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Stats: 1,732,879 members, 3,325,585 topics. Date: Tuesday, 24 January 2017 at 10:02 AM
|This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by Rocco: 8:59pm On Jun 28, 2007|
Hi pple, am about to share a one month old nightmare that i never told anyone and truely need ur opinion as it mite help in tackling this.
I got a job at an investment company on the Island Dec last year after youthservice as a marketer and it been quite challenging but interesting. i hav met different folks thru dis process but any real trouble began when i went to sell our product to a prospect (lady) in an hospitality org in Ikeja. during our talk, her boss (a manager) walked in joined our discussion.me feelin like a sharp marketer, introduced myself and encouraged him on the benefits of our product. he gave me his card and told me to meet him over the weekend to talk it thru and he mite sign on.
as agreed i met wit him over the wknd and we discussed but along the way he kept on staring at me and changed d topic and asked if i had a girlfriend and i said not at the moment. then he asked what my wildest sexual fantasy was, at this point i was curious and i asked him if he was "bent" and he said yes. i told him i wasnt down with that and that i had to leave as i wasnt comfortable with his questions which i did.
a week, later he comes 2 my office and says he decided to make d investment (8.5 million) and that i must be his account manager. i declined but my boss would not accept my stand and i didnt want to tell him the reason why. when my boss left me to tidy d documentations with him, he grinned stupidly and said "am goin 2 break u".
this guy as seized this opportunity to tormented my life wit all sorts of dirty text messages and calls at odd & ungodly hours of the day, ask for unecessary meetings just to get the chance to see me and i am sick of his crap. from my findings about him (from the lady) he's in his late 30's, married & has 2 kids. what does he want from me, why can't he find pple u are also bent like himself? i av said No with my mouth, eyes and ears but this bastard wnt let it rest.
i find this hard to discuss with my colleagues & friends as i find it embarrasing that i am the object of this man's fantasy.
things am thinkin of doin to get him off my back:
- tell my boss the truth and transfer his acc to someone else
- threaten contact his wife & tell her about his lifestyle
- threaten to go to the police
- leave the company, change my fone no.
i dnt knw if this can work, so please what do u think i can do ?
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by drrionelli(m): 9:27pm On Jun 28, 2007|
First of all, stop being embarrassed about being this guy's sex fantasy. There's nothing you can do about that--it's out of your control, so there's no need to worry about it. Besides, in all likelihood, it's happened to you before and you're just not aware of it.
Rather, take that energy and address what this guy is doing to you. It's harrassment, which is unlawful. Yes, tell your boss exactly what's going on--this is affecting your work and you don't want that to happen. A boss will protect a valued employee. Don't bother telling his wife--what good would it do? It would only be your word against his (she knows him, but doesn't know you--guess who she'd believe?). Don't leave the company--it won't change anything and you'll be unemployed.
However, do document everything this guy says and does because you might have to take it to the police. Save text messages. Use caller ID to "be unavailable" when he calls, then save his phone messages in your voicemail.
Also--and this is very important--consult with an attorney to see how the laws in your area work to protect you. You needn't incur the cost, yourself. Speak with a representative from the legal department at your company.
And, don't let this clown know that he's upsetting you. He knows you're not interested, so now he's likely just trying to irritate you. You must stay as calm as you can while this is being resolved.
Keep us posted on this.
(By the way, why did you post this in "Romance?"
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by 2dye4(m): 9:43pm On Jun 28, 2007|
This is so freaking unbelievable!!!
never knew stuff like this go on in naija now o! have u tried gang-beating/bashing him? maybe he'll wake up from his madness.
like drrionelli said, cut d crap about being embarrased and your boss know, he can take his money to hell 4 all u care, i suggest u also change ur phone line so that u can get some sanity from his wacky calls asap. dis wan pass me o!
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by Esss(m): 10:04pm On Jun 28, 2007|
Take his money ke!! Lia lia, 8.5million na beans??
You are really in a tough situation and I'm guessing that you are in Nigeria so this makes it even more complicated. But this is what I'll suggest you do; Tell your boss (although something tells me that it wouldn't help), then seek legal counsel (I'm not really conversant with the sexual harassment laws of Nigeria). Like dreonelli said, record and save your conversations and text massages from the man (as you might need it as evidence in a court of law). Also whenever you decide to inform your boss on the situation, I'll suggest you also try and sneak a recorder in (just incase he does nothing or supports the man, you could sue his ass for all its worth). But whatever you do, I'll suggest you weigh out your options before you make any move, I wish you all the best.
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by adeboo(f): 10:54pm On Jun 28, 2007|
Dont let this get too far otherwise you will give in - trust me you will.
You really need to have aword with your boss that this guy isnt making you comfortable (altough your boss may not give a damn) but you really need to cut any kinda ties you have with this guy.
If i were you, i would set him up with some area boys, tat would go and beat him up, and one of them could say he is your boyfriend and he needs to leave you alone.
There is no way he could prove it and he wont be able to say anything out loud.
However, if he retaliates, then you are basically messed up!
Good luck sha.
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by Rocco: 7:51am On Jun 29, 2007|
guys, tthanks for your suggestions on this
@drrionelli: it is embarrassing. imagine being with your friends and someone calls you to talk trash and your are trying to be calm in their presence, its upsetting. like u said giving my job up is a bad idea, i still need to work and earn a living but this man is using his position as a client to frustrate me.
@2dye4: bashing him? he's filthy rich u know,
@Ess: in all fairness, his investment his the largest i have from one single client and my boss expects me to treat him like a god. the recorder thing mite work if i have a fone that can record calls.
@adeboo: lai lai, i can neva do anything wit any man. God forbid. but i really don't know if he's goin to stop this harassment.
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by sallysexy(f): 10:08am On Jun 29, 2007|
My dear, change ur phone number or cut his calls
He's a devil's incarnate
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by Aproko(f): 11:59am On Jun 29, 2007|
i was so sure you were female because of the subject, and was actually surprised when i saw 'bent' somewhere in the post.
what is happening to you may may not be an every day occurence in nigeria, but it does happen. you know the kind of country you live in, so stuff like recording his conversation and saving his text messages at the end of the day may just be an exercise in futility.
as a lawyer, am not aware of any law that protects a male marketer or worker from being harrased by a client, not even your boss!! and my dear, who says he bought that sim card from the gsm office when it is sold all over the traffic? my point is that the sim card he sends you messages with may never be traced to him.
again dont think your boss may understand your plight, all he understands is that you have a good customer who should be treated right and it may just be the word of the customer against yours, hes rich you say when money talks, bulls**** walks, so my dear telling your boss may simply mean telling him you dont like your job!!!
so what do you do?
1.you stay calm. pretend hes joking about his fantasy with you so any time he brings it up, you laugh and tease him.
2.never be alone with him, make sure there is someone you can confide in at your office that will be there with you or deal with him sometimes on your behalf.
3.when he calls you and starts talking trash instead of business, common bro you are in naija, whatever happened to the lie "network problems", "hello, hello, cant hear you"?
4.tell him your phone has problems, and if he gets you another one, please take it gladly.
5.never go on a date with him, if you have to, go with your crew of friends.
6.by the time this goes on for a while, he'll get frustrated and the advances would reduce.
you must remember to stay calm. remember he may be rich, but there are richer people that will buy your services from you. take care and please keep us posted.
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by jideoforjn(f): 2:54pm On Jun 29, 2007|
Ah! I am so sorry that u are passing thru this my brother!
For me sha, I think u shld keep praying to God that his feelings for u wears down unless u are in big trouble.
Just take care sha!
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by Rocco: 3:24pm On Jun 30, 2007|
i also tot things like this were only in US and other western countries, but that line of thot changed like a year ago. this is not the first time some bum has called me to say he likes me
- the first time i cursed the guy on phone and warned him never to try that sh*t with me again
- the second was on Hi5, when this guy who viewed my profile and started mailin me to say he wants us to meet.
i don't have anything against gays (its their life for all i care) but when they start hittin on u, it becomes annoyin.
staying calm and jokin with him is very hard especially when he starts his perverse talk.
am thinking of installing a call-blocking software on my phone that would blacklist his number when calls, but what if he uses another?
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by Rocco: 5:33pm On Jul 03, 2007|
bad advice! he requested to see me today and i went with your idea of taking a colleague along to his office. yeah, he was shocked that i came with someone and i guess he cautioned himself at that moment but to my surprise he asked the chick to help herself to a lite snack downstairs and she agreed, immediately she left, he said i was stupid and that he knows what am playin at. i am tired.
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by ima1(f): 5:37pm On Jul 03, 2007|
how about going with a male friend who isn't hungry
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by mishoo(m): 5:51pm On Jul 03, 2007|
i think you should try and meet him with a recorder or even in an hotel with a hidden camera, then after recording, duplicate the conversation or video, then threathen him to report to the police with the proofs or go public in the dailies if he doesnt desist from worrying you.
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by drrionelli(m): 7:45pm On Jul 03, 2007|
OK, let's consider:
* Tell you boss what's going on. S/he needs to know so that s/he can be aware that you are doing your job as per company policies. That's for your protection. Then, if this idiot tries to complain to your boss about your work, he'll have nothing to support his contentions. And aproko is right: Your boss understands the bottom line. Letting him/her know is creating an awareness as to how much this big spender is actually "costing" the company in terms of a good employee's well-being.
* This guy is clearly playing mind games with you. He knows you don't like what's going on and are unable to stop it. You MUST NOT let him know that he's upsetting you! You seem to be a very intelligent man, so don't let this guy outsmart you. It seems to me that it's mostly his words that are upsetting you. Hey, words themselves never hurt anybody unless those hearing them want them to. In other words, don't enable this guy to make you uncomfortable.
You say you're tired. Don't let yourself get worn out! Then you'll do something not rational and you'll be sorry later.
Other than aproko's, have you received any legal advice?
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by Rocco: 7:30am On Jul 04, 2007|
i don't tink it has anything to do with hunger, he justed wanted the chance to talk to me alone and sort of created a distraction. my colleague was not aware of the reason why i asked her to accompany me otherwise she would have declined.
@mishoo: That idea is too great a risk to take, me and him alone in a hotel? No way. can't even conceive of it.
@drrionelli: Legal advice, it mite help but i don't have no one to offer that. no one on this forum seems to have any tip on that. Still pondering on the option of telling by boss but its so messy. Am tryin my best to endure his games and trash but i feel i mite explode soon!
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by oghene007(m): 2:23pm On Jul 15, 2007|
Discuss this issue with your boss immediately. Let him/her know, at least u have one evidence.
Store all his text msg somewhere else, perhaps buy a new sim and store them there
See a lwyer now and know what legal rights u have.
Dont delay again cos some of these pple u see are demonic and devilish, he may be working on ur mind and heart and u will become weak very soon
PLEASE BE VERY PRAYERFUL. If u have a pastor discuss with him and let him mpray and even fast along with you.
If u bar his line he will surely call with anoda fone.
Try and get a fone that can record his voice while he is calling as direct evidence. Cos tomrow he may disclaim everytin and u will be seen as the bad guy.
FEAR NOT, U WILL OVERCOME.
Lets know how far and the latest development.
GOD HELP U
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by 2dye4(m): 3:53pm On Jul 15, 2007|
exactly my advice. i dont see why u should put up with a situation as ugly as this just becos a few millions. the guy is not God and for all u know he can remove his money tomorrow.
where the hell is the poster anyway? maybe he finally cracked!
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by salsera(f): 8:26pm On Jul 15, 2007|
i hope not
else he'll become gay by persuasion
There is nothing wrong with you okay. Its ur client that has issues
I say this so u won't begin to think there is something abt u that attracts homosexuals
You HAVE done nothing to bring this on your self
You will have to 'act' like we women do when we have unwanted interests
1. place his call on hold
2. if you have a girlfriend let her pick ur calls once in awhile
3. if he starts talking dirty you dont need to put the phone in your ear just leave the phone on and let his credit waste
4. You are a marketer its alright to visit clients with colleagues you came there to talk business right
5. Don't let him see that it disturbs you okay, keep your cool and keep all conversations strictly platonic
6. Record conversations for your own back up
and save txt messages just in case he plays you
7. look for other means to hand over his account, he thinks he has you in his pocket based on the investment he has
thus WORK harder to get some1 else to invest who is just as lucrative
Remember what he's doing is BLACKMAIL so don't negotiate
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by Rocco: 12:29pm On Jul 16, 2007|
@2dye4- i have not cracked nor have i broken
@salsera- thanks for the tips. if am not gay by orientation, i cannot become gay by persuassion. worst case, i'll quit the job and move on. i know there's nothing wrong with me (though have thot about it lately). its not a bad thing having good looks but when it gets the wrong attention?
like i said, guys have made passes at me before via phone, but once i tell them am not down, they step.
but this one has been chasing me ceaselessly.
i have not been to work for a week now as i have been ill for a while now, but once am back i intend to tell my boss.
i thot of telling some senior folks in church but am skeptical as i don't want them telling me to come for deliverance when the problem is not with me.
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by salsera(f): 12:51pm On Jul 16, 2007|
you'd be surprised what persistance can do to even the strong
good to know u've not been 'broken'
By all means tell someone but get proof first so that when **** hits the fan you won't look like you're making it up.
If your client is married with kids and is still hitting it off with men what makes you think your boss isn't , bent too
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by Rocco: 1:06pm On Jul 16, 2007|
@salsera: yup, persistence can be a strong thing especially since i dont know the legion driving this man.
the solid proof like u said is what i need the i will nail him in his coffin finally. funny thing is he keeps saying that he knows i won't tell a soul.
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by oyb(m): 2:15pm On Jul 16, 2007|
i had wanted to state this before;you need advise from hot chicks who are used to fending off unwanted advances.
the cuties (in marketing) in the house should drop their hottest tips on 'how to say no' to randy clients
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by flakey94: 6:37pm On Jul 16, 2007|
I take it from your header you would feel differently if he was single abi? Secondly , i noticed you guys seem to have some very James bondy ideas about exposing this fella, have thought about the fact that his wife might know he is gay? or that he moght owe no one apologies for his sexual bias?
I think you should talk to women who have sucessfully managed this sort of harrassment, they will be in the best position to help you.
In the meantime, just hang in there and be mature in handling the situation.
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by Macutie(f): 11:05am On Jul 17, 2007|
Wow! This guy sure puts a new meaning 2 dirty old bastard! Change your number son.
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by mekoyo(m): 11:41am On Jul 17, 2007|
Tell your boss about it i'm sure he will see reasons with you.
Tell his wife if the first option doesn't work out and remeber to pray to God and seek his guidance about this.
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by sillyboy(m): 12:04pm On Jul 17, 2007|
Man, what should I say, maybe I should start by saying sorry about your predicament. But believe me there is a way out. You don't have to loose your job nor get yourself entwinned with the filthy rich guy.
This filthy man is really using mind games with you, and if you ask me, it's working perfectly for him at your expense. Guy, you are not thinkng straight. Have you ever heard about the management rule: something like "there is always gold where there seems not any" The rule is about turning your negatives into positives.
I see goldmine in this filthy man! Since I strongly believe the man is trying so hard to frustrate you into doing that unspeakable act through is mind games, I'll suggest you counter him with mind games too. What you simply have to do is to make him realise he is a fool at his game. You have to think ahead of him. Give him a bait and make sure you withdraw it when he starts to think he's about to get it.
If you do this he'll get to realise that you are taking him for a fool. And believe me, men hates that kind of feeling. Make sure you frustrate him and he'll back out. You can even use this situation to increase his account with you guys.
I hope you've got the guts to try-out this approach. I'm so sure it will work. It's going to present you with a win-win situation at the end. Goodluck bro.
I totally agree with your suggestions, but I'll like you to realise that the Nigeria context fact plays a big role in how to deal with this situation.
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by drrionelli(m): 5:41pm On Jul 17, 2007|
Thanks for the "heads-up," sillyboy. It's much appreciated!
Please explain "the Nigeria context fact" so that I might more ably understand the situation.
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by Breed(m): 8:02am On Jul 18, 2007|
Maybe you should find out what it is about you that makes guys want to hit on you. Is it a chemistry thing or what?
Why don't you make him an offer he can't refuse like offering him his balls for breakfast?
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by sillyboy(m): 9:58am On Jul 18, 2007|
Wassup. Well what I mean by the "Nigerian factor" is that there are some not too pleasant stuffs that the Nigerian system permits. The Legal system in Nigeria is not as perfect as we have it in the U.S. or other developed countries. Following a legal way in solving the poster's "challenge" could take donkey years, and that doesn't mean the case is going to go his (poster's) way. The system is still very much corrupt here.
About informing his boss about it sounds so good an idea, but believe me, the boss is most likely to go with his predatory instinct of getting money by all means. I presently work with a financial firm in Lagos (and I've been doing that for a couple of years now), and I know how financial frms could be so desperate when it comes to marketing, winning and maintaining accounts. Most bosses are not too reasonable and rationale when it comes to that. The poster could find himself in more "challenges" if his boss is the irrational type.
All said now, I hope you understand the "Nigerian factor" better now? It simply means situations doesn't always go the normal and rationale way in Nigeria. I still believe the poster can deal with his situation by matching the filthy man in his mind games.
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by drrionelli(m): 12:28pm On Jul 18, 2007|
Clarification appreciated! I hope that my lack of familiarity with the cultural sensibilities of Nigeria is not construed as indifference to them. Far from it. I see that Rocco is in a compromised situation not of his own doing and it disturbs me.
As I stated in an earlier post, I, too, feel that the guy is simply playing games with Rocco. Clearly, he's not interested in Rocco, per se, but rather in the power he thinks he has to control Rocco. And, as you and I concur, nothing could be further from the truth. Truly, people only have control over us to the degree that we let them.
Rocco needs to know that he has a support system--friends, family, fellow Nairaland users--whoever. As you note, he must keep thinking clearly (I trust that your use of the term "straight" was a pun? ).
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by sillyboy(m): 12:46pm On Jul 18, 2007|
Yeah, the guy should just start thinking clearly. .
The situation looks quite difficult, but believe me,it's very solvable.
|Re: This Guy (married) Won't Leave Me Alone! by Ralvy(m): 1:16pm On Jul 19, 2007|
I recommend ur 4th option,
- leave the company, change my phone no.
That's if ur sure of getting another Job as good as ur present that's if ur present is good.
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