Dear all, please give your honest opinions regarding this situation:

I'm a woman in my late 20s, and I'm only resorting to posting here because it's a topic that I can't really raise with my friends, acquaintances without them being 'biased' against the guy in question.

I'm in a relationship with a Nigerian man (it's only been a few weeks). He's in his mid-30s, a really a likeable guy, declares undying love for me (this was quite soon after we met). He's been working in SA for a few years (not a permanent resident yet though; I'm South African). I've met his friends and some siblings, know where he lives and he has really tried to be very open with me from day1. He says he'd like to have a future with me, marriage, kids and talking of either getting his mother to come down for a visit or I visit his family with him. This is all good and well, impressive in fact, but I'm terrified at the super-fast pace at which this seems to be going and whether it's genuine.

Based on many stories I've come across locally AND on this very forum about women who feel duped at the end of what seemed like a dream-come-true romance, I'm left wondering if he's got any ulterior motives, Now I know you probably think this is silly, 'how the hell are YOU supposed to know his motives'? I just don't know how to handle this. I'm constantly wondering about how truthful he's being about every single little thing he says and nit-picking his stories to see if I can pick up any discrepancies. It's driving me insane. I just feel like I'm living for the moment, with no idea if he could turn out to be something else a week, month, year/s from now.
I think what makes it even more difficult is the fact that him being non-South African makes the (my) usual 'screening' procedures useless. Basically, I can't figure him out and I'm worried sick.

Sorry for the long post. Consider it a rant if you can't give an opinion,

Get ready for insults from some of the mean women on here, good luck!

As for your post, I have nothing to say!

Oh well. . . .no one can really tell people's intentions {esp a man's. . .cunny lot }

if you feel the same way about him why not just be positive about the whole thing   . . . yea I un'stand your fears about the "Nigerian man" factor

but if you haven't found potholes and bumps in his stories then you should give him a chance. There are plenty good Nigerian men around only the few

bad ones have spoilt the Nigerianess worldwide.I hope yours is one of the good ones

Hello Miss googles. . . . haven't seen you around for a bit. . . .

@op: what does your gut tell you.

Love is a risk -- no one knows for what the future holds.

SA Goddess:

Hello Miss googles. . . . haven't seen you around for a bit. . . .

Hey sexie. . .'ve been kinda tied up with a lot of things.

How are you and my husband in your possession ?

well said googles
everything in life is a risk

I have also been away a lot lately. . . .  .all good girl, you well?

Your man is FINE as ever   growing big every day, he is four in May so get ready to introduce yourself to the  family as the official girl      

How is the new place, loving it I guess!!!

@ OP, I guess the others have said it, "there are no guarantees in love" so don't be afraid to take a risk.  . . .it would still not be guaranteed even if it was your home boy!

OP.
i'M ONE OF THE GOOD ONES . . . .DO i get a trial.

@OP, please be careful as most of our brothers profess love for material gains. he just might be using you to get a permanent resident status.

SA Goddess:

I have also been away a lot lately. . . .  .all good girl, you well?

Your man is FINE as ever   growing big every day, he is four in May so get ready to introduce yourself to the  family as the official girl      

How is the new place, loving it I guess!!!

Oh really ? ah hez ripe for marriage then  

I already have the dowry stashed under my mattress. . . come May,I am coming to get my husband  

oh yea bbz I'm loving my new apartment  

bayleaf:

@OP, please be careful as most of our brothers profess love for material gains. he just might be using you to get a permanent resident status.

as a man thinketh in his heart so is he.guess those bothers are from ur village

MzGreat:

as a man thinketh in his heart so is he.guess those bothers are from your village

Thanks for a carefully thought-out reply/response.

Just Thread with CAUTION, also Put the situation to God in Prayer,cos whatever He is or Tries to Be would reveal Itself. Our Nigerian (MOST-MEN) can Go a long way to do Anything for PAPERS, ABROAD.

TCHAU!

googles:

Oh really ? ah hez ripe for marriage then

I already have the dowry stashed under my mattress. . . come May,I am coming to get my husband

oh yea bbz I'm loving my new apartment

Oh the man is ripe o'right, besides I want a C Class (I am not unreasonable you see )

Glad you are loving the apartment, nothing like having own space. . . . .been on my own since 19 so you can just imagine

MzGreat:

as a man thinketh in his heart so is he.guess those bothers are from your village

koolchicco:

Thanks for a carefully thought-out reply/response.

whatever. but i have seen these things happen over and over again.

@obowunmi, honestly, my gut 'can't believe' what I'm getting myself into, but I guess if you have no frame of reference really, it's only natural to be worried.
@googles, no I haven't found potholes (lol) yet, I'm mostly just paranoid & second-guessing everything he says.
@bayleaf & Echez, that's my biggest worry. Imagine being left to pick up the pieces when that's what his motives turn out to be,
Spiked cylinder: I think I'll try that, thanks.

Thanks everyone for your input, if it doesn't work out, I'll come back here to rant and rave

best thing to do is let him know you appreciate the love he has for you and let him know of your fears and concerns while telling him that you want to take things slow because things are moving too fast

@omega25, that's a great idea, I'll do that - no point suffering alone. Thanks!

What are u worried about really?
Your relationship being fast paced might be due to the fact that your guy is ready to get hitched hence the somewhat understandable pressures coming your way.

If you have doubts then tell him to take it slow and in turn see/monitor his reactions going forward.

@OP, I've always maintained that when a man is in love with you he will leave no doubt in your mind about his intentions.

Is it his intentions and intergrity you find questionable or the pace? be clear.

All I know is that when a man loves you he'll move mountains, go ahead and bet every penny you have on what I've just said, I daaaare you.

There is nothing wrong with falling in love with a Nigerian man. After all they are humans and you may need a taser.

Lady ho jwang?

Huh?

newbie2011:

@obowunmi, honestly, my gut 'can't believe' what I'm getting myself into, but I guess if you have no frame of reference really, it's only natural to be worried.
@googles, no I haven't found potholes (lol) yet, I'm mostly just paranoid & second-guessing everything he says.
@bayleaf & Echez, that's my biggest worry. Imagine being left to pick up the pieces when that's what his motives turn out to be,
Spiked cylinder: I think I'll try that, thanks.

Thanks everyone for your input, if it doesn't work out, I'll come back here to rant and rave

. . .and if you do that, we'l tear you up. Lol

SA Goddess:

Lady ho jwang?

Hello you, you been away for a while. But I see you say you've been away and busy at the same time. Hope you good. As always let me interest you on fun things to do, paintball shooting. Gather up a crowd of friends and have fun, will not disappoint you but will bruise you baaad!

newbie2011:

@obowunmi, honestly, my gut 'can't believe' what I'm getting myself into, but I guess if you have no frame of reference really, it's only natural to be worried.
@googles, no I haven't found potholes (lol) yet, I'm mostly just paranoid & second-guessing everything he says.
@bayleaf & Echez, that's my biggest worry. Imagine being left to pick up the pieces when that's what his motives turn out to be,
Spiked cylinder: I think I'll try that, thanks.

Thanks everyone for your input, if it doesn't work out, I'll come back here to rant and rave

Ahan  . . . . what's are you trying to say na? Say Naija guys no get good intentions again       Abeg take you time oh! I no dey like that kind talk.    

For pete's sakes the man is approaching 40, do you expect him to settle into a loooog relationship/courtship     That exactly are you afraid of? That he'll use you and dump you or that he wants to marry you for your papers?  

Have Nigerians lost all their integrity that they can't go with out being second guessed    

Please if you can't even trust this man then do him a favor and let him go jare . . . .  no be only you be wife material for SA! Mcccccheeeeeew!

SA Lady:

Hello you, you been away for a while. But I see you say you've been away and busy at the same time. Hope you good. As always let me interest you on fun things to do, paintball shooting. Gather up a crowd of friends and have fun, will not disappoint you but will bruise you baaad!

Bruises on my caramel skin, ae Lady, kea hana I will consider sky diving though, sounds like fun! Glad you are good babes. . . . . don't be a stranger now!

1) slow him down

so that you and he can allow his:

words to match his actions

if he doesn't slow down - it doesn't allow you to see if his actions will match his promises, statements, mentionings, whispers

a slower pace - allows you and he to both see just how genuine and sincere the other is in any relationship - friendship, romance, etc.

this is not rocket science my friend - it matters not what be thy lot {whether u are American, South African, West African} - allow time for words and actions to mirror each other

that is your indicator

God doesn't rush you into a situation blindly - he allows you time for observation and growth - God is a patient, loving and good God as is his creation - slow the relationship down - this should alleviate your fear and double guessing - you shouldn't have to play police officer or sherlock holmes with a prospective candidate who is vying to be your life partner - if you have to stress on this level - u should be spending your time enjoying this guy - not worrying about his motives or testing him - time is the tester - you can believe that!

OP,

Real talk, the fact that you even created a thread concerns me what you think of the man that you are in love with.  If you are sensing red flags then you need to investigate what those red flags mean. 

We are unable to really assess the man or you so we are giving you blind opinions and suggestions. 

If you was in USA, I would offer my DETECTIVE services because I AM BADD!