To all the men asking this guy to throw the MIL out the door, I hope you will be ready when we/ your wives throw your mothers out the door too. Things like that can not be done by one person. If he does that, he creates room for more problem. Put yourself in his shoes. Easier said than done. There is a greater problem at hand. His marriage! He needs to work at that and when that is sorted, the place of the MIL is automatically sorted. Even the daughter will be the one to ask her mother to go.
@Poster, go home. Dont allow another man toast your wife. A woman's heart can be fragile esp if the hubby aint nice to her. I wonder why she is listening to another man. What are you doing at that? I think communication is lacking and she needs someone to sweet talk her. You are busy typing on NL from your office when you should be working it out. If you love her, go home and talk. If you dont, continue to sleep in the office cos no one is gonna call you.

poster,the first mistake u made was leave the house.

carnal:

poster,the first mistake u made was leave the house.atleast i hv some xperience cos hv been married for 8yrs now.the first thin to do is go back home (let me remind u dat no mata wat mite happen in future,neva abandone your home,if u must do it must not b more than a nite/day).go back home,seat your wife down,if u r sure u can forgive her do that but if u cant call a family meeting.as for MIL call her husband to come and take her away,give an ultimatum maybe 14days or less.if your wife will not change after the talk,let her go with her mother definately she will come to her senses soonest and return home.look a woman is not divorced cannot stay away from her marital home for a long period because ppl will poke her with insults nd she will come to her senses.

MsTom:

To all the men asking this guy to throw the MIL out the door, I hope you will be ready when we/ your wives throw your mothers out the door too. Things like that can not be done by one person. If he does that, he creates room for more problem. Put yourself in his shoes. Easier said than done. There is a greater problem at hand. His marriage! He needs to work at that and when that is sorted, the place of the MIL is automatically sorted. Even the daughter will be the one to ask her mother to go.
@Poster, go home. Dont allow another man toast your wife. A woman's heart can be fragile esp if the hubby aint nice to her. I wonder why she is listening to another man. What are you doing at that? I think communication is lacking and she needs someone to sweet talk her. You are busy typing on NL from your office when you should be working it out. If you love her, go home and talk. If you dont, continue to sleep in the office cos no one is gonna call you.

Good replies. . .

Of course. . .I am sure one useless man on NL via Face Book with his little 'manleeness' Cheney is toasting the man's wife to confuse her. I am sure she has not even seen it yet. . .she is just in love with his big-big grammar on Face Book.

She will soon join her fellow aging 'spinsterollettes,  bachelorettes and divorceerettes' on that same Face Book and on Nairaland. . . always whining in the Romance section. . . .with no engagement ring for Xmas present. . . only good as 'harmattan/winter' blankets. . . then discarded in the summer. . . with just a valentine card and some cheap chocolate boxes as tokens of love.

Poor things!

carnal:

poster,the first mistake u made was leave the house.atleast i hv some xperience cos hv been married for 8yrs now.the first thin to do is go back home (let me remind u dat no mata wat mite happen in future,neva abandone your home,if u must do it must not b more than a nite/day).go back home,seat your wife down,if u r sure u can forgive her do that but if u cant call a family meeting.as for MIL call her husband to come and take her away,give an ultimatum maybe 14days or less.if your wife will not change after the talk,let her go with her mother definately she will come to her senses soonest and return home.look a woman is not divorced cannot stay away from her marital home for a long period because ppl will poke her with insults nd she will come to her senses.

please let is always be never to the bolden parts. It causes more harm to walk away than to talk it out!

OP

I think if the relationship ain't working with your mother-in-law, then it is best she moves out. Four days is nothing and to me, it sound like a test of will, you know, who is going to break and call who first.

Personally, I think your decision was made in a moment of anger and madness so I will advice you go back home and re-plan your actions. That is, save up enough money and what not to ensure your long term. Also, be prepared for a long term battle.


As it stand, if you wife agrees from the onset that no family member will be with you guys, then you are within your right to act this way. I like my privacy and I won't even put up with my own brother staying at mine for a week, let alone a mother-in-law.


One thing though, the bond between your wife and her mum will be a tough one to break, but in the end she will have to decide who matters more. You or her mother. Good luck and be prepared.

Now that I think of it.

Can you imagine I am sleeping-with my woman and her mother is in the next room hearing her daughter moan? Kai. Good forbid bad thing.

How can someone who claimed to be married for years and advising the poster to be as civil as possible with is wife not display such attitude here? You expect the poster to take your advice only because you 've been married for years and not listen to others (including Jesus because He was single ) ? Poster you are in the best position to take a line of action and dont mind all these so called family people here condemning you for leaving home, I could have done that to see how sensitive my wife is to our marital issues and in your case she failed woefully. Now is the time to go home and take the bull by the horn, if possible follow chris, mutter et al advice. This is no time to play sissy that you have played for the past 5yrs again and pretend nothing is happening. If I may add to what some people suggested apply the golden rule and let's see how she handles youR own family staying with you, afterall what is good for the geese they say, is good for the gander.

ElRazur:

Now that I think of it.

Can you imagine I am sleeping-with my woman and her mother is in the next room hearing her daughter moan? Kai. Good forbid bad thing.

Lol. Now you know how it is when your mothers are in the house too. We cant scream on top of our voices when we reach there.

I understand how you feel. I would advise you to go for Counselling , And if you don't mind here is a link
www.bisiadewale.com or call +23456457013

MsTom:

Lol. Now you know how it is when your mothers are in the house too. We cant scream on top of our voices when we reach there.

Lol.


I just keep imagining things this guy can't do because his personal space is invaded.  .  . For 5 freaking years!

He can't wear pata alone in his house and walk around when it is hot. God knows I do this alot.

He can't walk around unclothed.

When me and gf are in the mood, we can sleep with each other on the kitchen floor, corridor or any where and at any time. Kai, this guy would have to wait till night time. How is this helping their relationship?

If the mum cook rubbish food, one have to pretend it is nice and just eat it up. smh.

The guy cannot fart in the living room any more because his mother-in-law is there.   I pity him.

This dude cant even argue with his own wife freely without thinking the mama go get invovle.


And that is all I can think off ln less than two minutes, I am sure there is more. Abeg kick the old witch out jare.

All these replies & questions & no OP to answer or give feedback. Where is de man hiding/did he ask 4 help & disappear? Come back Mr. Hmm.
@fun-catching blazay, i neva saw where de man asked 4 fun replies. If u can't put yourself in his shoes & be serious for once, then do him de big favour of making yourself scarce. I'm sure he'd appreciate it.

^^^
I have given him my serious replies, so just having fun with some retarrded posters here.
Are you his wife?

All these single, wor-wor NL women huh?

That's always the problem. When your house is too comfortable, relatives start flocking in. If you were living in an apartment designed for you, your wife and children, I wonder the space any mother in-law will fit in.

@ poster

Let us be honest. Your wife loves her mother more than you and that is if she still loves you. I cannot imagine been out of the house four a day and the woman I call my wife does not call to know where Iam or how Iam doing. In a scenario like that, I expect she is doing every thing to ensure I come home.
You are the head of that house and you have to take authority if not you will start washing the dishes and washing your mother in-laws clothes.
Invite any of your wife's elder brother or sister and talk to them on the situation. If there is no positive development, I suggest you take the bull by the horn and request she lives your house and if your wife decides to follow her she is free.

The problem with we Africans is that we pretend all is well when all is not really well.

Youruba people have an adage, that " You can have a bad wife and manage, but you cannot have bad in-law and be able to manage. Your mother-in-law I am sorry to say is a very bad woman, my mother-in-law will never, never do such a thing, how can a mother-in-law abandoned her own house to come and destroy her daughters own, may God forgive her.

For your wife I dont know what you might have done to hurt her but she is nolonger in love with u. But you can still savage it, BUT your mother-in-law must gooooooooo nowwwwww.

Olumide

@elrazur,wislet,synthasase and other realistic posters. . .thanks a billion for ur responses. The thing is people like Mstom and Blazay would be singing a different song if this crap had befallen them or the blood relatives. A man has tolerated his mil for 5 long years including his wife's nonsense and they are still telling him to go back to home and suck it all up in the name of making his marriage work. This man wants peace and thats why he left home to see if there would be some remorse. The handwriting is pretty clear at this point. He is neither respected nor cared for by these people and to make things right,he must take well planned out drastic steps. Nobody is advocating for the breakup of the marriage but it falls on the wife to make things right. The man is not at fault here. Please, the unrealistic posters on this thread should desist from giving impractical advice that will give this man high blood pressure. If the marriage doesn't work out,its not a do or die affair. Life is too short and sweet to continue living in this bondage.

Personally, I suggest you go into prayer for this and go back to your house. The mistake has been made. Start correcting it from now by studing anything you can about woman, seeking for advice from the people that have knowledge than you do. Don't always joke all the time, displine your self and the kind of words you use. Make yourself valueble as much as you can.

harakiri:

@elrazur,wislet,synthasase and other realistic posters. . .thanks a billion for your responses. The thing is people like Mstom and Blazay would be singing a different song if this crap had befallen them or the blood relatives. A man has tolerated his mil for 5 long years including his wife's nonsense and they are still telling him to go back to home and suck it all up in the name of making his marriage work. This man wants peace and thats why he left home to see if there would be some remorse. The handwriting is pretty clear at this point. He is neither respected nor cared for by these people and to make things right,he must take well planned out drastic steps. Nobody is advocating for the breakup of the marriage but it falls on the wife to make things right. The man is not at fault here. Please, the unrealistic posters on this thread should desist from giving impractical advice that will give this man high blood pressure. If the marriage doesn't work out,its not a do or die affair. Life is too short and sweet to continue living in this bondage.

If the marriage does not work out indeed. . . !!! You wish!  C'mmon, go to your lonely bed jare. . .or go and sleep in the man's office by yourself when he moves back home. . .not with you in that office.

Who told you marriage is easy?
Ok nau. . .what is paining you inside again?
We have read your own version and advice.
Please, go and rest a little.
You have done well for today.

Bondage is not the same sweerie.
Let them keep working at it till the final end.
I will pay for the counselling sessions if the OP agrees.


OP does not want to join you. . .so go and 'rest' please.
Married bondage is sweeter than single bondage.

So diafor, bondage is not bondage. . . for single bondage after tasting marriage is the worst punishment on earth. . .search ya soul sweerie. Or ask your friends to tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help y'all -  God!

@meldrick and olumide. . . You have both spoken well. I hope the poster is following up this thread. That MIL is the type of woman that encourages their daughter to do despicable deeds ranging from sleeping with other men to engaging in voodoo practices all in a bid to turn the man into a human vegetable. They wreck their marriages and encourage them to either go after other women's husbands or tie another naive man down with pregnancy. I won't be surprised to learn that the MIL doesn't live in the same house as the FIL. I know their type very very very well and believe me,you CANNOT reason with them. Doing that will only make you a bigger fool in their eyes and they will feel their evil acts are justified. This has nothing to do with tribe. I am partly Igbo myself (efik dad and igbo mum. . .RIP) and i can confidently tell u this. . . Igbo's rarely mess with their daughters' marriages especially after the humongus amount you had to spend during the marriage rites (abi u marry am on credit? ). This is a bad MIL and a bad wife. Remember this. . . The apple never falls far from the tree. . . All women become like their mothers. If you want to know what a woman will be like in 20 years, LOOK AT HER MOTHER AND SEE THE FUTURE! ! ! Typing via phone is stressful but i hope my points got across.

Honestly, you need to answer those questions asked before one can profer a reasonable tactics of you solving your problem.
1. Do you have Kids and how many?
2. Are your parents in support of marrying your wife?, they are in the best position to resolve these issues.
3. Is your father in law alive?, if yes, your father need to call him to come and pick his wife.
4. You need to go back to your home, your mind should be where your treasures are, Wife and kids.
5. Did you carry out all the formality of traditional engagement?

The questions are endless, but most of all, if you do attend a church, it's high time your pastor and wife step in.

Regards.

harakiri:

@meldrick and olumide. . . You have both spoken well. I hope the poster is following up this thread. That MIL is the type of woman that encourages their daughter to do despicable deeds ranging from sleeping with other men to engaging in voodoo practices all in a bid to turn the man into a human vegetable. They wreck their marriages and encourage them to either go after other women's husbands or tie another naive man down with pregnancy.

I won't be surprised to learn that the MIL doesn't live in the same house as the FIL. I know their type very very very well and believe me,you CANNOT reason with them. Doing that will only make you a bigger fool in their eyes and they will feel their evil acts are justified. This has nothing to do with tribe. I am partly Igbo myself (efik dad and igbo mum. . .RIP) and i can confidently tell u this. . . Igbo's rarely mess with their daughters' marriages especially after the humongus amount you had to spend during the marriage rites (abi u marry am on credit? ). This is a bad MIL and a bad wife. Remember this. . . The apple never falls far from the tree. . . [size=16pt]All women become like their mothers.  [/size] If you want to know what a woman will be like in 20 years, LOOK AT HER MOTHER AND SEE THE FUTURE! ! ! Typing via phone is stressful but i hope my points got across.

See jelosi? I knew tribalism was a factor in all this. . . God has exposed you.
Because another tribe has married this "Igbo" of a woman. . .we will not hear word again o.
You are damn right.

If it was one of those bush, violent Igbotic men. . .the woman's dead body would have been sent to one Ohafia mar-kay-tte    in little coffins of pure water sa-chay-ettes   a long time ago. She should thank her lucky stars I agree.

You know their type indeed.  Which type? The Igbo type or the Efik type or a deadly combo huh? Do people get married in 'E-frik" land?
Why is it that when Yoruba or some other tribal men take all your women(just to rescue them from generational levels of uncivilization. . . not because they are all that o), you get sooooooo jealous huh?

Is it because you Igbo or half-Igbo men are soooooo unmarriageable?
See this gentleman pleading for help from your 'unruly' Igbotic women. . .and you are here adding salt and pepper to it all?

Please, stop being jealous.

This couple is not going through ANY thing typical married couples including myself have not gone through.
So, you have absolutely NO point!

OP. . .did you read this?
She is an Igbo woman. . .they never have it this good from their own men. . . so be patient and handle this fragile cargo with care.
We now have a better history. . . history of generational abuse and severe beatings like the MIL had endured I guess?

We now have a better understanding. . . tribalism is the problem here o!

Case dismissed!

Gavel pounds!

harakiri:

@elrazur,wislet,synthasase and other realistic posters. . .thanks a billion for your responses. The thing is people like Mstom and Blazay would be singing a different song if this crap had befallen them or the blood relatives. A man has tolerated his mil for 5 long years including his wife's nonsense and they are still telling him to go back to home and suck it all up in the name of making his marriage work. This man wants peace and thats why he left home to see if there would be some remorse. The handwriting is pretty clear at this point. He is neither respected nor cared for by these people and to make things right,he must take well planned out drastic steps. Nobody is advocating for the breakup of the marriage but it falls on the wife to make things right. The man is not at fault here. Please, the unrealistic posters on this thread should desist from giving impractical advice that will give this man high blood pressure. If the marriage doesn't work out,its not a do or die affair. Life is too short and sweet to continue living in this bondage.

Actually, it is men like you who sing a differnt tune when
such happens to them. What is the unrealistic things that I
have mentioned so far? I did mention that I am faced with the same tribal
issues as him. So I know what I say.

I bet the part in which you oppose me is where I made mention
to the guys who told him send the MIL packing to get ready for their wives to send
their mothers packing too. Most of the time, the MIL who sticks around is usually the guy's mother.
And Why not? afterall, he was adviced to do it to his MIL. He waited 4 years and 9months too
late to want to do that and aslo when his marriage is almost falling apart. He cant handle both now.
Everyone will forget the fact that there is potentially another man is in the picture.

Marriage is not a do or die affair. true. But if you want it, then be ready to work for it.
Hence why I continous mention that if he loves her, he should go back home and talk. If not, dont go back home.
You think all women will call if their hubby walks out? Dont you think she could be somewhere
angry and thinking that she was not treated right?


Now that he left, did he find the peace? If he did, he wont be on NL asking for
advice. He needs to face it head on and quit being an ostrich who buries his face at the site of trouble.
I made mention earlier that marriage needs understanding and respect for each other not necessarily control.
How many men on here can sincerely say that they control your wife? or would you say you act smart so your
girl thinks she has the control?

I still stand by this;the couple need to talk and know where they stand.He cant just sit at work and assume
that she would call. she wont. And knowing women, I bet they are planning how they would discredit him and
tell the other family that he is out with another woman.

Oh-ho!

I nor tok o!

@OP,
My sincere advise for you is to stand by one of the advices and execute decision,
Life is too short to be experimenting with it,do what you decide sharply, COS TIME NO DEY TO SAY TIME NO DEY SEF,

I have read most of the posts here by different posters and I must say this. You must choose what side you want to be. If you condone this because you were ill-advised to go back home and suck up stuff as if nothing happened you my friend is going to take most of the curses. In Africa when you wed traditionally there are curses that follow when d 'contract' is broken. So If understand this case very well I'll say is something along this line.

- Misunderstanding with MIL
- Wife is cheating on you.
- Wife has MILs backing. (Part 1 curse)
- You are about to condone (Part 2 curse & worse (could be fatal))

For your info curses most often affect the men or their children and seldomly affect the actual culprit(woman). Please take this matter very seriously. When someone is a christian and does something bad BABA upstairs shuts his eyes to that person and then the forces of darkness can come into your home and have a field day.

My Advice.

Return home ASAP and make WAR. Your wife and her mother must leave. Throw their things out and shut your door towards them. Take no calls from anyone. If anyone is interested in settling you guys they must come personally and not over the phone. Jesus is the head of your home and Jesus has made u the physical head of your home so your wife comes under you. If she is really interested in you she'll come begging. She can't come begging alone or with friends. She must come with a couple of male family members from both sides. (Your side and that of your wife). After you have seen true remorse and repentance from her. You take her to the church for repentance, cleansing and thanksgiving. You must show no signs of weakness from the period u throw out her things and that of her mum to the time they come begging. When neigbhours come around to settle you guys or ask what happened do not divulge any information. Just stay quiet and let it be a family matter. I can't emphasize enough that neighbours must be kept guessing what's going on. Only immediate family elders must be aware of your travails. The family elders or your family on both sides must not know of what happened from you. Let your wife be the one to tell them what happened. Never go to visit your in-laws or speak with them on phone while all this is going on. Visit when you have settled. Give a time frame of 2 weeks for your wife to come begging and if she doesn't setup a far prettier lady with better education and wealth to come around the house to spend time and just make sure you do your thing in front of prying eyes. I'm sure you'll keep your dignity and get faster results this way. May God be with you.

@MsTom. . . I respect and appreciate your well structured response. I have a question for you though. . . Would you give this same 'if you love her,go back and make it work' advise if the person involved was your blood brother or better yet. . . YOUR SON? An honest reply will be welcome. Thanks.

BonnyFace:

Honestly, you need to answer those questions asked before one can profer a reasonable tactics of you solving your problem.
1. Do you have Kids and how many?
2. Are your parents in support of marrying your wife?, they are in the best position to resolve these issues.
[b]3. Is your father in law alive?, if yes, your father need to call him to come and pick his wife.[/b]4. You need to go back to your home, your mind should be where your treasures are, Wife and kids.
5. Did you carry out all the formality of traditional engagement?

The questions are endless, but most of all, if you do attend a church, it's high time your pastor and wife step in.

Regards.

True to that!

harakiri:

@MsTom. . . I respect and appreciate your well structured response. I have a question for you though. . . Would you give this same 'if you love her,go back and make it work' advise if the person involved was your blood brother or better yet. . . YOUR SON? An honest reply will be welcome. Thanks.

Yes I would. I gave it and will still do. And I also followed that step too. Love is complex and not fully understood. Hence why we say people act stupid. Love conquers all they say. From me, it does if it is alive. If he tried and it didnt work, hey, at least he tried. Never assume until you try. If dead and gone, I would never advice him to go back home. It aint worth it.

@Blazay a.k.a "Mr many years of marriage experience". . . I understand you're making a joke of all this and i believe you'd fit in well in the jokes section. If i considered your sense of humor as being healthy, i'd tag along but most of your responses scream the words "DERANGED" , "RETARD" and "PSYCH WARD". I really hope all this rants of yours are just one big circus act coz if isn't. . .well, then your head case is irredeemable. In between,how did you get on a laptop? I thought retards are supposed to be heavily sedated with meds and confined to their bedposts. The nurse that let you out is gonna get fired! Nutcase! ! !

harakiri:

@Blazay a.k.a "Mr many years of marriage experience". . . I understand you're making a joke of all this and i believe you'd fit in well in the jokes section. If i considered your sense of humor as being healthy, i'd tag along but most of your responses scream the words "DERANGED" , "not-so-smart person" and "PSYCH WARD". I really hope all this rants of yours are just one big circus act coz if isn't. . .well, then your head case is irredeemable. In between,how did you get on a laptop? I thought retards are supposed to be heavily sedated with meds and confined to their bedposts. The nurse that let you out is gonna get fired! Nutcase! ! !

wow

mother in law staying with you FOR FIVE YEARS.guy without mincing words,u are finished ,done for,exterminated,extinct,annihilated,etc,etc.do you no wot dis people do behind you when you're not around?the conspiracy theory they must have hatched?won't be surprised he the mum arranged the 'toaster' for her.i can even bet the dude is of the same tribe.guy run as far as possible,don't go back till the woman leaves the house.i swear you'll be better for it.i do i know?i was once in your shoes.

harakiri:

@Blazay a.k.a "Mr many years of marriage experience". . . I understand you're making a joke of all this and i believe you'd fit in well in the jokes section. If i considered your sense of humor as being healthy, i'd tag along but [size=16pt]most of your responses scream the words "DERANGED", [/size] "not-so-smart person" and "PSYCH WARD". I really hope all this rants of yours are just one big circus act coz if isn't. . .well, then your head case is irredeemable. In between,how did you get on a laptop? I thought retards are supposed to be heavily sedated with meds and confined to their bedposts. The nurse that let you out is gonna get fired! Nutcase! ! !

Mu he he he he he



My belle o!
E be like say you dey ves. . . .



Mission accomplished then.

What a day this has been.

Phew. . .let me go and find my next victim.