creolehunt:
I just thought about the girls I've been with and noticed a certain trend. This isn't even about the girls themselves who are excellent human beings, but their families.

First girl I dated revealed to me that the dad died of suspected poisoning and her family were chased out of the family house. Her eldest brother is an area boy while it seems things aren't working out for her other siblings.

The next ones dad was late too, one of her sisters is separated from her husband while the first son of nearly 40 has nothing doing.

The other ones history is that her dad is late too. The eldest sister is cohabiting with a man. They have 2 kids already without being married. Her other sisters bride price was just paid after having 3 kids with a man.

For the other one, her dad is late too, died quite early. The eldest sister is in her 30s and unmarried. Her other sister has 3kids for a man who she isn't married to and now they are separated. Things aren't just working for her people.

The one I just met recently told me her parents are late. Lost both of them to suspected poisoning within the space of one year.

I keep wondering if this is some sort of coincidence.

This Op took time to relate his problem on social media here with the intention of getting advice and if possible solution but as typical fellow nigerian instead of proffering ADVICE or SOLUTION we keep expanciating the problem.This alone is why the country Nigeria is where it is today.It is in Us.
Change begins with you, In jacksons song - Change that man you see when you are in front of a mirror
Think of what you can do for Nigeria and Not what Nigeria can do for you - borrowed proverb from American - John F,Kennedy.
One Man can influence the change - Read about the live of Mahatma Gandhi of India

With that been said, this is what i expect of us all - provide solution

My summary of your problem, in my opinion the likely cause and the solution.

1 You kept meeting girls from poor background - CHANGE YOUR ENVIRONMENT,
Someone once said that you will be the same person in the next donkey years except you change the type of people you meet or you change the type of books you read ― Charlie Tremendous Jones
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/48905-you-will-be-the-same-person-in-five-years-as

Another Person once said “Sow a thought, and you reap an act;
Sow an act, and you reap a habit;
Sow a habit, and you reap a character;
Sow a character, and you reap a destiny ― Samuel Smiles, Happy Homes and the Hearts That Make Them
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/272583-sow-a-thought-and-you-reap-an-act-sow-an

Whose parent(s) are dead - They are gone for good, You cant bring them back.Thank God that you know in time but the usual cause among others is Sex , Stress and Phycological disorder due lack of basic needs does kill faster than natural death.This is usually common with the poor in our society
Someone once said that - The only form of excercise a poor knows is sex, no money to take the family to silverbird cinema
Since sex is a form of excercise, he lacks control and that leads to more children that he could not take care of.Now he his stressed out.

Whose aged brother and sisters are useless - This most time are the product of unplanned parenting usually from poor background.
Solution - Some unblical cord relationship are so strong even if want to help you may end up messed up.
An adage says - Its is better to marry a better RELATIVES than to marry a better WIFE.
Another adage says that - One rich man in the midst of plenty poor people, they are all POOR.

A word is enough for the wise.

24kmagic:
I visited my sister recently and where she lives, there's this couple. The husband of that lady is the most useless husband alive. From sunrise to sun set, he'll be inside the room with this heat lying down like a log of wood. The wife will be the one to go out and hustle. This woman takes every rubbish this man throws at her and none of her siblings is aware. She praises him among her siblings and they respect him. But the man is an asshole. The only thing is that he's not violent. He's just useless. When I inquired about this lady to understand why she's enduring all these, I got to understand that she's from a troubled family. Her parents kept breeding children without plans for them. The father gave birth to ten children although two died. They didn't have the best of lives growing up. Their family house is nothing to right home about. In fact, the sisters are also hoping to get married in order to leave that house. This lady can't go back to face the troubles her sisters are trying to run away from. In fact, they are looking up to her. This is just one example out of many in this part of the country. There are so many of such troubled families across 9ja.

Marrying a girl from that family will be of great advantage to you I swear. The reason is because she'll do everything possible to remain married in order not to end up like her siblings. She'll endure every rubbish you throw at her because if she remembers that her father's house is not any better, she'll mellow. She'll want to be the only difference among the girls in the family.

OP, if the present one is a good girl, marry her. She'll make sure your children dont end up like her siblings.

There are some families you marry from and you can't tell the girl rubbish cos you know where you took her from. Whereas there are other families where you'll insult your father-in-law and your wife will still be the one to beg you just to stay in your house.

�

HisSexcellency:

You're missing the point here, automaton conformity is a natural law, you get drawn to them by default. Your attraction to this set of girls is based on a kinda vibe you get from them, which you're kinda cool with, you don't need to know their names or were they come from, you just find yourself being drawn to them.
Let me give you an instant, take a prostitute from a brothel here in Nigeria and get her enrolled at a university somewhere in Uk, it will take conscious effort and determination on her part not to return to her trade or mingle with like minded people over there. This is because she will continue to resonate with that vibe until she does something about it.

You're so on point

Well, no family is 100% better

[Some people are intelligent sha ]Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest?
Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes?
Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"?
Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing?
Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?

I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.

The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.

The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families. [/quote]

HisSexcellency:
This is simple, it is a natural law known as automaton conformity. You're drawn to that which you feel comfortable with, it is an involuntary action. Same reason intelligent students in school gets drawn to one another, while the less intelligent ones do likewise.
Same reason it's easier for a smoker to make friend with another smoker in a new environment. Why a poor man easily makes friends with a fellow poor man and the rich with the rich.
Op, it is your personality that attracts them. It will require effort and determination on your part to break this attraction.
Work on this mentality of settling with what you feel comfortable with, and watch how things will change.

Your points are so valid, were drawn to what we are comfortable with. But please can you emphasis on how his situation is related to automaton conformity.

Consult amadioha and egungun for advice.

creolehunt:
I just thought about the girls I've been with and noticed a certain trend. This isn't even about the girls themselves who are excellent human beings, but their families.

First girl I dated revealed to me that the dad died of suspected poisoning and her family were chased out of the family house. Her eldest brother is an area boy while it seems things aren't working out for her other siblings.

The next ones dad was late too, one of her sisters is separated from her husband while the first son of nearly 40 has nothing doing.

The other ones history is that her dad is late too. The eldest sister is cohabiting with a man. They have 2 kids already without being married. Her other sisters bride price was just paid after having 3 kids with a man.

For the other one, her dad is late too, died quite early. The eldest sister is in her 30s and unmarried. Her other sister has 3kids for a man who she isn't married to and now they are separated. Things aren't just working for her people.

The one I just met recently told me her parents are late. Lost both of them to suspected poisoning within the space of one year.

I keep wondering if this is some sort of coincidence.

Is everybody in your family alive and doing well? Likes begat likes, you know

creolehunt:
I just thought about the girls I've been with and noticed a certain trend. This isn't even about the girls themselves who are excellent human beings, but their families.

First girl I dated revealed to me that the dad died of suspected poisoning and her family were chased out of the family house. Her eldest brother is an area boy while it seems things aren't working out for her other siblings.

The next ones dad was late too, one of her sisters is separated from her husband while the first son of nearly 40 has nothing doing.

The other ones history is that her dad is late too. The eldest sister is cohabiting with a man. They have 2 kids already without being married. Her other sisters bride price was just paid after having 3 kids with a man.

For the other one, her dad is late too, died quite early. The eldest sister is in her 30s and unmarried. Her other sister has 3kids for a man who she isn't married to and now they are separated. Things aren't just working for her people.

The one I just met recently told me her parents are late. Lost both of them to suspected poisoning within the space of one year.

I keep wondering if this is some sort of coincidence.

I had a very similar experience to yours because when I was ready to settle down, I kept meeting girls with issues. On the third one, I just decided to settle for the lesser evil among them cos I thought they all seemed to have one issues or the other. How wrong could I be? The answer to your question is not farfetched. You need to look inward yourself. There is something in you that makes you attract them. The reason can either be physical or spiritual. It is physical in the sense that you may have been having lower expectations from the kind of ladies you want to marry. It is most times, a derivative of your own self-esteem. Before making a marriage plan with someone, you should ask yourself these questions: Am I marrying for sex or for purpose? If you are marrying for purpose, you may need to set bigger expectations for yourself to determine the kind of woman that will help you achieve your purpose. Some cardinal questions need to be answered: aside from sex and procreation, what will the lady contribute to your goal and aspirations? Do the ladies have the support system to assists you in case things go south in the marriage? Are you comfortable being the sole provider in the marriage? Are you going to spend your time and resources trying to solve other people’s problems? Things happen in a marriage and God has not promised anyone that he/she would not face any problem. Bear also in mind that when you’re marrying a lady, you are marrying her and her relatives and most importantly she will play an important role in determining the kinds of children you’ll produce for the next generation. These girls you described up there are girls with both physical and hidden spiritual luggage and couple with your own physical and spiritual issues, there would be too many loose ends. This may either make or mar and sometimes delay your purpose from being achieved. If you are lucky enough not to move from one problem to the other. Life is too short to be gambling with it. I don’t think most of these girls marry for love or fully understand marriage responsibilities, they most likely want to get married for the security that marriage provides. They either see marriage as a poverty alleviation programme or a problem-solving workshop. They tend to seek a partner that will offer a helping hand. They will be willing to marry anyone that has the means to help.
You seem to be in SITUATIONSHIP rather than RELATIONSHIP. I know this because I have been married to one myself for about two years now and it’s been a tumultuous two years. I exhausted all the resources I had on trying to solve some underlying spiritual problems that she had that we didn’t know about and when things get tough, she was already contemplating leaving despite all the sacrifices I have made for the marriage without her contributing anything. It seems time had frozen for me and everything has gone downhill since then. Even the landed property I got before marriage, I can't develop them and I'm even contemplating selling them and as a breadwinner of my own family too, I find it difficult to attend to the need of my siblings. I barely broke through my own family issues and just when I thought there is a ray of hope, I got myself involved in a much-more complex web of issues of another family. The mistake I made that I will advise you not to make is that I didn’t have much expectation for the kind of wife I wanted to marry. I just wanted "a good person". Whatever that means now. We men tend to marry too low. Women mostly have an ideal man they want to marry--they use their head and not their heart, while we men use our heart and not our head; we just decide to marry for either beauty or personality. They marry us because we meet their requirements and I think we should be holding them to the same standard. Please my brother, marry for purpose and not for sex and procreation. Marriage is a permanent thing and it is naturally designed for your partner to provide the much-needed support to you; it is meant to be enjoyed. It should not be confused for a magical problem-solving arena where individual and sometimes generational problems can be mutually solved with just a simple vow of love. Although, I am not against you helping people when you meet them but deciding to marry them is something you need to holistically examine.

You may also find Dr. Olukoya’s message on choosing a life partner useful. Check on youtube

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BviSLLHbQE

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24kmagic:
I visited my sister recently and where she lives, there's this couple. The husband of that lady is the most useless husband alive. From sunrise to sun set, he'll be inside the room with this heat lying down like a log of wood. The wife will be the one to go out and hustle. This woman takes every rubbish this man throws at her and none of her siblings is aware. She praises him among her siblings and they respect him. But the man is an asshole. The only thing is that he's not violent. He's just useless. When I inquired about this lady to understand why she's enduring all these, I got to understand that she's from a troubled family. Her parents kept breeding children without plans for them. The father gave birth to ten children although two died. They didn't have the best of lives growing up. Their family house is nothing to right home about. In fact, the sisters are also hoping to get married in order to leave that house. This lady can't go back to face the troubles her sisters are trying to run away from. In fact, they are looking up to her. This is just one example out of many in this part of the country. There are so many of such troubled families across 9ja.

Marrying a girl from that family will be of great advantage to you I swear. The reason is because she'll do everything possible to remain married in order not to end up like her siblings. She'll endure every rubbish you throw at her because if she remembers that her father's house is not any better, she'll mellow. She'll want to be the only difference among the girls in the family.

OP, if the present one is a good girl, marry her. She'll make sure your children dont end up like her siblings.

There are some families you marry from and you can't tell the girl rubbish cos you know where you took her from. Whereas there are other families where you'll insult your father-in-law and your wife will still be the one to beg you just to stay in your house.

what a very good comment, kudos bro.

It's probably you are from a peaceful village

In Africa there are NO genuine reasons why people die.
For example if one die from complicated malaria and typhoid fever {Poison] looking at the person who died, a chronic alcoholic.
From high blood pressure [ so called Spiritual Attack} belief been perpetuated by magicians turned pastors.
A woman lived over 40 years with her her husband, upon death from built up stress of managing difficult family responsibilities {verdict His wife killed him}

Did you go for those ladies despite knowing their background or you discover after things have been set in motion?

Besides your personality it's a messed up society even the rich ones in island too have stories, although where you do your search too matters but every families get one black sheep in one form or another.

indigene:
In Africa there are NO genuine reasons why people die.
For example if one die from complicated malaria and typhoid fever {Poison] looking at the person who died, a chronic alcoholic.
From high blood pressure [ so called Spiritual Attack} belief been perpetuated by magicians turned pastors.
A woman lived over 40 years with her her husband, upon death from built up stress of managing difficult family responsibilities {verdict His wife killed him}

I bed to differ bro, there are countless of reasons why people die.

Oh yes, some die naturally and some are being killed.

Spiritual attacks are real, if those devil want to eliminate someone, they just throw one sickness at the victim.

It will look natural that you won't even suspect that it's an attack.

If I didn't get you right, kindly correct me.

You can be the agent of change, all they just need is someone who will lead them to Christ, then their problems will be solved, mind you, don't think if you don't have problem now you won't have it in future, as Christians problems will surely come but His grace will see us through.

that is life https://begonaija..com/2020/04/funke-olakunrins-killer-tests-positive.html

creolehunt:
I just thought about the girls I've been with and noticed a certain trend. This isn't even about the girls themselves who are excellent human beings, but their families.

First girl I dated revealed to me that the dad died of suspected poisoning and her family were chased out of the family house. Her eldest brother is an area boy while it seems things aren't working out for her other siblings.
I
The next ones dad was late too, one of her sisters is separated from her husband while the first son of nearly 40 has nothing doing.

The other ones history is that her dad is late too. The eldest sister is cohabiting with a man. They have 2 kids already without being married. Her other sisters bride price was just paid after having 3 kids with a man.

For the other one, her dad is late too, died quite early. The eldest sister is in her 30s and unmarried. Her other sister has 3kids for a man who she isn't married to and now they are separated. Things aren't just working for her people.

The one I just met recently told me her parents are late. Lost both of them to suspected poisoning within the space of one year.

I keep wondering if this is some sort of coincidence.

If I may ask sir,is ur life so perfect ?is everything okay with ur family too? D bitter truth is life can never be 100% perfect ,this is there own burden and cross,u have urs too ,if u can't help them ,don't mock dem

seanjy4konji:
U needed spiritual both..

U v messed up with a mammmy water

Lies from the pit of hell.

richardo20:
U are even lucky dat none of them tell u their mother is a witch and she’s is there messenger...

My belle ooo

You needs Deliverance and seems the Witches are pursuing you !

mufuteeeee:


Truth be told, I think he was joking. I'm usually highly sarcastic too

Leave that one with him know know... The moment i saw the post i knew it was joke aswell.

Tripitaka:


Exactly my point. Lots of Nigerian families have one attendant problem or the other. Is just that people don't like talking about these.

Not just in Nigeria, most family in the world do.

Tripitaka:
Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest?
Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes?
Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"?
Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing?
Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?

I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.

The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.

The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.

You spoke my mind.

It's common nowadays for a typical average family to have one or two wow problems , just go for love, anyone that loves you dearly, both of you will somehow conquered any challenges that comes your way if you have a special bond together, and moreover, someone that have not died can't what will happen to him too at later stage of his life, which can be a wow story for his family too, shalom!

tonididdy:
I have had this trend also until I met my current gf and she kinda different.

Same poor background but not extremely because her parents are hard working. Her mum is industrious and her father for an 'urhobo man' is extraordinarily hard working.

When she visits me she buys me snacks and doesn't disturb for money.

I love her, she's a keeper so far so good....

For an urhobo man... Lol

HisSexcellency:
This is simple, it is a natural law known as automaton conformity. You're drawn to that which you feel comfortable with, it is an involuntary action. Same reason intelligent students in school gets drawn to one another, while the less intelligent ones do likewise.
Same reason it's easier for a smoker to make friend with another smoker in a new environment. Why a poor man easily makes friends with a fellow poor man and the rich with the rich.
Op, it is your personality that attracts them. It will require effort and determination on your part to break this attraction.
Work on this mentality of settling with what you feel comfortable with, and watch how things will change.

In philosophy it is referred to as like minds. Nice analogy.
Thread closed!

creolehunt:
I just thought about the girls I've been with and noticed a certain trend. This isn't even about the girls themselves who are excellent human beings, but their families.

First girl I dated revealed to me that the dad died of suspected poisoning and her family were chased out of the family house. Her eldest brother is an area boy while it seems things aren't working out for her other siblings.

The next ones dad was late too, one of her sisters is separated from her husband while the first son of nearly 40 has nothing doing.

The other ones history is that her dad is late too. The eldest sister is cohabiting with a man. They have 2 kids already without being married. Her other sisters bride price was just paid after having 3 kids with a man.

For the other one, her dad is late too, died quite early. The eldest sister is in her 30s and unmarried. Her other sister has 3kids for a man who she isn't married to and now they are separated. Things aren't just working for her people.

The one I just met recently told me her parents are late. Lost both of them to suspected poisoning within the space of one year.

I keep wondering if this is some sort of coincidence.

But... These are minor everyday problems.

Tripitaka:
Have you dated a girl who is a product of incest?
Have you dated a girl whose brother raped the mother for ritual purposes?
Have you dated a girl who grew up to find out that her actual dad is the family driver, but the pregnancy was passed on to the "willing dad"?
Have you dated a girl whose own father has been sexually abusing?
Have you dated a girl whose mother's nude pictures are all over the internet because she was caught shoplifting?

I believe your answer would be "No", as you would have included these in your narrative.

The families in your narrative can hardly be classed as "troubled" as I would like to think that your experiences are the peculiarities of your average Nigerian family. The average Nigerian family where diabolism and fetishism is real; where cohabitation is in vogue because the government outlaws abortion and your parents would insist on you living with the man who impregnated you even if he has no interest in marrying you; where young widows are still oppressed by their late husband's relatives; where poverty and unemployment is the norm hence a 40yr old unemployed man is nothing out of the ordinary.

The women you have been with are not from troubled families, at least in my opinion. They are simply from Nigerian families.

This your comment is outrightly misleading, "the average nigerian family"? Please stop spreading lies. Unfortunately many unintelligent people are supporting and believing your lies.

Nnaabros:
If you grew up in a family without any issues then count yourself very lucky.

It depends on the type of issues. No family, anywhere in the world is problem free.