Its a pity things turned this way in your marriage. As much as i commend the advise you'v been given so far, pls some are not workable but will only add salt to injury. Moreover, God is the originator of marriage hence we should seek His guidiance when problem arise in marriage. Look for any Jehovah's witness around you and request for one of their 192 page book entitled"THE SECRET OF FAMILY HAPPINESS". I tell you you'll not regret you did. After reading it try to apply the solutions stated therein and draw your wife's attention to the subjects that you feel will help both of you mostly.
My prayer is that the originator of marriage; God help to restore peace and order in your family!

@4llerbuntu
Good point but its way too different with a wife. wives dont walk away.

the OP needs to play the game, but he needs to also adjust himself.

@blazy,

right all the way, then how do he begin the program of controlling his home, its because he could not at ist that made him run away.

At this point, u need 2 play hard ball. U need 2 find out if your wife is as committed 2 d marriage as you are. Send both of them out of the house without any emotion. Pack dir things n let dem see it outside. If ur wife still wants 2 remain in d marriage, she will eventually send d MIL away.

I had a friend dat was in d same boat. It was wen d MIL made him sleep in police station dat was wen he wizened up n sent dem both away. Now, d wife is begging 2 come back but nothing 4 her.

U av 2 be a man n take charge. Leave all these pussy footing 4 women n grow some balls. If she doesn't come back, good riddance 2 bad rubbish.

Are you the head or tail of the house if that word exist. my advice 4 you is that there is a crack in your relationship right now and the best way to resolve it is to sought the advise of your parents. Take the bull by the horn and dont be a coward by sleeping in your office. Infact chase ur MIL and ur wife away what kind of nonsense is that

Uju and her single ladies crew don reach here again?!
Abeg no mind them
@OP, you've done wrong in allowing this linger for long and how u handled ur wife's supposed infedility wasn't good enough.
You must understand tht legally and biblically, u have good grounds to divorce ur wife if u can prove what u said here, but u can't remarry except, God forbid, she dies (it's a life time business). Now, no matter what we say on this thread, the decision's still urs, it appears u love ur wife, and u don't want a divorce, so, go to their village, meet the person(s) u paid her Bride price to, call a family meeting, explain what u're going thru to them, and most of all, you really need to pray! The bond between ur MIL and Wify don get cane leg, no sane mother will stand behind a cheating daughter.
Relax and strike, it's solely ur call.

Dude!
How long do you have until your rent expires at your present location?
Engage an agent and start looking for another house.
At the appropriate time, inform your wife of your impending relocation and give her a conditional offer to join you - the return of her mother to her own place of abode.

I don't believe in divorce and would love for them to reconcile, but the way things are right now it is obvious that she is not thinking straight.
Maybe this alternative will jolt her senses and get her back on track.

4llerbuntu:

and dont let anyone decieve you into thinking you can understand a woman.[/b]my friend go back home and go play the game

switosman:

@ blazy, [b]is not just about gaining control of your home, its also about maintaining that control ever after.
deal with the wife and the MIL maintain.

control frick MIL's trive where son in laws loose control.

I witness a case a MIL was advicing her daughter but she told her pointblank, her husband will not allow that.

Its true. No one can understand a woman. We are complex beings. we are emotional thinkers while the guys are logic thinkers. Hence, to deal with a woman sometimes, you have to play a fool. Use logic to handle some issue and psych to handle others. At least you do that to your female bosses at work.

To all telling the guy to have control, I would have to say it works with few women. Wait till you marry them. In some marriages, control does not always work. Understanding and respect of each other is what works. The example you gave, the woman understood her hubby. If you pull the control hat and want to deal with a tough woman or an unemotional woman, you lose!

dami_paul:

[size=16pt]Uju and her single ladies crew don reach here again?![/size]
Abeg no mind them
@OP, you've done wrong in allowing this linger for long and how u handled your wife's supposed infedility wasn't good enough.
You must understand tht legally and biblically, u have good grounds to divorce your wife if u can prove what u said here, but u can't remarry except, God forbid, she dies (it's a life time business). Now, no matter what we say on this thread, the decision's still urs, it appears u love your wife, and u don't want a divorce, so, go to their village, meet the person(s) u paid her Bride price to, call a family meeting, explain what u're going thru to them, and most of all, you really need to pray! The bond between your MIL and Wify don get cane leg, no sane mother will stand behind a cheating daughter.
Relax and strike, it's solely your call.

I said it!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uuxQFEOzcc

@Op,
If i jam you in that office, honestly i will give you a dirty slap  
What do you mean, you left your wife and mother inlaw to take over your home and then went in hiding

Go back home and send your MIL to her husband's home while you trash issues out with your wife. Or did you marry both?

The only period your MIL should stay with you, assuming she is healthy is when you have a new born, and her stay must not exceed three months.

^^^

Seconded!

Thank God. . .these divorced, single women on NL were trying to snatch this poor man from his wife.

Lord have mercy!

switosman:

@4llerbuntu
Good point but its way too different with a wife. wives dont walk away.

the OP needs to play the game, but he needs to also adjust himself.

@blazy,

right all the way, then how do [size=16pt]does[/size] he begin the program of controlling his home, its because he could not at ist that made him run away.

Move back home for starters! Period.

Does. . .not 'do'!

Argggggggggggggggggh!!!

Blazay:

^^^

Seconded!

Thank God. . .these divorced, single women on NL were trying to snatch this poor man from his wife.

Lord have mercy!

you are funny!

I think even the bible advocates sending a woman out of the house if she has been unfaithful.
The fact remains that the woman is in the wrong and the man has ever right to send her away.
If she apologises the husband can decide to tamper mercy with justice and take her back.  He would be wise to set in conditions.
No one has the right to demand of any person to maintain an unfaithful partner. Certainly not in these days of deadly STD`s.
How could you even have anything intimate with a person that as far as I am concerned is a health risk?
Blazay very often when people have nothing to say they resort to cheap insults. That`s okay this is not RL and everyone is free here to reflect his / herperson with words.
However I am not going to do you the favour of coming down to your level. I invite you to come up to mine.

^^^

Mu he he he

Here comes 'mother xmas' with her fat bible again.

Who is resorting to cheap insults?

Have you proven that the wife is unfaithful?

Did you catch the wife and the woman in your neighborhood hotel making out?

At least, you would have sought reconciliation first before asking for the man to send his wife away.

I am sure the man has his own 'runs' he is not telling us about.

Usually, people will always tell you their own side of the story.

[size=16pt]Have you heard the woman's side?[/size]

Thank God you are not a lawyer!

No married woman should befriend a woman like you. . . you will only spell doom for ANY marriage with the least of problems.

Move jor!

@OP U must be silly to leave ur home lyk dat! No mother of mine or no MIL will come between i and my spouse, Leaving your home is not the best for you cuz u have only surrendered or rather sacrificed the happiness of your home. Look my dear friend aren't u a man? U should be d one to assert authority in that house, y in the first place did it take u so long before u realize that PIL shouldn't live couples? It's a disaster! Go back to your family speak with your wife, i want to believe if you talk to her lovingly she will heed u. And if she refuses to heed you, though i don't support divorce, threaten to send her away and see her reaction, if she doesn't send you den my bro you don't have a marriage but first RETURN HOME!

Blazay,
Thank God I am not a lawyer- sorry to disappoint you I am.
Now the function of a lawyer is different from that of a judge. A lawyer defends his client even when guilty- do you not agree.
We can only comment on what the man wrote here. If he presents facts that differ from reality, the answers cannot help his reality.
As a lawyer I have given him the logical answer, clear of sentiments.
To have negotiations that favour him he has to assert his position and have bargaining power and that  can be achieved by sending the woman out.
When this is done she will realise the gravity of the situation.
One other thing I find it odd that anyone should think that because the woman contributes or is the breadwinner her actions are justified.

mutter:

Blazay very often when people have nothing to say they resort to cheap insults. That`s okay this is not RL and everyone is free here to reflect his / herperson with words.
However I am not going to do you the favour of coming down to your level. I invite you to come up to mine.

Correct but you are going to have wait for a long time to have that invitation honoured!

@ OP, things have definitely broken down. Now is the time to show strength of resolve and character. No one is saying you should go act like a mad man and lose your temper. But every woman likes a man that is decisive and knows what he wants.

Go back home, tell your mother-in-law she has to leave as you have issues to sort out now, sit your wife down afterwards and have a long talk about all issues on ground. She might resent you for a bit for sending her mum packing but she will come around.

@ The Topic Poster
1st i'll start by tellN u am very very single tho in a relationship. Na dat has bin established, lemme me offer u my own advice.
1st i must say i tink ur wyf does nt either respect u or is way way tied 2 her mother's apron string. Wat u must do. Go bak 2 ur home, live as though there was no past. Try to live in harmony wiv both women. No arguements, no quarrels, talk less, listen more. Den turn prayer warrior ova nyt cuz dis water don pass d garri.
Divorce ain't d solution. U can only do dat wen u see her committing adultery. Na d only ground bible talk say u go fit divorce. Anytin oda dan dat na strong contradiction.
If d women want to form stubborn even wen u want 2 bcum a peacemaker, den itz tym u call family meeting or tk sum NL advice of bringin ur own mum ova 2 d house. Trust me derz nutin as swt as authority and u got it. Ur d man. Nt ur ML, nt ur wife, U. U r d MAN. We go pray 4 u hopin all will b wel. Safe ma broda

This is why so many guys are scared of going into marriage. When you are dating the ladies, it's usually cheese and butter milk but after marriage, you start sipping bitter herbs. Isn't it rather funny that these kind of unfortunate events happens MOSTLY to hardworking/committed and loyal husbands? The wife beaters and abusers get the best marriages while the "good guys" get crapped on by their women. What a vicious circle!

@Blazay

You claim to be a married man with years of "experience". Can a man of your "experience" put up with half the crap the poster's MIL and wife is throwing at him? Why are there so many fake and unrealistic people giving advice here? I might not be married (fortunately) but i don't need all your "years of experience" to know that this poster is being short changed in his marriage.

@Poster

You are the one whose married here and not we the anonymous posters on nairaland. As much as we are sympathetic with your predicament, YOU ARE THE ONE SUFFERING NOT US! I will strongly advise you NOT to follow the advice of Blazay and his cohorts. They are unrealistic people who don't practise what they preach. These same people who are telling you to go home and "make up" with your wife and MIL are the same people that would have pulled down the angels from the heavens and uprooted demons from the abyss of hell if they were in your shoes. They would have sprayed the entire house with petrol and virtually burnt it down to the ground with everyone in it. Believe me, if you follow their advice, you will be back to this thread in 3-6 months explaining how things have progressed from bad to worse. . .mark my words! ! !

You left your house 4-5 days ago and till now, not even one sms or phone call. That speaks volumes of the "regard" they have for you. This is a classic case of "we don see you finish". You mean nothing to them and if your wife had an atom of respect for you, your phone line would be ringing non-stop even in the night. . .your phone memory would be filled with lengthy apologetic text messages, your face book and email would be clogged to the max. These people don't give a crap about your my friend.

And on top of that, she is evidently cheating on you. Whether or not she has slept with the person (or persons) doesn't matter. The fact that she denied it when you inquired from her tells the whole story. My friend, DON'T BE A FOOL! ! ! These women are playing you and they have this "nothing dey happen" stance towards the situation.

My advice to you is to kick both your MIL and probably your wife out of your house for starters. Even if this means you have to get physical, then by all means do so. Once again, DO NOT follow the advice of Blazay and his cohorts. It's not for your type or situation. You have in no way wronged your woman or MIL so you have nothing to make up for. Instead, you are the one that has been taken for a ride. I know the type of MIL and wife you have and believe me, if you concede to the nonsense Blazay and his crew is spewing here, you will not only become the laughing stock of the 21st century, you will also suffer and die in silence coz you didn't act when you were supposed to.

IT'S NEVER GONNA GET BETTER MY FRIEND. . .ONLY WORSE. I don't mean to be sexist but women are like the children they bring forth into the world e.g they want what they can't have and crave for things they don't need.

Be wise and take action now or else you will soon join the bandwagon of young men who die between 35-45.

Nuff said! ! !

You are a big fool!!! Allowing someone to come and take over your home. Throw your stupid wife and her mom out jare!!! Stop being such a weak man.  

mutter:

Blazay,
Thank God I am not a lawyer-

[size=16pt]sorry to disappoint you I am.[/size]




Now the function of a lawyer is different from that of a judge. A lawyer defends his client even when guilty- do you not agree.
We can only comment on what the man wrote here. If he presents facts that differ from reality, the answers cannot help his reality.
As a lawyer I have given him the logical answer, clear of sentiments.
To have negotiations that favour him he has to assert his position and have bargaining power and that  can be achieved by sending the woman out.
When this is done she will realise the gravity of the situation.
One other thing I find it odd that anyone should think that because the woman contributes or is the breadwinner her actions are justified.

I hope the man does not employ your services. . . for one you are going to lose.
Any wise lawyer would find out what the other person has against his or her client.
No, I do not agree with you.
Women never work in the best interest of other women anyway.
You are the kind of lawyer that would make a man wretched and then [size=16pt]move in with him[/size] to comfort him.
I see you plan.

You have failed!

The days of Adam eating apples from Eves are ova!

I say you have failed!

Kwa-kwa lawyer!

This is a warning to you men out there. . .never hire a woman as a 'family' lawyer o! It is a conspiracy.
Look at this woman o!
You are even sounding like the MIL's other daughter or the wife's friend.
Hmmmmmm!!!!

blank:

At this point, u need 2 play hard ball. U need 2 find out if your wife is as committed 2 d marriage as you are. Send both of them out of the house without any emotion. Pack dir things n let dem see it outside. If your wife still wants 2 remain in d marriage, she will eventually send d MIL away.

I had a friend dat was in d same boat. It was wen d MIL made him sleep in police station dat was wen he wizened up n sent dem both away. Now, d wife is begging 2 come back but nothing 4 her.

U av 2 be a man n take charge. Leave all these kitty footing 4 women n grow some balls. If she doesn't come back, good riddance 2 bad rubbish.

@Poster

You can read from the responses here that even the women are advising you to throw them ALL out. Forget Blazay and his crew. They are the types that will deceive you and laugh behind your back. They are the times that will tell you to leave the 15- bedroom mansion you built in VGC with the fleet of European cars for your wife and her MIL and go and squat in a colleagues's apartment or lodge in a hotel room.

A word is enough for the wise. . .

harakiri:

This is why so many guys are scared of going into marriage. When you are dating the ladies, it's usually cheese and butter milk but after marriage, you start sipping bitter herbs. Isn't it rather funny that these kind of unfortunate events happens MOSTLY to hardworking/committed and loyal husbands? The wife beaters and abusers get the best marriages while the "good guys" get crapped on by their women. What a vicious circle!

Now, this is funny. Is it not the man chewing the bitter kola from his wife and MIL in his story?

@Blazay

You claim to be a married man with years of "experience". Can a man of your "experience" put up with half the crap the poster's MIL and wife is throwing at him? Why are there so many fake and unrealistic people giving advice here? I might not be married (fortunately) but i don't need all your "years of experience" to know that this poster is being short changed in his marriage.

I am not one of the fake ones please. Marriage is not a bed of roses and will never be. But once you are in it. . .you stay there as long as your life is not in danger. If he is being short-changed in his marriage, sleeping in his office is not the answer is it? Years of experience I tell ya. Even if my wife moves out of my house with the MIL. . . I will personally go and drag them back there. At least. . .after the winter is over, then we can deal with this matter. You know what I mean?

@Poster

You are the one whose married here and not we the anonymous posters on nairaland. As much as we are sympathetic with your predicament, YOU ARE THE ONE SUFFERING NOT US! I will strongly advise you NOT to follow the advice of Blazay and his cohorts. They are unrealistic people who don't practise what they preach. These same people who are telling you to go home and "make up" with your wife and MIL are the same people that would have pulled down the angels from the heavens and uprooted demons from the abyss of hell if they were in your shoes. They would have sprayed the entire house with petrol and virtually burnt it down to the ground with everyone in it. Believe me, if you follow their advice, you will be back to this thread in 3-6 months explaining how things have progressed from bad to worse. . .mark my words! ! !

Arrrrantus Nonsensicus!
Who is this?

You left your house 4-5 days ago and till now, not even one sms or phone call. That speaks volumes of the "regard" they have for you. This is a classic case of "we don see you finish". You mean nothing to them and if your wife had an atom of respect for you, your phone line would be ringing non-stop even in the night. . .your phone memory would be filled with lengthy apologetic text messages, [size=16pt]your face book and email would be clogged to the max.[/size] These people don't give a crap about your my friend.

Who told you he is on Face Book?
Is it Face Book married people use to solve problems?
This thread is getting ridiculous.

And on top of that, she is evidently cheating on you. Whether or not she has slept with the person (or persons) doesn't matter. The fact that she denied it when you inquired from her tells the whole story. My friend, DON'T BE A FOOL! ! ! These women are playing you and they have this "nothing dey happen" stance towards the situation.

Hey!
Jezebel!

My advice to you is to kick both your MIL and probably your wife out of your house for starters. Even if this means you have to get physical, then by all means do so. Once again, DO NOT follow the advice of Blazay and his cohorts. It's not for your type or situation. You have in no way wronged your woman or MIL so you have nothing to make up for. Instead, you are the one that has been taken for a ride. I know the type of MIL and wife you have and believe me, if you concede to the nonsense Blazay and his crew is spewing here, you will not only become the laughing stock of the 21st century, you will also suffer and die in silence coz you didn't act when you were supposed to.

Which Blazay and his cohorts. . . why don't you use someone else's name for a change please. Dem sen you message?

IT'S NEVER GONNA GET BETTER MY FRIEND. . .ONLY WORSE. I don't mean to be sexist but women are like the children they bring forth into the world e.g they want what they can't have and crave for things they don't need.

Be wise and take action now or else you will soon join the bandwagon of young men who die between 35-45.

Nuff said! ! !

OP. . .please don't read what this Face Book love-vampire is writing here o.
If you want to die btw the ages of 35 and 45. . .read this single Face Book "tweeter" o.
If you are 70 and above. . . please go and purchase your casket by the end of today.
This poster wants to kill you.
In fact, she is the worst poster I have read on this thread.
You can tell some man has divorced her, and she is seeking revenge on you.

The world is wicked I tell ya. . .

What i simply see is lack of control over your own household? are you playing your role as a man? if you are then how can you leave your house for your wife and her mother? what kind of man are you? so if she brings in her boyfriend you pack out of the house too? You better go back to your house before some strangers assumes your role! if they are not ready to abide by what you say show them the door!!!!

I'm not married, but i know this is a critical situation. However leaving the house is not an option. Are there kids in the picture? if there are non, then i guess it would be easier to handle. Do not bring your mother into the situation because from your reaction so far, i can tell that you are cool headed and so your mother should be an easy going lover of peace who you probably don't want to be drawn into such situation. I doubt you can talk thing out with your wife because women are so gullible and in a situation like this i doubt she would take side with you. Finally, my advice to you is to prepare yourself for the worst and make a very tough decision that will end in your favor even if it means loosing your marriage in the process. Hope age is on your side

Just be a man, a careless one cos it helps sometimes.

Don't forget to ask God for divine guidance too!

Blazay:

Now, this is funny. Is it not the man chewing the bitter kola from his wife and MIL in his story?




I am not one of the fake ones please. Marriage is not a bed of roses and will never be. But once you are in it. . .you stay there as long as your life is not in danger. If he is being short-changed in his marriage, sleeping in his office is not the answer is it? Years of experience I tell ya. Even if my wife moves out of my house with the MIL. . . I will personally go and drag them back there. At least. . .after the winter is over, then we can deal with this matter. You know what I mean?

Arrrrantus Nonsensicus!
Who is this?

Who told you he is on Face Book?
This thread is getting ridiculous.



Hey!


Which Blazay and his cohorts. . . why don't you use someone else's name for a change please. Dem sen you message?


OP. . .please don't read what this Face Book love vampire is writing here o.
If you want to die btw the ages of 35 and 45. . .read this "tweeter".

The world is wicked I tell ya. . .

Your "years of experience" evidently shows in your lack luster replies.

harakiri:

Your "years of experience" evidently shows in your lack luster replies.

Luster?
How is my reply different from what some men and MARRIED women have given here?
Why are you so bitter?
Please, don't compound the OP's broblem with your personal ones.
At least I am even sympathetic to both the man and the woman in seeking a reconciliation here.
What is your own agenda?
I have none.

I ask again. . .what is your own agenda?
That the man should leave his home and let his wife move in with you? That is if you are a male o.

What exactly is your noise all about?

Sometimes a problem cannot be solved by adding more problem to it as he is being adviced to bring in his own band of relatives. It is true this method worked brilliantly for Brai777 but that does not mean that it will work for this poster as his wife and MIL are too colluded together for that besides the part that he is not from the same ethnic group as they are seems to be making him unwary of the steps to take that can be mistaken in the culture of his spouse and her family.
What is the main reason why MIL is in the house? Is she sick and is being taken care of by your wife as in some cases that are understandable,if she is and you are still uncomfy with her presence, you can help make arrangement and give financial support for her to be taken care of by your wife's relative outside your home. If she is not sick and have no purpose of staying on for years like that then Christbenogor's advice is a good one, some uncles and elders of both families should be invited over and the matter discussed.

Poster you know the same set of people you paid her bride price to, when you meet them support your claim by asking them whether you paid the brideprice for your MIL too? That it is only your wife you humbly asked them to let you marry. That should help you defeat them hands down sweetie, please go home and make yourself comfortable Ojare, you did not commit any crime in getting married for you to run away from your cosy house.
So na all these wahala people dey see for marriage sef, abeg make I follow dey enjoy myself-o now abeg wetin!

Blazay:

Luster?
How is my reply different from what some men and MARRIED women have given here.
Why are you so bitter?

LMAO, coming from you? With your name callin on the thread.    

^^^

Just having fun moo moo!
Only a miserable soul like yours will not see the humor in my posts.
You call these name-callings?
You must be desperate for love yourself

Can you please move away let me see others?
Your 'hyper-sensitive' creatures with your issues I swear.

Some of us that have tasted and eat love everyday will not be so uptight in the family section.
You disturbed posters should not be giving advice please.
Thank you.

I have read most of the posts here by different posters and I must say this. You must choose what side you want to be. If you condone this because you were ill-advised to go back home and suck up stuff as if nothing happened you my friend is going to take most of the curses. In Africa when you wed traditionally there are curses that follow when d 'contract' is broken. So If understand this case very well I'll say is something along this line.

- Misunderstanding with MIL
- Wife is cheating on you.
- Wife has MILs backing. (Part 1 curse)
- You are about to condone (Part 2 curse & worse (could be fatal))

For your info curses most often affect the men or their children and seldomly affect the actual culprit(woman). Please take this matter very seriously. When someone is a christian and does something bad BABA upstairs shuts his eyes to that person and then the forces of darkness can come into your home and have a field day.

My Advice.

Return home ASAP and make WAR. Your wife and her mother must leave. Throw their things out and shut your door towards them. Take no calls from anyone. If anyone is interested in settling you guys they must come personally and not over the phone. Jesus is the head of your home and Jesus has made u the physical head of your home so your wife comes under you. If she is really interested in you she'll come begging. She can't come begging alone or with friends. She must come with a couple of male family members from both sides. (Your side and that of your wife). After you have seen true remorse and repentance from her. You take her to the church for repentance, cleansing and thanksgiving. You must show no signs of weakness from the period u throw out her things and that of her mum to the time they come begging. When neigbhours come around to settle you guys or ask what happened do not divulge any information. Just stay quiet and let it be a family matter. I can't emphasize enough that neighbours must be kept guessing what's going on. Only immediate family elders must be aware of your travails. The family elders or your family on both sides must not know of what happened from you. Let your wife be the one to tell them what happened. Never go to visit your in-laws or speak with them on phone while all this is going on. Visit when you have settled. Give a time frame of 2 weeks for your wife to come begging and if she doesn't setup a far prettier lady with better education and wealth to come around the house to spend time and just make sure you do your thing in front of prying eyes. I'm sure you'll keep your dignity and get faster results this way. May God be with you.