Truvel:
B4 U Disown Ur Mother. I Want To Ask U. Why Do Ur Mother Hate Ur Wife? What Could Av Prompted D Hatred?

So because she hates someone, it warrants her wishing the person death?

How do you people even reason?

ENIGMATIC2023:
She did wrong but she is still your mom who gave you life.... Forgive her please


We Move

If it was his wife that made this statement in regards to his mother, would you tell him to forgive her?

simplesearch:


Did she show this hatred and disapproval at the point of introduction or was it a recent development? If No, then try to find out what exactly went wrong and at what point your wive's attitude became an issue to her. Let her provide you with an answer, then prayerfully ask her what she wanted done to resolve the issue, also ask her if she were her daughter would she have wanted her dead or will she want any of her own daughter dead in their husbands house? Just ask her some personal and practical questions. Don't tow the line of disowning her yet, it's too early to do that.

If the case was reversed, would you be giving him this advice? If his wife had wished his mother death, would be towing the path of peacemaker?

You disowned your own biological Mother instead of correcting her with reasons that will make her change towards your wife.
U can disown anyone but not your parents considering what she has past through for your sake.

BluntTheApostle:


First of all, never make decisions when you are angry.

As it is, with the loss of your child, you are in a lot of pain and are obviously not thinking straight.

I know it is wrong to wish death on a human being, but disowning your mother for showing preferences towards a baby at the expense of your wife is not enough reason to disown her.

Give it sometime. When you have finished mourning your child, have a chat with your mother.

There must be a reason why she doesn't like your wife.

I am not seeing she is justified for wishing death on your wife.

But disowning your mother without knowing her reasons may be an injustice that you may end up regretting for the rest of your life.

You're not saying she's justified in wishing someone death, yet, in the same paragraph, you include there must be a reason for her action: hence, you're actually justifying her.

Only thing I'm sure of: You wouldn't be giving him this advice peradventure it was the wife who wished the mother death.

BabaIbo:


Swear that you have never wished any of your leaders death.

When Abba Kyari died, some people said they wished it was the president... that died.
Because they felt he's the cause of the happenings in the country.

That is similar thing to what the OP posted, the mom out of her sentimental love wished the wife died instead of the kid who probably my be her first grandchild, maybe because OP is her son and she knows the kid will forever be hers irrespective of a divorce or not, and again the case will be different if OP is her daughter and not a son.

The OP need to apply wisdom in this kind of issue. Decision on such delicate matters shouldn't be taken in a hurry because it may come back to hunt him.
Again, the brother should have applied wisdom in handling this, it is not everything you hear that you must say.

Your mom didn't deny it means something, and again she will now see your brother in another light.

How you handle this will determine how you guys will live henceforth...
If you disown her and cut off all contact with her, she won't relate with you, your brother(for carrying the info) and your family.
If you apply wisdom and follow up the issue diligently, you may succeed in draining away the bad blood that has been flowing in your family and that will leave everyone happy after.

Find out why she has such feeling towards her, women can be funny at times.


On the other hand, OP don't even know if both of them are in two separate cults and they are using him to practise their power fight.

Using Abba Kyari here as an example is dim-witted. Most people who wished him death didn't know him, has never met him, would never meet him. He has no bond or affiliation to them. Apart from the rest of Nigerians, nobody in Abba's family would have wished him death.

On the other hand, family members and relatives are people who know, people we have met, people we will still meet. Wishing them death is only possible from a malicious heart. No reason can justify wishing your family death. None.

Sixfeetbelle:


His own mother wished death on another person, and quite unapologetically too, and you're here sugar-coating it like it's nothing and blaming the brother instead?

Do you know the direction this situation would have gone peradventure if it was the wife that said it?

the guy's roll on this issue is as a mediator nothing more nothing less. whether na him wife talk am or na him Mama talk am, he should not take sides let alone disown his mother. the guy Bleep up.

Misterone:
this is what we call being pussy blind. you did wrong. you took side. you went too far in disowning your mother because of your wife.

If it was the wife that wished the mother death, what would you advise him?

Misterone:
the guy's roll on this issue is as a mediator nothing more nothing less. whether na him wife talk am or na him Mama talk am, he should not take sides let alone disown his mother. the guy Bleep up.

He should stay far away from her. If she wished his wife death, don't be surprised it will come to pass. Jokes aside, there is power in spoken words.

Besides, what kind of mother, who understands the pain of child-bearing would wish another woman's child death?

Sixfeetbelle:


If it was the wife that wished the mother death, what would you advise him?

the same thing. I cannot divorce my wife just because she wished my mother dead. we are all rational beings. no one does anything without a purpose. my duty is to find out why she wants my mum dead and let her see reasons why she is wrong. if she insist on being right, then I'll let her be. it is not my duty to start punishing my wife for wishing my mum dead. they are both adults let them sort themselves out. it will only concern me when my children are brought into the issue.

Sixfeetbelle:


He should stay far away from her. If she wished his wife death, don't be surprised it will come to pass. Jokes aside, there is power in spoken words.

Besides, what kind of mother, who understands the pain of child-bearing would wish another woman's child death?

we do not have equal measures of temperament. the way you react to an issue will be different from the way I will react. it is therefore not right for me to impose on myself the powers to determine who is right or wrong and how they should react. like I said earlier, we are all adults. give everyone the room to express themselves without pretence. your duty is as a mediator. it is only when children are involve that you as a protector to your children will take action. when they become adults, you step aside.

Misterone:
we do not have equal measures of temperament. the way you react to an issue will be different from the way I will react. it is therefore not right for me to impose on myself the powers to determine who is right or wrong and how they should react. like I said earlier, we are all adults. give everyone the room to express themselves without pretence. your duty is as a mediator. it is only when children are involve that you as a protector to your children will take action. when they become adults, you step aside.

Adults need to be cautioned when they cross the line of civility. Always towing the path of a peacemaker has led to the death of a lot of innocent parties, sometimes children inclusive. Some blood brothers, in a fight for a piece of land, involved weapons and warfare and brought carnage upon everyone. Something that might have been averted did the 'mediator' stamp his feet a little louder.

It's not everytime you'd be making peace between parties. Sometimes, you need to take the bull by the horn and clip some overgrown wings.

Sixfeetbelle:


Adults need to be cautioned when they cross the line of civility. Always towing the path of a peacemaker has led to the death of a lot of innocent parties, sometimes children inclusive. Some blood brothers, in a fight for a piece of land, involved weapons and warfare and brought carnage upon everyone. Something that might have been averted did the 'mediator' stamp his feet a little louder.

It's not everytime you'd be making peace between parties. Sometimes, you need to take the bull by the horn and clip some overgrown wings.

and stamping your feet a little harder means disowning your mother? because of your wife! ifshe had aborted you would you.........

Misterone:
and stamping your feet a little harder means disowning your mother? because of your wife! ifshe had aborted you would you.........

If a mother can conceive evil in her heart to wish someone's child death, I shudder to think what atrocities she might be capable of.

Remember the story of the two mothers who came before King Solomon

Sixfeetbelle:


And why didn't she apologize for her words when she was confronted with it if she truly didn't mean it?

ok her pride

Sixfeetbelle:


So because she hates someone, it warrants her wishing the person death?

How do you people even reason?

Did U Read & Understand My Comment B4 Commenting? I Think U Should Read Again.

Sixfeetbelle:


It doesn't matter why she hates her. Wishing someone death is extreme. Only an evil and hateful person can do that

I agree with you and would also be cold towards my mum if she did same, I just feel he should let us know if there has been any altercation between the duo.

sajmark:

YOU'RE JUST A SIMP, NO WOMAN WILL EVER LOVE YOU LIKE YOUR MOM DOES.

This is the kind of nonsense you Africans say to f00l yourselves.
Nobody can like you like your mother yet many mothers kill their newborns, some give them away, some dump newborns in the gutter, forest, etc. Many are aborting their babies right now. Some throw their kids out for slavery. This minute, thousands of underage kids are out there on expressways selling oranges, bread and egg on dangerous roads, yet Africans will come online to type "nobody can love you like your mother". More often than not, the one who sends out the underage on a suicide mission is somewhere f**king another man for pleasure.

Same person that wants you dead is the same person that loves you more than you love yourself?


Crazy people

Acidosis:


This is the kind of nonsense you Africans say to f00l yourselves.
Nobody can like you like your mother yet many mothers kill their newborns, some give them away, some dump newborns in the gutter, forest, etc. Many are aborting their babies right now. Some throw their kids out for slavery. This minute, thousands of underage kids are out there on expressways selling oranges, bread and egg on dangerous roads, yet Africans will come online to type "nobody can love you like your mother". More often than not, the one who sends out the underage on a suicide mission is somewhere f**king another man for pleasure.

Same person that wants you dead is the same person that loves you more than you love yourself?


Crazy people

don't do drugs... I wasn't referring to wayward girls when I said mother.

sajmark:

don't do drugs... I wasn't referring to wayward girls when I said mother.

No be so una dey do? Bash girls, call them names like wayward, olosho, etc...but when it comes to mothers, they are angels. Lol. The olosho of yesterday is now a saint, thanks to pregnancy.

it's hard to advise you, I feel the story isn't complete, it's a very sensitive issue.
one needs to hear from you, your wife your brother, and your mother at the same time.
but think before you act.
there are two women involved here, both want to be with you, now think.
you had to hear your mother's pain over the phone via secret recording from a childish boy, seems like you're far from your mum. now think.
most mother's bath their daughter-in-law who separate the mother's from their son's. a real man finds balance between two women.
think brother. think.

Op, did your mom's marriage to your dad crashed?
You likely grew up with your step mom who treated you as her own son.
But you've been somehow close to your own mom too and you're like her solace (or ATM) ever since you amounted to something.
Your mom doesn't particularly hate your wife. She's bitter against your dad, hence, her objection towards you marrying from your dad's tribe, your own tribe. That's too strong.
You shouldn't disown her though. Still treat her with love and respect but give her long rope. Your step mom is still playing motherly role. Take your mom as you've always taken her. Cos I suspect she hasn't been the one playing motherly role all the while.

Situations like this abound.
I have friends who grew with and had good relationship with their step mom while keeping their own moms at arms length.
In fact, a former babe grew up thinking that her mom died during her birth (what her dad told her) and the step mom treated her like her own daughter. Like she has better relationship with her step mom than her dad. And later found out from outside that her mom is still alive in her hometown, unmarried with kids for different men.

One common thing with women from broken homes is that they feel their children should give them solace and want to influence them.

Sixfeetbelle:


If a mother can conceive evil in her heart to wish someone's child death, I shudder to think what atrocities she might be capable of.

Remember the story of the two mothers who came before King Solomon

stop being holier than thou. "you shudder to think". everyone has the capacity to wish others death but the measure at which this is done is what is different. so do not judge. if someone harms my family, I will wish that person something worst than death. it is natural. therefore, if I have the capacity to wish someone dead, should I then also have the morality to judge others because they wished someone dead for a lesser evil? that is called hypocrisy.

Your move now is to know why she (your mother) hates your wife... Ask questions first before acting stupidly

blackboy2star:
Your move now is to know why she (your mother) hates your wife... Ask questions first before acting stupidly

The op wrote the reason on page 1

Francis609:


She hates my wife because she is from the same tribe as my dad. She wanted me to marry a lady from her tribe.

she also thinks she is ugly and will give birth to ugly kids.

I'm sorry but none of that makes any sense. What you've done there is make the MIL out to be the victim when she isn't.

1. The brother was right to have recorded the mother because it would've been difficult for the OP to believe him without that proof. I reckon the OP is aware the mother didn't like his wife before this situation but he would've still had difficulty believing she would make such statement towards his wife, especially after losing her baby.

2. I doubt the brother set out to record the mother for any ill intention. He was probably pressing his phone at the time and for him to have gotten those words recorded meant the mother must've said them a couple of times beforehand /before he started recording.

3. He (the brother) was likely in shock himself at what he was hearing their mother say, hence the need for him to record her, kinda like, "Did she just say that?".

Idk why you're blaming the brother when he did absolutely nothing wrong. I bet if the mother had said she wanted to kill the wife, you would still blame the brother for recording her. The brother is not the problem here at all.

When I was a teenager I had an Italian neighbour who kept having miscarriages. The husband's mom would sometimes visit and I would see her embrace the wife and they would gist outside. I actually didn't know about the miscarriages until the wife told me. She ended up giving birth towards the end of that year. I'm just recalling this story because the MIL never showed any animosity towards the wife, ever, and because what any loving MIL should do in this situation or least upon hearing about the wife losing her baby, is to ask how she's doing and feeling, if she needs anything ― anything to console the woman ― not utter such hateful words. As a woman herself, she should've known better.

Yes, the mother should've apologized to OP. Idk why that's even up for debate. Her refusal to do so shows she isn't remorseful and that this was an intentional statement. It takes a hateful heart to wish someone dead, especially after such a traumatic experience. It's like kicking someone when they're down, which is no surprise because according to her own words, "she is not an hypocrite, she never like my wife and she can't pretend".
[/quote]

You totally wrote out my thoughts. I'm not surprised by many who tried to make the MIL seem like the victim and the brother the devil. I always say this, ewisdom and emotional intelligence doesn't necessarily come with age or parenthood.

I am a parent myself. However, lots of folks in this part of the world are sorry excuses for parents. Being a parent doesn't make you a god or right. And no matter what the wife did, she didn't deserve such treatment. I couldn't even do that to an enemy.

To the OP, most things and people who drive you nuts in life are better ignored. Forgive her and let go of any unrealistic expectations (like expecting her to be remorseful and love your wife), love yourself and love your wife.[color=#000099][/color]

Sixfeetbelle:


You're not saying she's justified in wishing someone death, yet, in the same paragraph, you include there must be a reason for her action: hence, you're actually justifying her.

What I meant was that hate can be justified, but not wishing someone dead.

For example, I understand why some people hate Buhari. But I don't encourage people to wish him dead.

Some people's hatred is justifiable. But wishing someone dead is what I can't justify.

Only thing I'm sure of: You wouldn't be giving him this advice peradventure it was the wife who wished the mother death.

Well, you don't know me

So, you shouldn't use words like sure of

Sixfeetbelle:


Using Abba Kyari here as an example is dim-witted. Most people who wished him death didn't know him, has never met him, would never meet him. He has no bond or affiliation to them. Apart from the rest of Nigerians, nobody in Abba's family would have wished him death.

On the other hand, family members and relatives are people who know, people we have met, people we will still meet. Wishing them death is only possible from a malicious heart. No reason can justify wishing your family death. None.

And supposing someone from Kyari's family wishes him dead, the next thing is to disown them?

You have drawn a line between family and outsiders.

The mother is family too. You just don't disown family because of an utterance.

So, if his wife wishes him dead out of anger, he should divorce her?

You think family bonds are some joke that you can forge and break whenever you like?

If it were that easy, many troublesome children will have no one to call parents.

.

.

The most important thing for now in the next few months is healings for you and your wife - don't worry about your mother for now.

I'm sorry for all you both are going through. Take care of yourselves.

Thanks... I didn't see it...
Some mothers sha, her husband dan show her shege she now want to transfer that to her daughter-in-law using tribe as excuse.
Ugly bawo... If she's ugly with a good heart, is better than beauty without brain...
olorun a ma wa pelu gbogbo wa

1195meters:
The op wrote the reason on page 1