Darkandbrown:



He does return home drunk after these outings and doesn't realise what he does afterwards.
He might get back and dose off on the couch, one time he came back like that and almost raped me, I ran to the bathroom as that was the only place I could lock. I slept on the bathroom floor that night. By morning when his eyes are clear he would start begging.
Sincerely I didn't see this while we were dating else I wouldn't go further. I'm not trying to control him, I just wish he would do better.

Thanks for your advice, I will do just as you said. Sorry I had to type all this, I just had to let it out.

This is one of the reason why I don't give advice, because I feel there is a lot not being said. I might end up giving a one-sided advice that could cause more harm than good.

Did you discuss with him what he tried to do when he was drunk?

Nooil:



This is one of the reason why I don't give advice, because I feel there is a lot not being said. I might end up giving a one-sided advice that could cause more harm than good.

Did you discuss with him what he tried to do when he was drunk?

Yes, he would be sober and just keep apologising, give him a week or two and we are back to the same thing

Darkandbrown:

Yes, he would be sober and just keep apologizing, give him a week or two and we are back to the same thing

Ok, I'm not sure you will be able to achieve much since you're far away from him. So, I suggest you wait until you get back.

When you get back, you need to have a serious discussion. Not about him hanging out with his friends or coming home at midnight, but the "person" he becomes after such outing.

Let him know that you're not comfortable with the stranger he becomes after drinking, and you won't be comfortable raising your children in such an environment. You don't want a man coming home drunk to beat or scare the children.

This is not about him coming home at midnight. Heck, he could get drunk before midnight, so you're not addressing the real issue here.

He can't handle alcohol or he doesn't know his limit is the big problem here which could cause a whole lot of issues if not addressed soon enough. Does he even get driving tickets for DUI? He might even try to rape a woman who is not you under such influence.

Let him know the main reason for your discomfort rather than making it all about hanging out with friends until midnight.

But again, it's all about you. What do you want? Do you want to work things out or do you want to opt out?

Nooil:



Ok, I'm not sure you will be able to achieve much since you're far away from him. So, I suggest you wait until you get back.

When you get back, you need to have a serious discussion. Not about him hanging out with his friends or coming home at midnight, but the "person" he becomes after such outing.

Let him know that you're not comfortable with the stranger he becomes after drinking, and you won't be comfortable raising your children in such an environment. You don't want a man coming home drunk to beat or scare the children.

This is not about him coming home at midnight. Heck, he could get drunk before midnight, so you're not addressing the real issue here.

He can't handle alcohol or he doesn't know his limit is the big problem here which could cause a whole lot of issues if not addressed soon enough. Does he even get driving tickets for DUI? He might even try to rape a woman who is not you under such influence.

Let him know the main reason for your discomfort rather than making it all about hanging out with friends until midnight.

But again, it's all about you. What do you want? Do you want to work things out or do you want to opt out?

I want to work things out

Darkandbrown:

I want to work things out

Then give him space. Use this period you are away from him to focus on taking care of yourself. Rest. Eat good food. Keep your mind busy. It would help not to monitor his midnight outings. Talk about other things when calling or chatting. When you get back, have that discussion. But focus on the main issue.

Nooil:


Then give him space. Use this period you are away from him to focus on taking care of yourself. Rest. Eat good food. Keep your mind busy. It would help not to monitor his midnight outings. Talk about other things when calling or chatting. When you get back, have that discussion. But focus on the main issue.

Ok , thanks alot

Darkandbrown:
Away from home for 7months now because of covid 19. Just when I thought airports are opened I can now go home, hubby said I should give him 3 months to gather funds for a better apartment. What can I say as visa issuance is even on hold sef.
To the reason for this post,
Oga usually hangs out with his friends once in a week and gets home late, we had issue about it when I was there. And since I travelled he still continues such and when he is out he would not take my calls, my messages wont get delivered then he gets home about midnight( I know cos immediately he steps in he gets the mesages). The next day we would have issue cos obviously I was pissed my this.
Last night he did samething, we last spoke when he was at work, he responded to my messages this morning at work then he called me ( I.e he slept out). I was calm cos I didnt want to talk or react in a bad way. I asked why he didnt take my calls, oga claimed he didnt see the calls, I asked why he didnt receive my chat either and he said wifi in the house stopped working, the usual none challant respond and the obvious lie got me pissed and I told him I had to get to what I was doing and I would talk to him later. He kept insisting on the lie. I angrily said oga park well, I know what is going on and that I wasnt stupid. He ended the call, after a few minutes I was calm and thought I should call back but since then he has refused taking my calls.

Men can lie for Africa to cover their tracks, if you want to be happy, just be happy and stop monitoring him

You can't change him until he is satisfied with his ways