Too bad this **** doesn’t kick in quicker. I’ve been having one of those mornings again, wondering why I accept her lies as truth in an effort to salvage what my heart has realized isn’t worth it. For some reason I cant come to the realization that half the things she does I don’t like at all and 80 percent of what she says to me is demeaning. Anyhow I bought these pills to “mellow” me out because its become my life goal to catch her in the act of lying to me. The problem, I’ve already caught her lying to me many times and even in those successful moments where my prodding pays, I fold. The pills seem to work a small bit, no longer am I so upset with what I already know. Instead of being angry with myself for putting up with her, I’m more accepting that that’s just what to expect.

So what ever happened to the good old days? When I was happy to see her and she was happy to see me? One word, Respect. At this point we mutually have no respect for one another in our own respective ways. I can’t say from her point of view, but I know why I don’t have any. I guess its starts at the beginning when she accepted my proposal to go on a date knowing that she had a boyfriend. Somewhere in my subconscious that embedded as primary reason why I should not trust her. Since then it has become increasingly difficult for me to suppress the idea that someday I’ll be that boyfriend who’s girlfriend is dating someone else. Should I blame her though? Her ex beat the living **** out of her and nearly put her in the hospital. Inclusively in her defense she was honest enough to tell me that she had a boyfriend. To add to the dynamics of my modern relationship I continued to talk to her despite my knowledge of her boyfriend. At the time I didn’t think much would come of our chit chats, but rapidly that would change.

another example of you reap what you sow

dude i hope that pill kicks in soon. By the way what is it? ecstacy? or vicodin?
you knew how you got her and now chances are you will loose her the same way.
Why not just cut your loses? or are you that afraid to be alone?

Well in this part its really an interduction to the character and his specific dynamics. Later in the book you learn that his fears drive him insane, while in the backgound of the plot you find that she is truely trustwothy.