I seek NL opinion on this incidence.

A man drove the family to church, fell sick on the way, sort of heart pull, which has been his usual ailment, though havent came up for years, he managed to drive to the church, kids came down and went into the church. The wife said sorry pls take some medicines and rest when you get home, she came down as well from the car, the husband asked, where can I get the medicine which they both knew well, cos he has been using it for treating the ailment, the wife described where he will get it, the man asked is the place accessible with car? The woman said No! You will have to walk in. She started moving to the church. The man called, pls come, I cant walk much, then the woman asked, should I follow you then, means I wont make the church anymore, the man said pls do follow me.

They went bought the drug and went home, the man ate took his medicine and rested. After a while he felt better, and has to go to work. He now pleaded with the wife to accompany him to work, since he is not feeling fine and he would be alone in office. The woman said, today is sunday, my mum visits every sunday after church. And she suggested that the son follows him to office. The man insisted that he prefers her, she said, "pls be considerate, my mum will be visiting, thats the only time she has to see the kids, she may not like it if she didnt meet me.

The man went to shower got ready for work and told the wife to call her mum and tell her she will be going with her husband to office, meanwhile the kids will be at home. The frowned and said, , "see I dnt really like the way you do things, why not go, so I will come and meet you after my mum came. The man said really, whts wrong if you call her? O.k, never mind I will go to work alone. She said ok, i will be with you soon. The man replied No need, dont bother to come anymore. The woman started pleading, dnt be annoyed, pls u need to understand, let me come please. The man insisted "No" and went to work.

QUESTION IS, , SHOULD THIS MAN FEEL HE IS BEEN UNDER-RATED BY HIS WIFE TO HER MOTHER?
DOES THIS MEAN THE WOMAN PREFER HER MOTHER TO HER HUSBAND?
The man said, but I wan

,

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gfhotee:

I seek NL opinion on this incidence.

A man drove the family to church, fell sick on the way, sort of heart pull, which has been his usual ailment, though havent came up for years, he managed to drive to the church, kids came down and went into the church. The wife said sorry pls take some medicines and rest when you get home, she came down as well from the car, the husband asked, where can I get the medicine which they both knew well, cos he has been using it for treating the ailment, the wife described where he will get it, the man asked is the place accessible with car? The woman said No! You will have to walk in. She started moving to the church. The man called, pls come, I cant walk much, then the woman asked, should I follow you then, means I wont make the church anymore, the man said pls do follow me.

They went bought the drug and went home, the man ate took his medicine and rested. After a while he felt better, and has to go to work. He now pleaded with the wife to accompany him to work, since he is not feeling fine and he would be alone in office. The woman said, today is sunday, my mum visits every sunday after church. And she suggested that the son follows him to office. The man insisted that he prefers her, she said, "pls be considerate, my mum will be visiting, thats the only time she has to see the kids, she may not like it if she didnt meet me.

The man went to shower got ready for work and told the wife to call her mum and tell her she will be going with her husband to office, meanwhile the kids will be at home. The frowned and said, , "see I dnt really like the way you do things, why not go, so I will come and meet you after my mum came. The man said really, whts wrong if you call her? O.k, never mind I will go to work alone. She said ok, i will be with you soon. The man replied No need, dont bother to come anymore. The woman started pleading, dnt be annoyed, pls u need to understand, let me come please. The man insisted "No" and went to work.

QUESTION IS, , SHOULD THIS MAN FEEL HE IS BEEN UNDER-RATED BY HIS WIFE TO HER MOTHER?
DOES THIS MEAN THE WOMAN PREFER HER MOTHER TO HER HUSBAND?
The man said, but I wan

,

If he's that sick then why is he going to work at all

Chei . . . God save us from selfish and unrealistic men!

@chaircover, you noted a very good point by saying the man feels well enough to go to work. Now I asked the same qtn, but the response is that the family isnt doing fine business wise, only the man is working as the woman has no job for now, he makes just enough to feed them the next day, so ignoring work means no food tomorrow.

Now for the woman to have allowed him to go alone, could it mean that the woman believes that the man is faking his sickness. Could the man be actually faking his sickness?

gfhotee:

@chaircover, you noted a very good point by saying the man feels well enough to go to work. Now I asked the same qtn, but the response is that the family isnt doing fine business wise, only the man is working as the woman has no job for now, he makes just enough to feed them the next day, so ignoring work means no food tomorrow.

That is still NOT an issue . . . if he dies one his way to the work, who will make the money for food tomorrow

People just don't set their priorities right!

gfhotee:

Now for the woman to have allowed him to go alone, could it mean that the woman believes that the man is faking his sickness. Could the man be actually faking his sickness?

Honestly, I don't see what good the woman would have done if she had gone to work with him. Will her presence somehow stop the illness from returning

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gfhotee:

family isnt doing fine business wise, only the man is working as the woman has no job for now, he makes just enough to feed them the next day, so ignoring work means no food tomorrow.

. . . More reasons why the wife shld get up and do something no matter how little;and please don't give me that over-flogged excuse of having young children.Our grandmothers were all working housewives.So they are basically living from hand to mouth  

Ujujoan:

Honestly, I don't see what good the woman would have done if she had gone to work with him. Will her presence somehow stop the illness from returning    

She can rush him to hospital  

@OP,The couple are both selfish without even realizing that.
The man wants to go with his wife and leave the kids all alone till grannie comes.The wife is NOT bothered that a sick husband(heart related) for that matter is going to work,all alone in an office.Again,whats the big deal if the woman changes her mind and wants to come along and why did the woman refuse to call her mum and explain whats on ground to her?
The woman shld get something doing abeg.4 hours a day,buying and selling,anything.
The man needs to go see a doctor.
Both need to realize that they are all they have and shld put each others needs before an extended family members own.

I am appaled by the story if it is true. Your hubby has a heart condition and you are even considering going into the church and leaving him to drive home himself, After everything he even needs you to follow him to work and you come up with excuse of your mum this your mum that. if that man dies will your mum take his place.
This is another sorry story of women that only live for what a man can provide, very shallow minded.

am sorry 4 her, she is even lucky that her hubby still finds her fun to be with. sit upooo else he will start filling as if u don't care anymore. u know how it is, not that he can't stay alone but ur company will go along way in helping him recover fast.

From my own view I dont really think the man has a fault here, as long as he is not faking the illness. If the wife sees her mum every sunday, there's no reason why she can't excuse herself for a sunday to attend to her husband's desire/need especially having to do with his life. In my opinion, I will say the woman does not have feelings of care for the husband for whatever reason.

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gfhotee:

From my own view I dont really think the man has a fault here, as long as he is not faking the illness. If the wife sees her mum every sunday, there's no reason why she can't excuse herself for a sunday to attend to her husband's desire/need especially having to do with his life. In my opinion, I will say the woman does not have feelings of care for the husband for whatever reason.

STORY

Just got a call from the husband that the wife seek permission from him to attend a thanksgiving/promotion party of the man's elder sister office colleague last sunday. He granted her but asked if the mother wont be visiting since she visits every sunday and the wife said she has already informed the mother she wont be at home. Now the man is feeling like if she could excuse the mum to attend the party, why cant she do that for him as well when he needed her.

Which kain office the husband ma dey go on Sundays? Na security work him dey do?

Hmmm.
Men are such babies. I think it was cute for the man to want his wife to follow him to the office.

@Op
I can see you are trying so hard to blame the lady alone aren't you?

Anyways after reading between the lines of your last post I have to say I don't believe your last post and I am beginning to doubt the story

jennykadry:

@Op
I can see you are trying so hard to blame the lady alone aren't you?

Anyways after reading between the lines of your last post I have to say I don't believe your last post and I am beginning to doubt the story

Its unfortunate you think like that, what do I have to gain coming here to lye or taking side. I am very close to this family, I have been the one that has always intervene in their issues because they rely so much on me. I was at their house till 12noon yesterday trying to put a final resolution to the problem as the husband has decided to abandon the woman for her mother. The woman admitted all these that you call lies and her brothers where there and no one spared her the truth. Even her mum said if she has told her she was going with her husband she wouldn't have mind. I posted here not expecting everyone to have a good sense of judgement, but just trying to see the various approach pple will take to it and as well to make others learn about the little problems that occurs in a relationship. I think you need to search the bible if you are a christian and read what the bible says about husband, wife and family members. To me the woman is wrong in everyway, the man was only showing a sense of trust and love to the woman, he was only seeking more of her attention knowing quite well that he was loosing her focus. She actually called her mum that she will be attending a party and she should not bother to come weather you believe it or not. She is aware of this thread because I printed it for her to read, so I can as well give you her number to ask her the details. Everything was resolved yesterday and they are both happy to get it over them. What I see is that the woman doesnt see anything wrong in her actions. Now let me tell you another lie, on Monday she called her husband that she was sick and cant breath well, the husband was at work and he told her to call the mother not him. Now the woman felt angered and when the man came back from work, she accused him of nonchallant attitude and disregard for her health. The man told her, that's exactly how I felt when you told me you cant excuse your mum to accompany me to work. CONTRIBUTING TO A THREAD DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE ALWAYS RIGHT MIND YOU.

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My own candid opinion, i don't see a reason why she should follow him to his office on a SUNDAY. and if he was realy sick as claim, then he should stay in door to rest.

chaircover:

@Gfhotee, They are both at fault. They are both stubborn people and that is why you (and probably other people) have to keep on getting involved in minor issues with this couple.

Also do you know that during conflict, if the “offended party” does not handle things well, he/she may easily become the “offender?”

You see, even if your friend had a point initially, if he doesn’t handle things maturely, the focus of the matter will shift. Do you know that on the odd occasion, it is not every grievance that you have with your spouse that will end up with an apology and some things you will just have to agree to disagree on and move on in your relationship.

In this case, he would have earned a lot more points in my book if he hadn’t chosen to retaliate by not answering his wife’s call when she was ill, but by actually going to her side. That will make her feel guilty and to help her to understand how he must have felt at the time etc and therefore be able to make amends. The best teacher is by example.

Anyway since he has extracted his pound of flesh, why still the family meetings and grievances? You see what I mean about the offended becoming the offender?

Good talk, I quite agree with you. He shouldnt have retaliated thats what I tld him. But I guess he knows that the wife was lieing when she said she cant breath, according to him, dts her normal gimmick. she was actually not getting comfortable with the husbands change in attitude due to the issue on ground, so she wanted to attract his attention, lol! Would you blieve that she faked fainting? She fell down and the kids were trying to pull her up. The hubby was in the bathroom and when the kids called him, he said call grandma (the wife's mum) cos I have to get to work on time. Immediately the son pick the phone the woman got up, cos she wont like her mum getting worried about her health cos she lives far away and might just jump into the next available bus  , funny but true, I guess these 2 just need to understand each other, they want so much from each other but dont know how to go about it. The wife is very much attached to the mother and the husband is feeling like a second feedle. They both need to sit down and knw how to live with the lapses of the other. There's a deep love between them which has degenerated due to 3rd party involvement in their marriage.  I HOPE I WONT HAVE TO SETTLE DIFFERENCIES BTW THEM ANYMORE. THOUGH THATS WHT THEY PROMISED.

Are we talking marriage here

Forget birth certificates, Nigeria needs to implement bone dating scan ASAP to find out people's real ages for real

@ Poster, thanks for the good job at least those who need to learn will learn while those who will not learn will not even if they are at the scene, that is why we are having 8 out of 10 marriages having problem and leading to divorce, you see when a home got broken, women do tell different story about their man, saying he is this and that, they will never see anything wrong in their own act, imagine the woman in question telling her husband that her mother is coming for visit therefore she can not go with the man who is having heart problem and still struggling to work to make sure that the family keep going, what of if the man get heart failure on the road or in the office and no one to rescue him, ?As you can see she is not interested in the man but her mother, and if I may ask, what is her mother coming to do in their house every Sunday? what of if they are living in another country, will she (Mother) be visiting them every weekend? and am sure 90% of the expenses (transport fare etc) will be carried by the man, Women of now adays May God Almighty reveal to you what it takes to keep your home,

chaircover:

@Gfhotee, They are both at fault. They are both stubborn people and that is why you (and probably other people) have to keep on getting involved in minor issues with this couple.

Also do you know that during conflict, if the “offended party” does not handle things well, he/she may easily become the “offender?”

You see, even if your friend had a point initially, if he doesn’t handle things maturely, the focus of the matter will shift. Do you know that on the odd occasion, it is not every grievance that you have with your spouse that will end up with an apology and some things you will just have to agree to disagree on and move on in your relationship.

In this case, he would have earned a lot more points in my book if he hadn’t chosen to retaliate by not answering his wife’s call when she was ill, but by actually going to her side. That will make her feel guilty and to help her to understand how he must have felt at the time etc and therefore be able to make amends. The best teacher is by example.

Anyway since he has extracted his pound of flesh, why still the family meetings and grievances? You see what I mean about the offended becoming the offender?

Aunty, please keep quiet because you are not making any sense. You do give good advice a lot of times but I still see you have the selfish gene that is highly expressive in most women. The man did not do anything wrong. The woman is an ungrateful person. The man is the only bread winner and all he was asking was for his wife to escort him to the office and she's giving lame excuses.

Just imagine if the roles were reversed. Imagine the woman having heart conditions and the man hesitating to help her get her meds and refusing to escort her to work, even though she was the breadwinner. I'm 100% sure all you clownish women will be all up in arms in this forum. Now, you are yanning rubbish that they are both at fault. Abeg , make we hear word.

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With the 2nd scenario,the wife is 100% S.illy and selfish.
@OP,was the wife working before and what made her stop?

How can a woman not have time for her husband but do have time for an owambe?Once again,what is the wife's mum coming to do in their home every Sunday?The man is working on Sunday while the woman is at home gisting and doing God knows what at home with her mum?

If it was the man that forced the woman into housewifely role,well,what can i say. . .cause and effect(even at that the wife is a meanie) else have they thought of the woman working?

na wao for us women sometimes.Marriage;One person shld NEVER carry any aspect of it [b]ALONE,[/b]it won't make the marriage any better,sharing ALL workload,pains and gains works.
Oga wan carry all the financial burden for head,see how it turned madam to a sel.fish azz

^^^ True, if truly the 2nd scenario is true then she must be a selfish woman.I even find her a little more selfish in the first scenario. Take for instance , if this man is the sole provider in the house and the wife  just "the" housewife then I think I can relate to why he wanted to go to work that day. He had to work and take care of his family .

What she would have done in the first scenario was automatically "ban" that man from going to work that day,tell her mum to come take the kids to her place/tell her to come visit another day , sit down at home and take care of her man.

This man's got a heart condition and is still working hard to keep his family going the least his wife could do is make him as comfortable as possible when that ailment comes knocking. Appreciating a man isn't all about sex in the bedroom. That man to me looks like someone who doesn't get enough attention from his wife and for that reason is trying so hard to get it

2nd scenario, really? so she can tell her mum to stay away for one sunday because she wants to go rock music but can't tell the mum to stay away cos she wants to take care of her man? umu nwanyi

All in all they are both two senseless couple that still have a long way to go. The woman is so bleeping silly to have put on that act of fainting, gaddamit , who joined these two persons in matrimony?

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chaircover:

How on earth  can a 7 day working week be healthy for  anyone?

Thats the reality of the world we live in. Some Nurses work 24hrs shift for like 4-5 days at a stretch just to make ends meet.

[size=18pt]Lets assume the reverse scenario, The wife is sick and needs to go to work and requested the husband to go with her but the husband said his mother was coming to visit and he would rather stay at home to wait for his mother.[/size]

Now lets hear responses to this

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@dayo
True,if reverse was the case alot of women including me will call the man selfish . One thing i have noticed on this forum is that people post based on whatever they think it's true without actually wearing the shoe and knwoing where/how it hurts. You have to imagine yourself in the situation to be able to give a honest reply,you cannot give replies based on ''what you think is going to work''.

That woman is very selfish, even when baba kadry's got catarrh or constipated for one day,lol he knows how much time i spend trying to stuff him up with high fibre diet to get his bowels opened and when he's got catarrh i apply the balm on his nose , i spoon feed him medicine for cough because i know if i leave him to do it he wouldn't because he hates medication. I mean this little things we do talk less of when one's got heart disease (God forbid it's not the portion of myself and family)