//

A beg! If ur man is beating u, beat rubbish out of him! Who born de idiot? That is what my aunt did to her husband after years of violent abuse( her bini madness kicked in eventually). He even had to go to hospital for a week and trust me he never laid hands on her after that

pauli coco:

A beg! If your man is beating u, beat rubbish out of him! Who born de ? That is what my aunt did to her husband after years of violent abuse( her bini madness kicked in eventually). He even had to go to hospital for a week and trust me he never laid hands on her after that

So they're still together?

Kudos to the lady!

I saw this somewhere , permit me to paste it here

AS WE ALL CELEBRATE THIS DAY, LETS ALSO PRAY AND FIGHT VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN. I NEED TO SHARE THIS STORY WITH YOU ALL,

I Got Flowers

We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things
that really hurt me. I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said,
because he sent me flowers today. I got flowers today. It wasn't our
anniversary or any other special day.

Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like
a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and
bruised all over. I know he must be sorry cause he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today, and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day.
Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the other
times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What
about money? I'm afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry
because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my
funeral. Last night, he finally killed me. He beat me to death. If only I
had gathered enough courage to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers
today, Cry Cry Cry

Bad example,the advise i'll give a woman who is going through verbal abuse from her hubby is the same advise i'll give to a woman married to a serial cheat, or a ritualist.  No woman should put her health,life and kids in danger all in the name of wanting to make a silly marriage work. Marriage is not by force and i have nothing to say other than telling a woman to pack her bags and run away from a cheating husband lest he infect her and her kids(if kids are involved) . No woman should be subjected to any form of abuse.

Work on my marriage and die, who then takes care of my kids? die and watch another woman come in 18months later and take over. it takes 2 to make a marriage work and I ask why must a woman be toiling the marital field and her hubby sitting down with legs crossed? Why can't they toil the field together? Why aren't men allowed to sacrifice alot to make a marriage work?why must women be held responsible for their hubby's change in behaviour?why must a woman be the "one" that "has done things wrong" when her hubby starts acting silly?

Bloody hell I say, that's bloody  crap

@aisha

Good write up

//

what has the pain in child bearing got to do with my questions? My questions still stand: why are women accused of doing things wrong when their husband begins to mess up?

so becos a woman stands a greater chance of loosing alot in life,it's now advisable for her to stay in the marriage and die there, eh  kwa? I was expecting ''proverbs'' bible chapter instead of genesis, ,both man and woman was cursed there. This african mentality of ''women loosing more'' is like so annoying and this is the reason lots of women have died ,some living miserable lives because they have been told ''nothing good is going to come out of them if and when they leave'' women these days are becoming more independent. for this reason.

Please stop making women feel they will be worth nothing if they leave their marital homes,women are treasures to be loved and appreciated not ''punching bags'' we don't have abusive husbands and should thank God for  that, for I have seen aa cousin of mine go thru abuse in her marital home until  ahe packed her bags and left 2and a half yrs after marriage .she struggled but has made a life for herself.

Jenny I agree with you. Don't worry yaself with CC --- reading all of her comments about marriage: I think she's painfully misguided.



"If you husband beats you to death, stay there ---- let your spirit come back and continue to receive these beatings"

^^ anybody that works in the ''health field'' will know alot about ''depression'' women are going through hell because of these. Abuse of any kind can make a woman lose her sexual appetite. sometimes when I get home after work, I discuss some health issues with my husband ''though i withold patient's name'' for privacy issue. I have cried for some people,there is a particular woman that had to get  a restraining order because of this. few weeks ago someone opened up a thread abt her hubbys verbal abuse, you see my hubby sees Nld as a waste of time and never is interested in whatever comes out from here, but this time I had to forcefully get a reply, and there were nowhere close to ''tolerance''.

No woman should be a punching bag, i will rather leave a marriage and stay on my own and be happy than stay in a marriage built on fear of losing heaps when I leave

//

Why are all the good family section ladies throwing jabs at one another? CC, Jenny, aisha2, Ify et.al. abeg lets drop the sarcasm and preserve the sanity of this section which you rarely find in other section. [s]or do i detect someone trying to recruit patients for Yaba left? [/s]  . The truth is nobody say things the way they are! rather we all say things the way we are or through the colouration of our own biased and background. hence that make all issues shared online, to have a little of the OP prejudice, so the best we can do is to interprete it and offer advice objectively as much as our own biase will allow. Ironically seven blind man will describe an elephant in seven different ways and still all be correct depending on the part of the mammal they lay hold of. So lets sheath our swords ladies. You all are doing a great job in this section and may God continue to sustain your home and for those of you that have taken a walk, may God grant you a new begining devoid of the pains of the past. Amen. Finally let me add that Men are not difficult only that we are difficult to understand. Thanks.

jennykadry:

^^ anybody that works in the ''health field'' will know alot about ''depression'' women are going through hell because of these. Abuse of any kind can make a woman lose her sexual appetite. sometimes when I get home after work, I discuss some health issues with my husband ''though i withold patient's name'' for privacy issue. I have cried for some people,there is a particular woman that had to get  a restraining order because of this. few weeks ago someone opened up a thread abt her hubbys verbal abuse, you see my hubby sees Nld as a waste of time and never is interested in whatever comes out from here, but this time I had to forcefully get a reply, and there were nowhere close to ''tolerance''.

No woman should be a punching bag, i will rather leave a marriage and stay on my own and be happy than stay in a marriage built on fear of losing heaps when I leave

I'm glad this is coming from you . . . a married woman! I refrained from commenting lest I get tagged as the single lady who doesn't know what marriage is all about. 

Sometimes when Mutter is done with her comments, I get on my pray to God NEVER to let me get married . . .  if that's really what marriage is all about.

Abeg, I didn't put all my time and efforts into developing myself and my identity, which by the way attracted the man to me oh, only to loose all that in the name of marriage! 

chaircover:

Jenny, the answers to many of your questions lie here;

1. Genesis 3:16
2. Men and women are built differently - The limbic system which drives human emotion is different in men and women
3. Whether we accept it or not,  women have more to loose/suffer more when things go wrong

and I am sure there must be a number of other reasons. . . . .

The flip side is that there are no perfect wife's either and I can safely assume that many husbands are working on their marriages too in one way or another to make things work.

I am no perfect wife either and I am sure that Mr CC is gulping and swallowing a lot too 

Madam CC, I guess you were highlighting this part of the verse . . .  "and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee"   

Since this is from a christian perspective, does it also apply to moslems (like Ify    ) and other non-Christians   

You see the mistake most people make is to pick the bible by verse and interpret it singularly, when actually, the bible and christian religion teaches a principle and NOT an act. The fact that the Bible advises wives to let their husbands 'rule over them' doesn't mean he has the right to be inconsiderate and abusive.

Whenever a man quotes that verse for me, I quote Ephesians 5:25 for him . . .  "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it"

. . . . And also Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

If you go to the book of proverbs you'll see the bible's description of 'LOVE'. A man who doesn't love by those standards has NO RIGHT to quote Gen 3: 16.

It's just wrong for a woman to put in ALL the efforts in building a marriage because the man is the 'head' . . .  and any thing that goes wrong has to be resolved by the woman because she was created to 'endure' all things. I'm all for submission in a marriage, but I'm not buying that ideology. 

//

Dont nice things happen in marriages anymore?Most topics on this thread seem to be about one sort of abuse or the other either from the husband or wife??!!

oluite:

Dont nice things happen in marriages anymore?Most topics on this thread seem to be about one sort of abuse or the other either from the husband or wife??!!

Yes,marriage is still sweet.
The thing is this,First people ignore certain things during courtship,things that deep down they know it irks them and they can't tolerate it but because they don't want to loose their partner at that time,they wave it away,make excuses like . . .Oh its just this once and foolishly assume their partner would change after marriage.
Second,People marry for the wrong reasons,do not look and check very well before they jump into the marriage wagon.
Please before you marry especially for females . . .what and who are you?what have you done and achieved for yourself as an individual?If you are a failure when single how on earth would u make ur marriage work Assuming the man or woman starts misbehaving can u afford to give him space,stand alone without feeling hopeless,wasted and dejected?
My dear Good marriage simply means 2 adults that have decided to partner . . .and play LUDO _{gospel according to Blazay} lol .The load should not fall on one person to carry . . .It just wont work and even If one partner decides to carry all the marriage load,he/she wud break down and possibly die on top it.You tolerate me,I tolerate you,when i fall u lift me up,when i sulk or misbehave,u give me space to play out my stu.dipity then come back to show me that Im still ur partner . . you still want us to work together etc.
There are still good marriages out there.

//

//

chaircover:

@ Oluite You are right. The topics these past few weeks have been pretty depressing. I wish I had a magic wand to magic away all the hurt etc people are going through. Its very sad.

ifyalways:

Yes,marriage is still sweet.
The thing is this,First people ignore certain things during courtship,things that deep down they know it irks them and they can't tolerate it but because they don't want to loose their partner at that time,they wave it away,make excuses like . . .Oh its just this once and foolishly assume their partner would change after marriage.
Second,People marry for the wrong reasons,do not look and check very well before they jump into the marriage wagon.
Please before you marry especially for females . . .what and who are you?what have you done and achieved for yourself as an individual?If you are a failure when single how on earth would u make your marriage work Assuming the man or woman starts misbehaving can u afford to give him space,stand alone without feeling
hopeless,wasted and dejected?
My dear Good marriage simply means 2 adults that have decided to partner . . .and play LUDO _{gospel according to Blazay} lol .The load should not fall on one person to carry . . .It just wont work and even If one partner decides to carry all the marriage load,he/she wud break down and possibly die on top it.You tolerate me,I tolerate you,when i fall u lift me up,when i sulk or misbehave,u give me space to play out my stu.dipity then come back to show me that Im still your partner . . you still want us to work together etc.
There are still good marriages out there.

Thanks CC its been pretty depressing to say the least,
Ify i agree but many women don't seem to understand they believe you will scare men if you achieve too much , and Thanks for the reminder that marriage can be sweet.

//

@Sirrabey

Eku'se ooo(weldone) I can see your handwork.Leave me and my yaba left office for me jo I just got promoted from patient to matron and you are trying so hard to kill the reputation that took me years to build. you think say matron for yaba na "bean's" ? it's a position to be proud of and I hold mine with pride

@CC
Nobody is against you(well me I am not and I don't think uju is either) this is a public forum and there is bound to be arguments and opinions clashing.

As for women losing more, it has nothing to do with the African mentality. Ask an oyinbo divorcee who has been left holding the baby and she will tell you what she has been through.

What did she go through? is it because tekinology came in and turned the whole system around? . Lets go back to the early days, when alot of mothers/grandmothers(although married) were working so hard to keep the family going. Waking up very early in the morning, bathing their children, taking the older ones to the village hut called school(BY foot), with one child on her back and the other clinging to the other hand on their way to the farm, harvest cassava e.t.c with those kids there ooo under sun, after which they go home , fry garri take it to the market to sell, leave their goods in the hands of other women and go bring their children from school and back to the market place, go home at evening time starts cooking again for the family ,bath her kids and prepare them for bed. That time that they had very little opportunity to become millionaires, unlike now that they are so many opportunities to make it in life even for an oyibo that Government might even be taking care of. These women used to do all of these by foot,  Abi seh na now wey our husbands dey buy us Range rover sport cars, land rover discovery , X5 e.t.c?   I thank God I wasn't born then because I no like stress

What about women married to soldiers their husbands leave them at home for years? There is nothing a woman will do for her child that will be considered "too much" . Na you carry am for belle infact you know that child like the back of your hand. The cord holding mother and child is enough to make any woman go thru hell to see her kids come out successful in life.


@UJU
Lol these people are on regular anti-depressants. There's this woman sef that has got HIV in our church, so one day I was telling baba kadry that someone in our church has got HIV. The dude tried all tactics to get her name from me, for where? he even threatened to divorce me temporarily until I tell him who it is, that one no work he say he no go talk to me again. . . . . . I was just telling him to see what his fellow men are doing oooo, going out and getting their wives infected.

Beat him back jaree. .
Then a champion would emerge

em, em, em, Jenny, I no despise your Matronly office at yaba left o, Infact i no envy you, sorry i mean to say congratulations. Oye a mori o! BTW what about your twinny at Yaba left, is she now a matron too?

jennykadry:

@Sirrabey

Eku'se ooo(weldone) I can see your handwork.Leave me and my yaba left office for me jo I just got promoted from patient to matron and you are trying so hard to kill the reputation that took me years to build. you think say matron for yaba na "bean's" ? it's a position to be proud of and I hold mine with pride

Most of what is written here is more based on theory than reality.
Some women stay with their abusive husbands because they cannot afford to leave him.
It is easy to advise leaving such a man but one has to be in those shoes to know how it feels. Imagine taking a child from financial stability into poverty. Not being able to afford food, education, healthcare etc. Many women will just tend to believe that they would sacrifice themselves so as not to deprive their kids and we cannot judge them for that.
Then there is the other kind of woman who can actually afford to leave financially but does not.
this kind of woman will never even admit that she is being abused.
Why? Because of the kind of comments one gets to hear about battered wives. they do not want to be ridiculed or scorned so they keep this secret to themselves. Most people tend to either blame them for the husbands abuse or believe they deserve it by staying to condone it.
Such women need understanding and not condemnation.
Just get out, That is easier said than done.

Does marriage have nice moments? Yes it does. Many nice, wonderful moments.

But sometimes I wonder:
Are wives/ mothers not just the door mat, where husband and kids dust off all their daily problems.
How often do husbands and kids show appreciation for all the sacrifices we make?
Unfortunately marriage is much more than just nice moments.
I donot blame anyone who is scared of getting married.

@OP
A trust worthy third party mayb a pastor & dia parents shuld b involved 2 help settle d scores. .

Grace

mutter:


Some women stay with their abusive husbands because they cannot afford to leave him.
It is easy to advise leaving such a man but one has to be in those shoes to know how it feels. Imagine taking a child from financial stability into poverty. Not being able to afford food, education, healthcare etc. Many women will just tend to believe that they would sacrifice themselves so as not to deprive their kids and we cannot judge them for that.
Then there is the other kind of woman who can actually afford to leave financially but does not.
this kind of woman will never even admit that she is being abused.
Why? Because of the kind of comments one gets to hear about battered wives. they do not want to be ridiculed or scorned so they keep this secret to themselves. Most people tend to either blame them for the husbands abuse or believe they deserve it by staying to condone it.
Such women need understanding and not condemnation.
Just get out,  That is easier said than done.

Does marriage have nice moments? Yes it does. Many nice, wonderful moments.

I agree with the 2 points you raised.Finance and Fear(of the truth,of what family and friends wud say or do)
I also believe that the laying a good foundation helps.
This post of urs should be a wake up call to ladies.That pretty face,hot body and banging puccy can get you into the marriage wagon but it won't keep you there in one piece IF that is all you have to offer.

When your husband asks u to stop working,please suggest and maintain working for shorter hours,You can even stay at home and do stuffs(dress,hat,cake making etc) that can at the end of the month bring in something for you.

In as much as its the man that wud sweetly give you a thousand and ten reasons why housewives makes the best mums(a myth),its only natural that your value and self worth to him depreciates when he has to give you money for everything.Even mothers at a certain age expect their children to be financially independent.

True and indeed, the best liberation a woman can have is financial power. . .the ability to buy her pants,pamper herself,indulge once in a while in shopping,be able to provide shelter,education and food for herself and her children with or without a man beside her.It does not have to be first class mind you  but something meaningful.

As per the second point;tongue lashing from friends and family . . .I think I fall into the category of friends that wud tongue lash and blast a friend that remains for any pathetic reason in an abusive relationship.Truth be told,sometimes the abused needs to be shaken before he/she wud realize shes messing up her life and get back to senses although sometimes we go over board with it.lol . . .It can't be helped,imagine telling someone to wake up and save her head and shes busy ranting that she can't survive bla bla  when she has not even tried. 

May God give women strength to be able to be good partners to their husbands,good mum to their children but wise women to themselves.

^^ See this ori eja sef dey give advice

Shioor

^^Mi rove
How do u want it tonight?

Stumbled on this today and I was like

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-350701.0.html

One leg on the window, the other on the ceiling fan

That thread? Dont you know you have a lot of competitors?

All these traditionalistic meh-hire husbands who depend more on paganism than on Christ, well, i assume the wives were fully aware of the husband's juju nature before marriage, or maybe they were in the voodoo together.

Well, i suppose your only route is to go babalawo ninja on him?

Maybe he dreamt a funky dream about his kids belonging to the landlord or something, why would he start beating his wife.