[quote author=soonest post=91543262]
My mum and dad got separated when I was 3years and my sister was 5years......my dad did most of the work at home,from cleaning to washing and providing for the family till I graduated.....there are still real men out thr...same with women.....I knw of a couple that are in this mess.....The husband had an car accident many years ago,lost his spinal cord ....it's the wife working and providing for the family....after so many years(13years) of loosing contact with them I saw the man's sister and I asked about her brother and the wife.....I was surprised that the wife is still with the man,but this time the woman is not working but it's the man that is working,what she do is drive the man to work and pick him from work,run errands for him and so on,in sort she is always on standby for the man.....the sad aspect is no kids. Those in oau can testify to what I am saying,because the man is a lecturer at one of the department....can't mention the name of the department....infact the woman na real woman oooo,the man was an under graduate when he had an accident,but both are already together as couple (I don't know how this happened) but after the incident he had a friend(course mate) that do help him out with going to school to attend lecture and school work till he graduated...at a time the friend stopped assiting him cos this brother is guru in book as result he dey clear exam with good result so friend dey envy him .it's long story....with all my super story... Just to say real women still exist.....all in all may God no let bad things happen to us...amen.

LadySarah:
Leaving because he's bedridden?Anything can happen to anyone at anytime.I'm not trying to judge you cos you've shown you are strong woman for 2 yrs already.
99% of Nigerian men will not remain. Even their wives that had CS feels useless to them ofoziekwa bedridden wife. It is then they will bundle you back to your ppl. https://www.nairaland.com/3256716/olachi-manndarin-emmanuel-dies-after

For a sexually active woman ,the lack of sex can be disturbing.

What I think you should do.
1.choose to be happy.
2.If his penis still works do the riding. If no. Have a talk with him if you can get a Love Machine or a man friend or he can explore you with his hands. Theres no shame in that. Righteous ppl should ignore my post.

3.pls don't stop believing in miracles.

I wonder where you people normally see Ur stat....99% bawo? I am not understanding

cococandy:


Let me also conclude that your best will include being the provider and hands-on care giver at the bedside.
Maybe you’ll also take her to work with you so that you can be present to clean any mess that she might make while you’re not at home.

Some things are very easy to say from a high moral ground you know but I’m happy to hear that you hope to try. That’s good.

Now keep the ‘hope’ for your theoretical situation to the side and have compassion for someone who is actually going through the situation for REAL

you have not heard of care givers before? So he can't hire a care giver while he goes to work? Why are you making life difficult for yourself all because you want to prove that had a man be in her shoes, they won't fair better? ....the truth is anybody no matter the gender might not remain faithful. It is not a gender thing at all!!!.but the ones that have the fear of God will. Most especially Jehovah's witnesses. Cos they know that ones they are married, you do carry means you don carry. Na for life no matter what happens. Except on the ground of fornication. Even if na case of domestic violence, what they can do is sepàrate and remain like that. Back to the issue, this is why it is often adviced you marry your best friend. Someone that will regard you as blood in that way, you won't be scared they will leave you in time of distress. Tho truth be told cos we are humans, there is every tendency for the healthy one to cheat

missjo:
She never truly loved him, and this is a major problem with our generation - people are ultimately looking out for what they'll gain from their partners but masking all that selfish desire with claims of being in love.

Gosh so many of us would fail this test if we were to find ourselves in the same situation, so while I'm critical of her, I'm also critical of myself because I don't know if I'll be any better.

Im a man, i pray it doesn't happen to me, if it does, i pray the woman can find the things that make her happy which i can no longer give, if you love someone, you would make sacrifices

Blackmiserable:


I am not going to tell you that History is His Story or that He finds great pleasure looking at man and all the activities of man under the heavens. The wranglings, intrigues, shrewdness, folly, love, madness and all caused by procreation.I'll answer why I think procreation and certainly not companionship is the chief end of marriage and creation of the woman tommorow, but let me ask a simple question. Which pleases the divine the most, the utmost: that one more creature has been birth whose life, times, folly, piety would be something to behold, look carefully at, argue in great depth about or that a man loves his wife madly and the wife does same crazily too. Which one is of more interest to God?

Since the fall of man, love has become the ultimate thing.

At the bolded, a survey abi research was carried out in America and it was found that most women would stay with a sick or disabled partner whereas most men wouldn't.

Infact the ratio of men to women who stayed with their partners who were sick is just disheartening.

Yet these NL boys will want to demonise women.

A family friend of ours died yesterday in her parents house because her husband had taken her back to her parents when she fell ill.

My dad's sister died this year also and that was after her husband not only abandoned her but fled from their home when she fell ill and guess what, the said man is even a pastor.

How many Nigerian men do you see get taken back to their parents house for care after they fall sick? But it's an everyday occurence for woman who fall sick.

That is to tell you that men cannot do 1/10th what women do in terms of sticking with a partner for betterbof worse.

cococandy:

What you do ultimately depends on your specific situation.

Only those who have cared for bedridden patients 24/7, 365 days a year can have a real opinion on this issue. I can’t even have a realistic opinion on this if I were to be in your situation. Like personally I won’t leave him because love and feelings and for better for worse right? But I also feel like I would be more equipped to deal with it than you seem to be right now, so my reality won’t be same as yours.

In your case, How bad is the damage? Can he move his arms?
Is therapy an option so that he can at least learn to move himself from wheelchair to bed?
What’s his spirit like? A lot of people get depressed in situations like this and some of them become mean towards their caregivers. If that’s the case, how much of it can you take?

If he’s totally bed ridden? In that case,Who will be the bread winner while you’re at his bedside caring for him. He will develop sacral and other bony prominence pressure ulcers if he’s not turned and repositioned at least every two hours.

You need someone to care for him while you hustle to feed and provide for the family. You can’t do both because you can’t be in two places at once. You say his family doesn’t want to help, Has he personally reached out to them? Sometimes you grovel for what you really need. He can’t let pride get in the way now.

As for sex, that part is probably permanently damaged. I can’t tell you what to do, because you will eventually do what you want to do.

Realistically, were you to be the injured party, he wouldn’t go without sex for the rest of his life, sit at your bedside cleaning your poo and pee for the 6-7 times you use the bathroom a day and still find a way to provide for you and your child. At the very best, your family members would be the ones nursing you while he cares for the kid and provides for the family. And no, he wouldn’t be celibate for the rest of his young life. Yes, he would be a very good man for doing that much.
People often hold women to inhuman and lofty standards. Don’t join them to punish yourself like that.

If you divorce him, he will be in worse condition than he is now so please don’t listen to those who are asking you to leave because you can’t take the lack of sex.
He should learn to be smart about what he needs and not what his pride dictates.

Saintmary:

If the table were turned, would he have stayed?
Would you?

Yes! Yes I would! Till the very end!

For your information there're many men who's wives are invalid and are being taking care of by their husbands. I'm not making a general statement but a statement of sad facts and bitter humility

Juliusmomoh:
Penis no de pain her husband na.... Na back de pain am..... So she can use another sex style to get what she want........

We Won't Hear, My Husband Hit Big Contract, Now That He Is Very Rich, Should I Leave Him?

missjo:
She never truly loved him, and this is a major problem with our generation - people are ultimately looking out for what they'll gain from their partners but masking all that selfish desire with claims of being in love.

Gosh so many of us would fail this test if we were to find ourselves in the same situation, so while I'm critical of her, I'm also critical of myself because I don't know if I'll be any better.

Exactly!

It's such a terrible thing she has to go through at this period in time. She knows what she wants, let her look into her hearts for answers and decide what's best for her. Different strokes for different individual.

I wish her all the best!!!!

miniziter:

There's no way the Penis will rise without the help of the spinal cord. If I am wrong, let the experts correct me.

Two words......... Yinka Ayefele

thorpido:
No,other factors come into play with erectile dysfunction which mainly has to do with issues of blood flow.People who have hypertension or other blood circulation issues can have dysfunction.Diabetes is another factor.

okay I heard it isn't curable ! Cant imagine my preeq not standing

armylord:
okay I heard it isn't curable ! Cant imagine my preeq not standing

Well some suffer erectile dysfunction related to stress.That can be cured if the stress factors are taken care of.

Marriage is fort better and for worse. The principled thing to do is to stay (Read Psalms 15:1,4c). Adultery is also wrong.

She should pray for endurance. We shouldn't forget they have a child to gather. The child's life will be wrecked if she leaves the man.

thorpido:
Well some suffer erectile dysfunction related to stress.That can be cured if the stress factors are taken care of.

lol, this life no just balance at all! Thanks tho, I learned a lot

miniziter:
It's already 2 years and the husband can't go to work not to talk of bringing money. He can't perform on bed and she has been the one doing the cleaning of all his mess.

The most annoying thing is that the family members of the husband despite being okay financially failed to help the family. Now she planning to either stay with the man and have a cuncubine outside or leave the man outrightly.

Which do you advise?

NB: They just gave to a child and she's still young. On the way, if she leaves the man, he may not see someone that will take care of him like she used to do.

Cucumber still dey market the last time I checked

Acidosis:


Since the fall of man, love has become the ultimate thing.

.
Love? The ultimate thing. I must laugh. The divine pleasure when the creatures engage his attention can not be quantified. That is basically why he created us. Love is just one of a trillion things the creature can do bro. Like a movie, God is interested in the life of mortal man.

Cucumber does not have muscles and milk. Don't forget that the "milk" is responsible for the fertilization of the egg.




And the milk is a first class protein �

Blackmiserable:
.
Love? The ultimate thing. I must laugh. The divine pleasure when the creatures engage his attention can not be quantified. That is basically why he created us. Love is just one of a trillion things the creature can do bro. Like a movie, God is interested in the life of mortal man.

God is interested in the life of mortal man. That's interesting. What about the life of the young man with a spinal cord issue?

Acidosis:


God is interested in the life of mortal man. That's interesting. What about the life of the young man with a spinal cord issue?

...
Looks like we are going on a tangent. I am trying to draw your attention to one basic truth taken for granted too often. What happened to him is just one of several things and situations surrounding his life. Life is like a movie only the great creator and his armies of angels can watch. That is probably one of God's favourite pastime.

Juliearth:





"...For better and for worse, in sickness and in health..."

I guess she doesn't know the implication of the marital vows she took.

Please tell us the implications.

Simple question is 'what if you are in the same situation as your husband, how will you feel if he walks out on you in your darkest period? Marriage is not for children.

For those commenting rubbish, do you know what rate awaits you Tomoro?
Becareful

If I am in the woman's shoes,I will divorce him and move on.
Let his family sort him out.

If the tables were turned,he will abandon me immediately.
Men who brag about having concubines if their wives decline to have sex even if its once,is that the same man that would stay for years without sex?
Will a man stay put by his bedridden wife's side,cleaning her poo,bathing and feeding her?

The woman should leave him.
That's my honest advice.
What is good for the goose is good for the gander.

This life no balance and e no fit balance.

grandstar:
Marriage is fort better and for worse. The principled thing to do is to stay (Read Psalms 15:1,4c). Adultery is also wrong.

She should pray for endurance. We shouldn't forget they have a child to gather. The child's life will be wrecked if she leaves the man.

Lol..Adultery is wrong now because it involves a woman.
Same men will be hailing and promoting having side Chics.
Double standards!.
Anyway,she doesnt need to commit adultery.
Just divorce him and move on.

spiceadole:


Lol..Adultery is wrong now because it involves a woman.
Same men will be hailing and promoting having side Chics.
Double standards!.
Anyway,she doesnt need to commit adultery.
Just divorce him and move on.

I'm a Jehovah's Witness. Marriage is for better for worse. God is not sexist. Man is.

grandstar:


I'm a Jehovah's Witness. Marriage is for better for worse. God is not sexist. Man is.

Hypocrite!

spiceadole:


Hypocrite!

Why?

dangervu:
Sad ! a surgery can be done to fix the broken spinal cord ! nigeria is 20years behind in the medical field

60 years behind precisely

Saintmary:

If the table were turned, would he have stayed?
Would you?

is for better and for worse, I will stay

Parisian:
At the bolded, a survey abi research was carried out in America and it was found that most women would stay with a sick or disabled partner whereas most men wouldn't.

Infact the ratio of men to women who stayed with their partners who were sick is just disheartening.

Yet these NL boys will want to demonise women.

A family friend of ours died yesterday in her parents house because her husband had taken her back to her parents when she fell ill.

My dad's sister died this year also and that was after her husband not only abandoned her but fled from their home when she fell ill and guess what, the said man is even a pastor.

How many Nigerian men do you see get taken back to their parents house for care after they fall sick? But it's an everyday occurence for woman who fall sick.

That is to tell you that men cannot do 1/10th what women do in terms of sticking with a partner for betterbof worse.

Word!!!!

miniziter:
It's already 2 years and the husband can't go to work not to talk of bringing money. He can't perform on bed and she has been the one doing the cleaning of all his mess.

The most annoying thing is that the family members of the husband despite being okay financially failed to help the family. Now she planning to either stay with the man and have a cuncubine outside or leave the man outrightly.

Which do you advise?

NB: They just gave to a child and she's still young. On the way, if she leaves the man, he may not see someone that will take care of him like she used to do.

This is a very delicate situation. And I feel for you. This is the test of true love. Loving unconditional is what love is supposed to be. Loving when the conditions ain't right. (This is why many give up and divorce or breakup). Love is a decision a choice you make and u stick with it in all seasons.

Get a house help to ease the stress.

You can take him to meet miracle workers. And even if he doesn't get healed, you can talk to him and discuss sex with a third party. (If you two will be cool with it no problem.)

The choice is left to you to stay or leave. No one can decide that for you.