and that way her sexual desire for you will be rekindled.
Nothing that you will find in another woman does not exist inside your wife. You just have to know how to rub the magic lamp for the genie to appear.

I thought I was reading. . .pack out of your house and come live with moi.
Thank God for a change of heart o.
Tis the season to be jolly.
Ho-ho-ho. . .

'/'/

@ chaircover
it's all good and well for the NL ladies to "preach" to fm7070 about turning on the romance in his marriage  like the list you've just given above and trying to justify/excuse  her inability/unwillingness to satisfy her husband sexually with childbirth,  depression ,  etc  ( na 2day ?) but i ask you will these same ladies follow this advice when the tables are turned ?

Av been around NL for a while now and av seen enough posts in the romance section from ladies wailing about the woe full inadequacies of their   boyfriends/husbands in explicit details , many of them in a mocking tone. they aren't  half bothered about trying to solve "their"  challenge , as far as they're concerned it's his problem and he needs to solve it FAST or she's gonna take a walk an get herself a young stud outside ( that is after she has had her fun in verbally emasculating him).

I hate double standards , don't go softly on the posters wife jus' b'cos she's a female . your post puts ALL the responsibilty for tackling the challenge squarely on fm7070's shoulders ( indirectly ur saying it's all his fault !!!) . so in your mind "madam"  is on the right for neglecting her husband sexually? madam has no responsibility in all of this? 

In order for real progress to be made" madam" must first ADMIT she actually has a problem in her marriage (am not satisfying my husband sexually) and be willing to work toghether with him , make whatever sacrifice is necessary to solve it.  unless this happens first , all the sugestions you gave will come to nothing b'cos she will simply rebuff him and throw it all back in his face.

'/'/

chaircover:

@Filani I totally agree where you are coming from, but it is the poster who brought the problem to NL & not his wife and he is the one who people can talk to and he is the one who can make a difference in the situation right now.

If they were both sitting in front of me, they will BOTH get a piece of advise.

In my very first post, I believe I mentioned something about them both seeking professional help, so I do know that the woman too has work to do, however I am just giving the guy a heads up on how he can spice up his love life in the meantime. Sometimes it’s not about apportioning blame but about moving forward.

. . . . Oops I seem to be stepping on a lot of toes these days. Think its time to start my Xmas holidays   

@ chaircover
your point is duly noted , but if i had not raised the challenge you would not have clarified it better like you just did.

fm7070 would have left the forum no better off than when he started it and the ladies would simply walk away with a skewed belief that in such a situation the man's needs are simply to be ignored or ridiculed,
That being said i want to challenge you further by asking to put yourself in the shoes of  "madam" . your husband has told you in clear terms that you DO NOT SATISFY him sexually , what will be your action plan to win him over?
please no generalized answer like " we will both go see a professional for advice " . when you were advising fm7070 you had a list of things you said he should be doing to stir up his wife's flagging libido , so therefore in a like manner i'm expecting a [b]list of specific actions [/b]you would take to meet up with your husbands sexual needs if you found yourself in such a situation 

@ OP, please sit your wife down and ask her what the problem is really, and you will be amazed that there are things which you may not be doing right, something which may seem irrelevant to you but means a whole lot to her. Women are emotional beings and need to be treated with a whole lot of love and affection. Most times, when you don't treat a woman well, or give her the attention she needs, she tends to drift apart from you, sort of. So, if you really want your wife's attention back, you know what to do and i am sure you want that, for you to have posted this in the first place. Some men would not even bat an eyelid over this. Good luck.

'/'/

Filani, maybe chaircover can`t give you an answer there because she has neer been in such a situation that her husband had to complain.
I do not think that this problem is too common. at leastI hope not.
I think both parties have to make effort to satisfy one another, always trying out new things and reviving the feeling afresh. It is all in the mind and when a woman wants it to work it does.
I think one problem some women have in Nigeria is that they have been brought up thinking that sex is wrong and that a woman has to be decent in bed. Many women do not have orgasms and some fake them. It is not as easy for a woman as it is for a man, to enjoy sex, especially not if one has inhibitions and hang- ups about it.-

'/'/

chaircover:


. . . . Oops I seem to be stepping on a lot of toes these days. Think its time to start my Xmas holidays

Because one or two people disagree with your opinion doesn't change the fact that you are always loved and appreciated dear. . . Merry Christmas CC.

'/'/

@CC -

I'll give u a better one!Also heard at a marriage seminar.

Women are like a hob cookers - you turn it on, it takes a while to heat up, but when hot , its red hot! And it takes a looooong time to cool down
Men are like gas cookers - you light it, and whoa! Fire! You turn it off, and nothing!

On a serious note, Filani has a valid point. There seems to be an assumption that the solution to the problem begins with the OP - maybe because we heard from him first. It is a wife's duty to satisfy her husband sexually; and it is also her duty to discuss with him anything that may be getting in the way of that. So far, we can safely assume she has had no such discussion with her husband on the issue; otherwise he would have told us.
Everyone in a relationship should learn the skills of effective communication - not just husbands.

///

Women are very complex beings.

Lol! That is an understatement!

Romeo4real:

Lol! That is an understatement!

+10

^^ Hello sweetiehoneysucklepie

Hi darling, where have you been? and you know the weather is not friendly this season at all. . .I miss you.

What does Oyinda think?