Na waooo, this is why I don't fancy the ideal of any single to be alone with my Hubby, not even for 5 mins.
Delay could be dangerous. My dear the ladies in the house have given u nice advices, all I ve to tell u is that try to put a stop to this girl, at least ur Hubby should also respect u.
Tell him u don't want any body in between both of u. Ask him how he will feel if u one day suck a guy' dick but didn't allow him to 4urk u? And after telling him he still seeS the guy around u.
be fast in ur desition befor u see that girl with big belly. If I were u I will handle the girl myself in a peaceful way, if she doesn't keep clear, then I take action. What the hall is she doing Frequently with a married man? A long hiissss

Your husband is a major ju man for telling you. In fact he is a major ju man for trying to sleep with someone you know. Your man is still somewhat innocent. All I can say is that for a guy that has the means to get women, being faithful is a HUGE SACRIFICE. My personal opinion is that the sacrifice should only be granted to women that are worth it. A woman that is constantly bringing drama in the home deserves to be cheated on. (My personal opinion).

Anyways, just understand that the grass is not greener on the other side. If you leave your man, you will most probably go through the same with the next man. That's just the way we were made. We were made to derive a huge amount of happiness from sleeping with beautiful women. No need to bore you with the evolutionary explanation. I know women do not like to hear that, but the truth is the truth,

No need to bore you with the evolutionary explanation

no, no need, thank you.

My husband made a confession to me after sex last  nite. [b]There was a lady whom he claims is just a friend and who always came to the house when I travelled abroad to have the baby last year. He told me last nite that he almost slept with her twice. He said he got to the extent of sucking her bosoms but he got scared and didn't finish.
What beats me is that in the past whenever I complained abt this lady's constant visit he told me that she was a strong christian and was encouraging him spiritually and even prays and sends bible verses to him. He also told me that everyone is not like me that if I don't trust myself alone with a man some ppl do trust themselves.
Again b4 I gave birth this lady told him that she had a dream that I died that he shld pray. Later she tld his friend that she was in love with him.[/b]I am really angry. I couldn't sleep last nite. I had to sleep in the palour. I was still sulking this morning even though I gave him brkfast but he didn't show any remorse. He was more like feeling like a conqueror of women. I feel like taking my baby and leaving him.
I am soooo hurt.

It was nice he fessed up and was able to resist the temptation half way, that says a lot about his devotion to you. The problem stemmed from the visits the said lady pays him when you are not in the country under the guise of his spiritual counsellor. What kind of spiritual adviser visits a man only when his wife is out of sight and far away from the country? Come to think of it I was wondering whether she was prophesying to him at that moment that the s*ckery (ekpele o my people) was going on. .
It isn't enough reason for you to up and leave your marriage, the problem has to be rooted out, you two need to discuss to enable you let him know as lovingly as possible (not angrily) that in as much as it was good of him to have resisted the temptation half way that you are hurt. He has to understand that such friendships with a woman like that (somebody that has already expressed to his friend that she is in love with him) is not good for your marriage.

The other branch/stem of this is his need to feed his ego which may be what you are referring to as him feeling like a conqueror of women, You seem to be feeding him good food while leaving his ego to starve of attention, appreciation. Find ways to start building his ego through compliments and acts of love that lets him know that he is appreciated. Never take him for granted because he is your husband and you have him, when other women out there feeds his ego for him, he may get distracted from you as the spiritual director seem to be doing already. Better still, build a prayer life with him and lovingly steer him away him from accepting prophesies from people before he returns home to you someday with some prophesy that says that you two should end.

Not meaning to be disheartening, but I find it VERY hard to believe he sucked her breast and did NOTHING else!

Men don't work that way Dear. If he or she went to the extent of releasing her breast I'm of the strong opinion

he released something else as well. Plus you said the woman has confessed to being in love with him.

Be careful, from what I've read on this site she may be one of his other wives!

Thirst4Lif:

Not meaning to be disheartening, but I find it VERY hard to believe he sucked her bosom and did NOTHING else!

Men don't work that way Dear. If he or she went to the extent of releasing her bosom I'm of the strong opinion

he released something else as well. Plus you said the woman has confessed to being in love with him.

Be careful, from what I've read on this site she may be one of his other wives!

my thot too.

zayhal:

my thot too.

Really, did the poster read my thread on second-wives and concubines, it might help her clear her head.

What beats me is that in the past whenever I complained abt this lady's constant visit he told me that she was a strong christian and was encouraging him spiritually and even prays and sends bible verses to him. He also told me that everyone is not like me that if I don't trust myself alone with a man some ppl do trust themselves.

Heh!
The worst of all kinds!
Welcome to 'I love you in the name of the lord and I wanno phock you'!
Any married man knows never to allow a 'single born-again' HOLY-POOHSIE around him. The most desperate of ALL creatures.
You know some men delude themselves that a 'born-again' sistah is like the virgin maria even if she is the greatest of the greatest in ashewo work.
Pretensious and extremely conniving.
You should not be bothered this problem. If he is gonna cheat or leave you, there ain't much you can do abourrit.

He was more like feeling like a conqueror of women. I feel like taking my baby and leaving him.
I am soooo hurt.

No need to pack and go no where.
Get over your hurt asap!
You need to teach him a lesson.
Start flirting with your own pastor.
Shikena!
Like I stated earilier. . . time to teach him a lesson.


Whatever you do, do NOT confront that 'ashewo born -again'. . . it is your husband who does not wanno respect himself that is causing all the wahala.
Like I stated earlier. . .time to teach him a lesson. Be prepared to kiss the marriage goodbye though.
Never give any man or woman such powers over you.

@ CC you are on point once again and Blazay you are simply hilarious expect my call oh.

As for the poster just pray and ask God to direct you and grant you wisdom I tell you most single ladies nowadays wants to dig their fingers into any available married man. I won't be surprised if she is going diabolical just to turn your husband against you. Don't allow such a person to be a friend to either you or your husband. I don't think I would allow my husband to travel without me or leave him alone never.

A friend of mine told me a story of what happened to her friend she travelled to Naija from the UK and before she came back her best friend has taken over her husband she even got pregnant for him. So my dear just take it easy with him and hold him firmly dont let him go rekindle your relationship and romance and block every unnecessary holes which the devil has dug using his cohorts.

Be wise

Mrs. Siena:

A friend of mine told me a story of what happened to her friend she travelled to Naija from the UK and before she came back her best friend has taken over her husband she even got pregnant for him. So my dear just take it easy with him and hold him firmly dont let him go rekindle your relationship and romance and block every unnecessary holes which the devil has dug using his cohorts.

Be wise

Na wa ooo

I agree with many of the PP, especially chaircover. However, I have something to add.
This guy did the deed!!! Prepare yourself for the next round of confessions. He is easing you into it because he believes he is close to being found out.
Do everything as previously instructed, but be sure to add as cheerfully as possible that this woman is no longer welcome in the house, and needs to find other friends. But you need to be dead serious. Don't ask him, tell him. And then tell him in a playful tone, "I'm not too worried about her, especially since nothing happened. Because any woman that can take you away from me, she can keep you."
You seem like a confident woman who is devoted to her family. Draw on that. The more scared you are of this 'angelic ashewo', the more power she gets in your marrige. Act like normal to your hubby. Don't be too sugary sweet and don't act resentful or distrustful. In time he will realize that this desperate woman has nothing over you.
And like a PP stated, keep your husband busy phusically, financially, and in other ways. A busy man is not only a happy man, but a man with very little time or energy left over.

I stand to be corrected o
I am sure the first thing on ur mind is to deal with the lady and also ur husband, but remember, marriage is not a competition or abattle field, where someone must win and some lose.
He did a wrong thing, accepted, he is not remorse, maybe he has been feeling heavy within him for long but now that he has told u, he feels the burden is taken off him.
My advice, though may be hard, is to invite the woman/ashewo to ur house when ur husband is around. Discuss with ur husband first and make sure he onsent to it. Tell her ur darling husband told u what happened while u were not around and that u are rea;;y ashamed of her as a lady. Tell her dat she shud understand that for ur husband to tell her, then she shud know the love u share with ur husband is very strong and nothing not even her can come between ur marriage. Tell her she is no longer welcome in ur home or ur family and she shud go and pray and ask for forgiveness because because she has not only offended ur family, she has ffended God who instituted ur marriage. Tell her Law of karma still hold. I know it may be difficult but u can do it in a very calm period after u must have had a nice time with ur husband , u understand

This one that the woman is seeing visions of you dying is a serious matter. Your husband is exposing his family to something potentially dangerous. I am sure it will not be easy to forgive but I think he is remorseful that's why he told you. As long as he does not come back tomorrow and say she got pregnant from the sucking her breasts then you guys might have a chance at working things out

thank u Outstrip, i tot i was d only 1 dat noticed,

Again b4 I gave birth this lady told him that she had a dream that I died that he shld pray. Later she tld his friend that she was in love with him.

,
@poster, pls investigate dis woman, n exactly everytin dat happened in ur absence, pesin wey want ur hubby n come dey see vision say u die, abeg watch out ooooo, n y did ur hubby "confess" and did nt feel remorseful n also still want dis "spiritual Lady" for a friend?
Please tink abt it, cos i ave seen a friend's relationship crumble cos of a "friend" dat suddenly came 4rm nowhere, saddest  part is d so calld "friends" have der terrible intentions n come around smiling n giving u holy sisterly kiss.

LMAO @ ALL REPLYS, I AM REALLY LEARNING FROM U GUYS

The husband lies; he has others. Poster should protect against STD and be prepared for the worst.

I am so sick of these single women going after married men! The number of women I've had to deal with since being in Lagos, its ridiculous! These women didn't take any notice of my husband until he got married.  My husband will tell you no only once, then it's my turn. Next time one of 'em heffas roll up on him I got something for ya a$$! Bet!

My advice to poster, stay prayed up, make sure your man has got your back no matter what, and then take them heffas out one at a time! When folks start coming up missing after "prophesying" they'll stop. I'm from Florida, we got the Everglades, I know what to do with the body.

These women didn't take any notice of my husband until he got married

true sha.

some women dont want a man until he's taken.

al hard. He called me from work the same day in the afternoon and asked me not to go. Well when he came back I tried to look happy and upbeat but later at night when he just said something that pissed me off, I burst out in anger and cried. He apologized and said he has told the lady that he won't contact her again and will not jeopardize our relationship with female friends.

He said he deserves anything I do to him. Now I have forgiven him and I am trying to trust again

queend:

al hard. He called me from work the same day in the afternoon and asked me not to go. Well when he came back I tried to look happy and upbeat but later at night when he just said something that pissed me off, I burst out in anger and cried. He apologized and said he has told the lady that he won't contact her again and will not jeopardize our relationship with female friends.

He said he deserves anything I do to him. Now I have forgiven him and I am trying to trust again

not an easy thin to do. it takes time.

queend:

al hard. He called me from work the same day in the afternoon and asked me not to go. Well when he came back I tried to look happy and upbeat but later at night when he just said something that pissed me off, I burst out in anger and cried. He apologized and said he has told the lady that he won't contact her again and will not jeopardize our relationship with female friends.

He said he deserves anything I do to him. Now I have forgiven him and I am trying to trust again

I wish u the best in ur marriage.
Shine ur eyes,nose and ears . . .

queend:

al hard. He called me from work the same day in the afternoon and asked me not to go. Well when he came back I tried to look happy and upbeat but later at night when he just said something that pissed me off, I burst out in anger and cried. He apologized and said he has told the lady that he won't contact her again and will not jeopardize our relationship with female friends.

He said he deserves anything I do to him. Now I have forgiven him and I am trying to trust again

Very good. That is what marriage is all about. Hang in there, but never allow your husband to get away with murder.
The grass is never greener on the outside.
The ye ye men out there only wanno "taste" and "waka", and you are only appealing so long as another man has found you worthy to cherish and hold. Please, do not join them in their singles miserables club o!

Teach him a lesson to chain him to you. . . For he is yours.
Dem "hungry" beeeetcheeez are waiting to grab him from ya.

The "born-again" ones will tell you he is now a "believer" and he found God deeeeeep inside their fountains of diseases!
Too many "hungry" women out there too!

Watch that man's every move. Na you get am! Mwaaah! 

@Blazay

LMAO, Thanks

Are you guys serious?

"Hold your husband tight", "why did you travel out in the first place"," take it easy with him", "it's a good thing he confessed",  are you people high on some give-away crack?  ,  I'm sorry but you guys are making it look like its all her fault and that a man cheating on his wife is something that is going to happen so she may as well get used to it.

Why is no one saying "what possessed him to do such a thing"? Why is everyone saying "you should endure"?

I don't get it . I honestly don't. You sucked someone else's bosoms in my house?! I will kill you before I kill her, because the truth is that even if that woman leaves him alone, he will go out and look for another woman , and when he finds her, it won't be just sucking bosoms, it will be a full round and he's just going to be like , " yeah at least I didn't infect you with AIDS."

As from now on he should be the one holding on to her, not the other way round. He did something very silly and HE , not her, should be the one to prove why they should still be married.

One more thing. The fact that he confessed counts for nothing. How do you know he isn't lying about the whole thing? What if it was him who made the first move, and not the woman like he claimed? All she is hearing is what he wants her to hear. Plain and simple.

I never thought I would see such shoddy advice on nairaland.

Does he have a breast fetish?

I really DO NOT AGREE that you should lavish him with sex because he confessed he was flicking and sucking his prayer meeting partners breasts with his tongue! And to tell you after sex is a disgrace and insult he was thinking about her while having sex with you incase you didnt know.

I dont think you should sulk you should tell him how disappointed and angry you are with his terrible behaviour!

Jesus he has kissed you with the same mouth he sucked sister "succulent breasts" utter nonesense.

All these people screaming hold your man tight let their husbands try this kind of rubbish and you start seeing topics like "I need your help Nairaland Im sitting in jail because I castrated my husband" Rubbish.

ROTFLMAO. I will bail her out. Let's be serious though. I think the advice she should be getting is how to take the next step. He most likely has not told the whole truth but something made him say the little he has. They are obviously going to move on with their marriage. I believe infidelity can be forgiven if the one in the wrong is truly remorseful. If he is remorseful he will do all in his power to make his wife trust him again even if it takes the rest of his life. There is no reason to think here that he is not on that track.

Outstrip:

ROTFLMAO. I will bail her out. Let's be serious though. I think the advice she should be getting is how to take the next step. He most likely has not told the whole truth but something made him say the little he has. They are obviously going to move on with their marriage. I believe infidelity can be forgiven if the one in the wrong is truly remorseful. If he is remorseful he will do all in his power to make his wife trust him again even if it takes the rest of his life. There is no reason to think here that he is not on that track.

I agree all this ravish him with sex is nonesense. I mean what a reward suck some breasts and your are assured your wife will ravish you. kmft

i wonder if the husband would like it if the wife responded by saying she gave someone a penile massage while overseas but stopped short of the real thing.

and then acted exhilarated afterwards.

or if she said her prayer partner also sucked her own bosoms but didnt sleep with her.

the fornicating woman is dangerous though.

she can eliminate the wife. The husband too,when she has no further use for him.

awon aye. K'olorun ko wa yo.

..

chaircover:

The problem with many many relationships these days is that people get stuck in a time warp and are unable to move on.

Something happens; its done. Nothing can change that. What is done is done. So what do you do? do you keep on hammering on the why did you do this and why did you do that? or do you (assuming that you want to continue with the relationship) learn from the experience and find ways that it doesn't happen again & move on.

The guy had an affair/fling whatever one wants to call it but the poster in her mind has decided to stay with him. She is understandably hurt and angry but she has decided to move on. What advise do we give her? Do we teach her to reach out to her husband and be his best friend in every way possible and to close all gaps or do we give her a stick to beat the husband with?

We can go on forever about the what if tables were turned etc but that wont solve anything but only cause more strife between them.

It is not every time you get a favorable answer from a partner the first time you approach a topic. You don't have to be on the same wave length with each other 365 days a year, but play your cards right and you will soon have him facing the same direction as you.

The guy is her husband and there are many ways & time for whipping his behind but right now the priority is to team up and get sister big bosoms out of the way. In cases like this being strategic wins over being emotional.

Well said.

No one is making choices for the OP.She was also given the option of doing it "why and what,gra-gra" way . . .and the possible outcomes.
It all boils down to what matters most to her now;her marriage intact or going on and on asking "why" rather than "what now?" .
She is the one wearing the shoe,shes made what she believes is the BEST choice for HERSELF.

chaircover:

The problem with many many relationships these days is that people get stuck in a time warp and are unable to move on.

Something happens; its done. Nothing can change that. What is done is done. So what do you do? do you keep on hammering on the why did you do this and why did you do that? or do you (assuming that you want to continue with the relationship) learn from the experience and find ways that it doesn't happen again & move on.

The guy had an affair/fling whatever one wants to call it but the poster in her mind has decided to stay with him. She is understandably hurt and angry but she has decided to move on. What advise do we give her? Do we teach her to reach out to her husband and be his best friend in every way possible and to close all gaps or do we give her a stick to beat the husband with?

We can go on forever about the what if tables were turned etc but that wont solve anything but only cause more strife between them.

It is not every time you get a favorable answer from a partner the first time you approach a topic. You don't have to be on the same wave length with each other 365 days a year, but play your cards right and you will soon have him facing the same direction as you.

The guy is her husband and there are many ways & time for whipping his behind but right now the priority is to team up and get sister big bosoms out of the way. In cases like this being strategic wins over being emotional.

A lot of people here seem to be suggesting that she finds ways not to let something like that happen again but people seem to have forgotten that in as much as there are two people in every relationship, for a third person to come into it means that one of the original two opened the door for that third person. That decision is not for her to take, because her husband was the one who opened the door and let "Sister Mary" come in in the first place.

Being strategic can only get you so far. People usually know when another person feels bad for what they did. And his wife is saying he does not seem remorseful at all. She can shower him with all the love and sex that she likes, but what if it happens again? What if they get big sister out of the way and another one comes along? What strategies would you advise then?

^^^ and what if she decides to move on since her hubby showed no remorse what is the guarantee that another sister with the big boobs wouldn't be coming into her next relationship?

I am not advocating for a do or die marriage but there some problems you just cannot run away from especially when your womanhood is in question here. You just have to stand up(if the op wants to remain in the marriage)with you two legs strong on the ground and eliminate every hazardous ingrate on your way.

Even if she decides to castrate him , call agberos to beat him up, deny him sex,abuse him verbally or announce on CNN what a jerk her man is. Does it solve the problem? Nope. This is a simple problem with two simple answers :

1.she packs her bags and baggages and leave her home.
2. sit her arssee down and have a heart to heart convo with her husband, think of the way forward and drive that devil's sister with the sexy bossom out of their lives.

jennykadry:

^^^ and what if she decides to move on since her hubby showed no remorse what is the guarantee that another sister with the big bosoms wouldn't be coming into her next relationship?

I am not advocating for a do or die marriage but there some problems you just cannot run away from especially when your womanhood is in question here. You just have to stand up(if the op wants to remain in the marriage)with you two legs strong on the ground and eliminate every hazardous ingrate on your way.

Even if she decides to castrate him , call agberos to beat him up, deny him sex,abuse him verbally or announce on CNN what a jerk her man is. Does it solve the problem? Nope. This is a simple problem with two simple answers :

1.she packs her bags and baggages and leave her home.
2. sit her arssee down and have a heart to heart convo with her husband, think of the way forward and drive that devil's sister with the sexy bossom out of their lives.

I don't think you understand what I'm trying to say. I am not asking for a do or die marriage either!  And I am not saying she should beat him up, deny him sex or any of those things. (Although if she decides to do that , it's understandable). What I am saying is that the man HIMSELF needs to be the one to "eliminate every danger that comes across". Her husband should have the discipline to say NO.
She is just going to give herself premature grey hairs keeping every woman on the planet away from her husband. If he knew he didn't have the ability to control himself then it was a bad idea for him to get married. That was my point because no matter how many heart to heart conversations she has with him, if he makes up his mind to cheat, then he will do it regardless.  The choice  to make the marriage work from how on is his, not hers. She's staying there that means she still chooses to be there but he has to make up for what he's done. I don't know how this is so difficult to reason with.