pozehnani:


Im not saying you have to be perfect but you can be near perfect if you work at it.

Now, what actually is the problem here cos I don't seem to get as you keep beating about the bush. If I get you right, she's not giving you breathing space? More like being obsessed about you? If that is the case, then you don't have a problem cos it's only a woman who loves you genuinely that will be obsessed about you unless of course your ways are not pure, that's when it will be a problem to you but if you're clean, trust me, you gat no problems. Just be there for her and be transparent to give her some sort of assurance to make her a bit more relaxed.

I don't know why you men have problems with your woman being over possessive and protective but you do it when you meet that lady that makes you go gaga.

All the best.

you are speaking out of experience or using another's man cupcake to judge me.

Yahksbiz:


you are speaking out of experience or using another's man cupcake to judge me.

Sorry. no vex.

pozehnani:


Oh.. just seeing this. I get the picture now.

Sorry but from this narrative here, seems she's idle. Then let me ask you this.
Did you go a honeymoon after your marriage?
Is she gainfully employed or engaged with her own business?


I think she needs to get a job and get busy to kill time. Otherwise, the period she's idle will have her missing and wanting to be with you. remember, you're her only companion. Just get her busy. Also try to take her out sometimes and spend the whole day looking into her eyes **laughs* and having fun once in a while.

It is well.

still working too the busi stuff. I trained her a computer typist and she is also a tailor.

on this I admit I have faults.
beside she is only a secondarian

1) File a report to the police station with evidence of her suicide threat. You'll be safe if she eventually do it. Send a copy of the report to her parents.

2) Report the sex denial, and frustration to your religious leaders. I know your religion has case studies for this issue in marriage.

3) Visit a marriage counselor. Go alone first for the first session ; then go with her subsequently. Discuss the issues with the counselor in details.

4) Focus on your work (business and career). If your marriage ruins your source of income, you'll be in mess without good savings.

5) Do not announce/discuss your intentions. Lock your phone and pc and use passcodes known only to you.

6) I know you seem to be a responsible man. This young age is the right time to Man up and explore your potentials, skills and interests. Let nothing and no one stop you from pursuing your success. Think of the lifestyle you want to give your children. Think of old age.

7) Learn to command some respect in your marriage. It appears you've loosed it. Pick a few books on marriage from the bookstore and read. Learn to 'be the man' always without having to resort to physical abuse. You can achieve this.

Withdraw All the privileges she has. Limit the funding to basic, limit access to your bank account, stop eating her food. Drop any money she might need to run the home on a table and tell her so she wont need to ask you. Do all the house chores yourself every morning and as often as required. Bath and take care of your children. Take them to school.

9) Live like she doesn't exist. Let her feel useless, help your children do assignments after work, dedicate time to yourself and the children. Pray as required. Visit the poor and give them alms. Don't involve her.

10) This is my golden point.
Never raise your voice, hand on her. Do not show any signs of frustration or anger from her behaviors. Ignore her when she cries unnecessarily. Make provisions in the house. Food, beverages, female materials, baby stuffs. Pay your bills and utility fees on time; don't let them come home asking your wife for bills.

Maintain as many of these you can do for 14 days. It may be tiring but I bet you'll love it.
Watch her behaviors without showing you're watching.

Share the results again for further evaluation.
Let's hope she'll change.
Mind you, if she pretends to change, never restore all the privileges. She has lost some for the sake of goodness.

I am not telling you just be the man. But

BE A MAN.

pocohantas:


Lol. We gonna act like other regions do not marry young brides?

I know other regions marry young brides, but you will agree with me that it's prevalent in the north. But where I started sensing he may be a Muslim was when I saw many of his comments where he said he would marry another wife.

Yahksbiz:


please don't incalculate religion in this.
I am seeking advice as a human being

I am a Muslim from the north.

I am not trying to bash any religion or region, i just wanted to be sure coz I was curious, why should I make assumptions when I can simply ask you.

pozehnani:

Sorry. no vex.

I no vex, wit u my wife has taught me A lot about women

nuelyoyo:

I know other regions marry young brides, but you will agree with me that it's prevalent in the north. But where I started sensing he may be a Muslim was when I saw many of his comments where he said he would marry another wife.


I am not trying to bash any religion or region, i just wanted to be sure coz I was curious, why should I make assumptions when I can simply ask you.

honestly people have this idea of faulting Muslims for marrying young girls.
but I will like us not to discuss that.
I want to live in a world where religion is not out problem

FzanyAjibs:
1) File a report to the police station with evidence of her suicide threat. You'll be safe if she eventually do it. Send a copy of the report to her parents.

2) Report the sex denial, and frustration to your religious leaders. I know your religion has case studies for this issue in marriage.

3) Visit a marriage counselor. Go alone first for the first session ; then go with her subsequently. Discuss the issues with the counselor in details.

4) Focus on your work (business and career). If your marriage ruins your source of income, you'll be in mess without good savings.

5) Do not announce/discuss your intentions. Lock your phone and pc and use passcodes known only to you.

6) I know you seem to be a responsible man. This young age is the right time to Man up and explore your potentials, skills and interests. Let nothing and no one stop you from pursuing your success. Think of the lifestyle you want to give your children. Think of old age.

7) Learn to command some respect in your marriage. It appears you've loosed it. Pick a few books on marriage from the bookstore and read. Learn to 'be the man' always without having to resort to physical abuse. You can achieve this.

Withdraw All the privileges she has. Limit the funding to basic, limit access to your bank account, stop eating her food. Drop any money she might need to run the home on a table and tell her so she wont need to ask you. Do all the house chores yourself every morning and as often as required. Bath and take care of your children. Take them to school.

9) Live like she doesn't exist. Let her feel useless, help your children do assignments after work, dedicate time to yourself and the children. Pray as required. Visit the poor and give them alms. Don't involve her.

10) This is my golden point.
Never raise your voice, hand on her. Do not show any signs of frustration or anger from her behaviors. Ignore her when she cries unnecessarily. Make provisions in the house. Food, beverages, female materials, baby stuffs. Pay your bills and utility fees on time; don't let them come home asking your wife for bills.

Maintain as many of these you can do for 14 days. It may be tiring but I bet you'll love it.
Watch her behaviors without showing you're watching.

Share the results again for further evaluation.
Let's hope she'll change.
Mind you, if she pretends to change, never restore all the privileges. She has lost some for the sake of goodness.

I am not telling you just be the man. But

BE A MAN.

thanks alot

now I can c That u are not just a man and a husband but also a father.

thanks

She Keep Asking U 4 Luv. Meaning?

nuelyoyo:

I know other regions marry young brides, but you will agree with me that it's prevalent in the north. But where I started sensing he may be a Muslim was when I saw many of his comments where he said he would marry another wife.

Oh well, men all over Nigeria fck teens- so I am always lost when men in the South whine about Islam, like it is (Northern) muslims defiling minors in their region. I guess it is okay to date and fck them. The problem is marrying them hah?

Marrying a second wife is a straightforward move. Don’t you non-muslims normalize side-chicks? If his wife is a practicing muslim, it is well inline with their religion.

Yahksbiz:


I know her. it isn't love, she is only asking a different one. as a wife what other love does she want...

I feed her
I cloth her
I house her
make her a mother

now she denial me sex
she denial me food
she denial me joy
she denial me peace in my home.
she insult me, disrespect me
she despise me what else

but when ever they call for settlement she would simply said
I don't know how to show love.
but when we are alone she tore me out

Divorce please, life is too short.

Yahksbiz:


honestly people have this idea of faulting Muslims for marrying young girls.
but I will like us not to discuss that.
I want to live in a world where religion is not out problem

If you 'want' to live in a world where religion is not a problem, maybe you go start a colony on Mars before Elon Musk gets there in 2023 and then you govern it just the way you want.

Regarding the quote, it calls for rẹ-orientation and getting a clear distinction between

1) Northern Nigerian culture,
2) Arabian/Middle Eastern culture and
3) The ways of life dictated by the predominant religion in these areas.

I think knowing this will answer a lot of questions and educate millions of people who have absolutely no idea of what influences their way of life (even a simple dressing) and decisions and some of the very causes for their extreme poverty, extreme violence, extreme illiteracy in Nigeria (if not for pidgin) and aggressiveness.

I know some of these is not related to the thread situation. However, I wrote these because of how OP is shielding away from such discussions about his religion and region of which he doesn't want to understand that child marriage is not ideal.

Teenagers need more than sexual (puberty / adolescent) maturity. They need 'time' maturity for marriage. There are even reports of marriage and consummation with Pre teenagers. This is not ideal too.

iamme1234:


Sense is far from him

My brother, you are absolutely RIGHT!

HRHQueenPhil:
what is love sef? GOD so love the world he gave his own son, husband love ur wives as Christ loved the church and Gave his life for it..
Simple things like giving her your time not looking for remote control of TV, buying her gifts, calling her thrice in a day to see how her day is going, completing her when she looks nice and her food yummy, praying with her And correcting her in love..making love to her.it can be d game changer for ur relationship

Zee world look what you made her say.

Yahksbiz:


funny enough.
I work, I study. I am a man as a man I am busy. she wants me at home. doing nothing. think about this. are we suppoze to be orbiting around our wives or building our future

U see this is the actual problem here. Look take her out when u are free.. buy her things she needs or do something romantic. My dear if u loss this lady I don't know if u will find someone better. She's ur wife for Christ sake and shes not even askin too much

pocohantas:


Oh well, men all over Nigeria fck teens- so I am always lost when men in the South whine about Islam, like it is (Northern) muslims defiling minors in their region. I guess it is okay to date and fck them. The problem is marrying them hah?

Marrying a second wife is a straightforward move. Don’t you non-muslims normalize side-chicks? If his wife is a practicing muslim, it is well inline with their religion.

Like I said earlier, my question to the OP is just to satisfy my curiosity. Anyone who read the OP's comments would easily guess he is a Muslim, and his answer to my question confirmed my suspicion. I wasn't asking because I found fault in his decision to marry a second wife, any woman who marries a Muslim man knows that her hubby can marry more wives.

nuelyoyo:
Like I said earlier, my question to the OP is just to satisfy my curiosity. Anyone who read the OP's comments would easily guess he is a Muslim, and his answer to my question confirmed my suspicion. I wasn't asking because I found fault in his decision to marry a second wife, any woman who marries a Muslim man knows that her hubby can marry more wives.

Okay Nuel, Apologies. It came off like you have a problem with them...

Yahksbiz:


still working too the busi stuff. I trained her a computer typist and she is also a tailor.

on this I admit I have faults.
beside she is only a secondarian

Oh . I see. She's a school cert holder yeah? Then how about enrolling her for a part-time program or let her learn another vocational skill like catering. Anything to while away time.

Since she's computer literate, you can open a biz center for her around any school/University location and equip it with copier machines, binding machines and internet broadband so she can be managing and making money at the same time. That way, she gets so busy and not miss you much.

Please don't divorce her.

nuelyoyo:
Like I said earlier, my question to the OP is just to satisfy my curiosity. Anyone who read the OP's comments would easily guess he is a Muslim, and his answer to my question confirmed my suspicion. I wasn't asking because I found fault in his decision to marry a second wife, any woman who marries a Muslim man knows that her hubby can marry more wives.

why sounding like marrying another wife is a curse to the flash.
do you know how many lives was lost in the cause of managing a man or a woman. please let's try to make things simpler for ourselves. a religion is not always the answer to all human's problem

pozehnani:


Oh . I see. She's a school cert holder yeah? Then how about enrolling her for a part-time program or let her learn another vocational skill like catering. Anything to while away time.

Since she's computer literate, you can open a biz center for her around any school/University location and equip it with copier machines, binding machines and internet broadband so she can be managing and making money at the same time. That way, she gets so busy and not miss you much.

Please don't divorce her.

despite all I source for her to acquire she later said before I married her her ambition was to become a nurse but now that I married Her she can't do all that. I begged that isn't a problem she can do it and become what she dream to become if not for this happening covid 19 and assu she would have been enrolled in one of the school. but after all these it seems she isn't convinced, she blames me for something I new nothing about.

Yahksbiz:


despite all I source for her to acquire she later said before I married her her ambition was to become a nurse but now that I married Her she can't do all that. I begged that isn't a problem she can do it and become what she dream to become if not for this happening covid 19 and assu she would have been enrolled in one of the school. but after all these it seems she isn't convinced, she blames me for something I new nothing about.

Are you sure she's not even pregnant. Lol... Maybe it pregnancy that is pushing her.

Well.. she can go do it now that lockdown has been eased.

Op, permit to say this. It's like you're not romantic. Maybe it's in the way you reply her that makes her behave that way. She seems like an emotional person. Just go easy on her. Show her love. As in pamper her. That's what she needs. O?

pozehnani:


Are you sure she's not even pregnant. Lol... Maybe it pregnancy that is pushing her.

Well.. she can go do it now that lockdown has been eased.

Op, permit to say this. It's like you're not romantic. Maybe it's in the way you reply her that makes her behave that way. She seems like an emotional person. Just go easy on her. Show her love. As in pamper her. That's what she needs. O?

my brother
I was the one that is emotional.
she started her character 6 month after our wedding. after our first child she became more aggressive.
Kai I'm tired
otisume

it was like I married the wrong woman..... she did many things and I have said a one of twenty part of a quarter. it is me that love her

Yahksbiz:

my brother
I was the one that is emotional.
she started her character 6 month after our wedding. after our first child she became more aggressive.
Kai I'm tired
otisume

It is well. Just take it easy.

virginprincess:
You see a woman that is asking you for love you are complaining, nawa, it better you divorce her so that she will look for a man that will show her love before you start cheating on her, then you look for the one that won't ask you for love , maybe by that time you will learn to value your first wife.

She's demanding it in excess. It's always okay for a woman to be obsessed but not okay for a man to be obsessed with his wife?

I'm very sure if you had a husband and he was always demanding you come back home early, just so he could caress you, you'd definitely be bothered.

mosdii:



Zee world look what you made her say.

u made my new month with this comment

Bro you need to be grateful for your spouse to ask for love. It like you have stopped what you were doing during courtship. E.g always make sincere compliments, surprise her with gift irrespective of the amount, send her love text messages when you are @ work, flirt with her sometimes when you are faraway from home. It might be difficult due to responsibilities and challenges be @ work or home but you av to balance the equation. If you should allow a guy to have her love bro you are on a long it!

Yahksbiz:
"I don't understand, she keeps asking for love. she is just frustrating my life. how do you do when divorce is your only option.

right now, I don't know if I should marry second wife or still maintain a first. "

my brother

I am curious is she literate/ working ?

pcguru1:

I am curious is she literate/ working ?

non

pcguru1:

I am curious is she literate/ working ?

but in her own kinda way yes

Yahksbiz:
"I don't understand, she keeps asking for love. she is just frustrating my life. how do you do when divorce is your only option.

right now, I don't know if I should marry second wife or still maintain a first. "

my brother

I think just cos Ur going thru a tough patch U shouldn't give up. Marraige takes perseverance and communication.
Talk to her heart to heart be honest and try make things better for both of you.
Let her know wat U want n ask wat she wants.
You have to atleast try.
Gud luck

Yahksbiz:


funny enough.
I work, I study. I am a man as a man I am busy. she wants me at home. doing nothing. think about this. are we suppoze to be orbiting around our wives or building our future

She needs to understand U need to make a living. She just has to accept that.
She will get used to it.
Time apart just makes U look forward to Ur husband getting home at the end of the day more. U can't be glued to each other it's not healthy. Is it new marraige?