miniziter:

I have a number. But I don't trust you enough. You may knack thirsty vg her to coma. To be serious, I am talking of a true life story.

Oya gimme number

cococandy:

What you do ultimately depends on your specific situation.

Only those who have cared for bedridden patients 24/7, 365 days a year can have a real opinion on this issue. I can’t even have a realistic opinion on this if I were to be in your situation. Like personally I won’t leave him because love and feelings and for better for worse right? But I also feel like I would be more equipped to deal with it than you seem to be right now, so my reality won’t be same as yours.

In your case, How bad is the damage? Can he move his arms?
Is therapy an option so that he can at least learn to move himself from wheelchair to bed?
What’s his spirit like? A lot of people get depressed in situations like this and some of them become mean towards their caregivers. If that’s the case, how much of it can you take?

If he’s totally bed ridden? In that case,Who will be the bread winner while you’re at his bedside caring for him. He will develop sacral and other bony prominence pressure ulcers if he’s not turned and repositioned at least every two hours.

You need someone to care for him while you hustle to feed and provide for the family. You can’t do both because you can’t be in two places at once. You say his family doesn’t want to help, Has he personally reached out to them? Sometimes you grovel for what you really need. He can’t let pride get in the way now.

As for sex, that part is probably permanently damaged. I can’t tell you what to do, because you will eventually do what you want to do.

Realistically, were you to be the injured party, he wouldn’t go without sex for the rest of his life, sit at your bedside cleaning your poo and pee for the 6-7 times you use the bathroom a day and still find a way to provide for you and your child. At the very best, your family members would be the ones nursing you while he cares for the kid and provides for the family. And no, he wouldn’t be celibate for the rest of his young life. Yes, he would be a very good man for doing that much.
People often hold women to inhuman and lofty standards. Don’t join them to punish yourself like that.

If you divorce him, he will be in worse condition than he is now so please don’t listen to those who are asking you to leave because you can’t take the lack of sex.
He should learn to be smart about what he needs and not what his pride dictates.

Babe, you are too much for this reply. It is detailed and concise. This is everything the woman needs

missjo:
She never truly loved him, and this is a major problem with our generation - people are ultimately looking out for what they'll gain from their partners but masking all that selfish desire with claims of being in love.

Gosh so many of us would fail this test if we were to find ourselves in the same situation, so while I'm critical of her, I'm also critical of myself because I don't know if I'll be any better.

illicit:
No need to get a cucumbine outside....

GboyegaD:
Thought we marry our partners "for better, for worse". She should stick in and if she can't hold it no more, she should dissolve the marriage by divorce.

Saintmary:

If the table were turned, would he have stayed?
Would you?

Well, she still loves her husband, judging by her present situation. My advice is that she should go ahead and get herself sideman. She needs to relief herself of this burden without actually abandoning her husband totally. Her husband needs her, and it is not easy for her too. Killing two birds with one stone wouldn't be a bad idea at all. Let's all be introspective with the way we judge others. But I hope that the sideman won't hijack her completely at the end of the day. As a man, I wouldn't feel bad because I'm not selfish.

Copy: miniziter
cococandy

Acidosis:


You're concluding on my behalf? It would cost me nothing to give my best. I wouldn't be so frustrated to the point of considering a concubine after 2 years of no sex.

More like no more sex forever. You're too hard on the woman, it's not easy sacrificing your life for someone else. She needs to device a working coping mechanism and if getting a sideman is an option for her, she should explore it. Better than leaving a bedridden husband behind. Remember, if she decides to leave, nothing can stop her.

authority2006:

Well, she still loves her husband, judging by her present situation. My advice is that she should go ahead and get herself sideman. She needs to relief herself of this burden without actually abandoning her husband totally. Her husband needs her, and it is not easy for her too. Killing two birds with one stone without be a bad idea at all. Let's all be introspective with the way we judge others. But I hope that the sideman won't hijack her completely at the end of the day. As a man, I wouldn't feel bad because I'm not selfish.

Copy: miniziter
cococandy

She doesn't need any side man. She should dissolve the marriage instead. There is no need complicating his issues. The man is down and can't be worse than he is she leaving but the cheating could add to his pains.

miniziter:


It's already 2 years and the husband can't go to work not to talk of bringing money. He can't perform on bed and she has been the one doing the cleaning of all his mess.

The most annoying thing is that the family members of the husband despite being okay financially failed to help the family. Now she planning to either stay with the man and have a cuncubine outside or leave the man outrightly.

Which do you advise?

NB: They just gave to a child and she's still young. On the way, if she leaves the man, he may not see someone that will take care of him like she used to do.

What does Qur'an chapter 2 verse 155-157; and
Bible Jeremiah 8:4 says?
It's all trials and test, if she has patience and perseverance and put her trust with her Lord, of which is not easy to have except those that are humble, The Lord Almighty will surely make her hubby walk again like he had never had any issue b4 and after every difficulty, The Lord will bring ease.

miniziter:

There's no way the Penis will rise without the help of the spinal cord. If I am wrong, let the experts correct me.

Ask Ayefele nah, he just had triplet

GboyegaD:


She doesn't need any side man. She should dissolve the marriage instead. There is no need complicating his issues. The man is down and can't be worse than he is she leaving but the cheating could add to his pains.

Take a more critical look at the situation, for her to even think of staying with the man shows she still love him and care, the love is fading as a result of total negligence from the man's family, sincerely it's not easy but surely there should be a way to get the man to talk to his family for assistance.
If you know the woman, tell her to chat me up for more counselling!!!

YemyTemmy:


Take a more critical look at the situation, for her to even think of staying with the man shows she still love him and care, the love is fading as a result of total negligence from the man's family, sincerely it's not easy but surely there should be a way to get the man to talk to his family for assistance.
If you know the woman, tell her to chat me up for more counselling!!!

I don't know her and she alone knows what is best in her situation. We don't have any information on the husband's family but whatever action she takes, no one can blame her for it as she is the one in the situation.

Acidosis:


My point is we shouldn't justify the woman's consideration/decision to abandon her husband. The moment you're married, you've become a family. It shouldn't matter whether extended families come to our aid or not. These same extended families will be heavily criticized when they come to claim inheritance.

You shouldn't call her useless because she couldn't endure it again after 2 years. I think, you don't really know yourself. Know yourself. Every single word of Holy Writ and every character in the Bible warns us never to say, "I can never do that. I can never try such a thing. That cannot happen to me." Even our Lord Jesus had to tell us to beseech the Almighty to deliver us from temptation.

Two years seem like 2 days to you, right? Okay, what do you suggest she do. Her husband is permanently unable to satisfy her, how long would you remain celibate if you were in her shoes? I want a definite answer. Thank you!!!

Juliusmomoh:
Penis no de pain her husband na.... Na back de pain am..... So she can use another sex style to get what she want........

Just in case broda

Spinal cord and pfenis

Na d same fence

Saintmary:

If the table were turned, would he have stayed?
Would you?

Kukuma advice her to leave naa and stop turning the table.

This is the exact reason I say love don't exist.

miniziter:
It's already 2 years and the husband can't go to work not to talk of bringing money. He can't perform on bed and she has been the one doing the cleaning of all his mess.

The most annoying thing is that the family members of the husband despite being okay financially failed to help the family. Now she planning to either stay with the man and have a cuncubine outside or leave the man outrightly.

Which do you advise?

NB: They just gave to a child and she's still young. On the way, if she leaves the man, he may not see someone that will take care of him like she used to do.

This is very deep.

May we not find ourselves in a very difficult situation.

Blackmiserable:

You shouldn't call her useless because she couldn't endure it again after 2 years. I think, you don't really know yourself. Know yourself. Every single word of Holy Writ and every character in the Bible warns us never to say, "I can never do that. I can never try such a thing. That cannot happen to me." Even our Lord Jesus had to tell us to beseech the Almighty to deliver us from temptation.

Two years seem like 2 days to you, right? Okay, what do you suggest she do. Her husband is permanently unable to satisfy her, how long would you remain celibate if you were in her shoes? I want a definite answer. Thank you!!!

Your mates became Reverend Fathers and Reverend Sisters at 20.

And if that seems like an impossible task, you can choose to masturbate. Sleeping with another person while you're married under the guise of sickness, sexless marriage, or lack of attention is not an idea I would ever support.

authority2006:


More like no more sex forever. You're too hard on the woman, it's not easy sacrificing your life for someone else. She needs to device a working coping mechanism and if getting a sideman is an option for her, she should explore it. Better than leaving a bedridden husband behind. Remember, if she decides to leave, nothing can stop her.

That's your opinion. I have made mine. I do not support cheating of any kind whether the man or woman is bedridden or half dead.

If she was a white woman we wouldn't be having this discussion, she wouldn't go anywhere but most of our Nigerian women only lookout for what they can benefit no true love.

Acidosis:


Your mates became Reverend Fathers and Reverend Sisters at 20.

And if that seems like an impossible task, you can choose to masturbate.

You didn't answer me. Please the second paragraph and answer my question. Thank you.

slydog:


Perhaps sex is not the most important thing here.
I grew up with a neighbor who's father had a terrible stroke that made him stop working at 45, thankfully, the wife was a nurse in a govt hospital and rose to become a matron. She has single handedly raised four children up to graduate, and just moved into her house she built this year before the man passed on at 60.
I Know it's not easy man, but what happens if she leave him and elope with another man and fate deals her another hefty blow?

Everyone won't be like the woman.
How many men will stay back and nurse their wives? Less than 2 percent.

I was at a mothering Sunday event just this past Sunday when men who lost their wives were told to come out, you know what none came out. All had remarried within a space of 5 yrs but when widows were called out, Not less than 25 were out.

Let her do her wish. I gave her options. She is human and may not be strong to remain alone.

Continue to take care of your man but have a boyfriend who understands the situation.

GboyegaD:


She doesn't need any side man. She should dissolve the marriage instead. There is no need complicating his issues. The man is down and can't be worse than he is she leaving but the cheating could add to his pains.

Yes of course, he can. That's where the problem is.

Blackmiserable:


You didn't answer me. Please the second paragraph and answer my question. Thank you.

I won't remain celibate forever and won't cheat either. Penetrative sex between a man and a woman is not the only way to attain sexual satisfaction.

If you are religious, you stay (for good times and bad times)...

I would advice she leave. God forbid, if I was the man, I would stop eating and die off. What he is doing, is that life? Don't go down with him... If he was rich and had nurses it would be a different story. Tough love, walk away don't look back... In the old days, he would have been killed by wild animals (because nature is brutal). Walk away.

How can you leave your own husband. Remember it is for better or for worse. If he married you it is 'until death do us part'. It could have been you! Do unto others what you would like them do unto you. There is hope for your husband. Family, friends may have failed you. Perhaps even hospitals may have failed you, but there is a God in heaven that answers prayer. Take your dear husband to a church call The Lord's Chosen Charismatic Revival Ministry near you. It does not cost you anything but your transport fare. It is well with your husband.

No way! She can't leave that man now that he needs him most. They are married not friends.

Acidosis:


I won't remain celibate forever and won't cheat either. Penetrative sex between a man and a woman is not the only way to reach sexual satisfaction.

He is a meat on a bed that she feeds and clean (not a baby but a full adult), then she also has to find time to make money to feed everybody.
If that man has honor, he would find a way to just die. You have to be sick in the head to have sexual feelings for that.

Blackmiserable:


You didn't answer me. Please the second paragraph and answer my question. Thank you.

This seems like a problem for you because the man has no grown up yet, right? If he had children as old as 29, or 15 years, would you still advise the woman to walk away?


Some of you don't deserve to be married. May God save us from hellish entanglements

faceland:


He is a meat on a bed that she feeds and clean (not a baby but a full adult), then she also has to find time to make money to feed everybody.
If that man has honor, he would find a way to just die. You have to be sick in the head to have sexual feelings for that.

May ignorance not destroy this generation. May be you should visit a teaching hospital to see and observe patients with the condition and confirm whether the situation is anything close to your imagination. We have people like Aiyefele yet you choose to remain ignorant. Dude even dance on Wheels.

In this age of telecommuting and digitisation where people make so much working from home, some of you still believe the man is completely useless? It is well with you.

Acidosis:


I won't remain celibate forever and won't cheat either. Penetrative sex between a man and a woman is not the only way to reach sexual satisfaction.

Please and please, know yourself. One of the hardest thing is, believe you me, to know one's self.

You think that non-penetrative sex for as long as you live would keep you faithful to the marriage vows? So if your wife becomes frigid and is unable to carry out sex due to a problem with her spine, you'd be satisfied forever with non-penetrative sex?

Juliusmomoh:
Penis no de pain her husband na.... Na back de pain am..... So she can use another sex style to get what she want........

the plumbing is deqd

Blackmiserable:


Please and please, know yourself. One of the hardest thing is, believe you me, to know one's self.

You think that non-penetrative sex for as long as you live would keep you faithful to the marriage vows? So if your wife becomes frigid and is unable to carry out sex due to a problem with her spine, you'd be satisfied forever with non-penetrative sex?

Know yourself, as in? I should tell you that I'm a dog that jumps from skirt to skirt or a sex addict? If I don't know myself based on my personal experiences, so what then do I know?

Where is the idea of frigid coming from? Is she a tree?

I have had conversations with a woman with this condition and her experiences are completely different from your imagination.