There is this girl I had my eyes on when I was still in the University. My Dad is a lecturer and she also lived in the School community. After my youth service, I stayed back in Abuja for a job in one of the ministries. Last year I was posted back to PH for a special assignment and I reunited with her.

I have been considering marriage for a while and I didn`t waste time to let her know because she appears to be the kind of girl I wanted. We informed our families and everyone was happy. She came to my place some weeks back and told me that she would like to let me know some things about her past. I had to tell her to wait until we are on bed at night.
She told me that she has had series of abortions in the past and she told me about the guy (who I know but not close to) who was responsible. She had dated some other guys too. I went cold after her story and I do not know what to do. I dont know how she found her self in such a mess. I have not lived an irresponsible life.

Am afraid if she will be able to conceive again, I dont know what our parents will say.I dont know if leaving her is the best option for me. Though she has been crying for days now. Am still hurt.


PLEASE MATURE NAIRALANDERS HELP ME, I NEED YOUR ADVISE.

Think about it this way bro, What if she has not told you

@Everybody has thier past, the fact that she had abortion does not mean she can not give birth again. I use to know a flat mate while in the uni she told me she has aborted more than 10times and every time i see her then while in skol, the thought that comes to my mind is dat she will neva give birth to my superise she got married and she already have two kids,  my advise to you is this try to undergo some faterlity medical txt with her before the wedding and if she is ok go ahead and mary her cos if she did not tell u will not know.

This girl does not want to marry you , period.

Go look for another person quick

schal:



I have not lived an irresponsible life.

Do you know the future? pls do not make such statement again. Everybody make mistake, what's even amazing abt this lady is that she is admitting to her's and she's been quite honest and open with you. Which shows that she is ready to take this relationship to the next level.

Quit judging this lady, and appreciate her and love her for who she is. As long as she makes you happy, what more do u want? Trust me there's not perfect girl out, if you find one, she's pretending.

Thanks Mates, I feel lighter.

Welcome

Mrs. Chima<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<PERFECT. Truss mi

My guy,
Have you noticed that all the people that support this your so-called girl are all females. That is how females do, they support themselves even when they are obviously wrong.
Why should you be the person to marry an over-used, tenth-hand girl. I am not an apostle of virginity but for Christ sake, must you marry a prostitute? This is a life-time contract ooo, so think very very well. As for me, I cannot marry a retired or serving prostitue. PERIOD.

Show me where in his post he wrote that she was a prostitute?

Think before U talk manh.

simpleseyi:

My guy,
Have you noticed that all the people that support this your so-called girl are all females. That is how females do, they support themselves even when they are obviously wrong.
Why should you be the person to marry an over-used, tenth-hand girl. I am not an apostle of virginity but for Christ sake, must you marry a love-peddler? This is a life-time contract ooo, so think very very well. As for me, I cannot marry a retired or serving prostitue. PERIOD.

What is your advise?

I agree with the poster that said that you should get a fertility test before getting married.

All she did was in the past . . . it's absolutely commendable that she revealed this to you!

Man, if i were the one walahi i wont marry her o. I am very sure she must have consulted some elders about it and the must have told her to tell u herself b4 u know about it yourself. After which, she should show remorse about everything she had done. So are u gonna be d one to marry a second hand/ runs babe that has enjoyed her life in d past and is now for who to carry everything. If u love urself, u had better not. Just forget all her crying jare!

Guys don't like d truth
@op u can stick wiv 190's advice

Well I just dont understand these series of abortions. One or two ok, fine understandable but to use abortion as a birth control method makes no sense. What happened to prevention? Better than a cure is it not? I just dont understand people that just keep doing it over and over again. Its like playing rush and roulette. One day, you going to blow your brains out.

With that said, poster you aught to take into account that she even told you. This is a very personal matter and its not something that would be easy to discuss. Now what is your problem? With the abortions that she had or that she might not be able to conceive?

If it is about the abortions than ask her to ask God for forgiveness and make sure that she forgives herself.

If its about her not being able to conceive again, well my dear there are fertility tests. However, having multiple abortions can DECREASE the chances of conceiving and or carrying pregnancy to term.

Um, good luck with that.

@poster, seriously, no amount of advice that can change ur will here, the choice is urs. . . ,  . na who wear shoe know where dey pain am

"Now what is your problem? With the abortions that she had or that she might not be able to conceive?"


this is the first question you should ask yourself!

well the ultimate decision belongs to you poster but this chick seems dumb (sorry for calling your future wife dumb). How do you keep making the same mistakes over and over again? i would be careful putting my thing in her without a condom because if she is getting pregnant by different guys, she is having unprotected sex. You can't keep laying down without protection and hoping for the best then crying for days because someone questions the decisions you made (yes it takes two to get pregnant but be responsible for your body if the other person isn't)

Bros , My heart felt advice to you is to turn your back on this girl and go and look for someone else. There is no guarantee that she will not continue with her previous lifestyle once she marries u and gets tired of ur performance. Also and most importantly there is no guarantee that she will be able to give birth again, even if she is able to give birth the risk also exists that she can give birth to a child with deformities or issues based on the previous trauma she induced on her womb in the past.

A word is good enough for the wise

simpleseyi:

My guy,
Have you noticed that all the people that support this your so-called girl are all females. That is how females do, they support themselves even when they are obviously wrong.
Why should you be the person to marry an over-used, tenth-hand girl. I am not an apostle of virginity but for Christ sake, must you marry a love-peddler? This is a life-time contract ooo, so think very very well. As for me, I cannot marry a retired or serving prostitue. PERIOD.

Rofl. Not even 2nd hand, 10th hand! Na wa o.

The past always threaten our future. Who says past is past? Not everything seems the way it is. What you sow is what you rep and nothing can change the law of nature. Poster, It's your call and you've got to be decisive but if I were you I would have taken necessary precautions like; the fertility test or try getting her pregnant. I maybe wrong but It's just my little understanding. Good luck to your choice.

@femmy2010. Yes. . . . The action and choice me make today determines our future. Your future can be bad due to some choices you made in the past. The law of nature stands out clear and your faith or believe got nothing here to do.

@femmy2010. Yes. . . . The action and choice we make today determines our future. Your future can be bad due to some choices you made in the past. The law of nature stands out clear and your faith or believe got nothing here to do.

It's commendable dat she opened up a bit of her past 2 u. The thing is, very few ppl have d balls 2 handle d truth. This is obviously unintelligent and dumb. The several abortions 4 different guys is bad enough. How about std's? She obviously opens her legs wide without thinking. Trust me, there are worse things she hasn't told you and she's using this small sample to guage ur reaction and tolerance level. Don't give in to her tears and emotional blackmail. Grow a pair of balls and decide whats best 4 you because. . .believe me,women ALWAYS put their interests first in everything. Everyone wants a good deal/bargain. Dont short change urself and spend eternity in a paradise of regrets. If u feel u can risk being with her, its ur choice. Although, it seems nice guys always end up with the dregs and sewage of society. When such ladies have had a fun filled roller coaster life with the bad boys, they begin 2 remember marriage and seek out naive nice guys to tie down. You'll find plenty of them in church who are over 30 and are "single and looking" 4 a broda in christ jebus. When last did u see super hot model chicks below 24 in church being "single and looking"? Hmmm?

This gurl luvs u and its real bro! my Advice: Better the Devil u know than an angel in disguise. she decided to open up cos she loves u and as such she is not willing to keep any secret 4rm u. how about other ladies who never tell their husbands of their pasts, 4 hereven after marriage?

Bro, if u luv her, go 4 her!!!

@femmy2010. Ok. . . . . I applaud her openness, truthfulness and sincerity. That's why everyone got to be very careful about the present because the present becomes the past while the past always have something to do with our tomorrow. Even if the guy agrees to marry her, that thought will always remain in his memory till eternity.