ppp

The only reason I'll leave him will be because he didn't tell me from the start. I don't like kids and if I knew earlier, I wouldn't have continued with the 'relationship'. Not only he kept this IMPORTANT information from me, I fell in love with him. Which kind of implies having to accept the kids. And feeling obliged to remain in a relationship is just wrong. If he had told me from the start, we wouldn't be in this position and this heart break wouldn't have happened.

Now, if she leaves him just because he's got kids . . . I can't really judge that. I DO NOT want to be a mother and I can't imagine someone forcing that on you just because they were 'scared' to lose you. That's selfish !!

AND WHAT'S WORSE is that he kept this a secret and actually MARRIED her ! That's one big SON OF A B*TCH ! A marriage that starts with a lie is BOUND to fail ! He's an A*SHOLE and deserves worse than his wife leaving him !!!! That's plain WICKED !!!!

M.L.Swiss:

The only reason I'll leave him will be because he didn't tell me from the start. I don't like kids and if I knew earlier, I wouldn't have continued with the 'relationship'. Not only he kept this IMPORTANT information from me, I fell in love with him. Which kind of implies having to accept the kids. And feeling obliged to remain in a relationship is just wrong. If he had told me from the start, we wouldn't be in this position and this heart break wouldn't have happened.

Now, if she leaves him just because he's got kids . . . I can't really judge that. I DO NOT want to be a mother and I can't imagine someone forcing that on you just because they were 'scared' to lose you. That's selfish !!

AND WHAT'S WORSE is that he kept this a secret and actually MARRIED her ! That's one big SON OF A B*TCH ! A marriage that starts with a lie is BOUND to fail ! He's an A*SHOLE and deserves worse than his wife leaving him !!!! That's plain WICKED !!!!

are we reading the same post?

your friend is a dork how can he go into a relationship without disclosing that he has children?
He must really hate his kids because if you are proud of your life and the baggage that comes with it you wont hesitate to let people know.
He deserves what he gets because if you can lie about something so important as the fact that you have children, what else are you lying about?

sexxxxy:


are we reading the same post?

:O I don't know what I read !! I absolutely apologize for the mix up !!!

In reply to the post ; he should tell her before things get really serious. If she feels ready and decides that she'll be fine with the new mother role then good for him. He has NO choice. He HAS to tell her. I for one will end things.

if she loves him the same way,he loves her,i don't think his having children should be a very BIG issue.He lied to her,yes,and it is natural for her to be upset and angry,but i don't think she should take it too far,cause at the end of the day,if she really loves him,she would forgive him,and also extend that love to his children,in due time.

Personally, i don't see anything wrong in marrying a guy that has two kids already. But the problem here is that he didn't tell her on time. Why was he hiding it?

There's nothing wrong my guy. The girl's only scared of half bros/sis for her childern.

What's in question here isn't so much the fact if we would date a man with children, but not being told he has children when the relationship got serious between him and her.  How long have these two been dating?  I can understand his woman would be upset because he never told her up front what the real deal is, because that would make me wonder if he is not hiding something else.  So now this would cause trust issues.  I'm sure she feels betrayed, hurt and not important enough to share something so important as this.

At the same token, these are innocent children who don't have anything to do with this.  So I'm hoping she is NOT taking it out on them.  I would be upset no doubt, but I'll need a complete explanation why he didn't trust me enough and take into consideration my feelings of holding back such pertinent information about himself.  Sure, I can understand he was in "fear" that she would leave, but that's a chance you have to take when you are dealing with another life not just yours.  He didn't give her an option rather or not if she would want to continue seeing him or break it off with him since he have children already.  So it could be a deal breaker for her and it's her every right.  I can sympathsize with her on that.

But at the same time, I wouldn't totally dismissed the guy.  Especially if he has proven to be honest in "other" areas of his life and treated her well.  But ultimately, this is HER decision if she decides to stay and stick it out with him.  You claimed that she "loves" him.  So who knows, maybe once things cool off for a bit and he give her time to think about it, she may give him another chance.  But a definitely sincere apology is in order regardless of his reason behind it.  You don't play with people's lives and emotions like that.  By the way, that comment about (not even angels in heaven couldn't pursway her to marry him) was more than likely said out of anger/hurt.

Trust and open communication is just two of the prerequisite in a relationship in order for it to work.  Right now, all he can do is back off and give her space to digest all of this.  Because of his selfish act (again, regardless of the reason) he have to accept the fact that it could be over between the two of them.  He didn't want to lose her not telling her, but in the end result, it did more harm than good.  So not telling is not the best policy.  Right now, he should be more focus on his children and making sure they are taken care of.  Make sure his life is right with God first and everything else will work itself out.  And making sure his priorities in life is on the straight and narrow.

Bottom line, he made a mistake. He is not perfect. So he should be forgiven despite his inequity. But if it don't work out between them, then hopefully he will learn from this mistake so he will know not to do this again with his next relationship.

livedit:

What's in question here isn't so much the fact if we would date a man with children, but not being told he has children when the relationship got serious between him and her. How long have these two been dating? I can understand his woman would be upset because he never told her up front what the real deal is, because that would make me wonder if he is not hiding something else. So now this would cause trust issues. I'm sure she feels betrayed, hurt and not important enough to share something so important as this.

At the same token, these are innocent children who don't have anything to do with this. So I'm hoping she is NOT taking it out on them. I would be upset no doubt, but I'll need a complete explanation why he didn't trust me enough and take into consideration my feelings of holding back such pertinent information about himself. Sure, I can understand he was in "fear" that she would leave, but that's a chance you have to take when you are dealing with another life not just yours. He didn't give her an option rather or not if she would want to continue seeing him or break it off with him since he have children already. So it could be a deal breaker for her and it's her every right. I can sympathsize with her on that.

But at the same time, I wouldn't totally dismissed the guy. Especially if he has proven to be honest in "other" areas of his life and treated her well. But ultimately, this is HER decision if she decides to stay and stick it out with him. You claimed that she "loves" him. So who knows, maybe once things cool off for a bit and he give her time to think about it, she may give him another chance. But a definitely sincere apology is in order regardless of his reason behind it. You don't play with people's lives and emotions like that. By the way, that comment about (not even angels in heaven couldn't pursway her to marry him) was more than likely said out of anger/hurt.

Trust and open communication is just two of the prerequisite in a relationship in order for it to work. Right now, all he can do is back off and give her space to digest all of this. Because of his selfish act (again, regardless of the reason) he have to accept the fact that it could be over between the two of them. He didn't want to lose her not telling her, but in the end result, it did more harm than good. So not telling is not the best policy. Right now, he should be more focus on his children and making sure they are taken care of. Make sure his life is right with God first and everything else will work itself out. And making sure his priorities in life is on the straight and narrow.

Bottom line, he made a mistake. He is not perfect. So he should be forgiven despite his inequity. But if it don't work out between them, then hopefully he will learn from this mistake so he will know not to do this again with his next relationship.

Absolutely detailed i give you 90% in fact i have told him to join nairaland that there are some intelligent ones that can cool down his emotion. Again i give it to you livedit.

@segunjowo, toohot4you, Mygoldie thank you i have already sent all the advise/counselling to him am sure he might have read them all.

I also feel for him as he thinks he can't get any good woman again, though i think he's a bit shallow in his tought though. Anyway thanks to you all.

I personally will be angry for his lies, kids are gifted treasures that cannot be hidden and they have their own blessings. I'll be angry cos I'll feel you don't trust me enough to take care of your treasures in d 1st place so I'll keep wondering what other things you'll be hiding. I'll be angry cos you lied and I might be a little jealous cos you've got treasures that'll always come 1st. If your friend really love his kids his 1st fear should not be if she'll leave him, it should be if she's good enough for his kids. But if I really love a guy and he hides stuff like that from me I might forgive him cos I know d value of kids no matter from which womb de came from. . .

African_queen:

. If your friend really love his kids his 1st fear should not be if she'll leave him, it should be if she's good enough for his kids. But if I really love a guy and he hides stuff like that from me I might forgive him cos I know d value of kids no matter from which womb de came from. . .

Sensible, intelligent and just what he needs now, Dipo join nairaland now i can't cool you down alone o.

He lied because he doesn't want to loose her, well that's stupid, telling her from day 1 could have saved agony of love and moreover it will reveal if she will accept the children, though most children in that situation stick around to their mother. However on the hand the girl too is not ready and she's not in love, she's lying. I dont think if she's in love with her man the relationship will end because her husband to be has two children in his frist marriage.

At the end i think the girl will be the looser it's only a matter of time

reverse the role, can u marry a girl with two kids? same law should be applied.

Well said lovejo. Most naija men will say "she's not a virgin, who wants use and dump chick." Just FYI.

obowunmi:

Well said lovejo. Most naija men will say "she's not a virgin, who wants use and dump chick." Just FYI.

lovejo:

reverse the role, can u marry a girl with two kids? same law should be applied.

Yes i will if i really love her, so because  of that the marriage will not go ahead, sorry i think you're both short sighted in your tots

He should have been honest with her from the start, but the lady in question might not want to marry someone who has children from a previous relationship.

All he can do is to talk to her, may she might change her mind.

my brother, if it were me, i will runnn oooo. i no go do again. i want my kids to be the first in their father's house and with his kids present, one way or the other, he will be relating to their mum. i no fit jst put my hand for fire.

shekina

joyblinks:

my brother, if it were me, i will runnn oooo. i no go do again. i want my kids to be the first in their father's house and with his kids present, one way or the other, he will be relating to their mum. i no fit jst put my hand for fire.

shekina

Very shallow my girl, what if he's the one that will give you happiness till old age, you've got to think that way as well. Love first in all things as a matter of fact, love = happy marriage. You can get married to a single guy with no children and turn you to punching bag all the days of your life on earth

Very shallow my girl, what if he's the one that will give you happiness till old age, you've got to think that way as well. Love first in all things as a matter of fact, love = happy marriage. You can get married to a single guy with no children and turn you to punching bag all the days of your life on eart

my dear, i no do ooooo, rather let me be single and have my kids, happiness doesn't only come through marriage.

@ joyblinks,well said

omega25red:

your friend is a dork how can he go into a relationship without disclosing that he has children?
He must really hate his kids because if you are proud of your life and the baggage that comes with it you wont hesitate to let people know.
He deserves what he gets because if you can lie about something so important as the fact that you have children, what else are you lying about?

I personally go with this, I love my hubby's kid like he were mine and when we met one of the most sexy things for me was how doting a dad he was, How he will say babes , will call u back in 20 min need to scrub up something for kid to eat, just got back from kid's PTA meeting and so forth, If he had put me a then stranger ahead of his kid at that time, it would have shown a defect in his xter and reduced the attraction greatly for me,

But we all differ, Good luck to your friend.

If he was as rich as lil wayne or jonathan goodluck,would you be here asking dumb a$$ questions? Would you even remember nairaland exists? Women sef! Always looking for an excuse to dumb their current man to climb the social ladder. Tell us more about the "other" man or men abeg. When women start this their dumb talk, there is usually someone else at the background making butterflies fly in their stomachs and next thing. . . They approach family and friends (even strangers) telling them all the "bad things" about their current boyfriend/husband in order to get "advice" to dump him without feeling guilty. I love women but they make me sick. Nuff said!

[color=#006600]op
Since he love d girl more than any other thing in dis world

And his kids re causing d problem he should kill d kids

When he marry d girl she still give birth [/color ]

ko