Marriage is an institution ordained by God. It is a sacrificial commitment between both parties involved, in which both leave their former lives and come together to become one in a new life. It is very saddening to note that the very people smiling and overexcited about their marriage some years ago, can not now stand the very presence of each other.

In Nigeria, the rate is on the increase, but because of our culture where we strongly dont believe in divorce to a larger extent, and how patient our women/men can be towards their marriage, our divorce rates are low compared to the other countries in the whole world

Now let us examine the Causes of Marriage/Relationship Failures in Nigeria.
Here are the 10 Most Causes of why Marriages Fail in Nigeria

LACK OF TRUST

This is the number one reason why marriages fail. what causes lack of trust is infidelity, extra marital affairs and constant lying by either spouses to their spouse. The foundation of a succesfull marriage is trusting your spouse, immediatly that trust is broken, the marriage now begins to go down hill.

When a couple exchanges their wedding vows on the altar, they actually trade their exclusitivety to one another, they both gave their freedom, time, love, trust to the other spouse. Then when your spouse betrays your trust, you feel weak from inside your soul. No matter who is betraying someone’s trust, it always destroys the marriage, and it gives room for resentment, anger, jealousy among the couples.

Lets put it this way, trust is like an Egg, if it falls down and breaks, it can never be mended back again, it takes the grace of God and extreme love for you to get it back. We should never give room to betray the trust of our spouse, because the very foundation of our marriage depends on it.

ALLOWING PAST RELATIONSHIPS INTO THEIR MARRIAGES

Sometimes people bring in the excess baggage of their past relationships into their marriage. They may have previously been hurt or coming from a previous bad relationship, they tend to allow it to affect their marriage, by pre-judging their spouse.
Sometimes spouses are still hooked to their past relationships, they find themselves thinking about their past relationships and compare it to their marriage, and they put their marriage under pressure and risk of failure, because your marriage is not meeting up to your former relationship.

A young married man may have had a former girlfriend who was great in bed, but because of her manners he felt she is not a wife material and decides not to marry her. But finally marries a humble, gentle and good girl who meets the description of a wife material, then after, you discover she is not so good in bed compared to your former girlfriend, then you find yourself complaining bitterly about how bad she is in bed and start comparing her to your former girlfriend.

What you should understand is that people are different in many ways, what your spouse has, your former girlfriend may not have 10% of it, but just because she is lacking in one aspect your former girlfriend seems to be a professional is no justification to compare both persons, you should avoid comparing you marriage or spouse with your past relationships, it brings down the self esteem of your spouse, whatever flaws your spouse may have should be worked at.

PRIDE AND EGO

The truth about many of us, is that we are too egocentric, we carry ourselves with so much pride that we trample on our spouses emotions.
Your wife may ask you to help her to bathe your children, due to the fact she is under tremedous stress and pressure, but instead of showing your love and care, you retaliate and begin to preach the duties of a woman, and how its none of your business to do such things, because it is not a man’s job and doing it will hurt your ego.

We mostly allow our Ego and Pride to get in the way of just saying a simple “sorry” or “please forgive me” to your spouse, and as a result broken down the communication gap in your marriage. Ego and Pride are major causes of Marriage failures nowadays.

LACK OF INTIMACY

Although intimacy is not necessary sex, but lack of sex between both parties begin to draw both parties apart from each other. When a spouse punishes the other spouse by not giving in to sex, because he/she was offended by the other party, it begins to kill your intimacy.

Intimacy is much more than sex, spending quality time with your spouse, buying her unexpected gifts, showing that you care and showing her love all the time builds a relationship.
Marriage is like a flower, if it is not watered with intimacy and love, it will wither and die. Intimacy is what keeps the flame burning in a marriage. When both couples slip into that stage of not being intimate with each other, or not having sex, then the flame dies, and they start searching for a new flame outside their marriage.

Lets not forget, men are different from women, men love the physical, simple means sex, while women love the emotional(non-physical), simple means caring and showing love.

ALLOWING 3RD PARTIES TO INTERFERE IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Let us face it, if a country has more than one president in a country, the country will not move forward because each one of them will have different opinion about how the country should be run. In the same way if you allow third parties to interfere in your marriage, it will never be successful because people will always have different opinion on how your marriage should be.

In this part of the world, any simple thing we run to our pastors, or inlaws or bosses, or just any person to come and settle the dispute in your marriage, even if you guys are arguing on a simple matter of which school your children to go to. There is nothing wrong when an elderly person, or your spiritual father guides you in your marriage, or settle a major quarrel for you, but it should be reduced to the barest minimum and never be encouraged.

On the part of the man, he may feel he lacks the ability to handle his family affairs, and on the part of the woman she would not feel safe and secured in her marriage. These third parties that are involved in your marriage, are they really successful with their own marriages.

To be continued…, at voiceoutng

POVERTY! Inclusive. Women don''t settle for no brokeass

Very correct points.
Do not fail to mention Finance.

the world has changed pretty bad, money rule the day

Materialism.

Immaturity.

'What my friends/people would say' mentality (thus, living someone else's life).

And, I think men are naturally polygamous.

@voiceoutng,

Bros, which day you go post the other ones na? I mean the remainig 5, am enjoying the post no be small.

Pls don't keep us waiting for too long.

What about:
-FOOLISH EXPECTATIONS. When people think that marriage is a bed of rose, easy to handle and realize straight up that it is rather hard work.
-THEY ARE STRANGERS. With all the people marrying for the wrong reasons and settling with strangers, the end can only be near.
- BUSH MENTALITY. When men believe that a good beating solves everything.
-LACK OF COMMUNICATION.
- LACK OF TRUST.
- MISPLACED EGO
- INFERTILITY. Since family is the number one reason to marry then if no child can be produced, that will quickly be the end or the ground for a second wife.

Oh lawd there are so many reason. . . . . . .

1. Religion(hypocrites and parasites masquerading as 'believers' of babalawo and 'juju-ology').

2. Poverty(Help!!!. . . Will phock for food by the roadside. . . Both the men and women. . . .career emotional love-peddlers).

3. Selfishness(do unto me and not unto others).

4. 419(what is mine is mine and what is yours is mine).

5. Poor role modelling from parents(lack of committment from generational emotional vagabonds).

6. Low self-esteem([size=20pt]MENTAL HEALTH [/size] challanges and coginitive impairment. . .Developmental delays from malnutrition. . .stunted emotional and physical growth. . . domestic violence from poor parenting, poor verbal and non verbal skills. . .outright TIMID!!!!).

7. Lack of exposure(you can take a monkey ourra the bush, but the 'bush monkey' stays in the 'bush monkey').

8. Unhealthy competition(e-badu belle and e-jelosi and lack of progress).

9. Lack of education(semi-illiterates can never make good partners.

10.Unemployment.

Blazay:

1. Religion.
2. Poverty.
3. Selfishness.
4. 419.
5. Poor role modelling from parents.
6. Low self-esteem.
7. Lack of exposure.
8. Unhealthy competition.
9. Lack of education.
10.Unemployment.

Go Tikkkkkkkkkkkkkuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu jare
Don't mind those who're calling you Almondjoy

Thousand Reasons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

roymary:

POVERTY! Inclusive. Women don''t settle for no brokeass

@ roymary, I don't totally agree with you on that

Very many women in love look at wealth as secondary, only the single girls who probably are not ready to settle look out for money first

Can any one accept this with me

ola olabiy:

Go Tikkkkkkkkkkkkkuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu jare
Don't mind those who're calling you Almondjoy

Don't mind those bush peeps!

Goooooooooooooooooooooooo Tikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkku!!!
We wish GEJ all the best.

campella:

@ roymary, I don't totally agree with you on that

Very many women in love look at wealth as secondary, only the single girls who probably are not ready to settle look out for money first

Can any one accept this with me

May it not be toooooo late for you before you . . . . . . . .

Blazay:

Don't mind those bush peeps!

Goooooooooooooooooooooooo Tikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkku!!!
We wish GEJ all the best.

You be correct sportsman jare.[

Hmmmm, the reason are enormous jor. Even this days, the least unexpected thing(s) would lead 2 failure in marriages/relationships.

@OP you try, very good points let me list a few

1: Belonging to Chelsea FC when your mate belongs to Arsenal
2: "My-Pastor Says" Mentality in Women
3: Refusing Friday-Night out with the Boyz
4: Suspecting every house-girl working in the house
5: Moving Beer to bottom cabinet of Fridge instead of Top Cabinet for easy-reach
6: Waking up in the middle of the night claiming to see Vision "Let us pray" @ freaking 2AM!!

Why marriages and relationships fail in Nigeria,
1. Lack of money
2. Lack of finance
3. Lack of ego
4. Lack of Owo
5. Lack of Kudi

No matter the offence a man commits, if he comes back home with the latest Rav 4 and all weekend stay at eko hotels he would always be forgiven and the relationship will survive.
Just like the last thread about the guy complaining that his wife and inlaws do not respect him after he lost his job and impregnated his wife while searching for a job and with divorce staring him in the face. He only needs some good money to throw around to save his marriage and get back his respect from his inlaws

As some pastors will say,
NO Romance Without Finance, Any Romance Without Finance will always lead to Annoyance

lagerwhenindoubt:

@OP you try, very good points let me list a few

1: Belonging to Chelsea FC when your mate belongs to Arsenal
2: "My-Pastor Says" Mentality in Women
3: Refusing Friday-Night out with the Boyz
4: Suspecting every house-girl working in the house
5: Moving Beer to bottom cabinet of Fridge instead of Top Cabinet for easy-reach
6: Waking up in the middle of the night claiming to see Vision "Let us pray" @ freaking 2AM!!

Really funny but quite true!!!

na so the thing bad reach for Nigeria eyaaa

@Largerwhenindoubt, OMG,You are too funny,i almost rolled down from sofa
WOMEN SO MUCH BELEIVE IN THEIR PASTORS THAN THIER SPOUSE.

@Blazey,Pls dnt kills me with laughter ooooooo

Funny thread!

lagerwhenindoubt:

@OP you try, very good points let me list a few

1: Belonging to Chelsea FC when your mate belongs to Arsenal
2: "My-Pastor Says" Mentality in Women
3: Refusing Friday-Night out with the Boyz
4: Suspecting every house-girl working in the house
5: Moving Beer to bottom cabinet of Fridge instead of Top Cabinet for easy-reach
6: Waking up in the middle of the night claiming to see Vision "Let us pray" @ freaking 2AM!!

OH Lord! I'm rolling but this is so true!! Very nice thread!

Unfaithfulness
lack of understanding
too much expectations
lack of money
third party influence
inferiority complex
Ego / pride
absence of God
wrong foundation
self destruct

marriages fail because marriage itself was designed to fail, common how can u not get tired of living with one person for years.

GOD FIRST



1. Financial Problems

2. Communications Problems

3. Family Problems

4. Sex Problems

5. Friend Problems

6. Addiction Problems

7. Abuse Problems


8. Personality Problems


9. Expectation Problems


10. Time Problems

11.  Breaking promises, lying, cheating in relationships.

12.  Isolation from friends and family

13.  Low self-esteem, insecurity, and lack of self-confidence

14. . Ineffective communication in love relationships

15. Control issues in relationships
16. . Unhealthy physical behavior in love relationships.














             Part 2 Top Reasons Marriages Fail

According to an AOL poll, one third of all married women say if they had to do it all over again they would not marry the person they are with. Here are the top reasons according to divorce attorneys polled, for failing marriages.

10. Age at Marriage. Most attorneys suggest waiting until at least 30 to marry. Not one single attorney polled suggested getting married at a young age.

9. Being Opposites. The saying goes opposites attract but divorce attorneys advice couples to be more alike than different in order to last.

8. Sex. A sexless marriage of more than days or weeks at a time will not last.

7. The Grass is Greener. After spending many years in the field, attorneys advice the grass is never greener.

6. The In-Law Factor. Parents who won't stay out of their kids lives are a major reason for divorce.

5. Infidelity. Lawyers say this is rarely the only problem the relationship is having. There are usually big problems around infidelity.

4. Second Marriages. Most second marriages fail and there are two basic reasons- 1.) The new spouse is too much like the old spouse and 2.) The raising of step children and dealing with former spouses is too much pressure.

3. The Marriage Fix. Thinking that marriage, a priest or a minister will change essential attributes of the bride or groom never works.

2. Drug and Alcohol Addiction. One third of all marriages end because the addiction is going untreated.

1. Disillusionment. Whirlwind romances and brief courtships make people vulnerable to disillusionment. It's just too easy to paint a rosy picture of the relationship.

10) Had a stockpile of "Buy one, get one free" meal coupons that were about to expire
9) Couldn't see movies at the theaters in Philadelphia for $3.50
The Sooners were losing without me
7) Great excuse to see "Twister" back in Oklahoma
6) Always on the lookout for a good reason to return to N'awlins (that's where we married)
5) Needed someone to explain all the technical stuff in "Independence Day"
4) Free unlimited internet access through his .edu server!! Whoo-hoo!!
3) The wedding band had *six more* diamonds on it.
2) Five words: U.S. NACHO TOUR '96

And the number one reason that Robyn married Todd

1) She loves him more than yesterday, less than tomorrow -- and can't imagine another day of her life without him in it!! Ahhhhhh,

lack of ''moral''

i sincerely commend the poster for this wonderful write up on marriage.

[MARRIAGE IS ORDAINED BY GOD and God's first institution.

They are rules to every institution. my understanding of courtship is spending time to understand God,s intention for marriage and what its entails.
Yes! marriage is worked but you most first understand the institution before the workings.

Failure in marriage is  stem from parties inability to understand God intention for marriage;the marriage institution itself;individual roles as ordained by God; and  the characteristic of both sex.

Most often we dabble into marriage for several  unrealistic reason such as
Blind Love
Age
pressure from people ( immediate and extended family members)
Money
Social status etc

Without taking out time to understand the marriage institution.

Running to a spiritual head etc does not solve the matter, there is a limit to what they can do but having the basic understanding of what its entails and  prepare oneself on how to curb intending issues in the journey  of marriage is what will deliver a blissful and God,s own kind of marriage.


However institutions, spiritual heads, elders in the society and all concern also have a responsibility in this regards to properly educate intending couples on what its entails and also advise them to set out time and study God' book on marriage before venturing into it.

The institution can only deliver your expectation if you understand it well enough

@poster, good job. We need this type of enlightenment for married couples & those getting ready for marriage. But I wish to add that we should put God first in all we do. It is very important for marriage to succeed.